Are you nuts?
Mainetarr sent along this little item. Someone please tell me this is an urban legend. I know being allergic to nuts is a real bitch and all, but dying from a simple kiss? How romantically morbid. And imagine the jokes that were whispered at the funeral. She was really nuts about that guy. You should never date a guy with nuts on his breath. That kinda thing.
Back in my day, the only thing you worried about when playing tonsil hockey was mono. People were always afflicted with mono. Allegedly. Tracy Trollop was out of school a couple weeks and word spread quickly that it was mononucleosis. Frankly, I had my doubts. I kissed everything in pigtails when I was a lad and I never got so much as the sniffles. A few slaps across the face and a knee or two to the groin, sure. But mono? Another urban legend, maybe. Bulldog, what say you about this?
I'm raving. I'll stand by and let you allergists and experts in social disease lead me to the truth. I still have my doubts. The only thing I know for sure is that kissing with an open mouth while wearing a bathing suit can cause a girl to get pregnant. Heck, everyone knows that. It happened to Tracy Trollop. That slut.
My only question about the photo is this: if you're really mad at a giant peanut person, where do you kick him?
Saguenay, Canada — Fifteen year-old French Canadian Christina Desforges died of an alleged allergic reaction to a peanut butter-laced kiss Wednesday at a Quebec hospital after kissing a boyfriend unfamiliar with Madamoiselle Desforges' goober intolerance.
No charges are pending against the boyfriend, but a box of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup candies are reportedly being held for questioning by the R.C.M.P. A late evening state funeral for Ms. Desforges will be televised from Quebec City so that French Canadians will have something to do after beating their wives at the dinner table.
The Planter's Peanut company of the U.S. plans to send their mascot, Mr. Peanut, to eulogize young Christina, while the Thai ambassador to Canada will be handing out coupons for two-lap dances for a dollar at Miss Poo-Ket's lounge in Montreal.
