Hot stuff
Isn’t there a joke about a hooker and a cockatoo? If there isn’t, there should be. Unfortunately, I’m too distraught to come up with one. I mean, I never had a pet bird, myself. But if I did have one, I probably wouldn’t bring it in the car with me. Unless I had a yen for baked exotic bird. But you know me. I prefer the roast duck, with Mango salsa.
It’s not clear whether a 25-year-old bird owner enjoyed the movie she watched Saturday in Fredericksburg. But it is clear, police said, that her pet cockatoo didn’t enjoy waiting for her to watch it. The bird died after being left in a hot car outside Regal Cinemas in Central Park. The owner, Donia Monique Brooks of Stafford, was charged with cruelty to animals, a misdemeanor that carries a potential 12-month jail sentence.
According to police, moviegoers spotted the bird in distress as they were going into the theater. They told an employee, who came outside, saw the bird and called police about 5:20 p.m. When an officer arrived, the cockatoo was lying in a cage in the back seat. The officer quickly got the car door open, but the bird was already dead. Police said the temperature at the time was 90 degrees and the heat index was 97. The windows in the car were all rolled up except for the driver’s window, which was open about an inch.
Gil said,
July 27, 2006 at 12:32 am
…and the hooker says,
Honest officer, I only had a cockatoo”
Friendly Buddhist said,
July 27, 2006 at 12:39 am
Cockatoo Haiku
Bird in a hot car
Or cat on a hot tin roof
Neither ended well
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 12:55 am
*ba dum DA*
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:03 am
Would you believe that’s the best I could do for hooker shots? No, really. Hooker photos are in short supply, apparently. I mean, hell. The lady above could be a real estate agent or astronaut.
Maquis said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:10 am
Just post a picture of Ann, she’s one of the better ones in town.
Gil said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:20 am
How could you forget this one?
I’ll bet Hugh Grant never will
http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/760000/images/_761874_divine_brown150.jpg
Gil said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:32 am
I would have include Eddie Murphy’s favorite hooker, but there appear to be no pics. Also, I thought I would let he/she rest in peace
http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,2936,00.html
Gil said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:37 am
Hooker Haiku
Eddie likes his ho’s
To come with something extra
Like a cockatoo
Bobbie said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:12 am
My great aunt had a green parrot named Benjamin. If any bird ever deserved to die in an overheated car, he did.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 3:29 am
That’s a decent hooker photo, Gil. I was really just looking for a classic street walker, with the thigh high boots, the tight top, the short shorts.
Christ, is it getting hotter?
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 3:30 am
Ann, Ann… The only Ann I know around these parts is better known as Bulldog. And if she’s a hooker then why did she give ME money last time?
jarheaddoc said,
July 27, 2006 at 6:28 am
That’s a simple answer: to go the hell away from her, Mark.
K2 said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:10 am
No those are some blow-job lips, Gil. I think they say ‘inflate to 30 psi’ on the back of ‘em.
Well, my brother’s cockatoo bit the back of my hand once, and wouldn’t let go, and I had to swat that fucker off McEnroe hitting a back hand. While I love birds in general, they are simply flying lizards, and do not make appropriate pets for most folks. Or nonperishable items in the car duing summertime.
Well, it’s off to Sunday River CC this morn. My panties are soaked. Fist time on it, too. Got some friends in from out of town and my mother-in-law is stepping up, so chances are, I won’t be around much this weekend, kiddies. (Please, hold your applause.) I’ll try to check in here and there, though.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:17 am
K2, thanks for the itinerary. You know how we worry.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:22 am
As for the photo Mark, sure looks like Dale Arden in slightly updated wardrobe; and she was no hooker. But finding a photo with a bird in it was a real coup.
jarheaddoc said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:43 am
Now why is it that some person leaves a bird in a car and faces a year in prison and a lawyer in Maine can leave his child in a car and all he gets is a stern warning? Fucking PETA. Whoops, shoulda said FUCKING LEGAL SYSTEM
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 11:37 am
Amazing how that works, isn’t it? Leave a child in a car and you get your hand slapped. Although, you should never leave any animal in the car in the summertime. I took my boys for a ride the other day and stopped to get them ice cream. I left the car running and the A/C was on and some guy said “WIth the price of gas you would think she would just leave the window cracked.” So, of course, being the lady that I am, I replied to him, “And with your lack of intelligence, you would think you would just keep your mouth shut, douchebag.” Nuff said. My boys are people too.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Two days of boobies? Why don’t you give us female bloggers something to look at? How about a nice, tight, well formed male butt? Or, a toned chest?
"The Weasel" said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:08 pm
How creative is this………………..
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:37 pm
I’m going to have to stop sneaking onto this blog while I am at work. It’s getting a bit NSFW. Serves me right really
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:52 pm
How do you put on a tampon fire?
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:53 pm
And Linda, I didn’t find a photo with a bird and a hooker. I had to meld photos of each. Ah, Photoshop.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 1:54 pm
When I was in Virginia, I had to cover a story about a rocket engineer who left his six month old in the backseat while he went to work at NASA-Langley in the heat of southern summer. The baby died, but the rocket scientist was never charged. He and his wife had changed their routine that day so that he was the one responsible for taking the kid to daycare. Ugly stuff.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:13 pm
Gawd…that has to be one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Yeah, it was nasty. NASA, obviously, has tight security. So a bunch of us reporter vultures were gathered at the front gate while news helicopters circled over head. I ended up talking to the father in law. He said the dad was suicidally depressed. Which is understandable.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:29 pm
I am seriously thinking of banning Mainetarr from blogging. She is beginning to get on my nerves.
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:30 pm
No Mark, please please don’t ban me. I promise to be good. I PROMISE!!!
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:30 pm
Oh, you’re fuuuuuuuuuny.
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Fast, too. Plus you already tried banning me and Weasel once before, so I know you can do it.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:34 pm
One of us needs to make a formal announcment. Starting Sunday or Monday, the tyrannical Mainetarr will be manning the blog. And she insists there will be changes around here. I expect many of you to be scarred, both physically and emotionally. Godspeed, my friends.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:41 pm
I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d ban anybody. Except maybe AO. She’s trouble.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:56 pm
Yup. I’m the original ’screaming bitch from hell’. Go ahead…ban me!
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 2:58 pm
Never!
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 3:14 pm
Didn’t think so. BUT…you did have me shaking in my sandles for a few seconds!
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 4:30 pm
Yay! Mainetarr! we’ll really raise hell, right MT?
Bobbie said,
July 27, 2006 at 4:33 pm
MT is a definite outside the box thinker, so it should be interesting to see what she comes up with.
jarheaddoc said,
July 27, 2006 at 5:31 pm
I defy MT to have an original thought that doesn’t include any of her favorite sayings regarding her feelings towards people. No douchebag, no asshat, just civil words.
She ain’t gonna be able to post a fuckin’ thing!
MT is the anti-objective.
Bobbie said,
July 27, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Those words almost sound like a dare, Jarheaddoc. Or is this your payback to her?
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 6:51 pm
Ohhh…payback is always a bitch!
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 6:52 pm
Yes, it’ll be an interesting week.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 6:56 pm
I hope the friendly Buddhist will lay some more haiku on us next week. How DO you do that, Gil? and can you write other poetry forms? A sonnet for instance, big investment, 14 lines on a hooker with a cockatoo could be challenging… if a person felt like taking the time.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:08 pm
Gil is a true artist. But, truth be known, I’ve never ‘gotten’ haiku. I like it but, eh. ..it’s never been my cup of ‘tea’.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Haiku — tea — I get it, Japanese, thats good AO
Bobbie said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:33 pm
I’ve always enjoyed reading haiku’s and sonnets, but they bring back awful memories of a teacher walking around with a ruler in hand to make sure that you got it right. I think I would have had better memories of English class if it had been a nice looking guy doing that instead of a single female always showing her legs off to the guys in the back row. After sitting in the front row all year seeing this teacher hike her skirt up just a little more as she sat on the edge of her desk, I’m surprised that I passed that class at all.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:34 pm
BTW I am dialing up, don’t expect any sense out of me tonight OK?
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 7:59 pm
Linda, You’re HERE!! We never expect any sense out of anyone! That’s makes this such a magical place. Kind of like “Never Never Land”….
Bobbie said,
July 27, 2006 at 8:30 pm
And the perfect example of not making sense is post #44.
Glad you’re gracing us with your presence tonight, Linda.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Bobbie, I had a teacher like that in 8th grade, for English. She was QUITE a departure from the nun we had for the rest of our classes (and they only kept her one year). It was all tight skirts and high heels. The boys were unable to string two words together that made sense, not great for an English class — gave the girls a real advantage. At the time I thought the boys were so hot after school because of that teacher, but later I realized they would have been like that anyhow.
She wasn’t the one with the long ruler though, that was the nun.
Omnius said,
July 27, 2006 at 8:52 pm
If you’re as bored as I am:
http://www.welikemedia.com/backstory.html
Also: Zod needs more “volunteers” for the 2008 campaign. Sign up now.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Dammit, Omnius! Once I get that song in my head, I have to sing it for the rest of the night. Strangely, my colleagues don’t dig it.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:10 pm
That was quite a bucket of fun, Omnius. I might be voting for Zod next year, after reading his page.
Anonymous said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:28 pm
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:31 pm
But that butt you got makes me so horny.
WELL…DUH…how much fun is that??? Especially if it’s on the back of a Harley!!
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Don’t screw with me Jarheaddoc. I can make the next week miserable for you, you little shit. And I am objective, I just happen to love the word douchebag.
You see Floyd (tour de fag) Landis tested positive? Douchebag Asshat.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:32 pm
What’s MT meowing at? Must be into the khat.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:35 pm
Ohh…I want some khat tea. I’ll just add a little fat free cream to it…okay? MMMM….love da khat!
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:35 pm
AO, is that really you????
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:37 pm
What the hell are you people talking about. I didn’t meow at anyone. You guys are into t he Khat.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:40 pm
What Harley, AO?
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:44 pm
It was a line from the song Omnius posted…sheesh! And, Linda, I was referring to your trip to Mass. Remember? The guy from Australia? On th Harley? Remember??
Yes, MT. It’s really me. Is that really you? Why is your name posted in…blue…very strange.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:50 pm
Of COURSE I remember the Australian on the Harley. I’m close to brain dead, but not quite, yet!! He was memorable. I just wondered if you had yet another Harley to tell us about.
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:52 pm
Me confused. That’s why it’s in blue.
Linda, how is the land of dial up treating you tonight?
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:53 pm
Painful as it is for me, we go to bed VERY EARLY here in dial up land. I go through this every week. The house is dark except for the glow of the screen, and my mother won’t sleep until I turn the computer off. So good night — even though I’ll be roaming for another hour or two.
Linda said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:54 pm
But aside from early banishment, no different than usual here at my mother’s house. Bills paid, pills counted, family legends rehashed. My work is done for the day.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:55 pm
Linda, That was a very lovely story you told. That’s why it’s so imbedded in my brain. Hmmm…tight buns on a Harley. What woman could ass for more?
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Okay, an anonymous person (AO) claims that I’m probably the only one she knows who has tried and liked Allen’s Coffee Brandy. I beg to differ. Anyone wanna confess?
jarheaddoc said,
July 27, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Don’t fuck with me, MT: I’m off my pills and I’ve been drinking. You wanna bare knuckle brawl? All I gotta do is distract both of those sissified mutts of yours with a little artery clogging ice cream and kick out your crutch and laugh at you.
The problem with that plan is I haven’t thought it out much beyond running for my life after I do it.
Later. I have to work tomorrow, so this is my final post for the night.
LaFlamme said,
July 27, 2006 at 10:02 pm
Ahhhh! Come back, Jarhead! Come back and tell the group how you love and crave the Allen’s.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 10:05 pm
Yeah, you’d better run, JD. You kick out her crutches, MT’s gonna sic a can of …Whoop Ass Allen’s Coffee Brandy on your sorry ass!! Hope you like Allen’s Coffee Brandy. So, do you, JD?
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 10:08 pm
Stop threatening me Jarheadcock, I am not in the mood for your crap tonight. I will bitch slap you into the middle of next week.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Next week??? Hell, I’d bitch slap him into a vat of Allen’s Coffee Brandy!!! I mean, who the hell would want to be in that?? Well….with the exception of The Flammer…
Mainetarr said,
July 27, 2006 at 10:18 pm
And I am no longer on crutches or even limping. So you can take your Budweiser drinking, pill popping ass to bed now and shut yer face.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 10:23 pm
NO payback for MT!! I think JD’s too afraid.
AO said,
July 27, 2006 at 11:18 pm
JAYSUS…I just tried to intruduce my child into the wonders of “Pee Wee’s Play House” and…he didn’t want to have anything to do with it! I mean, the magic word of the day was ‘okay’…what’s so wrong with that? He’s also telling me that I can’t have a new coffee maker because…coffee is bad for me. Huh? What the fluck? Since when? Coffee is bad for me? Well, my mother is going on 75 and…she’s been drankin it for as long as I’ve known her…goin’ on well, let’s not go there! What the hell is wrong with coffee?? And, who the hell is telling my son that it’s bad for me??
Sorry…just had to vent. This is the “Screaming Room”…right?
Bulldog said,
July 28, 2006 at 12:11 am
I’m here in good ol’ Dallas, TX. stuck here, actually. figured I’d check in with y’all to see what’s up and obviously, you guys aren’t, or are you????
Gil said,
July 28, 2006 at 12:40 am
Ode to a hooker and a cockatoo
Hookers and cockatoos sharing a ride
A hot summer day with a thirst to quench
A stop at the bar, a quick pop inside
Allen’s Brandy with iced milk for the wench
One led to another and time did fly
The cockatoo forgotten in the car
The sun burned in the Arizona sky
The whore blew johns in the back of the bar
Fat Bastard flowed while the hooker turned tricks
Billy the bird slowly cooked in his cage
Stumbling back she found Billy quite sick
PETA fans stoned her to death in a rage
The windows were up except for one inch
Death for the bird and the drunk hooker wench
As requested, a sonnet with perfect iambic pentameter
i really gotta get a life
Bulldog said,
July 28, 2006 at 12:49 am
Not bad Gil. (damn, did I just give you a compliment!?) must be the heat from hell that’s getting to me
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 1:08 am
Now that’s talent.
Bulldog said,
July 28, 2006 at 1:14 am
Now wait a minute, I said Gil’s “sonnet” wasn’t bad. I didn’t say he had talent. If you call that talent, wait until I show you MY talent…. gotta go practice
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 1:20 am
I was TALKING about your talent, Bulldog. Yeesh.
Bulldog said,
July 28, 2006 at 1:28 am
Nice save Flamer.
I’m polishing up on my talent. must go practice some more…. now where did I put that banana?
Linda said,
July 28, 2006 at 12:33 pm
Very nice, Gil. Scary. Use your power for good, OK?
And Mark, I used to drink Allen’s, and lots of it, before I moved out of New England. Totally lost my taste for it. But — I’m back in New England, maybe I could stand it now. If I dared to try.
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 1:56 pm
See, AO? Everybody Loves Allen’s.
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 2:24 pm
No they don’t! You’re the only one. Linda doesn’t even dare try it.
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 2:31 pm
She just SAID she used to drink lots of it!
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 2:34 pm
Yeah but, the key word here is “used”. Not any more!
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 2:36 pm
Semantics! I think we’ve established that Jarhead and Linda are both falling down Allen’s lushes.
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 2:41 pm
Nah. You just want them to be so you can have someone to drink it and fall down with.
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 2:50 pm
I never fall down. I defy gravity when in my cups.
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 2:51 pm
Bra cups?
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 3:01 pm
Uh, no. That DOES make me fall down.
Linda said,
July 28, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Man, I’d drink anything right now. Longest day in the history of the world, far as I can tell.
Linda said,
July 28, 2006 at 4:25 pm
But now I’m home so everything’s OK
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 5:12 pm
I’ve got a nice cold beer with your name on it, Linda.
Linda said,
July 28, 2006 at 5:16 pm
I’m wanting it. Maybe tomorrow.
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 5:32 pm
I won’t be around tomorrow, sorry! I have TWO parties to go to. I guess the party dry spell is over…for now.
jarheaddoc said,
July 28, 2006 at 5:41 pm
I had one very bad encounter with the hard stuff and it cured me, but beer? Different church, different pew, buddy
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 5:47 pm
Thanks for the update, JD. See, Mark? You ARE the only one who really likes it. I think you should take a gallon jug along with you on your vay-cay. You could drink Allen’s one day and PBR the next. You know, switch back and forth. You could be a “bi-drinker”!
Bobbie said,
July 28, 2006 at 5:52 pm
I found Allen’s too sugary and slimey for my taste. Should I drink coffee brandy, I’ll stick with Kamora. It didn’t give me the headache that Allen’s and Kaluha did.
You’ve been outvoted, Mark. Your punishment for losing is to go on a vacation from hell. Then again, you might just like it knowing you.
jarheaddoc said,
July 28, 2006 at 6:06 pm
A pox of flying, stinging insects upon your vacation, Mark! May the video camera be rolling when you run, screaming like a prepubescent female
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 6:23 pm
He-he-he-he!
Bobbie said,
July 28, 2006 at 6:44 pm
That would be so cool to see. Too bad we don’t have someone following him on his vacation (he did say that stalkers were welcome) so that we can get all the dirt on him. Blackmailing him wouldn’t work tho because he’d be proud of what we found out about him.
Bobbie said,
July 28, 2006 at 6:57 pm
AO,
Tell your son that the latest findings are that coffee is actually good for you. Have no idea who he’s getting his outdated info from. Should he doubt me, have him google coffee and see what he finds there.
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Thanks, Bobbie, I’ll be sure to tell him. Now, what about “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”? Is that bad for me too?
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 7:00 pm
If it is then, ARRRRRRRRGHHH!!
Bobbie said,
July 28, 2006 at 7:20 pm
Pee-Wee’s Playhouse is good for you. You have to have some warpedness in your life to make it bearable. LOL
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Wow. No wonder my genitals were itching. You people were talking about me.
Linda said,
July 28, 2006 at 8:59 pm
Today at work I was talking to some people by the elevator and someone went by singing the H R Pufnstuf song. Made me laugh!
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 9:12 pm
Ewww…TMI, Mark! Ewww!!
jarheaddoc said,
July 28, 2006 at 9:17 pm
I think the itch is just a psychosomatic illness, mark, in anticipation of your pending vacation. Or are you just playing with yourself?
LaFlamme said,
July 28, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Ah, it’s probably the bundle of insulation I was messing around with. Forget I brought it up.
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 9:31 pm
Mark, don’t you know that you’re not supposed to ‘touch’ yourself down ‘there’ after you’ve been ‘messing around’ with insulation?
Linda said,
July 28, 2006 at 9:33 pm
Its way too hot to mess around with insulation at all.
AO said,
July 28, 2006 at 9:39 pm
Yah, that’s what I thought. So, wonder what he WAS doing to get that itch?
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January 3, 2007 at 7:20 am
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