Splaywatch

November 28, 2006 at 2:10 am (Uncategorized)

pam_tommylee.jpgOkay, who among you has seen the now passe Pam Anderson-Tommy Lee porn tape? Show of hands… Just put your hands up if you’ve seen the video clip. Come on people…

Friggin liars.

You’ve watched it and you’ll probably watch it again. The boat? The cigarettes and doobies? Tommy Lee’s alleged penis? All coming back to you now? Yes, you’ve watched it. You filthy, filthy bunch.

That Kid Rock is a dazzling looking fella, too. I know we’re all waiting with restrained arousal for THAT video to emerge. Wait, did one emerge already?

Anyway, a toast to Pamela and her newly single floatation devices. Too big? Just right? Don’t care one way or another?

Friggin liars.

LOS ANGELES—Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock each filed divorce papers yesterday seeking to end their marriage of less than four months. Anderson’s representative would not comment on the reason or any particulars of the divorce. Anderson and Rock, whose real name is Robert Ritchie, each cited “irreconcilable differences” in their divorce filings in Los Angeles County Superior Court. “Yes, it’s true,” Anderson wrote in a brief statement on her website. “Unfortunately impossible.” A message left with Ritchie’s attorney wasn’t immediately returned. The relationship between Anderson, 39, and Ritchie, 35, has been a turbulent one since they became engaged in 2002. They broke up the following year, but later reunited and held several wedding ceremonies over the summer.

46 Comments

  1. brenda said,

    oh did you forget to give us a link to the video?

  2. K2 said,

    I think it’s imperative that we protect the sacred institution of marriage by denying it to homosexuals. Besides Kid (don’t know how to) Rock and Pam’s heartwrenching breakup, I think Britney’s less-than-one-day marriage, and now second divorce, speaks volumes about how gays aren’t ready for the responsibility. Other divorces: Reagan, Dole, Gingrich, Limbaugh (thrice). But don’t let the gays ruin it.

    And we need more cops shooting unarmed black men who had stuck around to get married and raise their kids.

    Four months, though. What magic those days possessed. All 120 of ‘em. So, so sad. *sniffle*

  3. jarheaddoc said,

    Look, the homosexuals want to get married, let them. Marriage rites are are an extension of ancient property rights, which is why the name of the bride changed to man’s surname.

    thing is, while the woman may still be considered ‘property’ in strictly an historical sense, she leaves with just about all of it when the divorce happens.

    But in all seriousness, why are the divorce lawyers of America not screaming that the homos have the right to marry, and therefor divorce? Those greedy bastards, the only group of society that really profits from divorce, are missing out on a ton of cash.

    http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/11/22/samesex.divorce.ap/index.html

    http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/05/18/grossman.mass.marriage/index.html

    Homosexuality is here to stay, a part of the fabric of American life. If two people of the same gender can stand each other for the rest of their days and be law abiding citizens, what’s the problem with letting them get married? They want to be considered normal, let’s see what the divorce rate would be for them. It can’t be any worse than the rate between heterosexuals, can it?

  4. jarheaddoc said,

    And as far as Pammy Whammy’s Mammies, they were a great example of the female breast before such time as she felt the pangs of inadequacy and decided she needed enhancement. How in the fuck can she walk upright with those things?

  5. K2 said,

    And she had a reduction a few years back. Seriously.

  6. Fabienne said,

    Does anyone care if she walks upright?

  7. Nadine said,

    Ya know, I REALLY wanna see that video — Tommy is a total hottie and I’ve seen the blurring of his schlong…and they gotta use a LOT of blur, and that’s when it’s hangin’! *drool* Uh, I mean, just for research purposes though…yeah, research. Been studying John Holmes for some time now as a matter of fact, Tommy’s turn…

    Ok men, back to Pam — just didn’t wanna leave poor Tommy hanging out in the cold, heh.

  8. Nadine said,

    OH, off topic, but K2 – what say we go raid all the Salvia at the “bookstore”?? You in? While there, I could probably pick me up a copy of that movie…yeah, I could “research” both! WOOT!

  9. K2 said,

    I read about Salvia (now that’s some sage sage) on Wikepedia this morning. Sounds somewhat interesting, but I’ll stick to the magic mushrooms, thank you. Haven’t tripped in at least five years, so technically and metaphysically, I’m due for some synaptic chaos. I always found a good trip to be like rebooting your brain. I mean, you really don’t know what reality is until you lose it. Then when you return, everything is much, much clearer. A geat way to sort out all the meaningless crap in life.

    Anyway, I know you’re a secret toad licker, Nadine.

  10. Nadine said,

    Wish I were…where can I get my hands on one of those delicious toads anyway? You bet I’d lick it — then have frog legs for dinner! I heard they taste like chicken.

    I really am gonna check that salvia stuff out though…I’ll try anything once (no, not ANYTHING — but almost). I just wonder if they are sold out now that the report ran.

  11. K2 said,

    I toad you so, Nadine. A ribbiting experience, I’m sure.

  12. Nadine said,

    Yuk Yuk, hoppingly punny k2

    Hope I don’t croak on the bones (yeah, ok, I got nothin’).

  13. Nadine said,

    Hey Mark, what’s with the Editor’s Note today? Nov. 25th paper “contained an expletive that is not permitted under Sun Journal policy”??? You have anything to do with that particular article?? hehe. Do tell — what word/article?

  14. LaFlamme said,

    Nope. Not me, believe it or not. We ran a wire story Saturday that correctly used (expletive) to replace a slew of dirty words. On one occasion though, the (expletive) symbol was followed by the exact word it was supposed to mask. Starts with F and rhymes with fuck.

  15. K2 said,

    ‘Firetruck’ is an expletive? What about the children?

  16. Mainetarr said,

    What??? They published F**k and not balls of steel? WTF is going on over there?

  17. Linda said,

    That’s pretty hilarious. If I don’t want to hoot like an idiot at work (and .. well sometimes i want to and sometimes i don’t ..) then I may have to decide this blog is NSFW. I’m strangling over here trying not to laugh.

  18. LaFlamme said,

    I’ve been trying to think of one other word that starts with F and rhymes with duck and I can’t come up with one. Can ya hook a brother up?

  19. AO said,

    Oh, fuck. Um…I mean, fluck.

  20. K2 said,

    Forelock? Okay, not so good.

  21. Linda said,

    Speaking of oh, fuck … this is off topic, but … how’s the weather over there? Here in Wilton there is bumpy ice all over my car, the porch steps and railings … good night to stay home.

  22. LaFlamme said,

    Looks like it’s fitting to go that way. Cold drizzle that’s bound to freeze on the windshield, causing you to rip skin from your knuckles as you scrape it away. Then, in pain and rage, you’ll kick the tire and break a toe and winter will be officially upon us.

  23. Bobbie said,

    Anyone remember the adult cartoon on the Sci Fi Channel where they had a sex android named Six, something that looked like a hand named Shrod(?), what looked like a cow, completel with udders, but she had 6 legs (I think), a gay robot and the ship was named Bob.

    On one of the episodes, they had a beauty contest and one of the contestants was named Spamela Anderslut. Because she was so top heavy, she used something shaped like two u’s with a pole in the middle to hold her cleavage up. Needless to say, you knocked the support out and she’d take the orchestra out without a problem.

  24. LaFlamme said,

    The only Six I remember is the spazzy chick from Blossom. Not that I ever watched that show, mind you.

  25. K2 said,

    I saw recently that Urkel is 6′ 3″ and hangs out at the Playboy mansion. No shit.

    Not that I watched Urkel. Or Blossom. Or Land of the Lost. Or the Smurfs. . . .

  26. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, there’s no shame in the Land of the Lost, man. Those Shlestaks were scary.

  27. LaFlamme said,

    Didn’t that Screech guy from Saved by the Bell end up doing porn, or some shit?

  28. Linda said,

    I am totally in awe — such command of early 90’s TV. I did see Steve Urkel, but other than that, tell me more. I have no clue.

  29. LaFlamme said,

    I had a thing for Mallory, on Family Ties. I later dated a girl that looked strikingly like her, in fact.

  30. K2 said,

    The brunette, right? Nancy KcKenon or something. Oh, yeah, I yanked a few to her.

    Really, though, you obviously had a fetish for Tootie. Assuming that was her name.

  31. K2 said,

    Wait, wrong show. Still, the brunette whose brother’s a washed-up actor himself, right? Yeah, I yanked a few to her, too.

  32. Linda said,

    Good one, K2.

  33. AO said,

    Wasn’t it Justine Bateman that played Mallory? I could be wrong. But, washed up or not, be they both have more money than any of us. At least, I’d like to think so. Vegas anyone? I need to win a cool mill…

  34. K2 said,

    Oh, it was, Linda, it was. Every time. No E.D. fo this guy. If I’m gonna keep one muscle in shape, it might as well be the ol’ trouser snake.

  35. K2 said,

    Ah, Justine. She had the nicest smile I ever came across, AO. On TV, at least. I mean, on the TV.

  36. K2 said,

    I do find that flat screens squeegee easier. And liquid crystal? Forget it. Ruined, for sure.

  37. LaFlamme said,

    And speaking of breast reductions, didn’t the girl who played Punky Brewster grow up to have a gigantahuge set? Soleil Moon French Frye or something.

  38. AO said,

    Yeah, K2, I remember hearing something about Mallory “yanking” Balkey. But, hey, that was way back in the 80’s. Where are they now? :)

  39. AO said,

    Hmm…wonder if Soleil has a huge bug on her shirt?

    I just saw her on Sabrina The Teenage Witch tonight. My daughter is hooked on that show.

  40. Linda said,

    When I was a kid (and as you realize, that was many many decades ago) there was nobody sexy on TV. At least not on the channels my dad watched (you know, one TV in the house in those days). It was all about the characters in books.

  41. Christine said,

    Tisk tisk, Mark. You were just waiting for the next celebrity divorce to pounce on after I stole Fed-Ex out from under you, huh?

  42. belly dancing anyone? said,

    There’s a beginning belly dancing class for the women starting up here in Lewiston. Just come comfortable, you don’t need any special clothes or anything, you can be any size or shape or age, just adult females only though…. I’ll send the contact info to Mark so ask him if you want to try it.

  43. LaFlamme said,

    Count me in! I’m sick of living this lie.

  44. LaFlamme said,

    Christine! You should still blog on the Pamela/Kid tragedy if you’re so inclined. You have a special slant on it. Mine was the porn slant. You have to play to your strengths.

  45. Robert said,

    Why the heck would I want anyone dancing on my belly?

  46. Linda said,

    If you don’t know, we aren’t telling you :-)

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