Are you nuts?

March 28, 2006 at 1:39 am (Uncategorized)

Mainetarr sent along this little item. Someone please tell me this is an urban legend. I know being allergic to nuts is a real bitch and all, but dying from a simple kiss? How romantically morbid. And imagine the jokes that were whispered at the funeral. She was really nuts about that guy. You should never date a guy with nuts on his breath. That kinda thing.

Back in my day, the only thing you worried about when playing tonsil hockey was mono. People were always afflicted with mono. Allegedly. Tracy Trollop was out of school a couple weeks and word spread quickly that it was mononucleosis. Frankly, I had my doubts. I kissed everything in pigtails when I was a lad and I never got so much as the sniffles. A few slaps across the face and a knee or two to the groin, sure. But mono? Another urban legend, maybe. Bulldog, what say you about this?

I'm raving. I'll stand by and let you allergists and experts in social disease lead me to the truth. I still have my doubts. The only thing I know for sure is that kissing with an open mouth while wearing a bathing suit can cause a girl to get pregnant. Heck, everyone knows that. It happened to Tracy Trollop. That slut.

My only question about the photo is this: if you're really mad at a giant peanut person, where do you kick him?

mrpeanut.jpegSaguenay, Canada — Fifteen year-old French Canadian Christina Desforges died of an alleged allergic reaction to a peanut butter-laced kiss Wednesday at a Quebec hospital after kissing a boyfriend unfamiliar with Madamoiselle Desforges' goober intolerance.

No charges are pending against the boyfriend, but a box of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup candies are reportedly being held for questioning by the R.C.M.P. A late evening state funeral for Ms. Desforges will be televised from Quebec City so that French Canadians will have something to do after beating their wives at the dinner table.

The Planter's Peanut company of the U.S. plans to send their mascot, Mr. Peanut, to eulogize young Christina, while the Thai ambassador to Canada will be handing out coupons for two-lap dances for a dollar at Miss Poo-Ket's lounge in Montreal.

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83 Comments

  1. Mainetarr said,

    I love this…it’s a funny story. “A late evening state funeral for Ms. Desforges will be televised …..so French Caanadians will have something to do after beating their wives at the dinner table.” It’s not an urban legend…the media first reported that a girl died after kissing her boyfriend who had eaten peanuts. A few weeks after her death, it was determined she really died from an asthma attack, of course that was barely reported-not as good a story as the nut one. Ah well, sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. I would think if you got really mad at a nut, you could sic a few squirrels on him. Or just kick him in the asshat.

  2. Bulldog said,

    Mark, you’re an ass, you know that! Just because I’m finally coming back from mono, you think I’m a professional consultant on the matter?!! HEY! Good Idea!

    Mono was part of my life around 2-3 years ago. Don’t know how I got it (probably from my son using my toothbrush or something!). I was out of work for 2 weeks. Well, because of my age (shut up Mark), I am now more apt to get it again. Which, much to my chagrin, happened just recently. No kissing. No tonsil cleansing. Just stress caused it to flare up (it’s all HWWNBN’s fault!!). It took me longer this time around to get it out of my system (almost 6 weeks!).

    But, to die from kissing someone?! wow, what a way to go. I hope the kid was at least worth it and not some dare: Christina, see that kid sitting alone with all those boils, stuffing his face with Reese’s? I dare you to go over there and kiss him like he’s Brad Pitt……

  3. A.O. said,

    Where would you kick a giant peanut person If you were really mad at him? Why, in the nuts of course!

  4. Bobbie said,

    Atleast the giant nut person wouldn’t be able to run too far too fast. You would have to watch out for the cane tho.

  5. K2 said,

    I recently read that the medical examiner changed the cause of death. She had some neurological/vascular issue that caused her death. Still, the new report wasn’t very convincing. Regardless, some girls just don’t like nuts. . . .

    Trivially, my cousin got married at the Mr. Peanut mansion down in Virginia. Okay, so that is totally unimportant. But the golf course it abuts was nice.

    So Mainetarr and A.O., we’re on for 7, eh? Bulldog, you making an appearance? And Mark, there’s a Seabreeze or a Sex on the Beach for you if you show. I’ve heard how you love the fu-fu drinks.

    It’s wing night too, but I’ve come to the conclusion that Fast Breaks’ wing sauce is just plain wrong. Incidentally, I had wings down at the Great Lost Bear in Portland on Friday night, before I saw Leo Kottke’s show, and they were absolutely scrumptious.

  6. A.O. said,

    I looked at those wings last week. Not very appealing to the eye, K2.

  7. Bobbie said,

    Please, I need some assistance!!!!

    After I copied and pasted something from the SJ yesterday, I suddenly had a window pop up telling me that the information was going to be transmitted from a secure site to a non secure site. I have adjusted every security thing that I could find and it is still doing it.

    Would someone have a suggestion that I could try before I really get upset this morning?

    Thanks.

  8. Martha said,

    Bobbie, I don’t think its anything to be concerned about. Its just telling you the item you’re copying, you are moving from the SJ secure site, to this blog which isnt a secure site.

  9. Bobbie said,

    My son showed me how to get this site as a trusted site, so let’s see if this works now.

  10. Bobbie said,

    Mark,
    E-mail me, please, about this. Yes, I’m still having problems with that stupid security alert notice. And if anyone else has a suggestion, I’d be more than happy to try it.

  11. Richie said,

    Would you be so good as to cut-and-paste the Security Notice to the blog, please. I need to know exactly what it says. Also, when does it come up ? When you access the blog, or only when you try to post to it ?

  12. A.O. said,

    have you tried shutting down and, rebooting?

  13. K2 said,

    Bobbie, I get that window every now and then, too. Don’t worry about it. Mark has already sold all our personal information to a Taiwanese marketing firm, anyway.

    I read that article on the NE hurricane potentiality, as well. Cross yer fingers.

    A.O., there’s chunks of cilantro in their wing sauce. CILANTRO! That’s gotta be illegal. Way too heavy on the cheap margarine, too. I tried to set Gary and the owner, Jim, straight, but listen they did not. They know not what they do.

  14. A.O. said,

    They also looked way too bony for my taste. They just looked….wrong. Uhg! 😦

  15. Bulldog said,

    Can’t do it tonight guys, sorry. If it was around 5:00-5:30, then that would be no problemo. But, to stick around and try to find something to do in town until 7:00 without getting into trouble is practically impossible for me. The only thing I could do would be to drink and I don’t think anyone would be willing to drive me home afterwards. Another time mon amie.

  16. A.O. said,

    Oh! Too bad, Bulldog! I miss you. I was hoping to see you tonight. I was going to hand your title back to you.

  17. K2 said,

    Fly Be-otches, I’d normally be happy to meet you at 5:30, but suffice it to say I just can’t tonight. I’ll save the details for later.

    Sorry, Bulldog. And I understand the too-much-time-at-the-bar crux. I’m the same way with opium dens, too. I mean, when in Rome. . . .

    And two days in a row with no clouds? There is hope. If the north wind ever stops blowing, that is. Damn Canadian maritimes.

    Did any of you catch Mark’s piece on the arrests at the death metal show? One person was busted for a ‘marijuana cigarette.’ Mark had to have gotten a chuckle over typing that formality. I guess there’s no place for ‘spliff’ in modern journalism.

    I also loved the girl who stood on the roof of the car and dared the cops to arrest her. Now there’s a smart young lady. Glad to see the police could accommodate her sensible request.

    Ah, . . . youth.

  18. K2 said,

    Bobbie, I’m getting that bastard non-secure site window every time now, too. Damn Finklestein shit kid computers.

  19. Bobbie said,

    I have no idea what’s going on. Leave it to me to have a problem that keeps on giving. LOL

    Richie,
    it’s the security alert that says I’m switching from a secure site to a non secure site and it only happens when I post on this site.

    Sorry about the delay-had to take care of a family matter first. Let’s see how things go now.

  20. Bobbie said,

    I still got it. I’ll copy it and paste it for you, Richie. If you can’t share with friends, who can you share with, right?

  21. Bobbie said,

    I still got it. I’ll copy it and paste it for you, Richie. If you can’t share with friends, who can you share with, right?

    Tried doing that and it won’t allow me to.

  22. Bobbie said,

    i

  23. Bobbie said,

    Richie,
    This is what the security alert says:

    You are about to be redirected to a connection that is not secure.

    The information that you are sending to the current site might be transmitted to a nonsecure site. Do you wish to continue?

    I have tried rebooting, I have adjusted all of my settings for security alert warnings, I have deleted all the cookies and temporary files more times than I care to count, I have used the tracks eraser on the Microsoft Anti Spyware more times than I care to count as well, I have run Adaware and done everything that I can think of to do.

    What happened is that I went to the Sunspot blog on the SJ, found the blog that I was looking for (but did not enter it, just took it from the blog list), copied it, then pasted it to this site. When I hit enter, the security alert box popped up and it had not done that before. If I have to keep clicking it to post, I will, but it’s a pain and an aggravation now more than anything else.

    Any suggestions will be more than welcome. I’m ready to try just about anything to make it go away!!

  24. A.O. said,

    K2, so you still wanna meet at 7pm or is the whole this off?

  25. A.O. said,

    Whole thing..is the whole thing off??

  26. Robert said,

    Geez, in the spirit of the original nut issue, glad to see some of you are coming out of your shell after a couple days here….yeah I know, I could not resist this one!

  27. "The Weasel" said,

  28. Mainetarr said,

    Weasel, you asshole. I brought that up on my computer at work with the doctor standing right behind me. Damn!! I should know better. Is the squirrel related somehow to the Weasel?

  29. K2 said,

    Yeah, A.O., I’m in for 7. Be there or be square.

  30. K2 said,

    Swing low, sweet squirrel nuts. . . .

  31. LaFlamme said,

    Bobbie, I know what you’re talking about. It’s an Internet Explorer thing. I use Firefox and never see that warning. Does it give you the option to “do not show these warnings in the future?”

  32. K2 said,

    test

  33. K2 said,

    Bobbie, I just tried posting here in Firefox instead of Explorer, and I didn’t get the notice.

    That’s it, I’m using Mozilla Firefox from here on out.

  34. LaFlamme said,

    Firefox rocks. In every way. No pop ups, way better security, tabbed browsing. I sound like a commercial, don’t I?

  35. LaFlamme said,

    Bulldog: I didn’t know about your recent bout with mono. Or if I did, I’d forgotten. No offense intended. I was really just implying you might have vast knowledge of all things sexual.

  36. Robert said,

    I’m not gonna touch that with a 10 foot Pole or 2 Five Foot Ukrainians…….

  37. LaFlamme said,

    I had a buddy who used to say: “Ack! I wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole with YOUR tongue on the end of it.”

  38. K2 said,

    Ack! Whenever I see ‘Ack!’ that in print I think one thing: Bill the Cat. I was a huge Bloom County fan as a teenager.

    Yeah, I’ve had Firefox for awhile, but I’m so lazy, I haven’t made the total switch yet from Explorer. And all my favorites are out of order in Mozilla. Could take me at least 10 minutes to properly arrange them. Just no time for that.

    It is totally superior to Explorer, though. It’s just that new things, well, they scare me. Like my iPod nano. The thing is freaky. It makes me nervous. And what’s next? A computer chip in the brain?

  39. K2 said,

    Speaking of 10-foot Poles . . . d’you hear about the Polish hockey team? What a tragedy. They drown during spring training.

  40. LaFlamme said,

    Speaking of geek stuff, I’m going to try to move this blog over to my own server. It will mean little as far as apperance and useage. But it will give me a lot more options, meaning I can waste even more time delivering drivel in new and innovative ways. Stand by.

  41. K2 said,

    Man, I miss Fizzle Fart. Only Captain Dildo had that name beat.

    Your own server? In the bunker? Are you burning corpses for power? Stinky, but plenty of BTUs.

  42. LaFlamme said,

    Man, I dig that “recent post” list over on the right. Easy to see when and where people are posting.

  43. Blumpkin said,

    Hello all. Dan is a douchebag. that’s all for now

  44. K2 said,

    Well, Blumpkin, as they say, Less is more.

  45. LaFlamme said,

    BlumpKIN! BlumpKIN!

  46. Rose said,

    K2,

    Speaking of brains and computer chips-check this out.

    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,189323,00.html

  47. Rolling Chunder said,

    Dan is in fact a douchebag

    [url]http://www.elyonline.co.uk/images/wp_feature_images/fat.jpg[/url]

    That is all.

  48. Mainetarr said,

    Blumpkin!! Welcome back!!

  49. A.O. said,

    Hey!! Fake A.O. alert!! Fake A.O. alert!!

  50. K2 said,

    Rose, yeah, it’s a Brave New World, indeed. And I’m out of soma. Crap.

    Mista Bond (Chunder), we meet again. This time, you DIE!

    Your arch-rival, I remain,
    -Goldnugget (K2)

  51. K2 said,

    Great. Here we go again. . . .

  52. Blumpkin said,

    Thanks MT. I’ve been busy watching a certain Main St. in a certain City in a certain State. A dim light from a computer monitor has been spotted during the late night hours, casting a corpulent shadowy, disheveled form upon a wall containing Mondale/Ferraro ’84 placards and New Kids on the Block posters. A rank aroma, smelling of body odor and fecal-filled Depends eminates from the building. I watch Federal and City checks arriving in their timely manner. I watch. I wait. I watch. The screaming sounds of computer chair screws and bolts is clearly audible as they cry for help under the immense pressure. I watch. I wait.

  53. Fizzlefart said,

    Hey, still here. Glad to know someone thought the name was good.

  54. K2 said,

    Fizzle Fart is a keeper, for sure.

  55. A.O. said,

    Fizzlefart, makes me think of that old commercial: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz..oh what a relief it is.

  56. A.O. said,

    Hey, Blumpkin, Keep up the good work. Make sure you keep us updated on the Danimal. Sorry to hear about the smells. And, I can’t help but feel sorry for that chair.

  57. LaFlamme said,

    Man, I’m just getting here. Did we really have a fake AO posting? Weeeeeeeird.

  58. Bobbie said,

    I guess they just wanted you to feel at home. Remember to ask for the code word from now on.

  59. LaFlamme said,

    Yep. Confirmation codes are vital to ensure the authenticity of a blogger.

  60. Bobbie said,

    So, what are the authentication codes for people now?

  61. LaFlamme said,

    It’s different from person to person. Like, I might ask you: who came to see me the other night for an autograph?

  62. Bobbie said,

    Me. I would have no idea. I don’t know who your groupies are. LOL

  63. Fizzlefart said,

    But what would you ask me?

  64. LaFlamme said,

    In what order did we sit at The Hills Have Eyes?

  65. LaFlamme said,

    Bobbie: your friend who writes poetry. Yeesh.

  66. Fizzlefart said,

    How in the hell do I know who sat where.

  67. Bobbie said,

    I know who you were talking about, Mark. I was just giving you a hard time tonight. Seems to be working, huh?

    Answer: Feather.

  68. Fizzlefart said,

    Confused about who I be?

  69. Gil said,

    And then I’ll say, “The larege red dog barks at midnight”
    And then you say,” wear a long coat and no one will notice.”
    And then AO says,”Buffalo wings do not make their own sauce.”
    And then K2 says, “What?”
    And then, and then, and then, no and then!
    Sorry, did I type that out loud?

  70. Gil said,

    File this under “Way too much time on their hands”
    http://www.gkko.com/videos/2533/animusic-pipe-dream

  71. Bobbie said,

    Either Mark got busy or I confused him tonight. IF he got busy, hopefully it was atleast interesting.

  72. Martha said,

    I don’t need a confirmation code.. Who’d want to use the name Martha unless they had to?

  73. LaFlamme said,

    The one-eyed monkey barks at midnight.
    It is wise to know the difference between a hornet and a bee.
    If wishes and butts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a wonderful Christmas.

    Robert and I are confirmed. Confirmed freaks, that is.

  74. Bulldog said,

    Mark, you said it all.

    AMEN

  75. Robert said,

    Geez, how did I get confirmed? Just because I choose to use my own name probably….Now, gettig back to the Polish Hockey Team and their issues, only to be outdone by the French soccer team in the last World Cup. Seems during a match between the Poles & the French a whistle blew and the Poles thinking it was halftime ran off the field….the French new better and continued to play, finally scoring a goal about 3 minutes later.

  76. K2 said,

    Robert, d’you here why the Frenchman traded his wife in for a garbage can?

    Because the garbage can smelled better, of course.

  77. Robert said,

    Yeah, here we go with the French jokes, now Mr. Laflamme gonna get upset with all of us and ban us for being racially insensitive.

    I was doing this older french couples income taxes a couple years ago, the lady had tried working as a street walker on lower Lisbon Street. One day was all it took her to decide that wasn’t her profession as she didn’t make much money. At first taken aback that she would confess this, I had to ask “how much did you earn that day?” to which she replied $26.25. I asked who gavce a quarter and she replied “they all did”.

  78. Bobbie said,

    Why do Mexican women wear long skirts at their weddings?

    To hide the Shell No Pest Strips between their legs.

  79. Bobbie said,

    What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards?

    A receding hare line.

  80. K2 said,

    Bobbie, you know why the Mexicans only out numbered us two to one at the Alamo?

    They only had one car.

    Or two Mexicans playing basketball?

    Juan on Juan.

    Yes, I am going to burn in hell for all eternity.

  81. Robert said,

    Geez, there are so many of those, but I’m just not up to insulting everyone today so I’ll let it slide…

  82. Blumpkin said,

    A little spring cheer. I thought paying 3 bucks a gallon was bad…..

    http://www.ogrish.com/archives/gas_station_accident_Apr_13_2006.html

  83. Jones Castellaneta said,

    Google is the best search engine

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