Department of Horndog Security

April 5, 2006 at 5:06 pm (Uncategorized)

Is it me? Or is it getting to the point where you really shouldn't trust anybody? I mean, look at this guy. He could be your neighbor. He could be your counselor or the guy who does your taxes. Didn't he sit next to you at the last planning board meeting? PH2006040500462.jpg


No matter how committed a person is to his family and career, no matter how esteemed he is in the eyes of his peers, he is still a man. He is still vulnerable to the base urges that come with being human. Still, man. Keep it in your pants.


Lest you go off on me about the gender bias, we all know that there are plenty of women out there who succumb to the same primal lust. Witness the spate of school teachers getting bagged for extra curricular fun with young students. We're all horndogs, I guess. It's just that some of us are wise enough to find a safe outlet for these urges. Like round the clock blogging.


WASHINGTON (AP) — A spokesman for the Homeland Security Department was put on unpaid leave Wednesday after being charged with preying on a child through online sexual conversations with an undercover detective who was posing as a 14-year-old girl.

Homeland Security officials said Brian J. Doyle, the fourth-ranking spokesman at the department, was put on "non-pay status" following the charges late Tuesday. Doyle, 55, was expected to appear in court Wednesday afternoon in suburban Maryland, where he lives.

 The charges, by the Polk County, Fla., Sheriff's Department, accuse Doyle of finding the teenager's profile online and allege that he began having sexually explicit conversations with her on the Internet on March 14.

Authorities said he sent her pornographic movie clips, as well as non-sexual photos of himself, officials said. One of the photos, released by the sheriff's office, shows Doyle in what appears to be DHS headquarters. He is wearing a Homeland Security pin on his lapel and a lanyard that says "TSA."

On several occasions, Doyle instructed her to perform a sexual act while thinking of him and described explicit activities he wanted to have with her, investigators said.



  1. Linda said,

    He’s been suspended from work, must have a lot of time (or whatever) on his hands — ‘spose he’d like to blog with us? He wouldn’t have any trouble meeting the terms. Better that he hang out with us than with defenseless children.

  2. A.O. said,

    From the sound of it Linda, we’re all too old for him. Pervert!

  3. Linda said,

    I was thinking rehabilitation.

  4. A.O. said,

    I’d say he needs a good ass whooping. Hey, maybe he’ll get one in prison. If he get’s any prison time, that is. He’ll probably get off with a slap on the wrist.

  5. Bobbie said,

    I just found out that my landlord (the preacher) got off with a deffered sentence if he does all of his community service and does not commit another crime within a specified amount of time. I’m sure that he got a fine to go along with that slap on the wrist that he received.

    He was arrested for soliciting a 14 year old on line for sex and he even offered to provide her with the money to buy some drugs when they got together. According to him, he couldn’t afford to be caught with that stuff on his person-it would ruin his image and cause problems for him.

  6. Linda said,

    Bobbie, that’s pretty revolting isn’t it! Not much of a disincentive to the next pervert. How’s he like his image now??
    ABC News just ran a piece on internet predators, just the usual superficial evening news clip but still, it’s very unsettling.

  7. Anonymous said,

    Some of the people that live here just wish that he’d move away once and for all. I haven’t seen him around town very much lately (can’t imagine why, can you?) and from what I hear, he’s working outside the church to have some income, but he may also be back at the church now in a capacity other than as the preacher. Like someone told me today, if he didn’t have the money (actually, daddy’s money) to hire a good attorney, he wouldn’t be walking the streets today.

    The laws concerning this definitely need to be toughened.

  8. Bobbie said,

    I had my name in there, but when it posted, it came up blank. Is there a bug in the system, Mark?

  9. LaFlamme said,

    Shouldn’t be. I’m not sure how it works on your end. Mine keeps me as LaFlamme every time.

  10. LaFlamme said,

    Wasn’t another Homeland Security official busted for using government money to finance his numerous affairs. What, are they all eating green M&Ms over there?

  11. A.O. said,

    Where’d Dan go? This is just the type of blog he likes.

  12. A.O. said,

    Oh! I should have said, LOVES! Dan/TiA LOVES this type of blog. LOVES, LOVES, LOVES it!!! 🙂

  13. Bulldog said,

    I have done my share of shit in my lifetime- gotten arrested, danced on bar tables, joined a couple of wet T-shirt contests (and won a couple too), etc, etc, etc, but never, NOT once, have I ever gone after an underaged boy. This guy is sick like all those people out there (man or woman) who go after the young and innocent. It just causes bile to boil to the top of my throat (and people wonder WHY I drink!!)

  14. Mainetarr said,

    That nasty bastard should be shot. These creeps can’t be rehabilitated. This is why I was so pissed last week at our state government. They shot down Jessica’s law, only 3 democrats out of what, 70, voted for it. These peckerheads need to be put away forever, first offense, period.

  15. Bulldog said,

    Oh but MT, they can be rehabilitated….

  16. Mainetarr said,

    Hey, I got to kiss and got kissed by two birthday boys today. (Chris and Treehugger) Today was a good day. You gonna smooch me tomorrow Bulldog?

  17. LaFlamme said,

    What?? It’s Chris’ birthday, too?

  18. Mainetarr said,

    Yup, he turned the big 4-0 today. He’s bummin.

  19. LaFlamme said,

    I’ll be turning 30 in a few years.

  20. Bulldog said,

    I’ll give you a big wet one tomorrow MT if you give one to Chris for me tonight!! Speaking of which, why the hell are you here???? Shouldn’t you be givin’ him birthday lovin’ right now!???

  21. A.O. said,

    Hey, Thought you turned 30 twenty years ago, Mark.

  22. Mainetarr said,

    He’s not home from work yet. When I suddenly disappear, you will know he’s home. LOL

  23. Bulldog said,

    AO, Mark is only 10 in his mind- his body is realin’ from the truth……………

  24. Blumpkin said,

    Sorry to change the subject but does the latest failed Apprentice candidate resemble a certain L/A Crime reporter? (good looking version albeit)

  25. Bulldog said,

    Yea, if you’re referring to Mark, Bryce is definitely the good looking brother. (sorry Mark)

    Blumpkin, I’ve seen Mark in person, and although he defintely looks better in person, he does not resemble (not even a micro-semble) Bryce in any way, SHAPE or form.

  26. Mainetarr said,

    Bryce LaFlamme…….You’re FIRED!

  27. Bulldog said,

    You crack me up MT!

    (either that or I’m getting buzzed- on my fif dink)

  28. Mainetarr said,

    Drunken Bulldog, you’re FRIED. LOL

  29. Bulldog said,

    cut it out! LOL

  30. LaFlamme said,

    Ahh, whoever that guy is, he looks like something from the ferret family.

  31. Mainetarr said,

    Aren’t they closely related to the Weasel family?

  32. Bobbie said,

    Figured out what the problem was, Mark. A scan started running at the same time I posted and it wiped out the name for some reason.

  33. Linda said,

    Another guy out of a job, kind of a theme with this post. Though this one looks blameless enough (I don’t think it’s an indictable offense to look like a ferret, Mark).

  34. Bobbie said,

    Unless of course you are the ferret and you object. LOL

  35. LaFlamme said,

    Oh, me either. I’m a big fan of ferrets. Seriously, I have on in my pocket as we speak.

  36. Bobbie said,

    Yeah, right. Feeding us another line today?

  37. Bulldog said,

    on drink numba six and my man just yelled at me……

  38. Linda said,

    Call your next post Ferrets On A Plane, Mark, just to see how many hits you get.

    Bulldog, why’s he yelling?

  39. A.O. said,

    Ha. I heard him yell at her over the phone! What a riot.

    Mark, I’ve heard that ferret line before.

  40. Bulldog said,

    I don’t know. When he gets frustrated (sexually or otherwise), he tends to yell (or so I’ve heard)

  41. A.O. said,

    Tell him to have a drink and relax. Better yet, feed him some mac and cheese. That will calm him down. Don’t forget the red hot dogs! 😉

  42. Bulldog said,

    AO- you are too funny….. Guess we lost Mainetarr. Her “man” is home. Hope she’s having more fun than us.

  43. Bulldog said,

    Having my second bowl of the yummy stuff. Gotta soak up the alcohol somehow (man, i am hitting the backspace buttom wayyy too many tiems tonight)

  44. LaFlamme said,

    We need to incorporate some sort of cyber breathalyzer in here. Whomever has the highest BAC (Bulldog) wins.

  45. Bulldog said,

    I’ve got you guys beat tonight! My man will definitely back me up on that (AO heard him on the phone!)

  46. Bulldog said,

    P.S.- the sleeping pills that I slipped into his food is now taking effect. He’s crashed on the couch. shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  47. A.O. said,

    It’s her birthday. Let her win. She’s earned it and, all the White Russian’s she can drink! Love ya, BD!

  48. A.O. said,

    Mark, You’ve really got to do something about that “Whoa Cowboy” thing. My last post was almost 10 minutes ago and, I still got it. Whas up wit dat?

  49. Bulldog said,

    hugs and kisses to you too AO (and you too Flamer and Robert and Richie and Boobie and Martha and MT (and Mr. MT) and Lori and Blumpkin and Gil and K2 and and whoever else I missed and all of us, every one)

  50. A.O. said,

    You forgot Dan. 😉

  51. Bulldog said,

    Yea, I get the “whoa cowboy” thing all the time. It’s the brokeback thaing- he just can’t get over it

    (oops, I just realized, I missed Treechoker in my “love” post- myuah to you especially Mr. Treeman! Love that limb)

  52. Bulldog said,

    yea, I left the Fat Bastard out for a reason…. don’t want him to get the wrong ideah

  53. Linda said,

    Forgot me too.

    Have I met Boobie yet? Doesn’t ring a bell

  54. Bobbie said,

    Bulldog always calls me that when she drinks. I’m used to it by now.

  55. Bobbie said,

    You’re relatively new to the blog. Bulldog hasn’t been the same since she had mono, so she has an excuse for not mentioning you.

  56. Bulldog said,

    Damn, I meant to type Linda and typed Lori instead (both “L” names- I should be covered!!??) I plead the fifth or is that sixth (drink, that is)

    Pretty sad that B-O-B-B-I-E is used to me mis-spelling her mane (tired of hitting the backspace butoon)

  57. Bobbie said,

    She’s the only one who can get away with calling me that.

  58. Linda said,

    Oh I see. Hi Bobbie! I should have figured it out. I’m multitasking, a bit distracted here.

    Mark, what the hell, I got the cowboy thing too. Funny how enraging it is to run up against a barrier, just when you think you’re enjoying complete anarchy. Is it some kind of random thing? I guess I could live with that … randomness feels OK.

  59. Bulldog said,

    Tanks Bobbie (almost did it again!!) celebrating too much (according to “my man”) right now. whooopie. let’s see how early I blog in tomorrow after tonight!

  60. Bobbie said,

    You only do that when your fingers get going too fast, Bulldog. When that happens, I know that you’re enjoying yourself. LOL

  61. Linda said,

    It’s OK Bulldog, I am quite new. No worries, mate.

  62. Bulldog said,

    Yea, wait until June- What will my excuse be when my mouth calls you Boobie?

  63. Bobbie said,

    I guess it’s on you guys tonight. So far, I haven’t run into the “cowboy” yet tonight.

  64. Bobbie said,

    You’ve got between now and then to think of an excuse. LOL

  65. Bulldog said,

    I guess we’re all a bunch of cowboys/girls tonight! I HATE/ABHORE that message!

  66. Bobbie said,

    Hi, Linda!

  67. Gil said,

    Here’s what he should have been looking for online:

  68. Bulldog said,

    Well, mates (taking the lead from Linda)- my fingers can no longer do the walking and my eyes can’t see only one screen. That’s my cue to bid you adieu. My man is snoring and it’s safe for me to sneak away…. i need to go to bed so that I can celebrate more tomorrow, tomorrow, I luv ya, tomorrow, you’re only a day aaaaaaaaaawayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

  69. Bobbie said,

    Have a good evening, Bulldog.

  70. A.O. said,

    Yee-Haw! Bentover Mountain was one hell of a good flick! Or, so I’ve been told by Treehugger and Weasel. Love those two waxed chapped wearing fella’s!

    Linda, Are you knitting? If so, I could use a new sweater. Black if you would.:)

  71. Bulldog said,

    Gil, you are bad. Had to read all the comments/emails attached to that link. too funny!

    talk to ya’ll l8ter

  72. A.O. said,

    Ha! Gil! That has to be one of the best EBay posts I’ve ever seen! **snicker-snicker**

  73. Linda said,

    Goodnight Bulldog. I’m outa here too, finished knitting my sock and the Sox are snoring as loud as Bulldog’s man. WAIT — A HOME RUN! YAY TROT! ALL IS FORGIVEN!

    I may not find my way to the bunker tomorrow, so hope you all can make (or make up) some wild times to tell me about on Friday. You know, the stuff behind the headlines. Make me wish I still lived in a city. I’ll be counting on you!

  74. Linda said,

    But before I go, AO, of course I am knitting, I always knit. A black sweater, you don’t ask much do you? Want skulls on it? That’s all the rage in the knitting blogs.

  75. A.O. said,

    Nah. No skulls. Just…black. I have kids. Wouldn’t want them to think that their mother was weird of anything..LOL.

  76. "The Weasel" said,

    01:02:03 04/05/06 Wow

  77. Gil said,

    I run my own business, I own my home, I am raising an autistic boy and a severely blonde teenage girl, 1 dog, 3 cats, pay my bills, pay my taxes and vote mostly Republican. Outwardly normal, and yet, these are the things that find me on the internet:
    The lead guy looks like me in High school.
    Too GODDAMN funny!!!!

  78. Gil said,

    I knew it was too good to be true, I found a better one:
    Sorry, lots of time and nothing better to do.

  79. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, damn. I missed you all when you were drunk and rowdy. Figures.
    I’ve gotta check into that “whoa cowboy” thing. I’ve never seen it and I was under the impression that it only displayed if you tried to post back to back or something. I’ll research the sucker.

  80. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, the only thing I found out about the “slow down, cowboy” message is that it pisses a lot of people off. Something about the way WordPress sends out pings to keep track of all new posts. It’s a good thing, but it sounds like there’s a glitch they’ll be working to fix. If it keeps happening let me know and I’ll write to the techies to ask,as Weasel would say, WTF?

  81. Martha said,

    Mark, I’ve never seen that message either..

    Gil.. I read this blog at work.. would you be so kind as to indicate which links would be safe to click on at work.. Right now I don’t dare to click on any of them for fear of where it will take me… Thanks….. 🙂

  82. Martha said,

    Oh… and back on topic…… some years ago, when my daughter was little there was a lady legislator who tried to get a law passed in Maine that would have called for the manditory castration of second offense child molestors.. I still think its a great idea, however, I have an even better one. I told her if any guy tried that with my daughter, I wouldn’t wait for a second offense or a law.. I’d have taken care of the situation with my butcher knife and when I was done he’d know he’d lost something… And I meant it.

  83. Gil said,

    Sorry Martha, if there’s anything a little offensive, I will warn you from now on. The ones I posted yesterday are safe.

  84. Martha said,

    Ok.. thanks Gil.. I’ll check them out.

  85. K2 said,

    Yeah, Homeland Security can’t even monitor its own employess. We’re doomed.

    And this follows the arrest of Bush’s former head Domestic Policy advisor (Bush HAD a Domestic Policy Advisor?!?) for stealing $5,000 worth of stuff from Target. And he was an Evangelical Christian, to boot. Thou shalt steal? . . .

    I agree with Mainetarr: you can’t rehabilitate pedophiles. If they are caught red-handed, they should have their genitals amputated, at a minimum. There are some things that are simply beyond forgiveness.

  86. Robert said,

    Isn’t it scary that Homeland security folks did not catch this guy, but rather a separate law enforcement agency caught him. Glad to know we’re keeping America safe! Okay, time to chime in with your top denial excuses to be brought forth when his lawyer opens his mouth…closest to the actual account will get drinks on me next time….

    I’ll go first to give you an idea…

    “My client was only trying to make contact to ensure her safety from internet predators”

    “My client was assuming the role of an internet predator in order to learn what they say so he could find and prosecute more of them”

    “My client has advised that this shameless hussy indicated she was 18, not 14”

    GO ahead guys, your turn,

    BULLDOG_ hope you had a great day, you deserve it!

    AO- whats the special today?

    Keep smiling folks, it looks good on you!

  87. A.O. said,

    Robert, Thursday’s specials are: Meatball Sub (with homemade meatballs, none of that frozen crap). Lobster Roll and…that’s all I know right now. But, for Bulldog, on her birthday, SPAM or, red hotdog pizza, her choice, with a large frosty glass of TANG. Sorry Bulldog, I’m fresh out of Mac & Cheese. 😦

  88. Martha said,

    A.O. Meatball sub sounds soooooooo good…

  89. Bulldog said,

    lobstah roll mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  90. Bobbie said,

    Now you have my mouth watering this morning. Are the specials all day or just certain hours?

  91. A.O. said,

    Come on in for lunch, Bulldog. Don’t forget!

    Martha, If I knew it would still be fresh when it got there, I’d send you one.

  92. Bulldog said,

    If I do come down today, you can bet I’ll come see ya! I’ll have to pass on the SPAM or red hot dog pizza— the red dogs I ate last night are going right through me today. Can’t take it 2 days in a row (I know, I know- too much information) 😉

  93. A.O. said,

    All day long. Bobbie, yesterday was Italian sandwich day! 😉

  94. Martha said,

    A.O. Seriously… if you freeze the meatballs and ship them overnight, they’d be great.. I’m sure I could find a roll and some cheese to go with it… 🙂

  95. Robert said,

    Geez, my wife would really go for a good lobster roll, used to get great ones at Georgio’s on Minot Ave, but not recently. All meat and mayo I hope…

    I may have to stop by one of these days when I’m in town.


  96. A.O. said,

    We have the best lobstah rolls. Huge chunks of it in the mayo. No fake Lobstah meat!!

  97. Bulldog said,

    Enough already about those Lobstah rolls! I’m Staaaahhhhvin’

  98. Martha said,

    A.O. sounds like when I get up next summer I’m going to have to become a regular patron of your shop.. course, you’ll have to tell me where it is before I can.

  99. Robert said,

    Damn, and I’m sitting in the office in Portland….gotta find a good paying job closer to home, oh wait that would be Lewiston and we all know no one parts with their money in Lewiston.

    Back to the grind, all day here, then someone needs their taxes done after work, then on to planning an Eagle Scout project with son #2…no rest for the weary…

  100. Bobbie said,

    It sounds like I’m going to have a hard choice of what to eat on the Thursday that I arrive in Maine. I’ll have to try the lobster roll-haven’t had a good lobster in years.

  101. A.O. said,

    Martha, I’ll let you know. I never thought of advertising in here. Hey, I also carry this book called The Pink Room. It’s by some’s his name? I keep selling out and, he’s been very lax about getting me more copies. I’ve got to send some of my Deli Goons over to shake him up.

  102. A.O. said,

    Bulldog, I’ll be there around 10:30. Come on in and I’ll feed you. Can’t have the birthday girl staaahvin! I promise, no red hotdog pizza!

    Bobbie, you can get more than one thing. Italian sandwiches keep well for a day or so.

  103. Robert said,

    I can confirm AO’s thoughts on sandwiches. I went to Hawaii a few years ago to visit my sister, and she asked for 3 things –

    Cains Mayo – not avail there
    Humpty Dumpty BBQ chips -same issue
    An Italian sandwich

    I picked it up at 11 PM the night before she ate it ate 5 Pm her time the next night…just added the oil at that time! As one famous chef would say – BAM!

  104. Bulldog said,

    When my brother lived in Connecticut, I used to have to bring 4 things:
    red hot dogs
    creton and
    Ham Italians from Sams WITH the oil on it. He used to let it sit in the fridge for quite a few hours before eating it (have you ever seen what cheese looks like after being covered with oil for a few hours??) It was the only way he’d eat them.

  105. K2 said,

    Why don’t Mainers put vinegar on their Italians, with the oil? It confounds me. Oil straight up? That should be illegal.

    And no lettuce? What did lettuce ever do to you people? It’s leafy, green goodness isn’t up to your standards?

    Still, I like Italians, although one is rarely enough. Almost always have to have two to fill the ol’ gullet.

  106. A.O. said,

    I hate it when customer’s order their Italians with lettuce. It’s just not right. I do have one customer who likes his Italian with oil and vinegar. But, he’s from away.

  107. K2 said,

    You lettuce hate monger, A.O. When I visit, I’m gonna order EXTRA lettuce on my Italian, with vinegar and oil. And no black olives. Dammit, A.O., I said, NO BLACK OLIVES!

  108. A.O. said,

    Hey, don’t get me wrong. I love lettuce. Just not on my Italian sandwiches. Like I said, it’s just wrong. Hate those black olives. Yuck.

  109. Bulldog said,

    WILL YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD!!!!! You’re killing me!

  110. Bobbie said,

    I’ll have six days in Maine to eat all the stuff I can’t get here. And yes, I’m going to bring back some Italian rolls with me. If I didn’t, my daughter would kill me when she gets here. She’s looking forward to having some while she’s here. She’s also going to introduce her husband to them. He can’t understand why we like them so much.

    Just for you, Bulldog, more talk of food today!

  111. Bobbie said,

    Lettuce on an Italian is like going to Subway and getting a meatball sandwich-once you put all those vegetables on it, then it becomes healthy for you. Who in the hell wants healthy some days?

  112. Bobbie said,

    I wonder if the guy from away likes his fries with vinegar on them as well?

  113. Robert said,

    Fries with Vinegar, yeah thats a FRanco thing, and most of them living here are still from away….3rd & 4th generation immigrants who still speak like they are in the middle of Montreal…ugh…

    Gglad to see the Festival of Old French People will makes its return this year after all…
    Its a great opportunity to make sure they are all alive, and can dance the Duck!

    I only knew of one shop in Lewiston that always put lettuce on an italian when you ordered…it was a novelty and good the first couple times, but after that it was just plain wrong…same as black olives…

    What we really need is a good roast beef sub….Maintarr may have to get me some of that from MIcucci’s, when I worked restaurants in the area, they had the best products.

    Lunch is here, looks like chinese for me.

    Have fun and stay safe…

  114. Linda said,

    AO, you are killing me with the lobster talk. I’m frantic for one of those!

    When I was away, it was the italians and the microwave popcorn. Can you imagine living in a place so remote that there’s no microwave popcorn? (They eventually did get it …) Of course they had their own yummy stuff that I can’t get now and miss terribly. Anyone know where I can get a BIG jar of Vegemite?

  115. Bulldog said,

    you guys suck. screw eating…. it after noon time. Time to start celebrating!

  116. Mainetarr said,

    we just had lunch too, D’Angelo’s. It was only the second time (I think) I have ever been there. They are ok, I had a Number 9-steak bomb. It was ok, but it’s no Roy’s, that is for sure.

  117. Linda said,

    Hey Bulldog. Now I’m confused — is this your birthday? What the hell, if it isn’t yours, it’s somebody’s. Have a blast. Happy birthday anyhow.

    I’ll try to check in with you all from Dialup Diaspora (my mother’s house) tonight.

  118. Linda said,

    Excuse of the month for Robert’s list:

    “My superior directed me to do it.”

  119. LaFlamme said,

    DId anyone see the photo of the Auburn Mall crash today on page B2? Outstanding!!

  120. Bulldog said,

    Yes Linda- it’s my bday. I’ve started celebrating already.

    And Mark, YES, I saw the pic…. Geez, why did you have to ask twice??? damn reporters……….

  121. K2 said,

    Bobbie, I do mallt vinegar on fries now and then, but the real key is cheese fries. I warm up Bachman’s cheddar-cheese dip and either slather it on the fries or serve it in a side bowl fer dippin’. It’s to die for. (With all the hydrogenated oil, I mean that both literally and figuratively.)

    Bulldog, I cracked open a beer just for you. I swear it ain’t for me. With two cold-ridden sniffling kids crying thoughout the house and smudging snot everywhere, who needs a beer? Not me, no, ma’am. Just being polite, that’s all.

  122. Bulldog said,

    CHEERS to you K2!! Lord knows I need one!

  123. K2 said,

    Uh oh, Scooter Libby has testified that Bush authorized the release of sensitive intelligence information about Iraq. Now the question is, what exactly is the ‘sensitive intelligence information’? (Paging Ms. Plame.) Not as vexing a question as asking what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is, but it still isn’t good news for a beleaguered administration.

    And did anyone see Jon Stewart go after McCain the other night for agreeing to do the commencement address at Jerry “Kill ’em all in the name of Lord” Falwell’s Liberty University? Stewart also slammed him for currently using two of Bush’s former campaign managers. (See: South Carolina primary in 2000.) McCain seemed blind-sided, and became visibly preturbed near the end of Stewart’s own straight talk express.

    I still like McCain in ’08, but his latest moves have made me think twice about him.

    All right, I’m done already. Back to pedophiles and Italians. By the way, you know how you can tell an Italian jetliner? By the hair under its wings.

  124. Robert said,

    K2, you want the ultimate in fries…go to Bar Harbor to the fry guy, a little storefrint tucked on one of those side streets…

    Hand cut french fries, covered with melted cheese and bacon (yeah the real thing!).
    Its incredible, he as like 30 different toppings he can put on for you. I’ll tell you, a nice cold been and those fries can make a guy feel almost human again.

    Happy 30th Bulldog,

  125. K2 said,

    Mmmm . . . cold beans. I’m with you, Robert. (Just kiddin’.)

    Yeah, but too many beers and one regresses to Homo habilis. Primitive tool use is as far as it goes on a twelver of PBRs.

    I would have said Homo erectus, but I know you would all snicker too much at that one.

  126. LaFlamme said,

    Not to mention Old Orchard Beach pier fries. Enjoy them with vinegar while taking in the view of endless banana bikinis. Why won’t those things go out of style? The crotch gloves, I mean. Not the fries.

  127. K2 said,

    Yeah, those grape smugglers are so tight you can tell what religion the men are.

    D’you hear about the rabbi who kept all the foreskins and stiched them into a wallet? He put it in his pocket, it warmed up, and then swelled into a suitcase.

    Of course, you know why Jewish woman like circumcized men, right? ‘Cause they like 10% off of everything.

  128. Robert said,

    Personally I try to avoid anythig that progresses to Homo status, but hey, thats just me…

  129. Robert said,

    Mark, YOu should try the Pier fries in March…they have one place open, freshly cooked, why wait till summer…I sense a road trip for the Fly Girls….

  130. A.O. said,

    I made an interesting sandwich today. Egg Salad on wheat with onions and …black olives. Made me want to hurl.

  131. LaFlamme said,

    Sounds like death.
    Hey, AO. What’s a struggling author gotta do to get books in your store?

  132. Bulldog said,

    mmmm, pier fries…… with viginar mmmmmmmm. I used to make them when I worked at OOB Pizza on Lisbon St (do any of you remember that?). I gained 15 pounds working there!

    Thanks for the smile on wishing me a happy 30th Robert. I knew I liked you for a reason (haven’t figured out what yet……)

  133. A.O. said,

    Well, I have a very strict policy regarding that. You have to bring them in.

  134. Bulldog said,

    What a NOVEL idea AO. (ha- I kill me)

  135. A.O. said,

    I think so. Wacha drinking, Bulldog? I think that an egg salad with onions and black olives would go well with whatever it is. Happy Birthday!

  136. Bulldog said,

    Sure, if you want to see it get hurled 20 feet. ewwwww, just the thought of it is turning my stomache.

    I’ve started where I left off last night… staying with the russians. They treated me pretty well yesterday (man, I’m starting to sound like an alcoholic!)

  137. K2 said,

    An alcoholic is as an alcohol . . . hiccup! burp! Now what the fuck was I sayin; goddammit?!? Let go of me! The maggots, oh the maggots!

  138. LaFlamme said,

    A hee hee. Just trying to rile you, AO. I’ll get some soon. Got coffee? You usually do. Forget i asked.

  139. A.O. said,

    Mmmm…sounds like a good combo. White Russians and egg salad. Just make sure you have someone on hand to clean up the mess after.

  140. Bulldog said,

    don’t have the hiccups yet (usually happens on drink 3 or 3) but I do have to pee!!

  141. K2 said,

    Drink 3 or 3? Or did you mean 33. A one-way ticket to Betty Ford, please. . . .

  142. Bulldog said,

    I meant 3 or 4- noticed it after I hit submit. hey, I can blame the russians

  143. Mainetarr said,

    You guys are going to think I am whacked, but vinegar on George’s Pizza is deeeeelicious.

  144. LaFlamme said,

    Whaaaaaaaaat? Vinegar on a pizza! Unheard of!

  145. LaFlamme said,

    For anyone who’s interested, there’s been a break in the 1994 Crystal Perry case. I hear there’s been a confession.

  146. Bobbie said,

    For those of us who aren’t familiar with that case, would you refresh our memories please?

  147. Robert said,

    Laflamme, you serious? Was wondering when someone would come forward on that case…Her parents have been through hell…

    AO, That egg salad sounded good till you got to the onions and black olives…then it became nothing more than slow death warmed over…no matter how good you’re doing over there, I’ll pass and let Bulldog enjoy it on her B’day.

    Mainetarr – you’ve got to be kidding me? Vinegar, was that the saurkraut pizza or something? You probably just do it so no oone else will dare to eat a slice from your stash…

  148. K2 said,

    This won’t be popular, but I think George’s is the most overrated pizza I’ve ever had. It’s decent, at best.

  149. Bulldog said,

    Antigonie’s Pizza on Rte 4 in Turner beats George’s hands down. If you’ve never had it, I suggest you do. But vinegar on pizza? MT, you are pickled

  150. Mainetarr said,

    I am not kidding….try it sometime. You dip the pizza in in, lightly. It will blow your mind it is so good. And yes, Georges is overrated. I am very partial to the sauce and cheese AO puts on her pizza’s and the sausage that she uses, well, it’s outta this world-and I don’t usually get sausage. The only other pizza in town worth trying is at Antonio’s deli on Lisbon Street, in Central Somalia. It is pretty good.

    So, they finally got a confession. Bout time after 12 years.

    Did you guys see the picture I took in the paper today? The car that crashed through the mall? Notice the “submitted photo/Gail Tarr” that’s me!!

  151. Robert said,

    Hard to find anyone making a good fresh dough pizza nowadays….and K2 I agree Georges has always been overrated and I’ve never figured out why people are so enamored with them.

    Bulldog, don;t worry, once you get to know me you’ll change your mind….I’m really not that nice! Or so my reputation goes.

  152. K2 said,

    Fastbreaks’ wings bite, but their pizza is damn good — very New York-style. (if you like that sort of thing.)

  153. Mainetarr said,

    Will have to try it!!

  154. A.O. said,

    Fastbreak’s wings look like something from another planet. Too scary to eat.

  155. Bulldog said,

    yea Robert, you’re a racist- I’ve heard all about you. But alas, I am willing to let that fly. You said I was 30- I can’t hate you for that, can I?

  156. Mainetarr said,

    I will be twenty ninteen in a couple of weeks. WHat’s up with that? All of our parents were getting busy in July or what?

  157. brenda said,

    maybe Robert’s point of view is such that he doesn’t see that race is a factor in the situation- that doesn’t necessarily mean that Robert is A Racist – do you know what I mean?

    I would bring that subject up, because I think that race is a factor that needs to be looked at, but I wouldn’t actually call Robert A Racist- name calling doesn’t help , doesn’t win an arguement, and it hurts feelings & stops the communication process.

    A while back, I offended some people of a certain local group because I said I didn’t want to take my kid to a protest where some people would be taking a stand for, & some against, a gay issue, and they assumed I’m a “homophobe” — well, sometimes it’s more complicated than that. I didn’t feel my son belonged in there at that point in time. There was a kid on the front of the local section of the newspaper, crying, because someone told him his gay uncle was going to Hell. That could have been my son, watching that hate, if I hadn’t made the decision to keep my kid away from there.

    But you know what? His My son’s dad is a Resident Alien, he got amnesty way back in the ’80’s, and I heard on tv yesterday that they want to not allow children of illegal aliens to have citizenship. So My son’s just barely a half step away from this issue mattering very much to him.

  158. brenda said,

    twenty- nineteen? Pretty good!
    I like that system.
    Let’s see, that makes me- – twenty twenty nine.

    sounds like I’m a stutterererr

  159. Linda said,

    Gotta love that “alien” moniker. Like they’re from Pluto. I always hated that term. I lived in another country for many years and was NEVER made to feel second class or … well, alien. It’s a small world nowadays and people move around. Alien. Sheesh. Know what I mean, Brenda?

  160. LaFlamme said,

    Awright, then. Now that I’m done with the Crystal Perry story, ain’t anyone around to give me some lovin?

  161. Mainetarr said,


  162. LaFlamme said,

    Ahh! Sinister laughter!

  163. Linda said,

    Can’t wait to read the story. BTW I don’t think Mainetarr’s Auburn Mall pic was in my edition of the SJ. Or did I somehow manage to miss a photo of a car and a mall? that could be right, I read the paper at 5:30 and wake up around 9.

    Anyone have any wild tales tonight? Aside from Mark who thinks he might get some lovin’ here, that is?

  164. A.O. said,

    Well, Mark IS very close to Lisbon St. So, if he really needs some “lovin”…

    As for wild tales. Yeah, I went to my daughters Spring Musical tonight. Is that too wild for anyone?

  165. LaFlamme said,

    I saw the ugliest cross dresser in the world about an hour ago. Walking along Walnut Street. Short, black leather skirt, knee high boots and some other attire I’m still too rattled to describe.

  166. A.O. said,

    Think it was The Weasel?

  167. A.O. said,

    Hey! Where’s the Birthday Girl? Bulldoooog…are you sleeping? Are you White Russianed out?

  168. Thaifood Teena said,

    WTF Mark, that was me. I am finally out of jail and I get some shit from you on my first night out? Niceeeee, real nice. Bastard. I walked all over looking for you and you had the nads to drive right by me? That’s it, I am coming to the SJ right now and I am going to sit on the hood of your car until you come out. I’ll show you who the skanky whore is.

  169. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, sorry. I didn’t realize you grew the stash while you were in the clink. It’s very feminine and sensual. In a testesteral kind of way.

  170. A.O. said,

    Teena, I HAVE heard that you are one sexy beo-tch! You’re sporting a stash now? You go girl!

  171. A.O. said,

    Ahhh!! The COLORS! THE COLORS!! MY EYES!!!

  172. Thaifood Teena said,

    Nah, it is a fake stash. I was in disguise. Yesterday I dressed up like Howard Stern. I heard someone took my picture, so I figured I would add the stash.

  173. LaFlamme said,

    Whoa, you saw that? I was experimenting. Experimenting often gets me into trouble. I’ve said too much.

  174. Thaifood Teena said,

    I can think of a few experiments I’d like to try with you.

  175. Mainetarr said,

    Hey, where’s the Birthday Beeotch? The white russians holding her captive?

  176. A.O. said,

    Thank gawd it was just an experiment. I thought I was tripping for a second.

  177. Mainetarr said,

    I thought Chris slipped something into my iced tea when the screen went white. Thank God, I will live.

  178. A.O. said,

    Teena, you whore! Ha…just a line that my sister’s and I say to each other once in a while.

  179. A.O. said,

    Birthday Girl is probably…snooring as we speak. Either that or, she’s feeling some “Roman hands and..Russian fingers”…form her man.

  180. Thiafood Teena said,

    That’s dirty whore to you, AO.

  181. LaFlamme said,

    I’ll wait until you’re all good and drunk and then I’ll start up with the psychedelic colors. Duuuuuude.

  182. A.O. said,

    Party on, Mark! Party on, Teena! Can’t wait for the groovy colors…maaan.

  183. Thaifood Teena said,

    You’ll be waiting a long time for me to be good and drunk, mister. The free beer’s not until tomorrow.

  184. brenda said,

    wow, I have a lot of blog reading to catch up on. i didn’t take the narcotics today & I think my tooth hurt more yesterday when i did, but I was just tired all the time. forget it, who needs drugs? Pain! What a rush!

    anyway, I’m really late joining the discussion, but : When you put lettuce on it, it is a “grinder” or submarine/ sub-sandwich (subway).

    olives: yes
    When I was in the Army, there was another trainee who was from Maine, so we got to talking about Italians, and we argued about olives, she said that I’m not from Maine when I said they have olives! I couldn’t understand that till I moved to Lewiston and they make italians here without olives! What’s with that? sheeesh.

  185. Martha said,

    Olives are just nasty no matter what you put them on… YUCK!!!!! and vinegar on food is just about as bad… In my house vinegar is for cleaning, not eating..

  186. LaFlamme said,

    Good morning, Martha.

  187. Martha said,

    a little belatedly.. good morning.. I leave on vacation as soon as I get out of work.. I am soooooo beat.. I’m glad I’m not driving.. about as fast as we hit the highway, I intend to be sleeping.

  188. Anonymous said,

    Safe traveling, Martha.

  189. Bobbie said,

    That was me, Martha.

  190. Martha said,

    ty Bobbie..

  191. Robert said,


    Hope you’re headed someplace warm and dry…its April afterall…One more week and I too disappear for a week to the sunny beaches of Nags Head/Outer Banks Islands.

    To Mainetarr, BUlldog and all the other 20-19’s celebrating, I have a different method, this year I celebrated my 16th Anniversary of my 29th Birthday. So hey I’m always gonna be 29, it just depends which anniversary I’m celebrating. Or as my son in college wished me a Happy Birthday by saying, gee Dad, just wanted to point out you’re now closer to 50 then you are to 40, my reply being, gee son, you’re now closer to paying your own tuition then you ever were before.

    Kids, can’t live with em, can’t find someone to adopt em.

    Vinegar is not a food product, it is a cleaning product at best. An olives are nothing more than miniature baseballs meant for throwing at people during boring wedding receptions. Lettuce needs no explanation as it has no taste, no refining value and should be listed in the dictionary as lettuce: an inexpensive filler material used by some to make sandwiches appear fuller than they really are.

  192. Martha said,

    Robert, I’m going to Florida for a family reunion. I’m kind of ambivilent about that, but also plan to spend some time with a friend I haven’t seen in over 10 years…That will be nice
    In the b-day department.. I’ll celebrate mine before I get back. In fact, I should be on my way back at the time. I tell people I’m old enough to know better, but its still questionable at times.
    Enjoy your vacation.

  193. K2 said,

    Robert, now you leave acetic acid alone, you hear?

    Black olives are little cordial turds, yes; but Adriatic green olives are delicious.

    And why you despise leafy green goodness, well, lettuce ponder that. . . .

  194. Robert said,

    Did ya ever notice that there are over 60 vaieties of lettuce you can grow in a garden, but no matter what you do, they all pretty much taste the same (except maybe romaine, which always seems a bit bitter).

    Lettuce entertain any notion to food as its lunch time and my pastrami sub is here-no veggies (why ruin a good sandwich).

    Ya know whats the best thing about green olives – absolutely nothing…except the very nice color contrast with that red pimento inside, heck even that wants to run away from the olive. You see a jar of olive for sandwiches I see a lifetime supply of games.

    Hope Martha enjoys Florida, I hear the weather’s awesome right now there. But family reunions can be such a drag….

  195. Mainetarr said,

    Family reunions suck. I haven’t been to one since I got my drivers license, I am the queen of “I have to work” to get out of it. Works good, too.

    Black olives are good, the saltier the better. But not on an Italian. That’s just not right. Just like at Uno Pizzeria. Last time we went there, they had a crabmeat pizza. That’s just not right. Like fish tacos. EEeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww, yuk!

  196. Robert said,

    Yeah, speaking of “gourmet” pizza, I once had the Shrimp Scampi Pizza at a place up in Lincoln NH, I have never anything like it and can’t wait to go back and do it again.

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