WANTED

April 18, 2006 at 2:08 pm (Uncategorized)

The following personnel are considered absent without leave from the blog. Penalties for chronic absenteeism range from elaborate rumors about personal affairs to beat downs. None of you want that. Right?

Chunder

Herb

Slet Vartish

Jesse

Richie

Martha

Treehugger

Cats in Pajamas

If you have information about the wherabouts of these bloggers, don't try to apprehend them, as they are likely drunk. Contact blog security (Bulldog) instead. And remember what happened to the last blogger who tried to slip away in October. It's like the mafia around here. You try to get out, they keep pulling you back in.

 

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83 Comments

  1. A.O. said,

    What happened to you? Is that picture the result of a Bulldog attack?

  2. LaFlamme said,

    Yep. It was savage. I don’t like to talk about it.

  3. Rolling Chunder said,

    I’ve never heard of this “Slet Vartish” character, I’m afraid that I’m being drawn out of hiding under false pretenses. I also believe it was “Ritchie” and not “RIchie”.

    Who are the hell are you and why are you following me?

  4. LaFlamme said,

    We know your movements, Chunder. That rattle underneath your Pinto? That’s a global positioning device. Unfortunately, Bulldog ain’t real good with mechanics so she attached it to your fan belt.

  5. jesse said,

    Ive been out on the road tracking Jesse Caron for 6 months now, tirelessly, without sleep. I think I am getting close though,
    I will apprehend him someday…..I Promise!

  6. LaFlamme said,

    Somebody break the news to Jesse that Caron was caught more than a month ago. And then get him some Librium. The boy is suffering DTs.

  7. Richie said,

    I’m still around and have made a few comments. Problem is, we aren’t nearly as argumentative or contentious as we used to by on the SJ. Dan would say something assinine, and, whoopee ! away we’d go.

    Even worse, I found out that the guy who killed the 10yr old girl, in Oklahoma, was a player in my favourite on-line game “Kingdom of Loathing” . We’re all quite upset about that.

    I can’t account for Chunder; but Slet Varthash is an old guy, WW-II vet who fought at Normandy. Nice guy, but again he too really only got into this becasue of the liberality displayed on the SJ blogs.

    What we need is, like, someone from Nambla or the Rene Guillaume Society to come on here and defend what they stand for; so we can tear ’em a new asshole. Contentiousness is the spice of life !

  8. A.O. said,

    GAWD!! There’s an ice cream truck rolling through my neighborhood playing “The Entertainer”….somebody….make it go away!

  9. Mainetarr said,

    Catsinjammies has been under the weather, but hopefully she’s under a new boyfriend by now. I have seen the elusive Treehugger with my own eyes, so I know he is still lurking…last time I saw him he was dressed like a rabbit and eating Tiramisu. Herb reads the blogs, but is on a commenting strike. I think it’s bullshit, he needs to speak up. This covert closet blogging is for the birds. Martha is on vacation, remember? She wrote a brief farewell and said she’d catch up when she gets back.

  10. fake dan alert said,

    dan has never been here, just someone trying to stir up reactions by pretending to be dan.
    of course, this particular blog was titled “wanted” and dan’s not.

  11. Smellybloggersayswhat? said,

    what?

  12. what? said,

    Smellybloggersayswhat?

  13. A.O. said,

    Cats in Pajamas. Is that sort of like Cat In The Hat?

  14. LaFlamme said,

    Dan has officially been invited to this blog. Maybe we could get together and send him a card? It would also be cool if that guy from the Witchita Church Group would pop in and try to convince us that protesting the funerals of US soliders is a perfectly valid way of condemning gays.

  15. Linda said,

    OK, we’re just too damn nice. Somebody say something asinine, even if it hurts. Dan was gone before I got here so it’s no use looking at me, I wouldn’t know how. My husband wants me to go to Australia so in case I do, somebody make me glad to get away for a while, eh?

  16. A.O. said,

    Linda, Dan was the epitome of mean. He called other bloggers awful names. Slut was one of his favorites. Um, let’s see, what else did Ol’ Danny Boy call us? Old Fart, Sheet Wearers, members of the KKK…you name it, he pretty much said it. We all fought back and got banned. Guess he got what he wanted. The blog was shut down. But, the last laugh was on him, he got banned from all of the blogs at The Sun Urinal.

  17. A.O. said,

    And, I think we should all gather in peace and love in front of Dan’s apartment, singing songs of love. I think it would work better than a card. Oh, and we could also bring the FB a box of Dunkin Donuts!! But, I don’t know if he could get his butt out off of his stool to retrieve it.

  18. Linda said,

    What’s Dan’s address again? (just joking, you know, A.O.)

  19. A.O. said,

    Mark will ban me if I tell you! Ha.

  20. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, you know me. Always playing by the rules.

  21. A.O. said,

    You’re such a stickler. I really wish you’d lighten up.

  22. Linda said,

    After all, isn’t this the “savage new world”? or did I read that on some other blog? (I know, it’s wicked annoying when I quote you, sorry)

  23. A.O. said,

    I’m thinking that Dan’s apartment must have been blown up in the big bang. I mean, why else haven’t we heard from him? Surely he’s not mad at us, right?

  24. Asshat said,

    If he is mad, fuck him, right in the asshat I say.

  25. A.O. said,

    I think his asshat must have been blown all the way to Dunkin Donuts.

  26. Asshat said,

    I bet he could fit all of Dunkin Donuts in his great big asshat.

  27. Asshat said,

    Not that anyone gives a shit, but Katie Holmes had her baby just now.

  28. A.O. said,

    Who’s Katie Holmes? Is that Dan’s girlfriend? Did they have the baby at Dunkin Donuts? I REALLY didn’t know that Dan had a woman.

  29. Mainetarr said,

    No Asshat, no one gives a shit. Tom Cruise is an asshole.
    Katie is a moron for getting knocked up by him.

  30. Thaifood Teena said,

    AO, I hear you have been talking smack about me behind my back. WTF?

  31. Mainetarr said,

    Where has Bobbie been?

  32. A.O. said,

    Teena, What have you heard? Smack? Me? You sound like a prison bitch to me.

  33. Thaifood Teena said,

    I heard you were talking shit about me in your store the other day. WTF is up with that? What did I ever do to you?

  34. Asshat said,

    She was talking shit, because you are full of shit Teena.

  35. Mainetarr said,

    AO, your e-mail is down? Call me ASAP.

  36. A.O. said,

    Teena, You must be mistaken. I wasn’t in my store the other day. But…oh…yeah. You know Bo…don’t you? You are full of shit, Teena.

  37. LaFlamme said,

    Ahhh, Bo. Has anyone brought Linda up to date on the Derek Dube days? Good times, man.

  38. Linda said,

    I know nothing about that. Spill, please.

  39. A.O. said,

    Mark, you should run the old blog in here. Oh, that’s right, it’s been banned. But, yeah, good times, man. Back then, I was only an observer, not a blogger.

  40. LaFlamme said,

    Crap, that’s right, isn’t it? I can’t even get at the old blogs. Too bad. We could run some Classic Dube. I’ll go poke around.

  41. A.O. said,

    You go do some poking, see what you can find. And, I want to be updated on RandyMan. I’m very worried about that guy. Really worried.

  42. Linda said,

    Great. Tell her. No sorry, we can’t. Now I’m frantic to see it all.
    A.O., you actually used to not post anything? What finally pushed you into the pool?

  43. A.O. said,

    Well, I found a lot of crazies, just like me. How could I NOT post? I was going through a crazy time in my life and, I found all of these wonderful crazy people by chance…well…except for Dan. But, he did make the ride that much more pleasurable. And, Linda, HOW did you happen to find all of us loonies?

  44. Mainetarr said,

    Same here Linda. I was a closet blogger, reader only. Then someone named The Weasel said something hysterically funny and I had to jump in. The rest is history…

  45. Linda said,

    Well, I’ve always read the SJ in print, but I started going to work earlier (a big project, you know). In the evenings, it was easier to read it on line than find the actual paper which would probably have to include tidying the house. That’s how I found the blogs. Read sporadically for a while, then one day it all hit the fan, and everything vanished. It was by sheer persistence and enterprise that I found the new bunker. 🙂
    I like it that everyone’s wacky and that it’s interactive. I read a lot of blogs but nobody talks to each other. What’s his name — is it Eric? — said we need an AOL chat room not a blog. I guess I like it that we sort of have one. Oddly, in such a post apocalyptic environment, it feels safe.
    TMI but that’s just me.

  46. Linda said,

    MT, you were a “lurker” too? Funny to a newcomer you all seem like you’ve been buddies for years.

  47. A.O. said,

    I know! I does! She just kind of “found” me. Then, we all just kind of “found” each other. But, we have all become good friends. And, there is always room for more. So, I hope you hang around, Linda.

  48. Linda said,

    BTW where is Martha on vacation anyhow? They have the internet practically everywhere … too bad she can’t drop us a “postcard” into the blog.

  49. LaFlamme said,

    Heyyy, Baril’s back.

  50. A.O. said,

    Is he okay?? What the fluck happened?

  51. Mainetarr said,

    Randyman…glad your back. Cut the crap, you are going to give us all heart attacks. No pun intended….

  52. Mainetarr said,

    Linda, see….we worry about each other too. I am serious. If someone doesn’t show up for a few days and no one can account for them, a search party is sent out.

  53. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, he’s fine. Came back to work even. Friggin’ fool.

  54. Mainetarr said,

    There is a Phelps from that wacky church who wanted to come to protest Corey’s funeral on Hannity and Colms tonight. What a friggen freak…Those people are nuts. They hold signs saying “Thank God” for dead soldiers and “Thank God for 911”. She is on there spewing that this country speaks out in one voice supporting homosexuality and that is why we are reeling from the wrath of God. Can you imagine? Wow, when you take communion in this church, what the hell do they givw out? Ecstasy and wash it down with liquid heroine? What a bunch of flucking idiots. They are worries about viliganties against sex offenders? Where are the viliganties against these freaks?

  55. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, crap. I’d like to see that interview. Keep me posted. We gotta get Phelps in the blog. Now one of THOSE guys would be fun to beat on.

  56. Mainetarr said,

    They are whacked. Not right in the head, that bunch.

    Ok, I will leave you with a joke….

    A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.
    In response the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself”.
    That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband.
    As the two begin, they find themselves in the ’69’ position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor.
    The doctor asked, “How did it go?”
    The man answered, “Not that well…when I fired the pistol my wife crapped on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my mail man came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!”

  57. Asshat said,

    For Randyman:

    This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room.
    After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband.
    Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver.
    The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer.
    At that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ”Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?”
    “I don’t know,” replies the flustered doctor, “I can’t get my damn bag open.”

  58. A.O. said,

    Well, who the hell could follow that?

    Randy, I’m so happy to hear you’re doing well. I know, you just wanted to know what it felt like to have Mark and, The Surly One wrestle you into a johnny. I’m just glad it wasn’t my pizza that …ah…for get it. I’m just glad you’re okay. And, hey…pizza’s on me!!No..forget that, too!

  59. Bobbie said,

    I’m still here, Mainetarr. Just been busy.

  60. Linda said,

    Hi Randy, nice to meet you, glad you’re OK. I have to get some of that pizza.
    I lost custody of the computer, bye!

  61. A.O. said,

    Bobbie, Glad to hear you’re still around. We’ve missed your input!

    Just tried to post but, guess I’m just too quick a cowboy. What ever the hell that means. I think I’m going to have to rent “Brokeback Mountain”. I need to know what Mark mean’s by..”Slow Down ….Cowboy”. 🙂

  62. brenda said,

    well, I saw things a little differently.
    I started reading the blog back when there was an election coming up, the one that started with a “yes” or NO” on ONE- concerning making it legal or illegal to discriminate against people in Maine based on sexual orientation. The people on Street talk were so rude I was shocked & wrote in a complaint! They were talking about barbara & teena & illegitimate kids & welfare, and another brenda offered to cool Mark down by putting ice in her mouth…… anyway, I went to Our View & took a stand against discrimination, and was quite alone. I was attacked by the other bloggers who are still there & you can get a sample by looking at the one about illegal immigrants & see how they dismiss & put down Jean & brenda there even now….anyway, I wrote to some friends at many&one, asking for back up ontteh no on one issue, but they ignored me as far as I know. But then I saw Dan’s posts and he was taking a stand against discrimination & doing a good job of it at first. Their personal attacks got to him & I saw him begin to respond to them in the same way they were to him, and he started getting really angry & discouraged. Then we all only focused on his anger & rudeness and never even heard the message and convictions he stood up for.

  63. Martha said,

    I’M BAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
    It sure is nice to be missed… I was on vacation in Fl.. family reunion. Had a pretty good time actualy. Now I don’t get anymore vacation until next summer.. then I’m coming up there and hunt you all down… Just to get to meet you.. no harm intended… 🙂

  64. Linda said,

    Brenda, that’s food for thought. I’m going to read your post again tonight when I have more time.

  65. Bobbie said,

    Linda,
    Please remember that there are many sides to things and when taken all together, they give you a fairly accurate picture of things. Everybody remembers things a little differently than others do, but no one is wrong for remembering things their way.

  66. brenda said,

    I should maybe explain, it happened over a period of time, and after I saw Dan on Our View, I made a mistake of leaving it alone because it stressed me out, and I read Street Talk and eventually got a little teflon for my mind, by getting used to the humor. I had written my personal tirade, and street talk put up with it, except that Eric wrote me that I couldn’t use the F-word! I responded, all obnoxiousness is allowed except for the F word? and the sh– word. So I got really juvenile & made many many anagrams, such as:
    Funny
    Unconventional
    Cool
    K2

    Sexy
    Hilarious
    Irreverant
    Treehugger
    and I amde up numerous monickers and had debates & agruments between those made up personnas, (one night 20 +posts were all me, under several names)– I was lost sole, lost shoe, found boot, lost & found, newsflasher, various joketellers, La Llarona, La Chupacabra, a good sister & a bad sister having it out, etcetera……
    so while I was having fun on street talk, I’d abandoned Dan in Our View to debate the serious issues with those barracudas, and when I looked again, he was obviously getting discouraged, depressed, angry, frustrated, and hopeless. I let him down, when he needed some backup I was playing blog-games.

  67. Martha said,

    Brenda,
    You take too much on yourself. Dan didn’t want anyone’s help. He wasn’t happy if he didn’t have something to be angry about.

  68. Bobbie said,

    Brenda,
    Dan brought things on himself. Remember, he also went after you when you defended him so many times. Martha’s right about him not being happy unless he had something to be angry about.

  69. Linda said,

    Brenda, I can see why you would leave it alone if it was stressful. That’s what I usually do, in fact I’m still doing it now even with some of the opinions that I read on this blog. Sometimes I have a very different point of view, but haven’t yet stepped into the discussion. I know that once you write what you think, everyone who thinks differently will pile on, and it’s too late to say never mind, I don’t want to have this battle. In my work life I manage a lot of conflict and I’m good at it. But 10 hours a day is plenty of that. Arguing on a blog would be a busman’s holiday for me, I’d much rather stay out of it. so far. One day I’ll deal myself in, inevitably.

  70. brenda said,

    thanks Linda, I think.
    I’m not very good at conflict.
    I don’t feel responsible for Dan’s breakdown, just for my part in it. He did write mean innapropriate words directed at me & others, but I forgave him because I thought he didn’t realise that I was on his side of the issue, and I thought he probably felt that the whole world was against him & he was lashing out, although inappropriately. I took that as a sign of his distress. I have been concerned whenever someone makes those kinds of statements ever since the time I disagreed with herb & told him off, and then he responded with turned inward anger & threatened to “eat the dirty stick” and him being a gun owner, I got scared that he was suicidal. Remember? so when someone seems angry & losing control, I get worried about them.
    My part in it (Dan’s breakdown) was that I was slow to back him up or give him kind words, but quick to chastise him when he said something rude.
    What happened to him could have been me, if I had continued to try to keep up with the debates.
    There was a day when, I had been blogging a lot, (other blogs as well as SJ) and I got so broken feeling, feeling tlike the world was a hostile place. I had a bad dream & went on the “Group Therapy” blog & explained it, how I felt like all hell was breaking loose & I had to arm myself with weapons to fight, which was against my peace loving values. I dreamed a local Indian guy was in the Park, armed with knives, saying “We have to fight!” which was against the peace he stands for. hmmm, was grey fox with knives? Where did I hear about that? oh anyway, I dealt with those feelings through that dream & blog, and had decided that if blogging was going to break my spirit I would have to stop. But a guy named Jeff responded that I should never give up wanting to help people, and suggested I volunteer at the Red Cross ( I intend to do that, too)— so someone reached out to me with encouragement. But no one ever did that for Dan, not even me.
    ps: thank you jeff, wherever you are!

  71. Linda said,

    Brenda I do admire you. First for going out there with your beliefs, instead of ducking for cover when people are winding up and you think they are missing part of the point. And then for defending others when the mob gets ugly. You say you aren’t good at conflict but it seems to me that you have a pretty clear strategy and also that you are willing to deal with things. AND you are willing to listen. AND you know that most things aren’t totally black or white. I call that a great basis for dealing with conflict. IMHO.

  72. A.O. said,

    Brenda, Dan didn’t have a breakdown. He just finally got to Eric at the Sun Urinal. He finally got to him with all of his whining and complaining. I still don’t know why you feel you have to defend him. He’s treated you like…garbage. Even after you extended him a friendly hand. Dan loves being miserable. It’s what he thrives on. You just have to accept that. Nobody can change that. Not even you. I know you have a big heart.

  73. brenda said,

    ok, I don’t know dan, or how he feels. But really, you don’t actually know how he feels either? It is just our interpretation of feeling based on his posts & our degree of empathy/ or being offended by him.
    When someone acts that angry, they are in pain. For that, I have empathy.

    anyway, I always defend the underdog, especially when no one else will. So as long as everyone is against him, I’m likely to disagree.

    The only reason you guys let me stay here is because we can agree to disagree. Am I wrong?

  74. Linda said,

    Brenda, I don’t get the feeling that this site is into excluding people — maybe you were kidding?

  75. A.O. said,

    Brenda, I am the FIRST person to defend the underdog. Belive me, Dan isn’t the underdog. How could anyone who calls another person the names he’s called me, and other bloggers (YOU!) be considered an underdog? He’s far too smart. And, I think he’s out smarted you. You felt so bad for him. And, when you expressed your sympathies, he bit you on the hand. But, if that’s what you want and, think he needs then, so be it. I won’t say another word about it.

  76. brenda said,

    remember when everybody had to be nice (it was right after I discovered the blog & was so shocked that I even complained?) anyway, you guys were all so bored , at playing nice….you don’t want everybody to agree & be nice all the time. So it’s kinda hypocritical to be so harsh on Dan for being rude! Rude is the fuel that keeps the blogs alive! well, I think we kinda like to keep a balance, but some of the people, not all, who denigrate dan are as bad or worse sometimes.

  77. A.O. said,

    Oh, Brenda, WE ALL love having you in here. Alway’s have. What are you talking about? Who else would have come up with all the A.O.’s? Just because you stick up for Dan is not a reason for us not to “agree to disagree”. You’re one of the original Lost Sole’s. You HAVE to stick around. Yes, we may disagree on certain topics but, we’ve all been good friends for such a long time.

  78. brenda said,

    Linda, I was kidding somewhat.
    and ao, I called him an underdog because there’s an overwhelming consensus that he’s an ass and NOBODY but me finds any reason to say anything otherwise. But I’m pretty sure he’s a human being with feelings, however ugly he is or isn’t , or obnoxious. And I know how it feels to be human.
    Also, I agreed with his political views when he used to express them, and you guys didn’t. So without dan, I’m all alone in this place!

    Oh I just found the one linda wrote up above, #71, thanks, linda!

  79. Linda said,

    Pas de probleme. I meant it.

  80. brenda said,

    thanks, ao,
    Yeah, you could say I was an original lost sole, because it was after I started, and had to point out that I was the “other brenda” (not the ice cube blowing propositioner) so then I started using a lot of names,, like lost one, lost shoe, lost sole, found sneaker, lost & found,….etc.. then we ended up with the “lost sole tavern”…..

  81. A.O. said,

    Yup. We did. The Lost Sole. It’ll go down in…something. Hey, maybe Mark will put it in one of his books! Now, that would be a hoot! 🙂 Could you just imagine reading one of his books and…there’s the Lost Sole! We ALL know that place! Mark…what do ya think?

  82. Linda said,

    If he puts it in the book, maybe then we’ll get the hot tub.

  83. LaFlamme said,

    The Lost Sole is mentioned twice in “Delirium Tremens.”

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