May 13, 2006 at 12:07 am (Uncategorized)


So you think it's okay to pet strange dogs. You don't get overly apprehensive if you forget to wash your hands before dinner. Fool! Before you know it, strange growths in a rainbow of colors will be sprouting from your skin. And try getting dates when you have what looks like a multi-colored onion stalk protruding from the tip of your nose.

The most visibly disgusting affliction I ever suffered was ringworm on my inner thighs. And I was horrified until I learned that worms are not actually involved in the strange, red loops that erupt like something biblical. It's merely a circular rash and so THAT was okay.

For today's breakfast reading, I give you Morgellon's disease. If you can top this nastiness with something from your past, by all means post. And then kindly step back into your plastic bubble.

KENS 5 Eyewitness News, South Texas: If diseases like AIDS and bird flu scare you, wait until you hear what's next. Doctors are trying to find out what is causing a bizarre and mysterious infection that's surfaced in South Texas. Morgellons disease is not yet known to kill, but if you were to get it, you might wish you were dead, as the symptoms are horrible.

"These people will have like beads of sweat but it's black, black and tarry," said Ginger Savely, a nurse practioner in Austin who treats a majority of these patients. Patients get lesions that never heal.

alien.jpg"Sometimes little black specks that come out of the lesions and sometimes little fibers," said Stephanie Bailey, Morgellons patient. While all of this is going on, it feels like bugs are crawling under your skin. So far more than 100 cases of Morgellons disease have been reported in South Texas.

Travis Wilson developed Morgellons just over a year ago. He called his mother in to see a fiber coming out of a lesion.

"It looked like a piece of spaghetti was sticking out about a quarter to an eighth of an inch long and it was sticking out of his chest," Lisa Wilson said. "I tried to pull it as hard as I could out and I could not pull it out."

The Wilson's spent $14,000 after insurance last year on doctors and medicine.

"Most of them are antibiotics. He was on Tamadone for pain. Viltricide, this was an anti-parasitic. This was to try and protect his skin because of all the lesions and stuff," Lisa said.

thing04.jpgHowever, nothing worked, and 23-year-old Travis could no longer take it.

"I knew he was going to kill himself, and there was nothing I could do to stop him," Lisa Wilson said.

Just two weeks ago, Travis took his life.

For more information on Morgellons, visit the research foundation's Web site at www.morgellons.org.



  1. Linda said,

    Jeez, thanks for the warning. I’m in a hospital, here, known to be a terrible place for germs. I’m just going to wash my hands, be right back.

    And thanks too for the image of your crop circles. Really, I mean it, there’s no need to go back and clarify exactly where this affliction was situated.

    But that’s one disgusting disease (Travis’, not yours). I might rather have bird flu. Did you hear the piece on The Colbert Report about how all the networks had stories on bird flu? it was funny

  2. LaFlamme said,

    I DID see that. Friggin’ funny.

  3. Linda said,

    I wish I had time to look up more disgusting diseases — I love that stuff — but I don’t, worse luck. Getting pretty busy. Maybe later in the night.

  4. LaFlamme said,

    Back to religion: what the hell was it that afflicted Job? Like, boils or something?

  5. LaFlamme said,

    Ahhhh, Linda? I think I see what you mean. I accidentally wrote that I had ringworm on my “inner things.” That’s a little ambiguous, isn’t it.

  6. Linda said,

    Don’t go there. Really.

  7. Linda said,

    And yes, I think it was carbuncles and furuncles that afflicted Job. . When I was in third grade I sat on the school bus behind a boy with a furunculous neck (always wanted to use that word). Not good.

  8. LaFlamme said,

    Okay, you’re making that up.

  9. LaFlamme said,

    Speaking of worm-like parasites, have you ever heard that old nugget about how to remove a tapeworm? Word is, if you fill the mouth with soda or some other sweet substance, the sucker will unfurl and come slithering up the throat. Then, when the conical worm head pokes into the mouth cavity, you grab it and haul that sucker out into daylight. All nine feet of him.

  10. Linda said,

    I swear to God, I never heard that tapeworm remedy. Do you think it would work with Diet Pepsi, or do they require actual nutrients to lure them up the gullet?

  11. LaFlamme said,

    I dunno. I just keep dwelling on the thought of what that long, coiled body would feel like being pulled from the stomach, up the throat.

  12. Linda said,


  13. Linda said,

    I was just thinking that Mainetarr might know of some interesting diseases to contribute. MT, you aren’t still banned, are you? I wish you could tell us what you did to get banned, so at least we can learn from your misfortune.

  14. Mainetarr said,

    Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva has got to be one of the worst diseases I can think of. It’s a connective tissue disorder in which bone grows in tendons, ligaments, and muscles. So, you literally turn to bone and you are kind of “buried alive” in your own skin, like being in a bone coffin.

  15. Mainetarr said,

    Ok, well, Linda, this will post much later than when I actually wrote it because I am still banned, but at least you guys know I am trying to post.

    The other terrible disease I wouldn’t wish upon anyone is ichtyosis (pronounced ick-thee-o-ses). It’s a rare genetic skin disease that causes the skin to build up and scale, making it wicked dry and cracking. I sent Mark a picture of what it looks like, it is mostly in infants. You will flip when you see the picture.

    I also heard through the grapevine, one of the most painful afflictions is a bite to the ass by a Bulldog. Is this true Bulldog?

  16. K2 said,

    Is there a better scene than when the alien pops out of the unsuspecting guy’s stomach?!? That little sucker IS kinda cute. But like kittens and puppes, they grow up all too fast. Next thing you know they’re savagely plucking your brain right from your skull. Aliens: can’t live with ’em, can’t have their acidic blood spray you.

    ‘Scabies.’ Now there’s a word for the ages. Almost as good as ‘chancre.’

  17. Bulldog said,

    I’m glad to see that you don’t need me to keep your sick minds nourished. I swear, if I keep coming in here I’m gonna lose about 30 pounds. I can’t eat now. well, maybe whipped cream and chocolate syrup but that’s about it.

  18. K2 said,

    Bulldog, don’t forget the Edible Undies — ‘Are those skid marks or double fudge streaks?’

  19. Linda said,

    Sunshine! Not much but at least a little bit. At least where I am.

    Bulldog, hey, you’re back!!! OK, maybe this week’s been a bit insalubrious, what with prostitution, Satanist murderers and monstrous diseases. But last week it was all about music and memories, what could be more uplifting than that? C’mon, you know you want to hang out.

  20. LaFlamme said,

    FROM MAINETARR (photo coming soon):

    Another gross disease for your blog. Ichthyosis is like when your skin just keeps falling off or scaling. The “official” definition is:

    Ichthyosis (ick-thee-o-ses) is the name of a rare genetic skin disease (there are actually several different types of ichthyosis). Since it’s an inherited disease, it isn’t contagious–you can’t “catch” it. Ichthyosis causes the skin to build up and scale, causing it to be extremely dry, amongst other problems.

  21. LaFlamme said,

    Two of the above photos, by the way, are from the movie: “The Thing.” The other is from “Alien.” Personally, I think the Thing creature would utterly thrash the other little guy.

  22. Randy said,

    Do you ever right about anything that isn’t gross?

  23. Randy said,

    Like obituaries or something?

  24. LaFlamme said,

    I got this friend who’s pretty gross. I could probably write about that stinky bastard.

  25. Randy said,

    If you post the pictures you’ll really make people want to vomit.

  26. Anonymous said,

    Gee, can’t wait

  27. K2 said,

    I can smell him from hear. Feeling . . . woozy. Must . . . blog . . . on.

    Oh yeah, the Thing. I thought that angry worm looked familiar. I love when the guy’s giving the one dude (wasn’t it Wilford Brimley?) CPR, and the chest opens up into a daggers-for-teeth mouth that lops off the guy’s arms.

    And the blood test scene? Man, I gotta revisit that flick.

  28. LaFlamme said,

    Okay, stand by. Posting a photo from Mainetarr to accompany her ichtyosis offer.

  29. Randy said,

    Wilford Brimley? Wasn’t that a Quaker Oats commercial?

  30. LaFlamme said,

    I stand corrected. Photo won’t post.
    Uh oh. I thought I knew who Randy was.

  31. K2 said,

    LaFlamme, again, you’re forgetting the Alien’s acid blood. What’s a malcontented maggot to do against that?!? ‘Stop, Mr. Alien, or I’ll go into my pupa state and metamophasize your ass.” I mean, come on.

  32. K2 said,

    Oh, ol’ Wilford’s been around. Even in a Seinfeld episode as the Post Master General. Funny, funny shit.

  33. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. And the old dude who was wrongly suspected of being an alien. He was tied to a sofa and administered the blood test by his wary comrades. When it’s over, he says calmly: “I know you’ve all be through a lot. But if it’s all the same to you boys, I’d rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKIN COUCH!!!”

  34. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. And Brimley used to be a bodyguard for Howard Hughes. Or some such shit.

  35. Randy said,

    Augusta native Richard Dysart (McKenzie from L.A. Law) is in that movie, I believe.

  36. K2 said,

    I see your trying to circumvent my alien-defeats-worm-by-acid-blood argument. I’ll wait. . . .

  37. LaFlamme said,

    Who is this trivia spouting Randy?

  38. Randy said,

    It’s me, you idiot.

    Maybe I should have said “FBI obituaries” to clue you in. I’m at the office writing my column.

    About Mother’s Day.

  39. K2 said,

    Yeah, we need Randy 1.0, Randy 2.0 and Randy 3.0 to keep it real around here.

  40. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, constantly upgrading versions.
    Mothers Day! How friggin’ sweet. You got a sports angle?

  41. Randy said,

    I’ll be Randy 3.141592.

    Mmmmmm, pi.

  42. K2 said,

    Reminds me of the old mother jokes:

    Your mother’s like a refrigerator — everybody’s putting their meat into her.

    Or, she’s like a bolling ball — everybody’s fingering her and throwing her into the gutter.

    Or, she’s like a TV set — anybody can turn her on.

    That’s all I can remember. Thank goodness.

  43. Randy said,

    My sports angle is how Moms are taking over sports now, too, and rendering us men moot.

    Well, not exactly. I’ve tried to keep the sarcasm out of this one, but also tried to stay away from the schmaltz. Very dry this week. Very dry.

    That’s okay, in about six weeks, I’ll be in unbearable pain and won’t have to write any more columns for a month.

  44. Linda said,

    Randy are you here looking for medical advice?

  45. K2 said,

    Is it “Soccer moms love balls”?

  46. Randy said,

    K2, do you have a Milton Berle joke book next to your PC or something? Where do you come up with these things?

  47. Randy said,

    No Linda. No medical advice, thank you. That’s the last thing I want to hear right now.

    And no, it’s not soccer moms love balls. But that’s my fallback.

  48. Randy said,

    Sorry, I’ve derailed the thread. Answer K2’s question, Mark, or are you too sceeered?

  49. LaFlamme said,

    Dammit, what was the question? I was wracking my brain for mother jokes. I gotta pop in “White Men Can’t Jump.”

  50. K2 said,

    I am basically insane. Or an elephant. My mind holds onto almost everything it comes in contact with. It’s a strength, but also a terrible weakness. I even know all my friends and families phone numbers in my head — not by choice. Some day, my head is simply going to explode atop my shoulders, a la the beginning of ‘Glory.’ A canonball to the skull — now that doesn’t happen every day.

  51. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah? Well I just had Rebel Yell followed by “Morning After” on my playlist. You need a decompression chamber for that kind of transition.

  52. LaFlamme said,

    Ohhh, I didn’t see the Alien vs. The Thing question. And hey, I’m not fit to argue that one. While infinitely familiar with the latter, I haven’t seen Alien in many, many years. Still, it would be fun to see both of them gang up on ET and give him a beat down.

  53. Randy said,

    Ooh, White Men Can’t Jump.

    I remember this one
    “It would take your mother one, no. two hours to watch 60 Minutes.”

    There was some hilarious joke about Dick Gregory that I can’t remember right now, too.

  54. K2 said,

    You know, the How-can-some-limbless-worm-with-bad-teeth-kick-the-alien’s-ass-when-the-alien-has acid-blood question.

  55. Linda said,

    You don’t want a decompression chamber, Mark. Aren’t you a claustrophobe? Stick with the Allens.

    Unless you get one of those flesh eating diseases, then a hyperbaric chamber might really mean life or death.

  56. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. The Snipes character goes off on this rant about his skinny friend: “Man, get your malnutrion, tapeworm-having, Dexatrim-taking, Dick Gregory ass offa me…” Or something like that. There’s also: “Man, get your Colt-45 drinkin’ ass outta here.”

  57. K2 said,

    Yeah, ET needs to get stomped. Him and his Reeses Feces.

  58. K2 said,

    I like the scene where the one guy realizes he’s been had: “I’m gonna go to my car, get my gun — kill everybody.”

  59. Randy said,

    “tapeworm-having, Dexatrim-taking, Dick Gregory ass”, that’s it.

  60. Randy said,

    That’s Marques Johnson, isn’t it? Former UCLA, Milwaukee Bucks star.

  61. LaFlamme said,

    Great flick. It’s hysterical when they try to put it on TV and subtly blend out the profanity. Same with 48 hours.

  62. LaFlamme said,

    You’re asking me about college hoops? Uh, yeah. That’s Johnson, alright. I’d know that power forward anywhere.

  63. Randy said,

    Same with Casino.

    “Flip you, Ace!!!! Flip you!!!” – Sharon Stone.

  64. LaFlamme said,

    Anything by Scorcese.

  65. Randy said,

    I only watch Raging Bull uncensored. I can’t handle Jake LaMotta saying “Did you kiss my wife” over and over again.

  66. LaFlamme said,

    That’s another one I haven’t seen in years. Man, I gotta get off the crack.

  67. Randy said,

    Greatest sports movie evah.

    After Hoosiers.

  68. LaFlamme said,

    I’m off to Portland, hooligans. If I were single, I’d try to pick up some exotic disease and then come back to share it with the blog. Yes, I’m that committed.

  69. Gil said,

    Guinea worm disease
    People get it by swallowing water fleas that live in their drinking water. The flea carries parasitic larvae, which reproduce inside the human body after about 100 days. The infection is unnoticeable for about a year, then grown worms migrate throughout the body, emerging after they bore holes through the skin – usually the top of the foot.
    The wound becomes an ulcer and it may take months for the worm to come out, causing terrible pain and incapacitation. 80% of the known cases happen in the Sudan

  70. Linda said,

    Sounds bad, Gil. Worms coming out of your skin instead of fibers, not good. Did you see its other name ? Dracunculiasis. That sounds better somehow.

  71. AO said,

    Lovely topic for a Saturday night!! ūüôā

    Happy Mother’s Day, Linda!

  72. Gil said,

    If your mother was a psychotic, control freak that you moved out of the country to get away from when you were 17, do you still have to get her a Mother’s day card?

  73. Gil said,

    I’m just asking for a ….. friend, yeah, that’s it, a friend.

  74. AO said,

    Gil, Only if you’re friend WANTS to. Your “friend” has to have to have some sort of good feelings towards his mother in some way) send something like that. Other than that, I’d say, no.

  75. Linda said,

    Hi AO, same to you!

    Gil, I agree with AO. If your friend has any ideas of reconciliation that might be a good thing, but if not, then maybe it just isn’t in the cards.

  76. AO said,

    Thanks, Linda. My family is out shopping, right now. My favorite part is the cards my kids pick out for me. I’ve saved them all.

  77. Linda said,

    That’s so nice. I’ll phone my boys a bit later, because if I don’t, they’ll phone me tomorrow and I’ll be at work. I haven’t worked on Mothers Day for years but all my staff have kids in the area so I took the day myself.

    After next weekend, we should be back to Monday through Friday. I worked the last 2 nights in a row, 12 hour shifts overnight. I’d be fine except that I’ve only slept about 7 hours since getting up Thursday morning. Early night tonight!

  78. AO said,

    You’re not working tonight, are you?

  79. Anonymous said,

    No. Home, sweet home. My favorite place

  80. Linda said,

    That was me.

  81. AO said,

    Nothing like being home. But, I keep looking out for strange bugs.

  82. Thaifood Teena said,

    Hey AO, I got a strange bug for yah! LOL

  83. Mainetarr said,

    Anyone go to see An American Haunting yet? I am dying to ask someone else what they thought about it!!

  84. Bobbie said,

    Happy Mother’s Day to both AO and Linda.

  85. Mainetarr said,

    Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers out there. You too K2. Ha!

  86. Bobbie said,

    I think I may end up sleeping on the floor tonight. My husband bought a new bed frame for us today and he’s having problems putting it together. The animals have already scattered twice in less than 10 minutes.

  87. Robert said,

    Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful ladies..now back to the subject at hand…

    Dan’s Disease, otherwise known as Optical Rectosis….basicly you cross your eyebrows with your asshole and develop a shitty outlook onlife…

  88. AO said,

    Robert, like you analys”ass”. Sounds just about right.

    Bobbie, Don’t sleep on the floor! Do you have any idea how bad that is for your back? Happy Mother’s Day to you, too.

  89. Mainetarr said,

    AO, did you tell everyone you had a Fat Bastard sighting today and had to have your eyes flushed because you almost went blind? Hard to believe he gets mail, but like you said, he was probably looking for his “check:” POS

    Hey, guess what I did today? I brought Bailey to Pet Quarters to get a new toy and he had a reading done by a pet psychic. How cool is that? Apparently, he feels sad that Chloe died, but he is happy we picked out another puppy to be his new little brother. She was right on the money, so much so that it was creepy. By the way, the new pup, we are naming him Milo. So it will be Bailey and Milo. We almost moved ot Milo, ME three years ago and still dream of it, so Milo it is. LOL I know, I know, we are gay. LOL

  90. LaFlamme said,

    What Mainetarr didn’t tell you is that she loudly wept during the psychic reading and then screamed that she’d been saved. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with such a catharsis. Just reporting what happened.

  91. Gil said,

    Really, MT, you still dream of moving to Milo? MIlo? I think Bailey is not the only one in your houehold who needs some psychic attention.

  92. AO said,

    Milo, Me? Where the FLUCK is that? And, more importantly, how the hell am I going to find my way to your house? Sheesh!! Talk about a big change in geography!

    Happy Mother’s Day to Bailey and, Milo’s mom!

  93. Gil said,

    Here’s something to make you laugh
    Safe for work Linda

  94. Gil said,

    Any of these spark a memory Teena?

  95. Linda said,

    Milo, Mainetarr? I know where it is and I’d visit you. It’s pretty rural. Think long and hard before you move there. I’m just sayin’.

  96. Mainetarr said,

    No,no, we are not planning to move there now, it was in the past we were thinking about it. We had both gone up there to look at a big 13 room farmhouse and couldn’t believe the prices of houses up there. We made an offer of $25,000 and they took it. I was thinking of opening a bed and breakfast, but then I landed my current job and voila, here I am in Auburn still. We had both been hired at EMMC and St. Joe’s Hospital, so it would have been a good move at the time, but looking back, stuf happens for a reason, so here we are doing just fine in Auburn. I am not planning a move anytime soon. LOL

    Gil, the evolution of dance was freaking hysterical. I loved that one.

  97. K2 said,

    Thanks, MT. I truly am a house bitch extrodinaire. I’m gonna treat myself to the econo-bucket of Vagisil for Mo’s Day today.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all you ladies out there in the LaFlammosphere.

    And Gil, I love you, man. *sniff*

  98. Mainetarr said,

    Ok, ok K2, so you saw my post. It’s just that I have been out of the loop for a few days and never know if you guys can see my posts or not. Sorry..

  99. Prichard said,

    If you are interested in Morgellons Disease or experience Morgellons symptoms, I would like to invite you to participate in the Morgellons Disease Information Community and Message Board at morgellonsite.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: