Digging up the past

May 20, 2006 at 1:52 am (Uncategorized)

Okay. I'm scratching the Michigan farm off my list. I had good intelligence that the body might be there, but I doubted it from the start. The search turned up nothing. No blackened bones, no body parts. Onward goes the hunt.

jimmy-hoffa-port.jpgI know what you're thinking. You're thinking they will find Jimmy Hoffa's remains around the same time they find intelligent life, with working Wal-Marts, in another part of the galaxy. But hope springs eternal. Because unearthing those moldering remains would imply that nobody can vanish forever, no matter how hard the bad guys work to conceal the corpse.

Frankly, I liked the idea of Hoffa being entombed in concrete at Giants Stadium in New Jersey. I also like the idea of the sarcophogus being a concrete bridge pillar beneath a bridge in some meaningless city. There is something close to immortality that comes with a body secreted in a public place.

Vulture.jpgOf course, there is always the possibility that every last morsel of Hoffa's remains was devoured by fish and gators in a Florida swamp. There is always the possibility that he is not even dead, though it is a slim one. Maybe Hoffa is that old, old man who peers from behind the curtains on Bartlett Street. Maybe he's that wrinkly, scowling dude who collects your toll at the Gray booth. Maybe he's one of us, old, doddering and in hiding, his only means of social interaction this measly blog.

But probably not. And so I challenge your criminal minds to find Jimmy Hoffa's blistered bones. Hey, maybe the mob hid him in YOUR favorite body disposal spot. Wouldn't THAT just piss you off?

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85 Comments

  1. Bobbie said,

    Mark,
    It sounds like you had some excitement last night. Someone told me that you were by their house watching the police search for the guy who stabbed someone. I guess you never know who’s going to see you in action around town, huh?

  2. jarheaddoc said,

    Mark, they found Hoffa a long time ago: under Tammy Faye Baker’s make up.

  3. Linda said,

    Hi jd, sorry I said let’s kick your ass yesterday, OK to let it go, mate? I’m not in the mood today, no matter what Treehugger thinks.

  4. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, that is just the give and take of this blog and I don’t take any of it personal. I have bullet proof undergarments with superhero characters on them, remember?

  5. jarheaddoc said,

    And, as good will gesture towards you, I suggest we get that rooster that lives next to you and take that on the road trip, too.
    MT, you know how full of shit I am. I couldn’t handle one of you, never mind a handicap with both you and AO.

  6. Linda said,

    I think the rooster may have drowned or become a coyote breakfast, not a crow all week.

  7. jarheaddoc said,

    That’s too bad, the rooster would have been a nice touch.

  8. Linda said,

    For sure! I’m seeing the Clampetts. But maybe I just need more coffee

  9. Herb said,

    Vanessa you huzzy where are you? Still waiting for that nude photo to be posted. Good Morning Linda. Hope your night went well.

  10. AO said,

    You’ll also need one of those big ol’ rocking chairs tied to the back of the car/truck! Now I’m going to have The Beverly Hillbilly’s theme song stuck in my head all day.

    Linda, is the sun out up your way?

  11. Herb said,

    Good Morning All, the sun is shining, and the fans are out watching the practise of the Indianapolis 500 Race. It has been a wet week, and today they will qualify. Tomorrow will be bump day, and those who didn’t qualify will have an opportunity to bump some of the qualifyers. Who cares? Not one, just got to write something. As for Mr Hoffa’s remains, I am told the Mob is more efficient than the CIA when disposing of bodies. From what I gather from the blog, the FBI and Michigan State Police, wasted more funds digging up a pasture. I guess the owner wanted to plant a garden there, what better way to get the topsoil turned over than to say there was a body planted there. LOL.

  12. Herb said,

    Mark, I was wrong, the St Valentines Day Massacre took place at 2101 North Clark Street, Chicago, IL, and John Wayne Gacy’s address was in Desplaines, IL, west of Chicago. Sorry for the error.

  13. Linda said,

    ‘Morning Herb and AO!

    Funny you should ask, AO. Ten minutes ago it was sunny and I emailed my son all about how the weather’s finally got nice. But since then it’s become cloudy and windy. Oh what the hell, maybe this means my neighbors won’t be able to get out their tractor from the Monster Truck show and ruin my day.

    My night. I got home about 2 a.m. had to get myself some food since my husband’s still away (it’s been about 42 hours now, I’m starting to feel the strain of taking care of myself). Locked the doors, watched Friday the 13th, and then fell asleep on the most uncomfortable couch in Maine. Now the right side of my body is bruised and numb, and of course that wasn’t enough sleep at all.

    But — I spotted the sun and I have the rest of the weekend off. Life is good. How about you Herb?

  14. Herb said,

    Well I sopent a good part of the night until watching TV and attempting to duplicate fried clams found at the Lone Pine or Chickadee with no success. I watch Most Haunted, and a few other ghostly shows on the Travel Channel, then went to bed at around 11 pm. I awoke this morning and am waiting for the grass to dry so I can cut it and bale it. It has rained all week here, and my lawn looks like a pasture. I suppose I could eliminate all that by buying a goat, but the noise would keep me up all night, and I am old I need my beauty rest.

  15. Herb said,

    Good Morning again Linda, thanks for asking. Well I spent a good part of the night until watching TV and attempting to duplicate fried clams found at the Lone Pine or Chickadee with no success. I watch Most Haunted, and a few other ghostly shows on the Travel Channel, then went to bed at around 11 pm. I awoke this morning and am waiting for the grass to dry so I can cut it and bale it. It has rained all week here, and my lawn looks like a pasture. I suppose I could eliminate all that by buying a goat, but the noise would keep me up all night, and I am old I need my beauty rest.

  16. Linda said,

    The last time I was in Somerville, I may have seen a wizened old man sitting on a park bench with J Hoffa’s face under all the wrinkles, folds and whiskers. He may have been slashing feebly (but with real enmity) at the pigeons shitting near his feet. A shredded Big Whopper wrapper may have been gummed to his scuffed left shoe.

    If this is true, then maybe Mark will come back with a scoop!

    But I’m probably wrong. Never mind.

  17. AO said,

    You could be right! But, personally, I think Hoffa’s dead. He was probably fed to the sharks.

  18. Linda said,

    Sleeping with the fishes, eh? I expect you are right.

    Guess what, more sunshine here!

  19. AO said,

    It’s off and on here. It’s like someone keeps flipping a switch! Sorry to hear about your bad night on the awful couch, Linda.

  20. jarheaddoc said,

    It started off sunny here, but now it’s overcast and windy. I just dropped my kids off at the ball field and I have to try to sleep off this headache. I hope the weather holds, at least as far as no rain, so the kids can get outside and burn off some energy. I wish I could tap into their nervous systems and harness all of that energy, as it would sure help with the electric bills.
    AO, if that whole road trip with the goat and rot gut hooch doesn’t work to fix Martha’s neighbor, maybe we can tell the Feds that the body is in her neighbor’s yard, under the swimming pool.

  21. Martha said,

    LOL JD… sounds good to me..now I need to go do some more yard work..
    My personal opinion.. i suspect Mr.Hoffa found his way into a vat of acid somewhere..with a little help from his “friends,” of course.

  22. LaFlamme said,

    If Hoffa’s in Somerville, he better not be bogarting the Delirium Tremens. Come to think of it, if Bogart is in Somerville, he better not be hoffa-ing the beer, either.

  23. Linda said,

    Can’t wait to hear if the DT lives up to the memory. Are you being careful what you wish for Mark?

  24. Anonymous said,

    Out of professional curiosity, IF they were to find Hoffa, how would his surviving family members go about writing an obituary for him?

  25. Herb said,

    “Here Lies Jimmy Hoffa, he took four slugs in the belly, and would give his right arm for ya, also his left arm, his legs and his head, plus the shirt off his back.

  26. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    Perhaps Jimmy Hoffa’s fate, like Amelia Earhart’s, will remain a tantalizing mystery subject to endless fascinating speculation.

  27. LaFlamme said,

    You gotta like Mandy. At the mere mention of death, she comes flapping in, vulture like, to pick from the bones. My kinda woman.

  28. Herb said,

    I guess K-2 is right, I am short a few fries, you said Obit not epetath, so I guess that leaves it to Mandy, the Obit writer to answer that question Anonymous. Sorry I stuck my nose in.

  29. Bobbie said,

    Just finished doing the Saturday routine of hitting yard sales. AO, your favorite singer just came on one of the music channels. Thankfully, it’s not the song tha tyou really hate.

    I got Father’s Day shopping out of the way early-we found a band saw for $37.50 at a yard sale. The people were getting tired of things, so everything was half off by the time we arrived. Hubby may even get lucky and find a bumper for the truck when he goes to get the band saw.

    Glad to hear that you guys may be finally drying out. It’s in the 80’s today here, plenty of sunshine and the fans are going. The swamp cooler will probably go in this weekend, so I get to look forward to freezing at night from now.

    JD, you need to quit wearing your son’s underwear. I’m sure that he’s plotting some really good revenge for you taking over his underwear drawer.

  30. jarheaddoc said,

    Bobbie, them skiddies is adult sized, honey. I can point and click my way to bankruptcy on the internet. Got some with canoes on ’em, too, then there’s the pair….and that would be way too much information, even for this blog!

  31. Linda said,

    Herb, go ahead and stick your nose in anywhere. Everyone else does.

    Bobbie, I was going to let jd’s underwear reference go. Especially since he mentioned them and then said, “remember?” What was I supposed to think? It’s been a very overcommitted month for me but jeez, remember what?? wouldn’t you think I’d remember a guy in superhero underwear? unless … but no, that’s just too cruel. So that’s why i was letting it go.

  32. Linda said,

    Actually jd, the canoes were probably too much information already.

  33. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    Actually, I left the obit comment that was signed “Anonymous.” Somehow my name was erased when I left the post. It is rather odd that even on my days off, I somehow gravitate to these sorts of topics.

  34. Linda said,

    Mandy, in a way it’s not that odd. Stop by here any day at all, and you’re likely to find something in your line.

  35. Herb said,

    Mandy, allow me to intorduce myself, and Mark can tell you my history. I am alive and well. First question I have is where the heck do you Obit writers come up with this stuff? When the old man was planted, and I saw his obit, my brother and I were wondering who they were talking about? The made him into a saint, and I suppose it is a sin to talk ill of the dead, but I just wanted the truth to be known. I suppose when they plant me or flush my ashes down the toilet, I expect The Weasel to be there to tell them like it is. If he can’t recall it all then Chunder will be there, and maybe good ole Dan. I suppose you are required to say nice things in an Obit, but why lie??????

  36. Herb said,

    Besides, I’ll be back to haunt all you anyway., even Vanessa, whoever the heck she is, especially at night, I won’t let her get away with that crack about two pump chump. I know it was mroe than two, because I counted.

  37. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    Nowadays most families submit the obituary for their loved ones the way they’d like to see it in the newspaper (but of course, we do check spelling and grammar). An exception to this is when the deceased is a prominent citizen and in that case we would write an independent story that is in the form of a news obituary. I think in most cases, families want to remember their loved ones in the best possible light, hence the flowery hyperbole you’ll see in a lot of obituaries. We did have one situation about four years ago in which a controversial car dealer passed away. My colleague wrote a news story about him that touched on some of the prominent lawsuits brought against him and his story was met with a barrage of angry calls and e-mails from readers who thought we should have said more “nice” things about him. The story was honest and balanced, but it did upset a lot of people.

  38. Linda said,

  39. Herb said,

    Thanks Mandy and Linda, I don’t know what that means, but I guess. As for writing something nice about decedents, I suppose families do what to remember the good things, and I suppose in the case of my father, he did soem good things, but it was long after my brother and I had gone apparently. Like I said the guy they buried and wrote an obit about was not the same guy my brother and I knew. If you think I am pulling your leg, go to Livermore and Ask about my brother and I. You will learn that I speak the truth. However, I guess it made me stronger. My brother died in 2002. He was a good man in spite of his father and stepmother.

  40. Vanessa said,

    oh i have been right here herb~u dirty old man~
    i sent a photo to mark for him to forward to u its just topless tho not nude i am sure he will send it along to u and i still think u are the same herb from jay i am thinkin of
    come on oldielocks~just admit u are the two pump chump i once dated

  41. AO said,

    VANESSA!! A topless photo? You sent it to Mark? Are you friggen nuts or, are you pulling our chains? Are you sure it’s the same Herb? What if it’s not? You’ll be sending out nudie pics to somebody you don’t even know!

  42. Linda said,

    And there’s Mark working on the Vault photo gallery too!

  43. AO said,

    Oh, yeah! I wonder if he’ll post Vanessa’s breasts in the Vault?

  44. Vanessa said,

    he had better not send that anywheres except to herbie
    herbie was the only older man i was ever with now i know why haha

  45. AO said,

    Why?? Oh, never mind. I don’t want to get too personal!

  46. Linda said,

    It’s getting dark — almost time for the next installment in my classic horror movie weekend. Friday the 13th was so-so, but I loved Halloween. Next up: The Legend of Hell House, followed by The Exorcist.

  47. AO said,

    You’re one brave woman, Linda. Hope you have lot’s of fine wine to get you through! And, don’t fall asleep on that damned couch again!

  48. Linda said,

    I have lots of wine, AO, a whole rack full, thanks for asking. I’ll sit up and knit while I watch — remember how Laurie stabbed Michael with her knitting needle? I cheered. She should have followed it up with a few more stabs and finished him off though. I’ll be sure not to make the same mistake if it happens to me.

  49. Linda said,

    Mark sent me his list of horror favorites. If I finish these and my husband isn’t coming home yet, maybe I’ll get some more.

  50. AO said,

    Laurie from the movie? If so, no, I don’t remember because, I’ve never seen it. I hate gore. I like scary but, hate gore. The only gorey movie I’ve ever seen was Nightmare on Elm Street. But, could you be talking about Laurie from Crazy Aunt Purl? She should have taken a knitting needle to her husband! He was such a loser!

    And, I’m glad to hear about the wine. 😉 !

  51. Linda said,

    Yes, I can see Laurie/Purl involved in an impalement … but on the other hand she got her revenge by blogging about her ex, he might rather have been stabbed with a size 10 needle and get it over with.

    Laurie = a very young Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween. It didn’t seem all that gory considering all the slashing deaths. And as for scary — most of the scary bits were signalled with Jaws-esque music so you had a chance to brace yourself.

    Salut!

  52. AO said,

    Hail!!

    Salut!!

    I feel like we should be smoking cigars! Or, something!

  53. Linda said,

    I’d vote for something.

    Three phone calls since I started Hell House. Is it some kind of sign?

  54. Linda said,

    So is it just us tonight then? MT at the pictures, jd working, Mark on the road? Gil, where are ya, mate, we can usually count on you for a peep into the wide world. Herb and Vanessa, do you have something going on off line? but hell, who’s counting. Bobbie? K2?

  55. Bobbie said,

    I’m here. I’m being nice and letting my son watch a cartoon before it gets switched back over to Nascar.

  56. Linda said,

    Very nice!

    I’m watching The Legend of Hell House. I just remembered that i didn’t lock the doors so I’m cruising by to do thatl

  57. Bobbie said,

    And I’ll definitely let JD’s post about the big underwear pass tonight (I know, I’m late on that one, but what the hey, right?). Could say a thing or two about it, but I’ll save those remarks for a later time.

  58. Bobbie said,

    And when you get scared, you’ll forget that you’ve already locked everything up nice and tight.

  59. Bobbie said,

    I don’t do scary (or gory) movies with the husband. I prefer to have all my fingers intact, prefer not going to see the back popper to put everything in line again and definitely prefer to walk without a limp for the next few days.

  60. AO said,

    I’m watching the Sox’s win. Right now it’s 8-4. Go Sox!

  61. AO said,

    But, quiet night in the Lost Sole. Hey, Bobbie! Linda, how’s Hell House going? Are all your doors locked? Still don’t know how you can watch those movies by yourself. I remember watching The Sixth Sense by myself. Almost had to call a friend over to watch it with me! But, I DID get through it alone.

  62. Linda said,

    Bobbie, same here. My husband talks too much during scary movies. As for jd’s underwear (and why in the HELL do we keep coming back to that subject???), that man doesn’t miss or forget a thing so we’ll be hearing from him about it eventually. on that note, I’m pouring again. anyone?

    Keep the Sox updates coming AO, I’m usually right there with them but interleague puts me off a bit.

  63. Linda said,

    I had to take a break because a cat in the movie scared me. Went outside with my wine, street light still out across from my house, pitch dark. All locked up now, going back to the movie.

  64. AO said,

    Red Sox’s won 8-4.

  65. Linda said,

    Yay! and I survived Hell House. I really liked it. McDowall was deliciously creepy. I’m gonna go check the doors again now.

  66. Mainetarr said,

    Hey guys, I am back. Had to run out to Walmart for juice, milk, etc…the regular stuff. Got poured on as we were leaving. Damn rain. I am starting to grow webbed feet. This is bullshit. We have fence to put up and I have hosta to plant. I wanna work outside tomorrow. I hope it’s nice out for a change!! I think Vanessa is hitting on Herb. She sent me a racy pic to send to him, but I told her no more. She can post her e-mail address if she wants to do that. LOL I’m out of it. Me no middle man. Ha!

    Mark must still be in Mass in search of the elusive DT. We had Milo for a few hours this afternoon. What a cutie. He peed all over me twice though, no funny. Little rascal. At least he pooped on the puppy pad. Sorry about the pee on your floor, AO. lol I am so glad he didn’t pee on Meatball, she would have flipped. Ha!

    Breaking news…another man arrested in Aruba in connection with the Natalie Holloway case. Anyone who goes to Aruba must have rocks in their head because they have got to be the most incompetant bunch of bastards I have ever seen.

    Anyone see the DaVinci Code yet??

  67. Linda said,

    Mainetarr! glad to have company.

    Thought you were going to see DVC tonight, didn’t work out? I’ve been home watching classic horror. Fun!

    So Vanessa sent you her picture? She said she wanted Herb to have it. Jeez! we may need to rename this place …

    Glad you had some quality time with Milo. There’s nothing cuter than a puppy. Not that I don’t miss my husband this weekend, but gee, do I ever miss my dog!

  68. Martha said,

    I’m just dropping in for a quick one, then I’m going to bed.. overdid the weed wacking today.. made my back ache, and it isn’t even half done. The good news is, good progress was made on my pantry today. It now has a floor so we were able to get the freezer moved.. that was a good thing.
    BTW Linda, LOL.. I had suggested getting some flood lights and doing my yard work before leaving for work. I’d just have to make sure I “accidently” misaim at least one of the floodlights.

  69. Linda said,

    That’ll work Martha! weed whacking at midnight! until we get there with the drunken goat anyhow. ‘Night!

  70. Martha said,

    LOL Linda.. my daughter and I were talking about that. We decided you need 2 animal trailers.. 1 with a nanny goat in heat.. 1 with a half dozen billies… We’ll put the nanny in my yard, the billies in his yard. That way the billies can all tear up his yard trying to get to the nanny on the other side of the fence in my yard.

  71. Martha said,

    Ok.. think I’m heading for bed too.. Night..

  72. Linda said,

    Oh my, it’s gonna be a long long trip with those goats!

    I remember once when i was in Virginia on the highway, seeing a horrific “mobile home” with a log cabin for a superstructure, a crooked little chimney and all, the most god-awful looking pile of junk on wheels, and on the side was painted, WE’RE FROM MAINE!!! We couldn’t get away fast enough, what with our Maine plates on the car.

    It’ll be just like that!!

  73. Martha said,

    LOL LInda

  74. Mainetarr said,

    So, Hell House was a good one, was it Linda? Have you watched The Exorcist yet? I just saw they are remaking Damien:The Omen. Hollywood must be running out of movie ideas, they are remaking everything these days. Creativity is at a lull. I am still waiting to hear when the Hollywood hotshots are going to make Pink Room into a movie. Damn that would be good.

  75. Herb said,

    Vanessa, thanks for the photo, I do not recognize you, I suppose you’ve put on weight since the photo was taken. I can understand why you didn’t send a full nude, since it would have revealled your curly tail and hooves. The nose and face job apparently worked well for you as did the masectomy which removed the other four breasts, you’d never know they were ever there. I haven’t been in Maine since 1990, and from the looks of hogs like you, I can assume that the rest of your family bears no resemblence. Anyway, in the future don’t bother poor Mark of MT, since they have their own issues to deal with. Mark has to sell a book, and MT is giving birth to another dog. As for The Weasel and Chunder, whom I suspect are really DAN, and put you up to this, I can say ah well. Actually Vanessa I wouldn’t be caught dead with a pig like you, however, you can probably sell it in Livermore, they are desperate enough to take anything on without fear of catching anything. I would be afraid to walk into the same room witgh you out of fear that some desease would infect me for my .25 cents.

  76. Linda said,

    Yes, we’ll see The Pink Room for sure.

    Working overnight caught up with me. Staying up all night is easy for me, but not sleeping enough in the day to make up for it — anyhow after Hell House, some wine, and some pages from work, I had to go to bed. I just got upstairs when the power went off. Home alone, horror movies, not a flicker of light on the street, too disoriented to find a flashlight. I had strange crazy dreams all night long, when I woke up I didn’t even know what day it was.

    So I’ve been to work to check on things, and then sat and read the entire paper for the first time in a month. Coffee on board. Hoping I can get it together. My husband is coming home later today and it would be great to persuade him I’m OK. Maybe I should go sleep in the sun. Oops, might be too late for that.

  77. Linda said,

    OK, looks like MT forwarded the photo! Not a match made in heaven, Herb??

  78. Herb said,

    Linda, it appears that Vanessa is the origional Bag Lady with a liter of everclear

  79. Herb said,

    Vanessa, I have copied your nude photo and sent it along to an Indian Chat Room, between the Somalis, Indians and Arabs, you should get plenty of hits. I don’t have your email address, so I used MT’s, I am sure she won’t mind, and she can forward them to you. I have also included your photo and MT’s email address to a local lesbian website, since I am sure you no longer like men anyway, since I was such a disapointment to you, although I am sure we’ve never met. As for me liking them young, and inexperienced, You may not be young, but I bet you are inexperienced, since you probably lay there with your legs spread., motionless like a dead fish. Anyway, MT since you love to forward emails etc, perhaps you can assist Vanessa until she decides to use her own address.

  80. Mainetarr said,

    well, serves me right for asking you to come back over to the blog, you know. Ah well, another day, another Asshat.

  81. Herb said,

    No MT it serves me right, I didn’t expect to get blindsided by the only person I could trust. Stupid me, I should have known. Anyway, won’t bother you all again. Oh btw, I didn’t give your email address to any of those people, I was pissed whren I wrote it. I wouldn’t actually do that to you.

  82. Mainetarr said,

    Forwarding an e-mail in confidence is being blindsided? WTF are you talking about Herb?? YOU asked to see a nude picture of her, look back in the posts. You can’t erase them here. Number nine in this blog alone asks for the nude picture. Then, when I forward it, I am the asshole. Whatever.

  83. Herb said,

    MT I apologize for the misunderstanding. I thought you were part of it. Forgive me Please.

  84. Herb said,

    I don’t deny anything, I just get an email from you with a note that you are forwarding it. I know the photo is phony. You of all people should know how I will react to bs, I haven’t been back a week, and have said nothing controvertial, and already they are screwing with me. What am I supposed to think? My friend betrayed me, that is what I think. It is moot now, I am out of here.

  85. Kathy Bardott said,

    Google is the best search engine

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