Sinfully delicious

May 24, 2006 at 12:27 am (Uncategorized)

cheeseburger.jpg

The always insightful AO approached me the other night and introduced the concept of sinful pleasures. While she groped and otherwise harassed me, she explained the idea. A wine sipping snob who secretly enjoys Maddog is a person with a guilty pleasure. An aerobic instructor who claims to live on tofu and bean sprouts but who secretly gorges on Burger King food is a person with a guilty pleasure. All that is required is some level of hypocrisy or just outright embarrassment. There are perfectly masculine men who like things like knitting, the Christmas Tree Shoppe or bon bons. And fully grown women who still play with No-Bake Ovens, waltz with mannequins or watch shows like Saved By the Bell.

Bell.jpgAn hour after this discussion, once I'd freed myself from AO's libidinous clutches, I recalled a time in the not-recent-enough-past when I had a short fling with a show called "Yes, Dear." At the time, I thought it was an ingenious show revolving around two couples and their children who were forced to live together in one house. I think I might have had a brain embolism at the time.

That aside, I confessed this embarrassing affliction to the hulking and surly sportswriter Randy Whitehouse. I believe he pondered the thought for a half second before growling, and not for the first time: "You know? Sometimes I have to remind myself that you're not a woman."

The comment is not without justification. I think I have admitted to some of you that my playlist at home features songs that experts in the music industry might describe as "faggish." I have some Carpenters, some Abba, an Olivia Newton John or two. There are some Jewell tunes in there ("you were meant for me. And I was meant for you." Brilliant!) and probably some Andy Gibb.

I'm fairly secure in my masculinity and I know that watching "Yes, Dear" or singing along with "Xanadu" does not make me gay. Effeminate, maybe. But not gay. And I'm quite sure that most of us have such nasty little pleasures we do not share with even our closest friends. I went to Whitehouse's alleged home once, for instance, and found him quilting, listening to Paula Abdul and watching "Full House" while wearing a cheerleader's outfit. And that does not make him gay. That only makes him deranged and complete and utter hypocrite.

Elmo.jpgAn otherwise cool and macho friend of mine, whom I will not name (Randy Baril), once bought a Tickle me Elmo for a buddy's kid but ended up keeping the thing for himself for a few days. And for those few days, he had that creepy red thing on his desk like some mutant trophy. He denied having any sort of attachment to the social disease red colored toy, but when someone hid it on him, the guy was in true panic. I think I saw tears of rage and longing gleaming in his eyes. And I consider that a brief but profound guilty pleasure probably inspired by serious childhood trauma involving a talking doll.

So whatever your secret vice is, be it a toy, a television show, a website, or something inflatable (Bulldog), I invite you to share it with the group. We are all human beings here and that means we all have deep desires that we fulfill in a variety of ways. The idea is to discuss these things so that we might rid ourselves of shame. The idea is to come closer together as a group. The idea is to hear of some guilty pleasures so heinous, that my small transgressions do not sound so bad.

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389 Comments

  1. Martha said,

    Mark… AO was groping and harrassing you? and you had to free yourself from her “libidinous clutches,” huh? Yeah right.. having fantasies again? LOL

  2. LaFlamme said,

    Okay, so fantasies are one of my guilty pleasures? You see how easy that is?

  3. Martha said,

    LOL mark.. sorry it took me so long to answer. I’m registered on ejury.com to provide ‘pretend” jury results. I’m working on a local case this morning. I want to get my info in so I can make a little extra money.

  4. Martha said,

    I’m just reading the SJ Lew/Aub section.. I see one scuzz lawyer is suing the scuzz lawyer who took over his reputation. The one who used to have the reputation of only representing the guilty is suing the one who has the reputation now.. LOL.. Both of them.. you can bet if they are the defense the person they represent is guilty.. without the first shred of evidence.. I think its soooooooo appropriate.

  5. Linda said,

    As usual, I’m glad I made time to read this before going to work. jd’s advice about covert blogging doesn’t work when you are hooting out loud. Funny stuff Mark — “Yes Dear”? My God!

    SO let’s see … too secret to share with my friends, put it here … I’m just going to think that over for a while first. Have fun all, see you later!

  6. jarheaddoc said,

    I secretly post to this blog under several different names so that I can make myself look more intelligent

  7. Mainetarr said,

    I see you somehow managed to get a picture of Dan on the top of this blog. How appropriate, since most of us share in the pleasure of bashing the Fat Bastard.

    I am always bitching at Chris about drinking too much soda, but regular Pepsi is one of my guilty pleasures. I have tried to stop drinking it a thousand times, but I am addicted to the stuff. I don’t drink a lot of it, but it is a guilt thing for me.

    Another guilty pleasure of mine is, oh I hate to admit this, I like to play outside. It’s a childhood thing where I was always told “go play outside” and to this day, I like to “putter/play” outside. To me, there is nothing more de-stressing than making a fire in the fire pit and sitting back and relaxing by it. I like to mow the lawn (don’t tell Chris) and I like wrestling around with Bailey out there. And…speaking of being outside, if I had a dirtbike, I would be on that too. So I am a bit of a Tomboy. Now you know. I have no more secrets….

  8. AO said,

    My guilty pleasures (other than having Mark in my libidinous clutches! Ha!) are, watching Desperate Housewives on Sunday nights but, I’ve had to pass on it because, yes, another guilty pleasure started back up, The Soprano’s. I LOVE Tony Soprano. I find him very sexy for a fat guy. Oh, I also like John Denver, sipping on Summer Ale on my deck in the summer, a good read and, Harrison Ford.

  9. Martha said,

    I’ve been sitting here off and on all night trying to think what my guilty pleasures are… I’m thinking this blog may be one of them since I mostly read and contribute while I’m at work. One I don’t indulge in too often anymore would be a HUGE bowl of ice cream.. I love it, but it doesn’t like me very well.. still now and the, I just gotta have it… with ALL the toppings.. the gooier the better!!!!

  10. K2 said,

    Cripes, you suck a couple of dicks and next thing you know you’re labeled gay. It’s just not fair.

    Okay, I used to love Styx. Gay. I still do like some Chris DeBerg. ‘Lady in Red’ is a good tune, dammit. So is ‘Don’t Pay the Ferryman.’ Even if it does have the word ferry in it.

    And I used to watch The Fab Five with the Mrs., but I finally put an end to it. That wise-ass, Carson. He thinks he’s so smug.

  11. Bobbie said,

    My guilty pleasure would have to be Grover, from Sesame Street. If I’m flipping through the channels and spot Grover, I’ll stop and watch for a few minutes. I have a medium sized Grover that I got out of one of the machines at Wally World. My duaghter even gave me a musical baby Grover (he ‘s playing a sax and the dog goes crazy every time she hears the music) that she found when she was in Iceland..

    I have the same problem with ice cream as well, Martha, but like you, some days, just gotta have it!

  12. AO said,

    K2, I love the song Lady in Red. Styx, now that’s really gay!

  13. Bobbie said,

    It would appear that someone else on the blog knows Jarheadoc as well. One of these days, everyone that knows him should get together and give him some grief just so he doesn’t feel left out. Wait a minute, we already do that!

  14. Bobbie said,

    I could say the same thing about some of your choices in music as well, AO. Styx is not gay. I have the extended version of some of their songs and I drive my husband crazy on long trips with it.

  15. Martha said,

    Whooo Hoooo.. I finally found something I can agree with K2 on.. I REALLY like the song Lady in Red… good memories attached to it.. dancing with a good friend at his nieces wedding. I had just had surgery, and couldn’t dance the fast dances, so his wife loaned him to for that dance. LOL.. the niece, incidently is the one with the potty mouth who babysat for me.. I knew her uncle because I had previously babysat her and her siblings and he was a fairly frequent visitor in their home. My family lived about 2 houses away from their’s, and I’ve remained friends with the family since I was a teenager… Been a long time. Thanks K2.. brought back some pleasant memories.

  16. Bobbie said,

    Now instead of everyone wondering why Martha is laughing at work, they’re going to wonder why she suddenly got misty eyed.

  17. Martha said,

    AWWWW Bobbie…almost, but not quite.

  18. AO said,

    Sorry Bobbie, but, STYX is gay. And, while I’m on the subject, so is Meatloaf. 🙂

  19. Bobbie said,

    Sounds a bit like horseshoes, huh?

  20. Bobbie said,

    Meatloaf can’t be too gay if he’s sold so many albums. BTW-Bat Out of Hell III is going to be released soon. Something to look forward to cringing over.

  21. Bobbie said,

    If you really want gay, REO Speedwagon fits the bill.

  22. AO said,

    Okay, you’re right about REO Speedwagon..yuck! Bat Out of Hell is going to be re-released? What dememnted person came up with that idea?

  23. jarheaddoc said,

    I have to admit to liking a certain amount of disco music and some of that really weird shit that came out of the 70’s: Popcorn, by Hot Butter. I like to dance to it, in front of my son, because it drives him nuts. To paraphrase him; “Dad, that is just wrong, on many levels”. Making up new words to the favorite songs of people is also a lot of fun. It’s a Heartache is perfect for this, just substitute ‘you’re a buttcrack, nothing but a buttcrack’ and go from there. And there is Chase, from Midnight Express.

  24. Bobbie said,

    It’s not being re-released. It’s a BRAND NEW album with new songs on it. I’m hoping that they have a song like Paradise By The Dashboard Light on it just for you!

  25. jarheaddoc said,

    You want, gay? Howabout Michael bolton and Fabio in a fistfight? It would make two old ladies in a nursing home fighting over the last jello look fucking hilarious

  26. Bobbie said,

    What I didn’t know until I put some music on my computer was that Jim Steinman has written songs other than for Meatloaf. Bonnie Tyler sings a few of his songs. Can you imagine Meatloaf doing Total Eclipse of the Heart?

  27. jarheaddoc said,

    It’s not the Styx that drives your husband nuts on those long trips, bobbie, it’s what you consider singing that does it. People who like bad music should only be seen moving their lips to the words and not heard mangling the lyrics.

  28. jarheaddoc said,

    With her hair and in one of her dresses? That would kill me!

  29. Bobbie said,

    My husband is the one who mangles the lyrics when he sings along to the songs. He’s also the one who mangles the lyrics and makes up his own words. The only time I sing along with a song is when no one else is in the car to hear me.

  30. jarheaddoc said,

    I can always get the kids to dance to ‘Counting flowers on the Wall’ by Eric Heatherly. And they will always ask me to crank it up when ‘Sauslbury Hill’ comes on the radio.

  31. Toadfrog said,

    Well, I like David Bowie, I even thought about marrying him when I was young… There you all go, the secret is out.

  32. Bobbie said,

    What is “Sauslbury Hill” anyway?

  33. Toadfrog said,

    BTW,

    Jarheaddr,

    Ass much? And I reffer to posting under assumed names to sound more intelligent.

  34. jarheaddoc said,

    Queer eye for the straight guy. whatever happened to that, anyways? I liked Carson, but one who did the hair, Chai or Chaps or whatever the hell his name was always drove me nuts. I had this vision of Frank, the cook, tying him up like a Christmas goose, an apple in his mouth, and the camera fading to black as the other four laughed insanely and advanced on him

  35. Toadfrog said,

    Jarheaddr,

    Pent up hostilaty or in the closet. The jury is out on that one.

  36. jarheaddoc said,

    Bobbie-it was the first song Peter Gabriel did after leaving Genesis.
    Toadfrog-I have no idea what you mean by your posting in #33. Please clarify.

  37. Toadfrog said,

    Jarheaddr,

    Look at posting # 6 and see if you still need help.

  38. Bobbie said,

    Thanks for the clarification on the song, JD.

  39. jarheaddoc said,

    I’ve been in need of comeptenet psychiatric care for some time now, but if you take everything I say seriously, you and bobbie should talk about that swamp land she has

  40. Bobbie said,

    Don’t drag me into the middle of things between you and Toadfrog.

  41. jarheaddoc said,

    No sweat, bobbie. Howsabout we bash the Commodores for a while? although, there was one song….

  42. jarheaddoc said,

    I think Asshat is showing his/her/its ugly face this morning, bobbie.

  43. Toadfrog said,

    I have seen the pictures and it looks like nice swamp land to me.

    Besides, if you know about the swamp land you also know that I am not real. I am just a new personality disorder that she suffers from.

  44. jarheaddoc said,

    Isn’t schizophrenia a wonderful disorder?

  45. Bobbie said,

    I guess we could bash the Commodores. What’s the song that you were talking about?

  46. Toadfrog said,

    Jarheaddr,

    I am not Gil… But nice try. You would never guess in a million years. But I know you… (Evil Laughter)LOL.

  47. Toadfrog said,

    Jarheaddr,

    Schizophrenia is not the disorder of the day… But thanks for the help. It is more hereditary.

  48. jarheaddoc said,

    Whoa, Toadfrog, admitting to knowing me will only subject you to abuse in this blog! Bobbie, it was ‘Sail on Down the Line’, I think. It was another one of those songs my sister, the oldest one, used to play a lot. Looking back on it, it was probably some deep seated psychological thing she had, as she has certainly done a lot of sailing down the line in her days

  49. Rampaging_Chocobo said,

    Jarheaddoc, I know you as well. PARANOIA ROXXORS FTW!111eleven!

    Asshat’s been around for a while… I’d suggest looking up any terms you don’t understand on http://www.dictionary.com or http://www.urbandictionary.com . No offense or anything.

  50. jarheaddoc said,

    Toadfrog, just out yourself.

  51. Toadfrog said,

    Jarheaddr,

    I will suffer no ill affects. It is as the childrens saying goes “Sticks and stones…” I am sure you get the message.

    That and I can hold my own.

  52. Bobbie said,

    I think Toadfrog has figured out for themselves about the abuse that you heap on people that you know. It sounds like Toadfrog is giving you a run for your money. And from what I understand, your oldest sister is still doing a lot sailing down the line.

  53. Toadfrog said,

    Jarheaddr,

    Why out myself when this is what I love, to randomly drop back in to peoples lives unknowingly to them.

  54. Toadfrog said,

    Bobbie,

    Well there is a vote in my corner. What a run it will be. Let us see whom is to crack first, shall we?

  55. Bobbie said,

    You go for it. JD needs some excitement in his life today!

  56. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, if that’s the case, then why don’t you give me a call and we can have a beer?

  57. K2 said,

    JD, the hair fag was Cayenne, I think. Me no like either. Nor the style fag — that pixie-looking sperm gurgler.

    All I listened to from 1980 to 1985 was Styx. I really had a big problem. So did my family. With me and Dennis DeYoung. Gay.

    Martha, you’re welcome. My oldest brother dated a German exchange student decades ago, and she got us into DeBerg. His early records are good, but he cheesed out as he aged. And he could be the only guy out there with worse hair than mine. Now that’s really gay.

  58. Toadfrog said,

    But if I where to call you then the game would have to end. For it has just begun, and are you really that out of options as to whom the mystery person could be?

    But the beer would be nice, oh wait, already have a cold one… it is Beer 30 somewhere, if not here.

  59. jarheaddoc said,

    No, I’m just using what little brain power I have left to try to figure out the carburetor on this goddam outboard motor I’m trying to get running. the one screw that held everything together wasn’t marked as such and springs and other shit went flying when I took out the screw.

  60. jarheaddoc said,

    Slim Whitman music, K2! And Lawrence Welk! GAY TO THE MAX, BUDDY!

  61. Toadfrog said,

    LOL… I have had my share of shit that went down hill. But then again haven’t we all. Why not get the manual, Oh wait, most men run when you utter such a thing. 😉

  62. jarheaddoc said,

    Instructions?! I don’t need no stinkin’ instructions!

  63. jarheaddoc said,

    And you should see me paint, TF! That is truly the definition of schizophrenia!

  64. Toadfrog said,

    What a man, now I was thinking that you were in touch with your feminine side earlier. But alas I was wrong and you just have pent up hostilities.

    The painting must be your way to work is all out.

  65. jarheaddoc said,

    I actually do have the instructions for the damn thing, but the problem is that the drawing doesn’t match the parts that I have. It’s missing a lot of the lines that you can never follow without a GPS, the ones that show where things go after you take off the Jesus screw and shit goes flying.

  66. Bobbie said,

    I see that Toadfrog and JD have been getting along swimmingly while I was gone. Isn’t it too early in the morning for you to be offering someone a beer, JD?

  67. Toadfrog said,

    JD,

    Well, maybe you should get the wife to do it then!

  68. jarheaddoc said,

    I got in trouble in the navy for being half in the bag at 0800 but got out of it when I told the room inspector that I worked nights and it was my liberty time. It was the truth. And I’m from the military generation when booze, broads, and the brig were still acceptable.

  69. jarheaddoc said,

    Oh, the wife is a no touch subject, TF! She is way too patient with me!

  70. Bobbie said,

    Does your wife qualify for sainthood since she’s had to deal with you for so long?

  71. jarheaddoc said,

    Take out the picture of your husband and ask yourself the same thing, bobbie.

  72. Toadfrog said,

    Yeah knowing JD as I do, I would have to say that she qualifies.

  73. Bobbie said,

    If anything, I’m the one who qualifies for sainthood after having to deal with him for so long!

  74. Toadfrog said,

    JD,

    But we are not discussing Bobbies hubby, we are talking about you and your wife. Going off subject here are we. Trying to hid behind facades.

  75. jarheaddoc said,

    Jesus H. Christ, the bullshit is getting deep now!

  76. jarheaddoc said,

    Facade, what nice word for someone who doesn’t want their face to be seen but is willing to drink my beer. HMM….

  77. Toadfrog said,

    All hands pull out your waders the shit is getting deep now.

  78. Bobbie said,

    If that’s the case, then you’d better pull out those hip waders that you have stuck in your work shed.

  79. Toadfrog said,

    Well any intelligent person of reason would do the same… Free beer tastes better.

  80. K2 said,

    Beer — So much more than a breakfast drink

    In Germany, they call it ‘liquid bread.’

    And, historically, the Trappist/Abbey ales are full-bodied and strong to get the Monks through their fasting periods.

  81. jarheaddoc said,

    Who said those were hip waders, Bobby? I’m just storing them for a sheepherder.

  82. Bobbie said,

    Is that the story you’re sticking with?

  83. AO said,

    Liquid Bread. I like that, K2. I’ve always called it Barley Stew.

  84. jarheaddoc said,

    Okay, TF, give me a time frame on this vast knowledge you have of me. Is it from my younger, wilder, care free days, my older befuddled days, or somewhere in beetween. Come On, even a veiled reference! Just one, PLEEEEASE?!

  85. Toadfrog said,

    The sheep herder is you and we all know it. And we all feel bad for the sheep.

  86. Bobbie said,

    You know it must be bad when you have to beg, JD!

  87. Toadfrog said,

    OKAY…let me think is it worth it? What is in it for me?

  88. jarheaddoc said,

    Cold pizza and colder beer wasa pretty standard Saturday/Sunday morning breakfast back in my military days. Now it’s oatmeal and low fat milk. That big 40 is approaching.

  89. Toadfrog said,

    K2,

    Thanks for the info!!!

  90. jarheaddoc said,

    Is that some sort of reference to my first marriage, Bobbie?! And to think I was writing ot that check for that land! Holy shit! And TF, if free beer isn’t enough for you, you’re an ungrateful prick.

  91. Toadfrog said,

    Nothing to worry about… All in your head.

    Are the voices getting louder. I hear it runs in the family.

  92. Toadfrog said,

    Well you might want to through in a brother or two… i.e. Jack Daniels

  93. jarheaddoc said,

    I have never denied that my family is filled with drunks, crazies, and assholes. Hell, if you’re not at least two, you’re not fit to marry, as far as my family’s concerned.

  94. Bobbie said,

    Actually, I wasn’t even thinking of that when I wrote that. I was just refering to your “request” for information from Toadfrog earlier.

  95. Toadfrog said,

    Well I know that some of you family is not any of the above, granted others may think otherwise.

  96. jarheaddoc said,

    My sister bought my best friend and I a bottle of Jack or John something one time. We were down to drinking it straight and it didn’t mix well with the canned ravioli we had for supper. He passed out on the floor and I threw up on him. We went to help his very prim and proper Catholic aunt move the next day, and she thought we were sick and needed to go to the hospital. His uncle knew the drill but didn’t rat us out. Haven’t touched the stuff since.

  97. Toadfrog said,

    Bobbie,

    He was on his knees wasn’t he earlier?

  98. jarheaddoc said,

    I didn’t say that any of the three requirements made any of them bad people, TF. You’d have to send me a list of names so we could compare notes.

  99. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, you gotta bait a hook if you’re trying to catch a fish, Bobbie

  100. Toadfrog said,

    And did you learn since? (To hold your own)

  101. AO said,

    I feel like I’ve stumbled into a soap opera. Day’s of the Lost Sole.

  102. jarheaddoc said,

    Yeah, I learned that getting so drunk that you yarf is a giant waste of money, not to mention it’s way more fun to watch everyone else puke. I hate to puke.

  103. Bobbie said,

    I have no idea what fish you’re trying to catch today, JD. It sure ain’t me, if that’s waht you’re asking.

  104. Toadfrog said,

    Well let us see. I would have to wieght the options… You might be able to piece it all together if I were to do that. And that would ruin my fun.

  105. Bobbie said,

    Are we having fun yet, AO?

  106. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, AO, I’m glad I could help entertain you today.

  107. Toadfrog said,

    AO,

    Keep tuned in… This could take a while.

  108. jarheaddoc said,

    And TF, I have a rather strong professional disdain for drunks.

  109. AO said,

    I’m here, confused but, here. And, I’ve got less than an hour to hang around so, could you wrap it up before I have to leave? If you don’t, I’ll sit through my daughter’s piano lesson…wondering.

  110. Toadfrog said,

    JD,

    I know that drunks on the road are bad, but me I like to kick it at home or with in walking distance. When neither are possilbe, that is what DDs and cabs are for.

  111. jarheaddoc said,

    That is entirely up to TF, AO. Evidently I am not wily enough to figure it out.
    Sinful delights? Chocolate and butterscotch pudding and I won’t even hide in the bedroom to snarf those down!

  112. Toadfrog said,

    AO,

    I appologize, you will have to keep tuned in for a while at least. I am not going to give up the ghost that easy.

  113. Toadfrog said,

    EWWWWW…. you atleast make sure the kids are at school first? JD

  114. Mainetarr said,

    I think Toadfrog’s real name is Lori. Am I right? Do I win a prize?

  115. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, Christ, if the little shits are around I have to share!

  116. Mainetarr said,

    I think Toadfrog’s real name is Lori. Am I right? Do I win a prize?
    I hear you AO, it is like a freakin soap opera. The Young and The Lost.

  117. AO said,

    Lori who? Not our old Lori? A Lori from Jarheads past?

  118. Bobbie said,

    I had to laugh when I read your last post, Mainetarr. Sort of like in Kingdom Hospital where one of the episodes in The Young and The Headless.

  119. Toadfrog said,

    Lori would not have the time, the inkling, or think to do something like.

  120. Bobbie said,

    It would have to be from his past as well as his present if that were the case with Lori.

  121. Toadfrog said,

    JD,

    So I assume you have not brought to the bedroom yet… you should.

  122. Bobbie said,

    AO,
    How often do you check your e-mail?

  123. Toadfrog said,

    What does email have to do with anything?

    Side bets anyone?

  124. Toadfrog said,

    You guys must be teaming up on me… Thanks alot.

  125. Bobbie said,

    Not teaming up on you at all, Toadfrog.

  126. AO said,

    Bobbie, I just checked it. Check, check.

  127. jarheaddoc said,

    DUH, TF, took you a whole minute to figure out that we talk with other through outher syberspace than this?! My God, you disappoint!

  128. jarheaddoc said,

    Bobbie, check, check you e-mail.

  129. Toadfrog said,

    No it is not that I am that dense, I just choice to belive that everyone would not gain up on poor lil old me.

  130. AO said,

    Nobody is gaining up on you, Toadfrog. I find you highly amusing.

  131. Toadfrog said,

    Besides if I was that disappointing I would not be able to string you along this well.

  132. jarheaddoc said,

    I sense sarcasm and hostility, AO. I also sense that I can learn from you.

  133. Toadfrog said,

    Well that makes two in my corner… How many for you JD?

    Thanks AO!

  134. AO said,

    Your welcome, Toadfrog! Now, I DO have to go get my daughter at school and bring her to her piano lesson! Have fun yall. I’ll check back later. JD, sure hope you figure things out!

  135. Toadfrog said,

    AO…Looks like it could take a while…so sorry. 😦

  136. jarheaddoc said,

    Hmm, let’s see, since I can account for all my wives and all my kids, I don’t think I owe you either child support or an apology, so you must be cyber stalking me. Am I getting closer, TF? Did I laugh at your misfortune at some time and holler something like, “Thank fuck that wasn’t me?” Did I date your sister and not you? Just saying I know you from my past is like saying there’s water in the ocean.

  137. Bobbie said,

    Anger and frustration from AO? Where did you get that from, JD?

  138. Toadfrog said,

    I must get to the airport. It has been fun, I will get back to you all when I am able. Business comes first.

  139. Toadfrog said,

    Just to leave you with this….

  140. Toadfrog said,

    It is hard to date my sister when I do not have one.

    You have laughed at me in the past when I have done something funny and/or stupid.

    Think, think very, very hard.

  141. jarheaddoc said,

    Make sure the pilot puts the wheels down when he goes to land, TF. Wouldn’t want your guts splattered everywhere on the tarmac, would we?

  142. jarheaddoc said,

    More drops of water in the ocean, TF. I’ve laughed at about the same number of stupid people who have laughed at me for being stupid in public.

  143. K2 said,

  144. Linda said,

    WTF?

    Wish I could check MY email if it would shed one lousy clue on what’s going on here. Not that I can check my email at work — it was a metaphor

    Anyhow I can’t f’ing believe it. Guilty pleasures = ICE CREAM? MUSIC FROM BANDS THAT MIGHT BE GAY? TV SHOWS? If the real goods don’t start hitting the screen by the time the sun goes down, I’m gonna have to do some SERIOUS re-thinking about you all.

    Don’t disappoint me please. MT that includes you. Pepsi??? I bet you’ve got something better to tell, and if you don’t, I’m damn sure you can make something better up.

  145. jarheaddoc said,

    K2, I am inclined to agree with what he has to say. We need to protect our borders and support our own people. What about the people in Appalachia?

  146. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, my apologies for that ToadFrog crap. I know you like agendas. There are some things that have to stay in the closet, I guess.

  147. Linda said,

    No need to apologize jd. I believe I vaguely comprehend that agenda anyhow, but even if not, ‘sokay. My complaint was just a joke.

  148. jarheaddoc said,

    you working, Linda?

  149. Linda said,

    Yes. An endless meeting this morning, a blogging lunch break, now time for some real work.

  150. jarheaddoc said,

    Okay, my alter egos like to ride mopeds and fat chicks. Is that good enough, Linda?

  151. jarheaddoc said,

    And being seen is half the fun!

  152. Rampaging_Chocobo said,

    Hey, Jarheaddoc. Did you ever find out who -I- was? I bet you haven’t… But I digress. Toadfrog is -not- Lori. I should know, because Toadfrog and I are related. XD

    Hmmm. I’d give you three guesses to who I was, but I don’t think they’d work very well. I’m not saying your stupid, but I’d get totally vague clues and it’d be very… Well, disheartening for all parties involved.

  153. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, since I’ve already had one prolonged battle of wits with an unarmed person who refused to unchomp my butt and let me get on with my outboard motor, quit making tee hee noises while you touch yourself and proclaim your greater intelligence. Go visit Herb. I’m sure the reference to flying was to go back to thailand for his…girls.

  154. LaFlamme said,

    What? Styx is gay?

  155. AO said,

    As gay as they come.

  156. jarheaddoc said,

    Was it the hair or the music, AO? Maybe the album cover art?

  157. Rampaging_Chocobo said,

    Well, you want to throw down the gauntlet? You shall get it, good sir. But first, I’m not really into guys as much as you think I am/was. If I really did touch myself, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be for such trivial matters such as this. …Or would I? I’m just that odd to even do such a thing like that, but hey. I’ve dealt with internet cock-waving contests for three or more years. This doesn’t effect me as much as it does you, as you’re probably getting flustered. What now, about the psychology bit?

    ..I didn’t think so. (Besides, the XD and the random chat language -isn’t- little “teehee” things. But then again, “he who is without sin casts the first stone” about Chat. A fickle little thing, Chat… But I’ll get back to business.)

    Jarheaddoc, I suggest that you just drop it, though. I do not need as much laughter as I’m getting right now from all this foolishness. How does it feel, having only a shitty hand with maybe a ten when the parties involved on our side have royal flushes? For shame, to think that you’d try to be rolling a rock up a hill that’s actually perpendicular. =P

    Have a nice day, sir.

  158. jarheaddoc said,

    That whole response, from the psychological point of view of things, is from someone whose feathers got ruffled over a response and is getting defensive. The ball’s your court, buddy.

  159. LaFlamme said,

    What did Chocobo just say? That he or she touches his or herself while reading the blog? Seriously, who can blame him or her? This is hot stuff.

  160. Bobbie said,

    Have you finally figured out how to put the motor back together again?

  161. jarheaddoc said,

    I’m working on it, Bobbie, I really am. I’ll tell you what, we get any more rain like we had last week and I could very well be motoring out to see you.

  162. LaFlamme said,

    Guilty pleasure: the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. Although, is there really anything guilty about that?

  163. jarheaddoc said,

    Mark, that depends entirely on where you obtained, where you hide it, and if the pages are stuck together. Oh, that’s right, it’s a journalistic thing, isn’t it?

  164. Rampaging_Chocobo said,

    JD, don’t even get me started in psychological standpoints and what not. I could always pull out the ace out of my hat (Oh no, I just did): your need to start things with people you don’t really know is really disturbing. Anger issues, maybe? There are classes for that, buddy.

    […Oh no, Mark. I touched myself when I read your post. Too bad I had an itch to take care of. :O ]

  165. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, it’s obvious that you have some sort of unresolved anger towards me that needs to managed, but that’s your issue, not mine. And if the content of this blog disturbs you, then exercise your right to not read anything in it.

  166. Bobbie said,

    You’d have to be careful after the Mississippi. We’re starting a warm trend where it’s going to be over 90 degrees for the forseeable future

  167. jarheaddoc said,

    I’ll just do what I saw a Masshole flatlander do, bobbie. The guy couldn’t figure out why his boat, this ungodly huge thing with a ginormous engine, was so doggy in the water. Damn fool had left the trailer on the boat when he got to the water.

  168. Rampaging_Chocobo said,

    This… Problem that I seem to have is only your inability to back down from a fight. I was merely playing in this game with everyone, but you seemed to get mad. So, in essence, I have no problem with not reading this blog. I’m not a real active poster here or there, anyway. Truthfully, Jarheaddoc, I’m not the one with a hard time from this. I’ll sleep in my bed tonight and not lose any sleep over this, in all seriousness.

    You may think that you won, sir, but I wouldn’t gloat if I was you. Gloating over something like that is lamer than actually fighting about it online. But, anyway. Back to school with me.

  169. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, rampaging chocolate boy, you and your treefrog relative started all of this, so who really wanted to fight? Go back to your school, on the little bus, with everyone else wearing the helmets to protect an already withered cerebral mass, and stop taking yourself so fucking seriously. Loosen up before you snap soemthing that you mind need later in life

  170. K2 said,

    Oh, I beat off to The Screaming Room all the time. Plenty. I’ve switched to a stainless-steel workstation so I can hose things down after each session. Nothing quite like a drain at your feet.

    Wait. Did I just type that or say it? They’ll never know.

    Styx, overall, is gay. But, they do have some good tunes. Tommy Shaw’s ‘Man in the Wilderness,’ off ‘The Grand Illusion’ is good, as his ‘Blue Collar Man’ off ‘Pieces of Eight.’ And ‘Rockin’ the Paradise’ is pretty jamming, all things considered.

    Anyhow, I had every album, even the pre-Tommy Shaw ugly-ass RCA ones. (They were originally on Wooden Nickel, for you Styx trivia buffs.) Even air-guitared ‘Mr. Roboto in an 8th-grade (lack of) talent show. Miraculously came in fifth place. I thnk there were six contestants. Maybe even five.

    And my damn mother woudln’t let me see Styx in ’80 at the Carrier Dome, ’cause I was only 10. Kara Cadden, also 10, got to go — that incredibly hot daughter of the principle, whom I loved, unrequited, for a decade — but I had to stay home and flog myself to vinyl. Thanks, mom.

  171. jarheaddoc said,

    So your Oedipal complex never really went away, did it, K2?

  172. jarheaddoc said,

    And I was talking about what the people who made the album drew on the covers, not what you drew with your medium of choice, K2

  173. K2 said,

    My spelling of ‘principal’ was wrong in principle. Mea culpa.

    Man, was Kara hot. And tall. Excuse me while I go make the bald man puke.

  174. K2 said,

    Back then, I was anathema to Oedipus, I can assure you.

  175. jarheaddoc said,

    But what does she look like today? Oh, sorry, mustn’t offend your guilty pleasure of remembering the past in such a fashion! Wash up when you’re through

  176. jarheaddoc said,

    And now?

  177. K2 said,

    Or something like that.

  178. Asshat said,

    K2, I always knew you were over there touching yourself, you little pervert. And speaking of perverts, where’s Herb? I see he posted in Our View this morning, then it disappeared in typical Herb fashion. I guess that’s why he doesn’t want to play with us over here, because of the inability to delete postings.

    Posted By: Herb at May 24, 2006 07:23 AM (Suggest Removal)
    Dan, before you hear it elsewhere, I have been kicked off the island and am in the same boat as you. Well maybe not kicked off, but if I went back the dogs would eat me alive. I have been called an Ahat, whatever that is, and a perv. Who knows? Anyway, before you get too excited, just because we are in the same boat, doesn’t mean I support your views. I know this makes you feel happy and GAY at the prospects, so now the door is open for you to make your comments, etc. I will not be a party to criticizing them, so don’t even start. Just wanted you to know that the playing field has been leveled, and I stand alone against you. Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaa

  179. Bobbie said,

    Asshat,
    Where was that posted? I know that Martha had made a comment about it, as did I. I don’t see either remarks anywhere anymore. Just curious.

  180. LaFlamme said,

    Kicked off the island? Who have we ever kicked off the island? We don’t even HAVE an island. If we did, we’d all be too stinking drunk to blog. Maudlin characters, man.

  181. AO said,

    I stand by my comment. Styx is gay. So is Meatloaf. Sorry to hear about the concert and, the girl, K2. But, I think you’re a better man for the loss of both. Now I’ve got that damned “Babe I’m Leaving” song stuck in my head!

  182. LaFlamme said,

    Castle Walls, while attempting muchly too be a serious tune, is still pretty rocking. And the newer stuff, Too Much Time on My Hands and The Best of Times. Man, I gave that Mr. Microphone a workout with that stuff.
    Yup. Gay.

  183. jarheaddoc said,

    Holy shit, Herb found some other place to spew his whiny crap. And after all we did for him, too! I hope he brought his lawyer with him, so he can have someone to defend him when he offends the sensibilities of Dan/Jean/It

  184. AO said,

    I’ve also hear that Mr. Microphone is gay.

  185. jarheaddoc said,

    I got that carb back toggether, bobbie. Even looks a little like the picture on the box! If you hear of a man going beserk and setting fire to every outboard he could find, you’ll know this damn thing finally got the better of me.

  186. Mainetarr said,

    I heard that too, AO. Mr. Microphone and Mr. Potatohead were gay lovers.

  187. jarheaddoc said,

    AO, that was Mr. MicroBone

  188. LaFlamme said,

    All I know is that Mr. Plow is a loser and I think that he’s a boozer.

  189. LaFlamme said,

    That came Operation? Gay. I mean, you’re touching a little man in an most intimate way.

  190. jarheaddoc said,

    And the game of Life is unfair, too! It forces you to be married, and you have to take the opposite colored peg when you get hitched. I think that that is grossly unfair to everyone who wants to lead any sort of not-so-mainstream lifestream as far as the religious right is concerned and needs to be changed!

  191. K2 said,

    ‘Castle Walls’? I can’t place it. That’s unpossible. (Ralphie, anyone?)

    And Mr. Microphone? Did you play skin flute between verses?

    As for Herb, insecure and lonely is a tough, tough place. Life is cruel, just ask the animals. And getting eaten. That’s always rough. Like the gazelle gazing helplessly at his abdomen as the lions disembowel him. Gotta be a helpless feeling, you know? STOP the insanity! (‘Member that bald psycho bitch?)

  192. Mainetarr said,

    I have never played Life. (the boardgame that is….)

    Back to sinful pleasures….I have been wracking my brain all day Linda, I am at a loss. Man, what a loser. I guess I could admit I don’t watch American Idol, but always watch the next day’s news to see who got booted. Like I didn’t watch last night and I won’t watch tonight, but you can bet I will watch the news in the morning to see who won.

  193. jarheaddoc said,

    She just didn’t want people to be fat and to love themselves even if they were. I would like to see Susan Powter take on Richard Simmons in a Texas Death Cage match.

  194. LaFlamme said,

    Castle Walls has a tune very similar to the Halloween theme. A stanza? A chorus? I don’t know the lingo, man. I tried to play guitar once. Went Townsend within a week.

  195. K2 said,

    American Idol sucks monkey cock. The fuckers don’t even write their own songs or play any instuments. Gayer than gay, I tell you. I wish reality TV would just go away. Far, far away.

  196. AO said,

    K2, I’m laughing so hard….sucks monkey cock!

  197. jarheaddoc said,

    Mixed martial arts ultimate fighting, K2! I have seen enough blue and dead people to know that the guy I saw get choked out wasn’t all that far from fruit salad when the ref stopped the fight

  198. K2 said,

    Oh yeah, third song off Grand Illusion. Cripes, I had to google it. Maybe there is hope — I actually forgot something worth forgetting.

    Although it is a haunting tune.

  199. AO said,

    I’m with you though, I hate reality tv. The only show I’ve ever watched is Dog!! The Bounty Hunter. And, I mostly watch it to see what his trashy wife is going to be wearing.

  200. K2 said,

    Give me the History Channel anyday. And Internet porn.

  201. LaFlamme said,

    History Channel, Science Channel, National Geographical Channel, and anything that carries the Family Guy. Hey, that reminds me. I had a brief interest in “Fresh Prince of Bel iar.” That’s at least mildy gay. It’s gayish, anyway.

  202. jarheaddoc said,

    The Love boat

  203. K2 said,

    Actually, I’m with you on that one. The Fresh Prince was, well, fresh.

    But I never watched Thunder Cats. Ever.

  204. AO said,

    South Park. I used to watch it all the time. I still haven’t caught Family Guy yet. Fresh Prince, gay. But, as far as actors go, Will Smith is okay.

  205. jarheaddoc said,

    The only thing real about reality tv is that Richard Hatch is going to be someone’s bitch for not paying his taxes.

  206. AO said,

    I’ll bet you watched Thunder Cats every Saturday morning, K2.

  207. jarheaddoc said,

    The Donny and Marie show vs. Sonny and Cher for absolute queerness

  208. AO said,

    Donny and Marie would win, hands down.

  209. jarheaddoc said,

    So what about all the stuff Cher did afterwards? I wish I had the money she spent on costumes alone. Okay, add in the plastic surgery money, too.

  210. AO said,

    I meant that, Donny and Marie would win for queerness. I like Cher. I think she’s a tough old broad. As for everything she did to herself, why not? It’s her body. But, I do wish I had all the money she spent on it.

  211. jarheaddoc said,

    I think a lot of people had a hard time taking her serious. I have some cher stuff, and she really isn’t all that bad an actress, if you ask me. And she is an expert at reinventing herself, that’s for sure.

  212. AO said,

    I don’t have any of her stuff. I’m not a huge fan of her music. I loved her in Moonstruck. I think I’ve watched that movie about 50 times.

  213. Linda said,

    I’m still at work. It’ll be a miracle if you all aren’t too fried to blog tonight. Hoping to see you later!!!

    MT,it’s OK, we can probably forgive you for not watching AI

  214. Mainetarr said,

    I can’t bring myself, I hate Ryan Seacrest, that asshat, but I am just too nosey and I want to know who got booted. I can talk about it like I watch, though. I have been rooting for Taylor or Tyler, whatever his name is, but I have yet to see a show.

  215. Linda said,

    Best line from Sunday’s family guy — Peter was doing his “rant” on TV, going on about women being teases, what does Lindey Lohan want from him anyhow? Lois is watching with the kids, she says, that’s exactly how women are, that’s why I went back to men. Meg makes some gagging sort of remark. Anybody see that?

    (I know, I’m about 75 posts behind. hope I can catch up!)

  216. Linda said,

    oops thats Lindsay Lohan of course

  217. Linda said,

    Mark, I love the little tags on your jpg’s. I was wondering what the FB in the do-rag was eating, and there it was — cheeseburger!

  218. AO said,

    I’ll bet that FB had more than one cheeseburger!

  219. Linda said,

    Probably more than one million of them!

  220. AO said,

    Looks like he at the whole cow. Whole.

  221. Mainetarr said,

    Holy cow, no wait, whole cow!

  222. The Real Asshat said,

    Posted By: Herb at May 24, 2006 07:23 AM (Suggest Removal)
    Dan, before you hear it elsewhere, I have been kicked off the island and am in the same boat as you. Well maybe not kicked off, but if I went back the dogs would eat me alive. I have been called an Ahat, whatever that is, and a perv. Who knows? Anyway, before you get too excited, just because we are in the same boat, doesn’t mean I support your views. I know this makes you feel happy and GAY at the prospects, so now the door is open for you to make your comments, etc. I will not be a party to criticizing them, so don’t even start. Just wanted you to know that the playing field has been leveled, and I stand alone against you. Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaa

    Yeah, I got this memo, too. Whatever. Post. Delete. Post. Delete. Why bother posting?

  223. Mainetarr said,

    HA! I got that memo too. Wow, looks like everyone got it.

  224. AO said,

    I’ll bet he keeps McDonalds “Over 1 Billion Served” on their sign, climbing up! He was probably the 1 billion that was served.

  225. Ray said,

    Posted By: Herb at May 24, 2006 07:23 AM (Suggest Removal)
    Dan, before you hear it elsewhere, I have been kicked off the island and am in the same boat as you. Well maybe not kicked off, but if I went back the dogs would eat me alive. I have been called an Ahat, whatever that is, and a perv. Who knows? Anyway, before you get too excited, just because we are in the same boat, doesn’t mean I support your views. I know this makes you feel happy and GAY at the prospects, so now the door is open for you to make your comments, etc. I will not be a party to criticizing them, so don’t even start. Just wanted you to know that the playing field has been leveled, and I stand alone against you. Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaa

    WTF is this all about? Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaaa? What an Asshat.

  226. AO said,

    I really wish I would have known that we had an island. Is it an island of Lost Sole’s? Is it’s national symbol a shoe? Are there shoe trees on this island? Does everybody talk in tongues? Are the drinks laced?

  227. Mainetarr said,

    They are rubber trees, hence the soles. Laced? Wow, good one AO. I’d answer, but I am tied up right now.

  228. Mainetarr said,

    We could CONVERSE on the island, you know, kick the shit around a bit.

  229. AO said,

    Could somebody please tell me WTF Herb is talking about? What dogs? What island? Is his guilty pleasure whining about something that never took place? And, he’s whining to Dan…of all people? HUH? Where did this post come from? Sun Urinal?

  230. Mainetarr said,

    I heard there is a doctor on the Island, too. Dr. Scholl. He flip-flops on his diagnosis a lot though. I believe Jimmy Choo owns the island.

  231. Ray said,

    TO expand on yesterdays blog, I believe the term is whiney bastard. waa waa waa How much you wanna bet the fucker kills himself again?

  232. Linda said,

    Whiney bastard, isn’t that a bit kind? out of all the material to choose from? of course I don’t really know the guy but I’dve thought he was at least a douchbag, if not actually a fucker.

  233. Linda said,

    Back in a little bit. I hate to share but my husband wants the computer and it seems fair. that is, I can’t think of a good reason to say no way.

  234. AO said,

    Wow. Linda, I never thought you had it in you! 🙂

  235. jarheaddoc said,

    Whataya mean again, Ray? Is he one of those people who needs proper directions on how to kill oneself?

  236. jarheaddoc said,

    Then let’s just jump to buddy fucker, Linda. See my explanation of it in yesterday’s blog.

  237. AO said,

    Tell him we need you!! You can’t leave us yet! Tell him we’re all stranded on a crazy island!

  238. Herb said,

    MT is the only Asshat around here. Screw you people, I don’t need you. If I can’t delete my posts at my will, I won’t post here anymore. Tata

  239. LaFlamme said,

    Kills himself again. Ha!

  240. AO said,

    Hey!! Don’t call MT an Asshat, Herb. She has been more than kind to you. If you don’t want to post here anymore than, so be it! Tata, tata.

  241. Mainetarr said,

    Ah yes, I am the Asshat once again. So be it, Herbivore. You see, Ray, a long time ago, Herb used to post under numerous names, Mongoose, Brother Love…there were more, but I can’t remember. Anyhow, after blogging with us for a while, he led us to believe they were 3 different people who all were in Vietnam together. Then, one day, Mongoose told us Herb killed himself. Those of us with feelings, yes, even us Asshats, felt really bad for him, until we all learned it was bullshit. However, we forgave him and despite the warnings of others, some of us (mainly one Asshat in particular) made friends with him. Note to self: listen to others when they tell you a fellow blogger is unstable. Anyhow, now you know the legend of the dying Herbivore. End of story.

  242. Linda said,

    I’m back

    That’s an amazing story, MT. wonder what havoc he wreaks on other blogs?

    BTW, who is Vanessa, do you think? or don’t you want to say here? or don’t you know?

  243. AO said,

    The legend of the dying Herbivore. Who could ever forget that one? Holy cow! He had all of us caring bloggers so upset.

  244. Mainetarr said,

    Welcome back Linda. I feel like Paul Harvey. Now you know the rest of the story.

  245. Mainetarr said,

    I thought he was harmless, but now I see he is a sniper. Shoots and runs. Oh well, I learned the hard way. Or as Herbivore would say, “the HARD way.” pervert

  246. jarheaddoc said,

    Herbie’s buzzing off! Herbie’s buzzing off!

  247. AO said,

    Just like the FB. Shoot and run. That was his style as well.

  248. AO said,

    JH, Is that like a bug-out?

  249. Thaifood Teena said,

    I wore black for two days when I thought he died the first time. Bo warned me about him, and Barbra did too, but noooooooo, I didn’t listen.

  250. jarheaddoc said,

    AO, did you never watch the Saturday Night Live skit with the three bees in the bed? One was Herbie. Imagine the rest.

  251. Linda said,

    Sometimes I have a guess at behind the scenes stuff, and often I guess right. But I wouldn’t have ever guessed that Herb was THAT much of a sniper, from the short look I had at his style.

  252. LaFlamme Fan said,

    quick, check my IP address and see who this is? Any guesses?

    Oh shit, there is an ice cream truck in front of my house playing that Keystone Cop song. K2, help!!!

  253. AO said,

    Teena, How the hell are Bo and, Barbra? Long time no hear from them! Baaarbraaaaa…where areeeee youuuuu?? Bo, how’s prison life treating you? Teena, are you out of the big house yet? Need anything? Soap?

  254. Linda said,

    Teena, I don’t know you at all but somehow I imagiined that you wear black all the time. Is that wrong, then?

  255. AO said,

    Linda, Teena wears orange all the time. It’s what is required in the Androscoggin County Jail.

  256. Thaifood Teena said,

    Orange jumpsuits mostly. AO, could you send me some more of the banana shaped soap? I really enjoyed that last time. And send some Fat Bastard chard, too. Put it in a urine specimen cup, it will go right through. Maybe now that Herb is out of the blogging business, he will be back to sitting outside my prison window toucing himself. All the butt jockeys on the other side of the hall really miss him.

  257. Linda said,

    Oh sorry Teena. Hope it’s a good color on you, no reason a girl should look washed out just ’cause of a little bother with the law.

  258. The Real Asshat said,

    In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

    Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names! of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

    Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

  259. LaFlamme said,

    Ooooh, a LaFlamme fan. I knew there was one out there. They let you out of the asylum LF? Good for you! Keep taking your meds this time and the voices will go away. Somewhat.

  260. jarheaddoc said,

    He might be looking for a discount card to the bookstore to read your life’s work, Mark

  261. AO said,

    Mark, Your handing out discount cards now?

  262. Linda said,

    I don’t care so much about the discount card, as long as i get an invitation to the openign of the movie.

    Still sharing the computer. Grrr

  263. AO said,

    Teena, No problem with the soap. I’ll head over to Mystic Boutique and buy you another gross of the stuff. As for the Fat Bastard, I thought you quit that guy!

  264. LaFlamme said,

    Uh oh. Hulking and surly Randy Whitehouse is in the newsroom tonight. If he gets wind of me outing his personal habits, I’m dead meat.

  265. AO said,

    I’m going to email him this blog.

  266. LaFlamme said,

    Our father who art in heaven…

  267. AO said,

    Done!! That’s right…better start praying! Ha.

  268. jarheaddoc said,

    Run, Mark, run!

  269. Linda said,

    Anything we can to do to help? I’m assuming MT knows how to keep the blog going without you? It’s been fine knowing you, mate.

  270. Mainetarr said,

    Me e-mail has shit the bed, so if you guys are sending me anything, I am sorry I am not responding.

  271. Linda said,

    Bad luck, MT. hope its nothing serious

  272. AO said,

    Randy’ll snap him like a twig!

    MT, What the fluck happened to your email? Set up a new account with Yahoo! or, Hot Mail.

  273. Vanessa said,

    The revenge of the Herbivore, Gail! He fired a shot at you without so much as a whine of warning!

  274. AO said,

    Wow! Is that like the Curse of the Bambino? Now we have, the Curse of the Herbivore!

  275. jarheaddoc said,

    The Food Channel is talking about wine for you con-osewers

  276. AO said,

    ABC is playing Wheel OF Fortune!! That’s my daughter’s guilty pleasure. Every night, M-S at seven.

  277. jarheaddoc said,

    The Curse of the herbivore must be like that weird skin disease mark blogged on the other day, where black stuff comes out of your skin and never goes away. Didn’t one of the people in that blog kill himself, too?

  278. Linda said,

    Thx for the TV news but I’ve got my Sox on.

  279. Linda said,

    Yes jd! black stuff and white fibers. Yuck!

  280. jarheaddoc said,

    Sorry, that guy was successful, and worthy of compassion.

  281. jarheaddoc said,

    Did you knit them or lazy out and buy them?

  282. Linda said,

    Ha ha with the knitting jokes. You wouldn’t make fun of a person holding five sharp metal sticks if it was in person.

  283. jarheaddoc said,

    No, I would run for my life, as that would be Freddy Kruger coming for my dumb ass, Linda.

  284. jarheaddoc said,

    Me no like Freddy. He verrrrrrry scarrrrrry to me.

  285. jarheaddoc said,

    Five needles to kill that yarn, Linda? I’ve seen matadors use less swords to kill a bull

  286. AO said,

    2-0 Red Sox!

  287. Mainetarr said,

    what channel are the Sox on?

  288. AO said,

    I may just brave it and watch tonight. Hell, the won when I wasn’t watching and lost while I wasn’t watching. What harm could it do? Never mind, don’t answer that.

  289. Mainetarr said,

    ok, e-mail is back up. Wmconnect just changed to Netscape and it crashed. But they fixed it pretty quickly. It’s all good now.

  290. AO said,

    NESN. I don’t know which channel that would be for you, MT.

  291. jarheaddoc said,

    A perspective on e-mail for you, MT:
    An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says, “This is shit.”

    An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched 18 miles, and says with a smile, “This is good shit!”

    A Navy SEAL lies in the mud, 55 LB pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy positions, says with a grin, “This really is great shit.”

    A Force Recon Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65 LB pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude, into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to the shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, “I love this shit. ”

    The Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air conditioned, carpeted office and says, “My e-mail’s out? What kind of shit is this?”

  292. Mainetarr said,

    Bite me.

  293. Linda said,

    Ha! long way to go but good punch line.

    jd, i never saw Freddie yet. Remember I’m horror-deprived. Next time my husband goes away I’ll have another classic horror weekend and I’ve got Freddie on my list. Maybe.

  294. jarheaddoc said,

    Nice to see I can still yank your chain every so often. Any luck on figuring out who my fan club was?

  295. Linda said,

    I’ve got nothin’ but theories, jd.

  296. Mainetarr said,

    not a clue. What about you? You figure it out yet?

  297. jarheaddoc said,

    Bring ’em, Linda, though I meant MT. She’s quite a detective when she wants to be

  298. jarheaddoc said,

    I’m thinking it was a couple of underage high school students skipping one class to do research for a psych paper on the crazy people who blog on a regualr basis.

  299. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, three more to get to 300.

  300. LaFlamme said,

    Whoops. I mean, two more. I suck at math.

  301. jarheaddoc said,

    I know it wasn’t any of my relatives because they’d still be here, drinking the free beer.

  302. jarheaddoc said,

    And to think we did it all free of the shadow of performance enhancing drugs, Mark!

  303. jarheaddoc said,

    I take your comment to mean you escaped the wrath of the hulking sports reporter.

  304. jarheaddoc said,

    Mark, can you trace these postings back to the computer from whence they came?

  305. Linda said,

    You OK there, jd?

  306. AO said,

    I heard the free beer is tomorrow. Wow, this has to be some kind of record! 304! Good blog!

  307. jarheaddoc said,

    I’m fine. Why?

  308. AO said,

    Oops, should have said 306.

  309. AO said,

    Guess I suck at math, too. I KNOW I suck at math.

  310. Linda said,

    You seemed for a minute to be getting a bit …well … manic

  311. jarheaddoc said,

    I seemed to have developed some sort of fan club that was trying to psychoanalyze me by my conduct within this chatroom, which has to account for about a hundred entries, AO. MY own little soap opera today, I guess. And there is no free beer unless you bring it, and then I will certainly help you drink it. I’ll provide the fire and stimulating conversation.

  312. jarheaddoc said,

    you always look manic when everyone else is watching the damn game instead of blogging, like they should be. I am deeply touched by your concern for my mental health, Linda, you are such a dear, but please don’t let me drag you down with exposure to my peculiar brand of psychosis

  313. LaFlamme said,

    The only thing I can do is come up with an IP address. Those don’t really tell you much of anything, unless you have an earlier one to compare it to.

  314. Linda said,

    It was fun to watch, sorry I missed it. Hard to blog in a meeting, though if you bring a wireless laptop and get the right seat, it might be possible to check in from time to time.

  315. jarheaddoc said,

    I see. I don’t understand a lot of this computer stuff.

  316. AO said,

    Mark, I think your next blog should be on farting in the shower. What do you think?

    Linda, I don’t think you’ve spilled your “guilty pleasures” yet. So far we know, wine, horror flicks and, Red Sox. Come on, spill.

  317. Linda said,

    I’ve been feeling bad, jd, since I nearly cracked your brain with Jane Eyre. That was so not fair.

  318. jarheaddoc said,

    Spill it, Linda. C’mon, we’re waiting.

  319. Linda said,

    AO, I’m thinking about it. To be honest, not sure if I want to tell the guilty pleasure I hate the most about myself, when I’m not convinced others have told anything they really hate about themselves.

  320. jarheaddoc said,

    Cracked my brain. I love it. I’m not sure what you mean by it, though: are you referring to your theory of my fan club or Jane what’s her face?

  321. Linda said,

    Oh crap. Now if I tell it you’ll all laugh. It’s not that it’s terrible, just that I hate it.

  322. AO said,

    I see your point. I couldn’t possibly tell my favorite guilty pleasure. He-he!

  323. Linda said,

    jd — Jane and what ever it was you tried to do with a Yahoo translation.

    Maybe I’ll tell my guilty pleasure after you all go to bed

  324. Linda said,

    AO, nobody could expect you to tell about THAT.

  325. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, don’t tell us that you clip your toenails in bed, or eat crackers in bed, or the worst of all: you fart, then lift the covers and let them fall so that your spouse can enjoy you bodily emanations also?

  326. AO said,

    Well, I’ll be going to bed shortly. Another long, busy day tomorrow. Those damned pizzas won’t make themselves, ya know!

  327. jarheaddoc said,

    I’m probably not the only person to have done that, Linda. It looked like it had been translated into very broken english, and it was written in english to begin with. Personally, I thought it was funny as hell, though I didn’t understand it any better after than I did before.

  328. Linda said,

    AO you liar!

    jd, I might or might not eat crackers in bed now and then but there’s nothing wrong with that

  329. AO said,

    What did I lie about, Linda?

  330. jarheaddoc said,

    Is that an admission to the rest of the question, Linda?

  331. AO said,

    Games tied 4-4.

  332. jarheaddoc said,

    Does it involve the demise of that rooster, Linda?

  333. Linda said,

    OK it’s not a big deal anyhow. I CANNOT completely stop smoking. Cigarettes. I’ve quit many times, for weeks, months, even for years. I don’t smoke very much, or all the time, but it infuriates me that I can’t make any one my last one. And it’s a guilty pleasure because I love it. Brought-up-Catholic-girl that I am, I probably wouldn’t love it if I didn’t feel guilty about it, or maybe it’s the other way around I don’t know.

    And lots of my (more recent) friends don’t know so please treat it as a deep secret, OK?

  334. AO said,

    5-4 Red Sox.

  335. Linda said,

    AO I meant you were lying when you said you were going to bed, so I’d tell my secret.

  336. jarheaddoc said,

    Did you just see what manny did? Linda, get out them five needles and start knitting the biggest nut sack you’ve ever done. Manny needs it after that!

  337. Linda said,

    jd, I am knitting. I don’t talk about it much because I cop a lot of sarcastic references from LaFlamme. And also I’m watching the game. I always do at least those 2 things while I blog.

  338. AO said,

    Ha. That’s it, Linda? Jaysus! Most of us in here are either, out right smokers or, closet smokers. I’m fine util I’ve had a few drinks. Ask Mark. He once had to bring me an emergency pack to The Cage. I think that that was the time Iibidinously clutched him.

  339. Linda said,

    It’s not that I smoke that infuriates me. Its that I want to stop and can’t seem to.

  340. jarheaddoc said,

    Punish yourself with however many Hail Mary’s you have to and go burn one, Linda. Hell, I’ll have one for you. Fuck the Cigarette Police!

  341. AO said,

    Nah, You don’t want to . It IS a guilty pleasure. Nasty but, pleasurable.

  342. Linda said,

    I feel like telling something else secret but it’s not a guilty pleasure. What do you think? Anyone else want to tell secrets? I’d rather not on my own

  343. Linda said,

    Oh great, let me just go give my husband this news flash, i have new friends and they think i should keep smoking. He’ll be so thrilled.

  344. Mainetarr said,

    damnit, I can’t get NESN. I have dish. Ah well….

  345. jarheaddoc said,

    There are no secrets in this blog, Linda

  346. Mainetarr said,

    Do tell Linda….I will tell you one if you tell me one.

  347. Linda said,

    easy to say, jd. so that means you really know who your fan club was, eh?

  348. jarheaddoc said,

    For AO: two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead. That’s something tony lives by, right?

  349. AO said,

    Go ahead, spill. I won’t tell a “sole”.

  350. AO said,

    I don’t know, JD. I have a hard time understanding what the fuck he’s saying most of the time. Except when he’s saying what the fuck.

  351. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, I honestly have no clue who those people were. The rampaging chocolate boy evidently didn’t like having his words thrown back in his face and he retreated pretty quick when I told him to exercise his right to get out of the blog, which he did, and used the lame-o excuse of he was just trying to fit in and I got mad at him. Me, mad? I’d out them in a heartbeat, Linda, if I knew who they were.

  352. Linda said,

    PS at the top: I got the cowboy message, and am wondering if it’s a sign. Don’t make me sorry I posted this, OK?
    *****************
    OK, but you better, MT!!! (tell a secret that is)

    The second guy I ever had sex with, of course he was a boy at the time, later decided that he was gay. I stress “later”, but still, it’s not what you’d like, you know? Still, we’ve been really close friends since the third grade and when he needed a sensitive surgical procedure a couple of years ago, I drove to Boston in a blizzard and took him to the hospital. Right now though we’ve had a fight and are not on speaking terms. I miss him a lot, he’s my best friend. We’re to stubborn to call the other

    and while I’m on the subject — same thing happened to my two sons, a girl they had a relationship with decided / realized she was gay later. Of course, it was the same girl …

  353. AO said,

    Don’t ever be too stubborn to call a friend. Especially when you’ve been friends for so long and, you’ve got that connection. Way too much “good” past.

    And, I know someone else who’s been in that same situation. His first real girl friend, later found out she was gay. It happens more than you think.

    Okay, MT, your turn.

  354. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, I don’t take myself seriously until I have to, and this is a serious comment. I know enough backseat psychology to be good at my work, and I’ll apply it to your situation.
    Relationships evolve and change over time. The reason for a fight always seems valid at the time and pretty damn dumb afterwards, but our pride gets in the way, and we always hurt the ones we love the worst. You’ve obviously developed a deep and lasting affection for this person, regardless of his sexual orientation, so just pick up the damn phone and call him. And as for what happened to the girl your sons were involved, with, I will just shut my suck because I have no valid comment to make about that situation

  355. Linda said,

    Last summer I went to Boston a couple of times for work, and each time my friend and I had a lot of fun together in the evenings. In July we had a picnic by the river with his brand new puppy. It was really hot but the breeze came up when the sun went down. It was grand. And I’m thinking about it because I’ll be back in Boston this July and I know i need to phone him so we can get together then.

  356. AO said,

    Off subject but, I couldn’t resist:

    “I Miss Bill”

    It doesn’t matter what party you are, this is funny. Monologue taken from a show on Canadian TV. There was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.

    “Yep, that’s right – I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

    Number 1- He played the sax.
    Number 2- He smoked weed.
    Number 3-He had his way with ugly white women.

    Even now? Look at him… his wife works, and he don’t!
    And, he gets a check from the government every month.

    Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America’s shelves this week with “Clinton Soup,” in honor of one of the nations’ most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

    Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.

    When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, I don’t know, I never had one.

    The Clinton revised judicial oath: “I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know.”

    Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes.

  357. Linda said,

    That’s great, AO

    And thanks for the advice, both of you. I know you’re right of course

  358. jarheaddoc said,

    Now I’ll be philosophical, Linda. What happens if your friend dies and you parted as enemies? How would you like to carry that guilt with you the rest of your life?

  359. Linda said,

    Or if I did? He’d be a basket case.

  360. AO said,

    I have to agree with JHD. On…everything he said. This can be a helpful place sometimes. I’ll bet Mark never expected that when he started his first blog, waaay back last summer. And, to think, I was only an observer for the first couple of months.

  361. LaFlamme said,

    Linda, Linda. Don’t be ashamed that you smoke. I mean, it’s not like you knit.
    Uh oh. Wait. Just caught a later post. HA HA! Linda knits!!

  362. Linda said,

    Helpful sometimes, annoying sometimes, hilarious most times.

  363. jarheaddoc said,

    Call him, Linda, right now! I can’t be serious for much longer!

  364. Linda said,

    Mark you jerk, I had a special surprise half knitted for you but now I’m gonna give it to jd because he’s nice to me and you are a brat

  365. AO said,

    Okay, peeps. I’m going to bed! See Linda, I wasn’t lying! Tomorrow is Meatball Sub day. Gotta put the balls of meat in the rolls! Yummy!!

    Hope you all have a good night!

  366. Mainetarr said,

    ok, here goes my secret and I can’t believe I am telling this one cuz it’s so close to Linda’s secret. I once rented an apartment from this guy because he was so hot. He was adorible and I had instacrush on him. He was super friendly and suggested a painting party because he was repainting the kitchen before I moved in. I thought perfect, I’d get some wine and make a date out of it. Well, he and “his partner” were there painting. Still being an asshat, I assumed it was his business partner. Well, they were both wonderful and about 2 months after moving in, I realized they were “actual partners” and I was devastated. I told him, because over the years we all grew very close that I had only rented the apt because I had a crush on him. I have been trying to turn him straight ever since. I love those guys and they have dragged me into more gay bars then I care to mention. As a matter of fact, last time we went, I dragged my homophobic husband along for the trip. I had another gay friend from Florida up here visiting. I kept getting hit on in the gay bar, and I mean HIT ON. Chris and I couldn’t figure it out. I later found out my asshat friend from Florida told everyone I was a guy in drag. Bastard.

  367. LaFlamme said,

    Ahhhh! Gimme! Is it a fuzzy cigarette holder? Because one of those would give me street cred.

  368. AO said,

    Is it a weenie warmer, Linda? I’ve heard Mark needs one.

  369. Linda said,

    jd, he works until around midnight tues thru Thursday. He wants to talk on the phone for hours, really late at night, and after a while it makes me crazy.

    Mark, can I give him your number? I swear he’s a really interesting guy, he’ll love you. He’s a mental health professional, might get a case study out of it

  370. Linda said,

    Thanks for the story MT. I’m feeling better all the time.

  371. jarheaddoc said,

    Uh, is there another jd in your life, other than me, Linda? Not that I would think you would ever violate the terms of the realtionship we have, but you’d need some pretty strong magnifying glasses to knit me one of those warmers.

  372. jarheaddoc said,

    MT, check your e-mail

  373. Mainetarr said,

    that was a nasty joke jd….funny one though. ok you jabronies, I am off..Ghost Hunters is on the Sci-Fi channel and I have to watch it. Have a good night everyone. Muahhh!

  374. jarheaddoc said,

    Okay, my head is out of my ass now, Linda. I reread your post and they make sense. Can I get a flag for my canoe?

  375. Linda said,

    I cant comment on the magnifying glasses but I’d surely need a telescope.

  376. AO said,

    Red Sox are losing. I can’t go to bed just yet, afterall! And, Ghost Hunters are on and I can’t watch it. I’m bumming!

  377. jarheaddoc said,

    I think you meant microscope, and no, I’m not offended. I have grown very used to being short, white, and uncoordinated. I must sign off, as I have to work tomorrow. Call your friend, Linda.

  378. Linda said,

    Socks, you jerks. I knit socks. Jeez, men, one track minds. (I know, that’s why you all went back to women, eh? or didn’t you see The Family Guy?)

  379. Linda said,

    Night jd and MT.

  380. AO said,

    hey, socks could double as weenie warmers.

  381. Linda said,

    They should be so lucky. And their women should.

  382. Linda said,

    sorry that was a bit rude for me

  383. LaFlamme said,

    Uh oh. I don’t like the direction this is heading.

  384. Linda said,

    No I don’t blame you

  385. AO said,

    Well, you do knit baby socks don’t you, Linda?

  386. Linda said,

    Ha!

  387. Martha said,

    Ok guys.. you’ve done it now… most mornings you just have me snickering and giggling (guffawing behind my hand).. this morning you almost had me in tears… shame on you… LOL.. I can’t type….

  388. Robert said,

    Mainetarr,

    If you’d ever seen Dan you’d understand why he would consider it a compliment that you thought that was a picture of him…He hasn’t looked that good in 25 years….

    Guilty pleasures…hmmm currently or in a prior life? Does casino gambling count, damn it was a bad week at Foxwoods last week….not working , no wait thats Dan’s…
    Blogging and railing against idiotism….Okay and the for the big finale….yes I am addicted to NASCAR. I’m a red necked boy…

  389. Jane Fairechild said,

    Google is the best search engine

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