Guess who’s coming to dinner

June 8, 2006 at 12:08 am (Uncategorized)


I had a girlfriend who liked to enrich our relationship by bringing home books filled with questions aimed at bringing us closer together. The questions were meant to be read aloud and truthfulness was demanded. The problem was, answering those questions honestly (what is your most wicked sexual memory? Which of your spouse's friends do you secretly ogle?) would only serve to expose you as the deviant freak you really are. So you ended up fudging your answers and sweating through all five trillion questions until the game was over.

Stupid book. What kind of new age freak publishes something like that knowing full well that it's going to get somebody beaten? I once read the questions by myself and I still didn't want to answer the questions. I have shame, people. Shame and guilt.

However, one of the questions struck me as innocuous and unlikely to bring about tears and packed suitcases. The question was: "If you could choose any person in the world, living or historical, to join you for dinner, who would it be?"

POE.GIFI really dug that question because it is not easy to answer. My first thought was that I'd like Edgar Allan Poe to come over and eat TV dinners with me. But, let's face it. Poe was not the most cheerful of guys. Death followed him like some shadowy stalker. My pets and plants would probably die the moment he walked through the door, and he would have drank every last drop of liquor in the house before dropping dead on the front steps. Who needs it?

So, I changed my mind. Maybe I'd like Albert Einstein to come for dinner to talk about relativity and the future of quantum mechanics. Or maybe Stephen King. Bruce Springsteen? The lovely Johnette Napolitano? Robert De Niro?

It finally occured to me that maybe the most fascinating dinner guests are those you would never think to invite. Maybe it would be interesting to pick Charles Manson's brain while he devoured the Salisbury steak you put in front of him. Maybe Jim Morrison would be an interesting conversationalist when he wasn't showing off his penis and saying lewd things about his mother. Imagine sitting across the salad bowl from Ted Bundy and asking: "So, Ted. Why do you suppose you became such a sick, sick fuck? Say, are you going to eat that last piece of tortellini?"

So, I put the question to you. It won't bring about the ruination of your relationship or land you in jail. It's just a simple poser worthy of a few seconds of thought. If you could have a choice of dinner guests, who would it be?

If you happen to choose me, I'm flattered. Very flattered. But I can't make it. I'm having an old friend for dinner.



  1. K2 said,

    Actually, I’ll have whomever over, as long as they do the dishes. Cripes, dishes suck, and the Mrs. simply refuses to do any.

    I guess I’d choose Neil Young. But he better do the fucking dishes.

  2. jarheaddoc said,

    I know who it wouldn’T be: Bill Shakespeare. What a yahoo!

  3. Linda said,

    I’m thinking Oliver Sacks. Know him? A neurologist and writer. “Awakenings”, “An Anthropologist on Mars”, “Seeing Voices”, “The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat”

    He tells the most fascinating stories in his books, and I hear he’s a wonderful speaker.

    I’ll probably just put the dishes in the dishwasher.

  4. K2 said,

    I was thinking ‘living’. ‘Dead’? Garcia, for sure.

  5. jarheaddoc said,

    John Browning, Hiram Maxim, and John Garand: they were all famous firearms designers

  6. Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner said,


  7. Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner said,

    Okay, that was me. But that fucker got his.

  8. K2 said,

    Woah. Me confused. They both were me.

  9. AO said,

    Did you all see that Jesse Caron is on the run again? Wow, big surprise there. They should have never let him out after they finally caught him.

  10. Mainetarr said,

    Who would I have over for dinner? Hmmmmmm, alive-Joaquin Phoenix, no no wait, I’d want him for dessert. Let’s see…alive would be Paula Deen, she could cook up one helluva meal. Dead-Pope John Paul II. I would love to have been blessed enough to meet him. Second choice for a dead one-Jim Morrison, oh shit, that would have been another for dessert.

  11. Linda said,

    So what’s happening out there in Lost Sole Land? Nada? It’s hopping here at my work. And my neighbour told me me that on the one lousy night a week that I spend away from Wilton, seventeen sheriff vehicles, two ambulances and a firetruck went down my street at 80 miles an hour. Plus there was a fight in the middle of the street, fortunately not during the 80mph traffic but later.

    Nothing ever happens here, and when it does, I miss it! though I think whatever happened must have been in Weld or Carthage, not Wilton.

    Gotta run

  12. Linda said,

    Is Paula Deen going to bring her “boys”?

  13. Mainetarr said,

    Mmmmm, more dessert, Linda. Good thinking!!! You are always one step ahead, aren’t you?

  14. Linda said,

    Certainly not always, but I try. Paula’s boys are a special treat

  15. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, well, well, how the worm has turned! Now the women are objectifying the males of the species! I know, you’re ‘only human!” Biology!

  16. LaFlamme said,

    Washing dishes sucks, espcially if you do it professionally. But don’t you find great mental clarity while you’re at it? I have my best mental breakthroughs while washing dishes or in the shower. Sometimes, if I’m really pressed, I’ll wash the dishes in the shower.

  17. Linda said,

    My answer to that would probably be NSFW.

  18. Linda said,

    # 17 was for jd.

    Mark, that’s pretty revolting about the shower, but aside from that, i agree. Except I wash dishes when I’m mad. I’ve even taken dishes out of the dishwasher and into the sink to wash, if I was mad enough.

  19. LaFlamme said,

    Ooooh. And I’ll bet you bang the dishes and pans around, too. Yeah, that’s pretty uncomfortable for the recipient of your ire.

  20. Linda said,

    I’m talking about when I’m mad about something I can’t actually do anything about. If I’m going to throw a cabbage at someone’s head, just to take a totally random and made up example of what I might do when I’m mad at someone, then it ought to actually be their fault that I’m mad.

  21. AO said,

    I’ll do dishes if I want a break from everyone. I KNOW that nobody is going to come in the kitchen while I’m doing dishes for fear of getting ropped into them.

  22. LaFlamme said,

    So, if I really piss you people off and then invite you over, will you do my dishes?

  23. AO said,

    I’ll do your friggen dishes. Just make sure you feed us something good. And, don’t try to pass any PBR off on us. Better make it the good stuff.

  24. jarheaddoc said,

    I’m seeing cole slaw in my future, courtesy of Linda!

  25. Linda said,

    Sure, I’ll bring the cole slaw. Well, the ingredients anyhow

  26. LaFlamme said,

    Blech! Cole slaw. What’s in that stuff, anyway? Death?

  27. jarheaddoc said,

    A good cole slaw is a work of art, mark, but a bad one will make you wish you were dead, if not kill you.

  28. Linda said,

    You won’t believe it — but I do have a cole slaw story today.

    Yesterday my mother asked me to PLEASE go and get her some of her very favourite cole slaw. It comes from a restaurant “downtown” in Rumford. So I called to make sure they were open and the man said, only if you come right now (4 pm) because we are closing now.

    This is the restaurant where I spent part of practically every evening my senior year. It was a dive, but my friends and I adopted it. we’d sit for 2 hours with a cup of coffee each, and the people who worked there were always polite. Great memories!

    I don’t think the place has been renovated since then, and now they sell cole slaw and close at 4 pm. It was so sad!

    No point, just thought I’d tell you since we were discussing cole slaw anyhow

  29. Crystal said,

    My group would have to consist of (Dead and Alive)
    Marily Monroe
    Reese Witherspoon
    Drew Barrymore
    Janis Joplin
    Johnny Depp
    Tim Burton
    Tim Curry
    Starr Faithfull (from the 20’s/ Mass. suicide/murder mystery)
    Annie Leibowitz
    Ansel Adams
    I’m sure there are many more, but that’s all I can think of off the top of my head right now.

  30. LaFlamme said,

    I’m with Crystal. I’ll take the first three from that list, as well.

  31. jarheaddoc said,

    Throw in Seka, too!

  32. jarheaddoc said,

    You know, for K2, not for me or anything like that….

  33. K2 said,

    Ah, yes, the banging-the-pots-in-anger method. Almost an acoustical dance of violence. Of course, I won’t fold clothes (or make beds), so the Mrs. and I are evenly matched in our disdain for certain menial labors.

    I used to hate cole slaw, but now I’m hooked on it. Fresh, cold, crisp goodness. Egg rolls, too. Cabbage is good shit — sometimes. Stewed cabbage, no.

    So, nice weather we’re having. *affixing noose around neck*

    And how is no one talking about us fucking bombing the shit out of one of the most notoriously brutal terrorists in modern times? I would think you Bush fans out there would be in a virtual circle jerk by now.

  34. LaFlamme said,

    Mainetarr has some classic thoughts about the killing of Zarqawi. I’d just steal her lines and claim them as my own, but I like to think I’m above that.

  35. K2 said,

    Too bad Osamabin Laden still mocks us from afar. He’s the man we should’ve gotten first and foremost.

  36. LaFlamme said,

    I thought the day we captured Hussein was rather surreal. Imagine the capture of bin Laden.

  37. jarheaddoc said,

    The fighting didn’t stop when they caught Hussein, and killing Al-Zarqawi is only going to turn him into a martyr and make things worse. The object should have been to capture him. But, less of our tax dollars spent on another stupid ass trial that is simply shwing the world who is really pulling the strings of the so-called ‘government’ in Iraq. I personally think the iraqis should have been turned loose to do whatever they wanted with Hussein. Oops, didn’t see that, I apologize to the world!

  38. K2 said,

    We should’ve dropped a grenade in with Saddam in his rat hole. His ‘trial’ is a perfect symbol of the total clusterfuck that is the Iraq war.

    And Gil, if you’re out there, unlike your hypocritical self, I can admit when I’m wrong:

  39. jarheaddoc said,

    Let me run this by you, K2: what if Bin Laden is already dead, but his people are still using his influence, only with someone who looks a lot like him?

    I also don’t feel that the war on terrorism will ever end, it will just ebb and flow, with just the faces changing.

  40. jarheaddoc said,

    What kills me about the coalition not taking Hussein out the first time around is that his presence, though a dark spot on the world, was determined to be the lesser of several evil choices. He balanced out Iran in a lot of ways-look at the problems we’re having with them now-and he seemed to have learned his lesson, as far as the military might of the coalition.

    Having said that, the first little excursion the west made into Iraq would have been vastly different had Iraq not been coming off the war with Iran. It’s not hard to imagine an lliance of convenience between Iraq and Iran as far as taking on ‘The Great Satan’ of America.

    One of the reasons that the ‘epert analysts’ came up with for the invasion of Kuwait was that Hussein was having a shit pot full of domestic troubles and it was simply a distraction of the people on the home front.

  41. K2 said,

    Come on, jd, that’s bull shit. He’s almost certainly alive, and he and Mullah Omar and al-Zawahiri all need to get blown to bits — an eye for an eye.

    Saddam’s trial shows that sometimes justice must be done the old fashioned way — death.

    And terrorism won’t end, but if you can take out the ringleaders, it is certainly hampered. They’re always going to be bad guys out there. Making them as impotent and irrelevant as possible is what counts. And it can’t all be done militarily. It really is, pardon the cliche, a battle of hearts and minds.

  42. jarheaddoc said,

    I don’t dispute at all that hearts and minds theory, K2. What the VC did to us in Vietnam was just plain good tactics: fire on the Americans, who wold call in massive air strikes or burn the village flat, which theoretically denied the enemy the use of those villages, but in reality just turned those villagers against us. How wolud you feel if someone burned down your house, then wanted to win your heart and mind? That just doesn’t happen.

    I don’t think that either side will ever admit to Bin Laden being dead. What reason do we have to keep fighitng if we get him? And he’s a martyr to the terrorists. It’s not that I’m in disagreement with you, K2, just trying to think outside the box, which is something our leaders are obviously not that capable of doing.

  43. K2 said,

    I’m aware that we carpet bombed parts of Europe and nuked Japan to win the Big One, but we do have the supposed capability to be far more precise in our attacks nowadays. Fact is, Rumsfailed fucked up in Afganistan: we had ’em in the mountains, and yet we didn’t dump a 100,000 troops in there to smoke them out. It was a catastrophic strategic failure.

  44. jarheaddoc said,

    Again, no dispute. One of the things about American foreign policy is to not piss off the locals. Pakistan provides a large number of troops to the UN, and God forbid we should jeopardize the goals of an establishment that chronically votes against America on world policy! That many troops over there would have made the Pakis very itchy, too: too many Americans is just an invitation to have your own coutnry overrun.

    The aim of the invasion of Afghanistan was to bring down the Taliban government, and that was accomplished by very few troops, actually, from the Army Speical Forces. things started to get fucked up when the regular army, not wanting to miss a shooting match, stepped in and the conventional mentality reared its ugly head.

    The United States has a very poor track record when it comes to the Middle East and Muslim world. I cite Beirut, twice in the last century, and the debacle in Somalia. Let’s not ignore the fact that Saudi Arabia has one of the worst records of human rights abuses in the world, but we prop them up.

    You hear very little about the areas of Iraq that are more peaceful. the basic needs of the people have been fulfilled: food, water, safety from IED’s, things like that. And those hearts and minds have been won. The problem the US is having is trying to counter several generations worth of hatred towards the west. The middle east has always been a contentious area, for mostly religous reasons, I would say, and you simply can’t change things overnight. The US thought it could do that, that we’d be welcomed as liberators, not conquerors.

  45. K2 said,

    No, the Bush presidency (wrongly) thought we could do that.

    But I hear you, man.

  46. Gil said,

    Well, interesting blog today. Where to start?
    Over for dinner
    Ronald Reagan,Terry Bradshaw, Jim Gaffigan, Thomas Jefferson. That would be some interesting converstaion.

    Crystal, what a depressing bunch, except for Janis. Annie fuckin’ Liebowitz?! What a hack. The Rolling Stones cover of Lennon naked should have been all the reason in the world to prevent her legally from ever even owning a camera again. Not to mention her “friend” Susan Sontag, who is as we speak, roasting in a special level of hell reserved for the truly asinine and narcissistic blowhards.

    K2, na na
    na na na

    Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was an evil sack o’ shiat that deserved to die in a horrific manner. The world is better without him in it and now perhaps those whose family members were murdered by this terrorist can have some peace knowing that he can’t kill ever again.

  47. jarheaddoc said,

    Jesus, gil, if the picture of Lennon naked was enough reason, the picture of Sontag on her web site, by Liebowitz, is!

  48. jarheaddoc said,

    And check out Wikipedia! Jesus Christ, the woman looks like David Hackworth without the glasses. buried in France? Is that the hell you described?

  49. Linda said,

    (note to MT) I had a vague notion that I might have heard somewhere that Paula’s boys were gay, so I just went fossicking around the internet to try to find out. Seems they are both married, but they went to Paula’s wedding shower in dresses “for a joke.” What do you think?

  50. jarheaddoc said,

    Fake marriage! Fake marriage! How well do they get along with their moms?!

  51. Anonymous said,

    Oh, excellent! Paula’s their mom. When she visited the chocolate factory and screwed her face up and screamed, THAT’S ORGA-A-A-ASMIC!! they leered happily in the background.

  52. Linda said,

    Damn. that was me of course

  53. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, the more you write, the more you try support what I said.

  54. jarheaddoc said,

    Maybe they were grimacing, Linda, at the thought of their mother, who I’m sure is a paragon of virtue, doing, well, you know…BIOLOGICAL things….

  55. Linda said,

    I’m choosing to have no idea what you mean by that. You say a million things. One or two of them are bound to be true, statistically speaking.

  56. LaFlamme said,

    My only question here is: what?

  57. Linda said,

    I think they are dreaming of what they’ll do with their inheritance when she drops dead of coronary artery disease from all the butter and lard she cooks with. Of course she’s always ladling it into them too so they might not last much longer

  58. Linda said,

    You can meet Paula and Mainetarr’s dinner, if she invites you too.

  59. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, I am LOL at you right now. I envision you sitting in the chair with your hands firmly clamped over your eyes, trying to be invisible….

    I have had a bad outboard motor day, Linda.

  60. Mainetarr said,

    LOL, she is the butter queen. Y’all know how much I like butter…..LOL She’s going to have a stroke, right on tv one of these days, just like Doug Rafferty did. Just….start….slowing….down…..

  61. Anonymous said,

    Wrong, jd. I’m having a bad sock day. I’m sitting in the chair with my hands busy picking up a couple of dropped stitches, for about the fourth time. Sorry to hear about the motor. Out in the rain again?

    Mainetarr, one more food thing and then we’ll give Mark a break, OK? How about the Barefoot Contessa, pouring a pint of cream into the bowl and looking up from under her hair and saying, Good cream: How bad could it be? Cracks me up.

  62. Linda said,

    WTF. Sorry.

  63. Mainetarr said,

    I hadn’t heard “the boys” were gay though, that must be an urban legend. They are awful pretty, though. I think if I could have any of the cooks over, it would be Tyler Florence. He’s hawt..

    I was watching the news earlier and heard that photo of Al-Zarqawi was just a head, that most of his body had been blown off in the explosion. So I was making rank jokes all day, like he quit while he was a head. Or, as far as terrorists go, he is head and shoulders above the rest. Then I heard he had dandruff. You know how I know? They found his head and shoulders. HA! Towel-headed bastard. So now he is a martyr, BFD. To who? More radical towel headed assholes? So what? He’s dead, that’s what counts. Bin Laden should have been dead years ago, but we screwed that one up. He will get his one day too. I am not here to politicize it all, everyone who knows me knows I have been a Bush supporter right along, but I am not always happy with his decisions and how he prioritizes this country’s problems. He is no Ronald Regan, that’s for sure. But I sure am glad he was in office on 9-11 and not Al Global Warming Gore or John Kerry. I would certainly vote for a democratic candidate if one with a good platform and track record ran for office. I thought Lieberman would have been a good choice out of the slim pickings last time around, but he wasn’t rich enough or enough of an asshat. Anyhow, enough politics. I’ll save that for Our View.

    The towel head is dead. Drinks are on me tonight. What’ll you have?

  64. Mainetarr said,

    Ina Garten…I always wondered what the hell that meant until I figured out it was her name. What a shitty name, huh?

  65. Linda said,

    Sounds like someone on The Simpsons.

  66. jarheaddoc said,

    Ya know, I actually do have enough sense to come in from the rain, but there are days that it is just so comforting to work in the weather. Rain, sure, snow, not if I can absolutely get out of it. Back in my running days, I always liked to run in a warm rain. Good thinking time.

    I have just been tasked with a mission, so I am out of here for a little while, then it’s start the fire and burn the scraps and set into the engine. I am starting to take this engine personal.

  67. AO said,

    I’m waaay to far behind to catch up. Busy night. Sorry I didn’t return your call MT!!

  68. AO said,

    But, if I could HAVE anyone for dinner it would be Harrison Ford. I’d have him for dinner AND dessert! ūüėČ

  69. Mainetarr said,

    Yeah, AO, I was starting to think I pissed you off or something. I barely talked to you yesterday, then I got the blow off today. sniff**sniff**

  70. AO said,

    No. Why TF would I be pissed off at you? Just one of those days. I didn’t even check my messages till late. I’m sorry. Stop your sniffing. I’m telling you, I can’t wait for school to be over!! I need a flucking break!

  71. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, welcome to the club, MT. AO isn’t talking to me, either. She never calls, she never writes…

  72. Linda said,

    Hi guys, at least she’s talking to us now!!! Hi AO, missing you.

  73. Linda said,

    AO I have a present for you.

  74. Mainetarr said,

    I had the rope around my neck about to jump off the chair when I finally saw comment number 67. Funny, too, it’s the year I was born. AO, I was whining to Mark earlier that I haven’t seen you or talked to you for days. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Boo-Hoo

  75. AO said,

    Hey! It’s because you keep trying to pour that damned PBR down my throat!

  76. Mainetarr said,

    So muh whine, uh, I mean wine, so little time…..

    Then to top off the whole evening, not only did AO not call me back, but Treehugger stood me up!!

  77. AO said,

    Huh. I never knew I was this popular.

    Linda? A gift? For moi? Whatever could it be?

  78. Mainetarr said,

    so much** I meant. Sorry, I am just so upset I can barely type.

  79. Linda said,

    AO you are probably too busy for the game, but the Sox just took the lead. Does that cheer you up?

  80. Linda said,

    Yes, pour vous. You’ll see.

  81. AO said,

    Sheesh!! I’m sorry!

  82. Mainetarr said,

    Where’s the jarhead? Outside chasing sheep around his yard? Baaaaaaaaad boy. Baaaaaaaaaaaad.

  83. AO said,

    I have been watching but, my daughter has to watch Full House at nine…every night so, the games off. Thanks for the update!

  84. Linda said,

    He’s playing with that engine again I think. He’s possessed. Obsessed. Whatever.

  85. LaFlamme said,

    What? I can’t hear anybody. I have my head in the oven. Is AO talking to us again?

  86. Mainetarr said,

    I think so Calvin. But I have the rope handy just in case….should we drink the kool-aid?

  87. AO said,

    Mark, What good is sticking your head in an electric oven going to do?

  88. Linda said,

    He should watch the Food Network then he’d know how to use an oven

  89. LaFlamme said,

    Muuufinktho. Iffffth thheeee thawking thoo uttth awwwgin… (trying real hard to speak around this gun barrel in my mouth)

  90. LaFlamme said,

    Ha! That’s something I’d do, too. “Goodbye, cruel world!” And then hang out with my head in the GE electric for about four days, waiting for deliverance.

  91. Mainetarr said,

    I thought you were going to put it in the pizza oven?

  92. AO said,

    I think you’d be waiting a long time.

    MT, the last I checked, there are no rafters in your house to hang yourself from. Then, what about poor Bailey and Milo? Aww…

  93. LaFlamme said,

    How about Brad, from “Bachelor Party,” trying to slash his wrists with an electric razor.

  94. AO said,

    Just call Pizza Hut. It’s a lot quicker.

  95. LaFlamme said,

    AO, see this is the Lost Sole version of “It’s a Wonderful Life.” See how despondant and senseless MT and I are without you. Merry Christmas, you stupid savings and loan!

  96. Linda said,

    Still with us AO? Hope the hard part of your day is over

  97. Linda said,

    4-2 Sox, and Big Papi just got a lead off double

  98. Linda said,

    Typo. 4-3

  99. AO said,

    No, it was “Merry Christmas You Wonderful Old Savings and Loan”!

  100. Mainetarr said,

    There are rafters in the attic. And in the basement, AO. Don’t make me use them.

  101. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah? Well, the Royals just squandered a four nothing lead. Now they’re losing seven to four. This after blowing a two run lead with two outs in the ninth last night. I’m calling Pizza Hut.

  102. AO said,

    I’ve been checking the scores on-line. Still here but, going off to bed soon. I’m SO glad tomorrow’s Friday!

  103. LaFlamme said,

    What? I always remember it as: “Merry Christmas, you sonofabitching, piece of shit, falling down cognogger of a asshat savings and loan!”

  104. Asshat said,

    The Royals suck ass and you know it.

  105. AO said,

    Mark, I have a pizza oven you could use. But, just make it snappy! Store opens a 6;30 tomorrow and we’ll need to clean out any brain matter.

  106. LaFlamme said,

    Holy shit, three run blast!

  107. Asshat said,

    Breaking News….they just found a body floating in the Androscoggin. The guy was covered in Corn Flakes and had a banana in his ass. They think it’s a cereal killer.

  108. AO said,

    I won’t make you use them, MT.

  109. AO said,

    What? He didn’t have any pepperoni stuck to his cheeks?

  110. Linda said,

    Pizza is sounding better all the time

  111. AO said,

    Hey, Linda, I can sell you a 20″. Pizza that is.

  112. Anonymous said,

    Now that sounds good. Can’t get there tonight though

  113. Mainetarr said,

    Thanks for clarifying that AO, pizza that is. I was about to jump in my car and head to the store. LOL!!!

  114. Linda said,

    I hate my computer. I think I’ll buy a new one and never ever let my husband use it.

  115. Linda said,

    AO I might come and get a pizza from you tomorrow, maybe

  116. Mainetarr said,

    Her pizza’s are the best in town. It’s the secret recipe sauce and the magic cheese. YummmmmmyyyyY!!!!

  117. jarheaddoc said,

    MT,I am here, you whining sniveling shit!

  118. AO said,

    Ha. I’m glad that I DID clarify the 20″ deal, MT. I would have hate for you to have been disappointed!

    Linda, Let me know if you’re gonna be in. I’ll be sure to be there!!

    Now, I’m off to bed. Kid’s still have school tomorrow! One more week to go!!

  119. Linda said,

    Now I’m really wanting one! Cut it out! Magic cheese oh boy. What about magic mushrooms?

  120. LaFlamme said,

    Thank gawd, Jarhead. I’ve been the only boy here for an hour and these ladies are mean.

  121. Mainetarr said,

    JT, did you catch up with the sheep you nasty bastard?

  122. jarheaddoc said,

    You’re too easy a target, mark. You have to be nice to them to drive them away. I’ve tried offending them, but it only makes things hard for me. I knew I was fucked when my insurance wouldn’t cover the high test pills, only the generics

  123. jarheaddoc said,

    MT, even you can understand the fiiz-ics of this: if da moto no go, da boat no go.

  124. Linda said,

    Abusing sheep? Gross

  125. LaFlamme said,

    They stuffed me in a pizza oven, for chrissakes. And only because I made a passing comment that I liked their hair. I mean, I've been roughed up here.

  126. Linda said,

    jd, I’m convinced you are wrong about the nice. I learned that lesson yesterday from MT with her motorcycle off the truck story

  127. jarheaddoc said,

    “All animals used in the making of this blog were above the legal age of consent for a backwater family from the Deep South”

  128. jarheaddoc said,

    Mark said: “Gee, I like your hair”

    The women heard: “You need to shave your mustache”

  129. Linda said,

    Does Mark often have trouble making himself understood?

  130. jarheaddoc said,

    Only when he’s trying to make sense. Sorry, mark, but you’re on the hot seat right now, and that’s just the way things go, ya know?

  131. Mainetarr said,

    you know I am only giving you a hard time. What is the status of the boat?

  132. jarheaddoc said,

    And right back at ya, MT! The English translation of #123 is ‘I can’t get the fucking thing to start”

  133. Linda said,

    Ah, nobody’s giving Mark a hard time. But if he does get nervous he can duck for cover and … what, lurk?

  134. Linda said,

    Is it the big spring thing still?

  135. jarheaddoc said,

    Skulk. Be incognito. Maybe he’s sitting in his chair with his hands over his eyes, hoping no one will see him

  136. jarheaddoc said,

    No, I did a little engineering on the spring thing, which is at the bottom of the motor, now it’s the top of the motor that’s acting up again. I think I had some crap in the gas can I used and it just needs to work itself out. I am going to pull the drain plugs and just let some gas run it’s way through everything.

  137. jarheaddoc said,

    I think Mark has abandoned the brotherhood

  138. Linda said,

    It’s bound to give up and run eventually. Probably before the rain stops.

    I don’t even mind the rain today though. My cunning plan for this week is to take Friday off, at least most of it. When you work Monday through Friday, it’s amazing how much more fun it is to do things on a weekday. I have about 3 days worth of stuff planned

  139. jarheaddoc said,

    I work a schedule that many people would kill for: two days, 7a-5p, then two nights, 5p-7a, with four days off. I can take a week off and have damn near fourteen days in a row off. I haven’t worked a real person’s schedule since I got out of the military

  140. Linda said,

    I know he watches us though. He’d probably jump in if you started taking too much abuse. That would have to be from MT tonight though, I’m far too relaxed

  141. jarheaddoc said,

    Mark would have made a good sniper, as far as being patient and waiting for just the right time to fire a shot. No protracted battles, just one superbly placed shot, then run like hell for your life before you get caught and get the shit kicked out of you.

  142. jarheaddoc said,

    No, mark would let me sink on my own, I think. I am way too entertaining to defend

  143. Linda said,

    That is a great schedule jd. A lot of hospital work is like that obviously, but not my stuff. Still, I run my own project so I usually do have some flexibility. When I did the kind of work MT does, I had the illusion of flexibilily but on the other hand if some shit hit the fan, it could blow my plans away. Still, it was fun

  144. Linda said,

    One night recently he jumped in with a warning for you if I recall.

  145. LaFlamme said,

    Ha! I’d be a terrible sniper. I’d get the target in range, site him in, and then succumb to a terrible temptation to call MT. “Hey, MT. Guess where I am. No, really! I have him in my sites right now!”
    I sometimes think I had no choice but to become a journalist. The very second I have news, I can’t wait to share it.

  146. jarheaddoc said,

    I have to admit that I own my job way more than it owns me, but a night tour that starts at 5p and ends at 7a with no break between calls can be hellish. It can make that 14 hours seem like 14 days

  147. jarheaddoc said,

    You will make a great old woman in a nursing home, Mark.

  148. LaFlamme said,

    What, you’re saying my breasts are prone to sag?

  149. Linda said,

    Speaking of schedules, it surprises me how early people get up and go to bed, is it a Maine thing? That recent night that I referred to, what with one thing and another, I was up most of the night. Then at fucking 8:10 on Sunday morning, a woman phoned to say that she’d read a letter my husband wrote to the paper, and to tell him what she thought of it. Eight-ten on a Sunday morning, would you get out the phone book and look up the name of a complete stranger and call him? He wasn’t home of course, so I listened to this woman, who by the way was lovely and I’d have enjoyed talking with her at 10, trying to make coffee with one hand. It was kind of a nightmare.

  150. Linda said,

    Mark, I thought the same thing when jd said sniper — he couldn’t keep still that long.

  151. jarheaddoc said,

    And that quality pretty much rules out a job at the CIA

  152. Mainetarr said,

    Yeah, I am the same way, it’s hard for me to keep a secret. I mean, I do, but I have to work at it. Linda, I really do love my job, but it sure can be stressful.

  153. Mainetarr said,

    Well, I am off to bed. Good night all. Stay dry.

  154. Linda said,

    ‘Night MT

  155. jarheaddoc said,

    I hate to be the one to break this to you, Mark, but it’s not beer that’s caused your belly, it’s gravity

  156. jarheaddoc said,

    Later, MT

  157. Linda said,

    I don’t thing of Mark and gravity in the same sentence. Levity, yes

  158. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, you are speaking from the mindset of someone FROM A-WAY with that question. Does the sun come up later down under?

  159. jarheaddoc said,

    See, that is the joy of caller ID and an answering machne. Except that my answering machine beeps incessantly when a message is left, which forces me to get up, press the button, listen to the yahoo again, then try to get back in the bed before it gets cold.

  160. Linda said,

    No, but kids don’t catch school buses at 6:20 in the morning and office work usually starts at 9, not 7 or 7:30. And dinner isn’t at 4:30, it’s at 7, and nobody goes to bed before 11.

    I keep the going to bed late part, but now I get up early. I never get enough sleep. I hate to sleep, really

  161. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, I will sign off here. My subconscious has just spit out a thought that it’s been chewing on all day and I have to get those thoughts down before they disappear on me and I can’t find them again.

  162. Linda said,

    Anyhow don’t start up with that A-WAY shit again, because it’s sheer good luck that I don’t still think you are miserable prick, because of the way you harassed me on this blog for being FROM A-WAY. Jeez, I thought you were the worst xenophobe I ever met.

  163. Linda said,

    OK, ‘night

  164. Steve said,

    I’m not a super-religious freak sort of person, but I’d love to sit and talk with Jesus.

  165. David said,

    Snoop-Dog FTW!

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