Where there’s smoke…

June 9, 2006 at 12:46 am (Uncategorized)

Okay, I smoke. Cover me with honey and strap me naked to an ant hill. Smoking is evil, I know. It causes cancer. It corrupts young people and leads them to harder drugs. Smoking was probably the cause of the mass extinction of the species 250 million years ago. We smokers ought to be bound to a rocket and fired right out of the solar system.

Yet, I've always considered myself a kinder, gentler smoker. I almost never bellyache about my rights to light up. When smoking was banned in restaurants, I didn't utter a single complaint. When it was banned in bars, I grumbled a little, but quietly. Under my breath.

I smoke almost exclusively outdoors and never, ever around children or old people. And I'm absolutely certain I've never smoked while pregnant.




  1. Omnius said,

    It pisses me off that smokers are one of the most oppressed groups of people out there, and with very little recognition of that fact.

    What’s worse is that so many people attach connotations of “fault” along with it, that it can be hard to keep a level head and realize that the smoke bothers a lot of people, and it gets harder to listen to them when they seem so unwilling to listen to you, when they stand ready with so many accusations, and many of them uninformed, with incomplete or biased data.

    Almost as bad as those “gateway drug” people.

  2. LaFlamme said,

    Hey. Some unexpected support. I’m with you, Ominus. Gateway drug! Who can afford to graduate to the next mild altering substance when you need a second mortgage to buy a pack of smokes? It’s cheaper to shoot heroin directly into your eyeballs than it is to smoke these days. I know, man.

  3. Omnius said,

    What especially pisses me off is that most of the softer illegal drugs have no lethal dosage that humans can actually consume; as opposed to, say, alcohol, where I can reach the lethal dosage in five minutes if I’m dedicated to do so.

    Third essay in line to write at the moment is the government’s manipulation of legal and illegal drugs to fill its coffers, often for Contra-like affairs.

    By the way, did you happen to read Jonathon Franzen’s How To Be Alone? Contains a great essay, called Ashes to Ashes that you might be interested in.

  4. jarheaddoc said,

    I have been a smoker for most of my life. I know it causes a lot of bad diseases.

    I respect the fact that smoke bothers a lot of people. Fine, separate us and let me smoke my brains out. The people who cite all the statistics about the cost to society are also the ones who beleive that everyone should wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle, too.

    From a strictly professional perspective, smoking is bad and will kill you and everyone should wear a helmet for any activity these days. HOWEVER, I AM VEHEMENTLY AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT REGULATING MORALITY! LET THOSE WHO RIDE DECIDE. IF YOU DON’T LIKE CIGARETTE SMOKE, THEN STAY OUT OF THE AREA WHERE THE ASHTRAY IS.

    Do you recall that picture of a marine, where he was looking like he had just had the worst day of his life, and he had a cigarette hanging out of his face? People complained that he should not have been shown smoking. What a bunch of AssHat Fucktards!


  5. Martha said,

    I chose to quit smoking many years ago. That was my choice. If I had the oportunity to ride, or better yet own a motorcycle, I would make the choice to ride without a helmet.
    When I go to a restaurant, I request the non-smoking section. Those are my choices. Although I don’t like being subjected to other’s smoke, I can generally stay away from places where I’d be exposed to it.
    This lady really takes the cake.. worried about noises effect on her child, but apparantly blissfully ignorant as to the harm she’s doing to it herself. Some people have no sense of their own responsibility.

  6. K2 said,

    I think that woman was on the Daily Show awhile back.

    I would argue that a no-smoking section in a restaraunt is like a having a no-peeing section in a pool. It’s futile.

    I have nothing against cigs, per se, but I can’t hang out in a smoke-filled room. That’s why I only go to the Legion a few times a year. I have to shave my head, burn all my clothes and take a Silkwood shower to get the soot-smell off me.

    Now herbal smokes, well, that’s different. . . .

  7. jarheaddoc said,

    Fire one up, K2!

  8. Linda said,

    Somebody ought to jackhammer her brain. What an idiot. I wonder if she had the sense to be embarrassed??

  9. Martha said,

    Speaking of non-smoking sections in a restaurant… I have been known to request a table change if I’m seated too close to it.
    BTW.. for those of you who would notice. I will be out of town for most of the weekend. I’m heading for Lancaster… visiting friends and spending some money at the outlets.. sounds like t great combination to me.

    Oh.. Linda, I’m making good progress on the quilt.. its going to be huge.

  10. Linda said,

    Have a ball, Martha. If you need any shopping tips just email Mark, I was amazed to see in this morning’s SJ what an expert shopper he is. A nice turn as a guest columnist in Bliss Through Shopping, if anyone missed it.

    See you next week

  11. Fred said,

    Guess I`m going straight to hell since I both smoke and ride without a helmet.Oh well. at least I`ll be with my friends!And I can say that I had a really good time getting there.!

  12. Fred said,

    Come on K2! Saying that smoking is more harmful then pot is like saying pot is less harmful then alcohol.Its apples and oranges!

  13. K2 said,

    Fred, you confrontationalist: First, I was kidding. Second: when did I talk about health? Third: http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/05/24/pot.lung.cancer.reut/index.html

  14. Fred said,

    Having lived close to tje I.P. most of my life lung cancer is a real possibility.It has nothing to do with pot or cigarettes.The cancer rate for Franking and Oxford counties is above national average,wonder why????

  15. jarheaddoc said,

    The woman in the picture is a classic example of being really stupid in public. she probably draws welfare, too, and checked the ‘father unknown’ box on the application for her checks.

  16. AO said,

    You’re right, JD. As a matter of fact, I think she could be even dumber than Tina and, Barbra. IF that’s even possible! Hey! Maybe she’s one of Bo’s women.

  17. jarheaddoc said,

    I don’t understand the reference, AO.

  18. Thaifood Teena said,

    How did Mark get that picture of me? Bastard. At least I put down the martini glass before they snapped the picture.

  19. Mainetarr said,

    JH, what’s with the MT at the end of your comment? You wanting to get shit on first thing this morning? Shall I get out my can of Whoopass?

  20. AO said,

    Teena, sorry …I forgot that you had a strange spelling of your name. Still wearing orange?

  21. jarheaddoc said,

    MT, put away the boxing gloves before you hurt yourself. My fucking computer did something. What it was supposed to say was ‘MT, you have my permission to use Asshat fucktards as you see fit. Now get back to work, them brains won’t fix themselves.

  22. K2 said,

  23. Linda said,

    Everyone a little quick on the trigger this morning maybe?

  24. Omnius said,


    Only because we haven’t had our morning cig yet. =D

  25. LaFlamme said,

    Remember non-smoking sections in airplanes? That was a hoot. As Andrew Dice Clay delicately pointed out: “You’re in a fucking tube!”

  26. "Weasel, Jr." said,

  27. LaFlamme said,

    Dammit, my laptop is missing a plug in. I hate to miss out on something called “fatty vibrates” introduced by someone who bills himself as “Weasel Jr.”

  28. Mainetarr said,

    That’s just plain nasty, jr. Where the hell is Chunder? CHUNDER! Where are you? CHUNDER!!!

  29. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, where is that brainiac, now that you mention it? Christ, he probably went to Tibet to study with monks or something.

  30. LaFlamme said,

    And Ritchie. Where the hell is Ritchie? Layabouts, the lot of them.

  31. Richie said,

    Weh. I don’t have much to say.

    Only dopes smoke dope; and smoking cigs isn’t much better for you either.

    The difference is that one is ILLEGAL; and the other is HIGHLY REGULATED.

    Eh. I don’t smoke, either cigs or dopesticks; but if there was some way NO PUBLIC MONEY would have to be used to medically care for either user group; why then, smoke ’til yer brains run out yer ears.

  32. "Weasel, Jr." said,

    Russian language name translator. Ever wonder what “Mark LaFlamme” would be in Russian ?


  33. jarheaddoc said,

    I see you didn’t include alcohol in that post, richie. How much money is spent on severely head injuried people due to alcohol? Also perfectly legal and equally regulated

  34. Richie said,

    You’re right, JHD; forgot about that.

    I don’t care if PRIVATE funds (charity or what ever) pays; but why is my tax money used to pay for this stuff ? Smoke, drink, rut like a beast; just don’t do it on MY dime.

  35. jarheaddoc said,

    You are going to have to move to the moon, richie. That environment just does not exist within today’s society

  36. Linda said,

    Richie, just curious …. what DO you do for fun?

    I’m just asking….

  37. Linda said,

    I’m back from my exciting day in the big city. I bought two gallons of paint and a very nice boy said here, you’ll want some stirring sticks, and handed me fistful of about 17 of them, so many that some fell on the floor. What’s up with that? how many stirring sticks do you all get when you buy paint? AO, do you think I looked like a person who couldn’t stir a gallon of paint with one stick?

  38. AO said,

    No, you looked quite cabable to me but, didn’t you say that your husband was the one that needed the paint? Maybe he’ll need more than say…16.

  39. Linda said,

    I only mention the paintsticks because .. oh hell never mind, I’ve probably said enough about the whole thing already.

    And my husband said, why did you get so many sticks? we have all we need of those already.

  40. AO said,

    Maybe he could build something with them. ūüôā

  41. Mainetarr said,

    Give them to jarhead, he’ll build you a mini canoe. He’s a crafty one, that jarhead.

  42. LaFlamme said,

    Here’s a quick way to date somebody: how much were smokes when you first lit up? The first pack I ever bought cost me 70 cents. Marlboro boxed.

  43. Mainetarr said,

    I took Milo to meet Major and Treehugger today. Uncle Treehugger took a ton of pictures and even a video.

  44. Mainetarr said,

    You’re going to think I am an Asshat, but I have never tried a cigarette.

  45. LaFlamme said,

    No, that makes you very, very smart, Mainetarr. Flamette is the same way. Never took so much as a drag.

  46. AO said,

    $1.25…I think. …Who knows? I’m old. My mind is going along with my eh, never mind.

  47. Mainetarr said,

    Me either, I was too afraid I would get hooked like my parents were.

  48. jarheaddoc said,

    I can remember cigarette machines and Lucky Strikes. My morning cough on those things was enough to make my coworkers think I needed to go to the hospital

  49. LaFlamme said,

    My best friend back then had two smoking parents and everyone he hung around with smokes the evil things. That guy grew up hating cigarettes and never touched one. You mature, responsible people make me sick.

  50. AO said,

    My father smoked Luky Stripes. He used to roll them up in his t-shirt sleeve. I can remember going to the store as a child to buy them for him. They cost 25 cents back then.

  51. LaFlamme said,

    A frickin quarter? Man.

  52. AO said,

    OOps…I meant Lucky Strikes. See? I told you I was old!

  53. AO said,

    Yeah. A quarter. I can remember one Christmas, my uncle giving my sister and I each a quarter so we could buy my father a pack of butts as a Christmas gift. And…we did! That’s the way it was in the 60’s. Nobody thought it was a bad thing.

  54. LaFlamme said,

    Hmmmm. *doing some math… this may take a while*

  55. jarheaddoc said,

    And there were no seat belts in cars, gas was cheap, you could stay out until way past dark as a kid without your parents wondering if some pervert had snatched you, the air was clean, sex was dirty, and progress has really just fucked up a lot of things, hasn’t it?

  56. AO said,

    Ya got that right JD. No seat belts. I can remember being scolded for putting on a seat belt as a small child. I couldn’t figure out how to take it off so, my mother left me in the car till I figured it out for myself! Can you imagine??

  57. AO said,

    Mark, Having a math problem? Need any help?

  58. jarheaddoc said,

    She would be in jail for child abuse if she did that today, AO

  59. jarheaddoc said,

    Her crime would be making you think on your own and learn from your mistakes and trying to help you

  60. LaFlamme said,

    You know? I may survive my “Bliss Through Shopping” debut. The column has been up there all day, and not one death threat from Jo Ann Fabric, The Christmas Tree Shop or Craftmania.

  61. AO said,

    I actually thought that all of us OLD bloggers should have posted in there. Maybe we could have gotten Dan to join in.

    Yeah, I hear what you’re saying, JD. But, back in the 60’s, nobody wore seat belts. It was a novelty to me. That’s why I put it on. And, believe me, I’ve razzed my mother over that incident more than once!

  62. "The Weasel" said,

    Shut up Flammer!!!!!!!!!!

    Confirmation Code. Run Jesse Run

  63. Mainetarr said,

    I remember standing up in the car as a kid and my neighbor driving us around with a cooler of beer in the back and one between his legs. Big old Plymouth Fury. I also remember my mother driving without a license, too. She couldn’t back up in reverse. It was hysterical. I also remember taking my fathers car to the store up the road when I was 12. I was always tall, driving was no problem. I think I was 5’8 in the 8th grade. LOL

  64. LaFlamme said,

    Confirmation ad slogan: “Meet me at FOXWOODS!”

  65. Linda said,

    I’m a bit late for the party, hi everyone.

    I remember being driven to Worcester in the back seat of a car between two uncles, another uncle and aunt in the front seat. Eight freakin hours. All three men smoking cigars. We stopped about every half hour for me to puke by the highway. I was about seven years old, and my uncles said they’d never ever take me anywhere again. But they did

  66. Mainetarr said,

    Can you guys believe that Asshat is loose again? WTF? I hope they shoot the little shit next time they find him.

  67. Linda said,

    It wasn’t the puking that made them sick of taking me with them — they complained because I talked the whole way. Every time my mother would say, now Linda, just sit and be quiet so the grownups can have a chance to talk for a while. No dice

  68. Linda said,

    Somebody’s bound to MT. and probably the judge too

  69. Mainetarr said,

    Weaselllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!! How you been? I was just talking about you in e-mail with Mark.

  70. Mainetarr said,

    Hey, I was number 69

  71. AO said,

    Ohhh…MT….you hussy, you!

  72. Linda said,

    What are you two up to tonight, anything fun?

  73. AO said,

    Not a thing on my front. I’m making snacks and listening to The Dixie Chicks. How about you?

  74. Linda said,

    Catching up on email, idly listening to the Sox, knitting a bit.

    My phone has rung three times and nobody there. I hate that. If it keeps up I may have to get caller ID.

  75. AO said,

    I highly recommend caller ID. I wouldn’t be without it. Sheesh, Linda, maybe you’ve been watching too many horror movies. Maybe it’s Michael calling. ūüėČ

  76. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, you can’t really fault Jesse Caron for bolting. I mean, a judge pretty much opened the door for him. Jesse is a criminal. He’s doing what’s expected of him. The judge is expected to tend to the safety of the community while measuring the rights of defendants. Guess who looks like an asstard in this one?

  77. Linda said,

    Gotta run — my mom’s sick, my sister’s working, guess I’ll jump into the breach. I may dial up later if I can

  78. AO said,

    Hope everything is okay, Linda.

    Mark, you’re right, that judge has to be one of the biggest no brain, assholes I’ve ever read about. I still can’t believe he let him go. It was just like a parent giving a naughty child a slap on the wrist.

  79. Mainetarr said,

    Just got home from Wally World. Bought Milo a big boy bed and a shitload of toys. Bailey, too. Got him some treats. Man, those two have it made. Little bugger has figured out the stairs to his crate. They really do love the crate.

  80. Martha said,

    As usual, I’m a day late.. and way more than a dollar short.
    I think the first time I bought cigarettes they were .35 a pack. I think they were .75 when I quit.
    Had a pretty good weekend.. a little bittersweet.. visiting my uncle was like talking to my mother. If I’d ever realized it before, I’d forgotten how much they resembled each other.
    Speaking of mothers, Linda, how’s your’s doing?

  81. Linda said,

    Not so bad at the moment Martha, thanks for asking. She has an infection on her leg but it seemed better by late Saturday.

    A few years ago I was in PEI and visited a man who was my grandmother’s brother or cousin, I forget which. I had that same experience — I felt like I was talking to my Nanna.

  82. Martha said,

    When I told my daugher about it, I cried. Sometimes, it doesn’t take much to bring back the missing them.

  83. jarheaddoc said,

    Martha, you will always miss those people, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s when you try to bring them back that you start having problems. You know, never get past the death of a loved one, that type of thing

  84. Charles Castellaneta said,

    Google is the best search engine

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