Love springs eternal

June 19, 2006 at 11:00 pm (Uncategorized)

Ah, the beach wedding. Such a beautiful way to say "our union is as vast and timeless as the ocean itself. Our love will conquer all, the way the mighty tide conquers time and the planet it rules. Or love is depthless and mysterious. Our love will…"

weddingphoto.jpg

And then a gaggle of giggling topless women go strutting by, and then next thing you know, your blessed wedding photos are plastered all over the Internet. You don't need a best man, you need a breast man. And it serves you right, fool. Because while it's hard to match the serenity and joy of the ocean, few places are more unpredictable. And let's face it: the American Legion Hall down by the feed store is still the most reliable location in which to get the deed done.

Here's to you and your wedding horror stories. If you are one of the topless women shown above, call me. I got a friend who's very interested.

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92 Comments

  1. Linda said,

    My sister and I went to a cousin’s wedding in Michigan years ago that was the most hilarious occasion of my life, and I’d love to tell it.

    Nobody liked the bride. There were about 8 of us, all first cousins from different states, and we took the groom (a cousin) out on the town with us the night before. He was seriously incompetent at the wedding.

    It was the full Catholic rigmarole, and hot as Hades. A couple of people fainted, causing quite a commotion. Then the groom keeled over, out cold. The priest and best man were trying to get him up. One cousin was shouting, “stay down Don, take the count, take the count!” while his mother was trampling people to get to him and shut him up. What an uproar! the ceremony went on like that, for what seemed like hours. The groom passed out three times in all.

    Finally the deed was done, and the groom slept through the reception. Insult to injury: we took him out again on the wedding night and brought him home at dawn.

    My sister and I were in Michigan for about 40 hours, never going to bed, then drove back as far as New York before we stopped to sleep. The wedding couple were separated within 3 months, and divorced. Then they got married again a few years later, then divorced again.

    That wedding is my standard measure for poor beginnings to a marriage.

  2. Mongo said,

    Mongo say
    “Any wedding is bad start to marriage”

  3. Omnius said,

    The last time I met anyone named Mongo was at GenCon Indy. Strange, indeed.

  4. Omnius said,

    The number of couples that wind up marrying multiple times, only to get divorced again, continues to boggle my head. My mother, a divorce lawyer, once divorced the same couple seven times in six years.

    But I’ve gotta wonder… did she wear the same dress each time? Did he have a bachelor party each time? Did people still show up at their seventh wedding?

  5. Mongo said,

    Mongo say
    “Why did your moom keep marrying the same couple?”
    “Wouldn’t a divorce lawyer know better than to marry two people?”

  6. Martha said,

    Marriage, along with my ex, is probably a subject better left alone. I know there are good marriages.. I’ve seen them, however, I can’t say I’ve experienced it, and suspect I’m not likely to.

    • Paulina said,

      incredibly rare, he means &qdu;tbodygoarus for the royal family apply here".My mom used to date a guy who had an SMG in his gunsafe, he was part of the swedish steel anti-sabotage unit.That doesn't make fully automatic weapons something joe citizen can own.

  7. Bobbie said,

    Yes Linda, the only reason that I’m up this early was because I’m checking on the kids. (They’re about 5 hours out of Dallas right now)

    My wedding went something like this:

    I went to my future SIL’s house to get ready while hubby went to the post to get ready (we were both in the military at the time). I was nervous, so my SIL gave me a drink to calm me down-99.9 rum with .10 coke for coloring. To add to things, the drink was in a giant plastic cup.

    My sister noticed that my hair wasn’t acting properly, so she got out her curling iron and proceeded to burn one of my eyebrows off with it. On the way to getting drunk, so I don’t care too much. Besides, eyebrows grow back, right?

    When we get halfway to the post, I realize that out of the 5 people in the car, none of us have any ID with which to get on to post with. Thankfully, the guard on duty just salutes and waves us through.

    I get into the chapel and someone tells me that I should go wait in the ladies rest room. No one mentions to me that hubby is in the mens room and decides to come out as I’m going into the ladies room. Of course, I remember that the groom isn’t suppose to see the bride before the wedding, so I go “Oh shit” and walk out. Everyone in the chapel turns to look at me, including the people working in the offices down the hall. My SIL comes running out after me thinking that I’ve developed a case of cold feet. I explain what’s going on and we go back inside.

    By now, the alcohol has worn off and I am so nervous that I’m shaking very badly. The major that walked me down the aisle had to tell me “Left, right” as we went down the aisle because I suddenly couldn’t remember how to walk. We get up there, I go to step up and almost trip on my wedding gown. A few polite snickers, but nothing major. When it comes time for the best man to give the groom the ring, the best man drops it and it starts rolling around on the floor. Instead of letting the ring come to a stop on its own, the best man runs around in circles trying to get it. It seems that the groom and the best man had been out “smoking” and still weren’t too clear headed at that time. Major laughs at the site of a grown man running after a ring.

    Managed to make it through the honor guard without a problem and then went to the lobby. Of course, the new nieces and nephews decided that they were going to have a contest to see who could get some rice down the front of my gown. A strapless, push up bra and plenty of cleavage to fill it out does make a tempting target for children, especially the ones that are old enough to know better.

    When we get to the civilian reception, things continue going down hill. Of course, something is brought out to “smoke” and there is my SIL looking in one direction while trying to pass it on to the next person, who just happens to be my MIL. Since there are other people there, MIL has no choice but to give her daughter a dirty look while it’s being passed to the next person (even tho MIL would not admit it, she has been known to share a good “smoke” with this daughter before).

    Hubby ends up passed out in the bathroom for over an hour before someone realizes where he is, so I go wake him up. When we get to the hotel, he’s ready to pass out again.

    When it comes time to bring my mother and sister to catch their return flight, we’re running late. Hubby, in his infinite wisdom, says “Planes never leave on time. You’ll have time to catch it.” When we got to the airport, I saw a plane starting to taxi off and I told hubby that it was their plane. Of course, I was wrong and was told that they still had plenty of time to make their flight. It’s not very much fun trying to give the state police information to stop a vehicle going from Maine to Boston when you don’t know which vehicle was taken. The airline managed to get my mother and sister on a flight the next day and we made sure that hubby was there 30 minutes before the flight was due to leave.

  8. jarheaddoc said,

    The woman in the background is thinking, “I used to look like that until I had seven kids, then it was a race between my boobs and uterus to see which one would hit the ground first.”

    The groom is looking like he’d rather be doing things with the maid of honor.

    The bride: “He’ll change”

    The photogrpaher: this is exactly why I get my money up front

    The catty MIL: shouldn’t she be wearing black?!

    The guests: Is this fucking ceremony over yet?

  9. Linda said,

    jd: sounds like you were at that wedding!

  10. jarheaddoc said,

    I was the one in the back hollering ‘Landwhale!”, which is why the woman looks to be waving with only one finger

  11. Linda said,

    Yeah, you probably have that effect on people a lot

  12. Linda said,

    Bobbie, that’s quite a wedding saga. And so nice for you to have your in-laws for an extra day after your wedding!

  13. jarheaddoc said,

    One of my friends decided at the last second that marriage was not for him, leaving his psycho bride to be at the altar. Yup, they sued his ass for right about 10K for everything, which he eventually paid, but to to this day he will tell you that it was the best investment he ever made. She’s still crazy.

  14. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, I was quite a bit less civil in my younger days, especially when I was drinking. I have since matured into a productive member of society

  15. Linda said,

    I just got to thinking: the same sister from comment #1 (I have 3 sisters but usually wind up in funny situations with only the one) and I went to a cousin’s daughter’s wedding in PA about 3 years ago. It was a real big-budget affair, the mother of the bride said they spent $35,000 which certainly seems like a lot to me!

    We felt a bit like the country cousins — well shit, we are! — but we had a great time. Totally enjoyed the fabulous meal, the open bar, the great band, danced to ABBA music, a real blast. Partied long into the night with the same cousins from the earlier wedding I mentioned.

    And that couple broke up after a couple of months too!

    I guess I won’t be checking my mailbox for wedding invitations this summer…

  16. Linda said,

    Happens to the best of us jd

  17. Martha said,

    My observations about the picture.. Its a wonder the groom doesn’t have his tongue handing out drooling. The “lady” (NOT!!) in the background… you know being “well endowed” can be a positive or a negative, but why would any woman with any self respect want anyone to see her with them hanging around her belly button? Tha’s just gross.

  18. jarheaddoc said,

    Many of the beaches in Europe are topless. I wasn’t off the boat ten minutes in Benidorm when we headed down to see the sights. The first thing I saw was a guy who had a tonsil sucking lip lock on a scnatily clad woman, his hand inside her bathing suit top, and this look on his face: go get your own, this one is mine!

  19. jarheaddoc said,

    Speaking of which, The Today Show was doing a spot from a beach in Europe, several years ago, when a woman of similar appearance wondered into the camera. The look on Katie Couric’s face was one of those ‘Priceless’ moments as the camera tried to slowly pan away and the woman picked her nose.

  20. Linda said,

    They should get a room

  21. jarheaddoc said,

    I heard that a wedding tradition of old was that the couple would consummate the realtionship right in front of God and everyone right after they were pronounced married, so that the world would know the kids belonged to the groom and not paying villagers.

  22. Martha said,

    LOL… I’d almost lay money, the groom is trying really hard not to look… hence his very studious stare in the opposite direction.

  23. Linda said,

    I thought of you when I was reading the paper, jd. The Wilton town meeting was last night during the storm (I didn’t go) but apparently all the firefighters’ radios started squawking and they all ran out. It seemed to have made quite an impression on the reporter, since he made a point of mentioning it.

    The lightning was pretty outrageous, something must have gotten hit.

  24. jarheaddoc said,

    Try having that happen when you’re at a wake for someone, Linda. It’s happened more than once: Please respond to the worst section of town for a drunk who is puking his guts out and claims his ass hurts. Catholic priests do not like that!

  25. Linda said,

    You could laugh OR cry, reading about traditions associated with marriage. It’s one of those landmark events, you know, biology meets economics, so the community is all over it one way or another.

  26. jarheaddoc said,

    I seem to recall a discussion about that….

  27. Linda said,

    But it was a long time ago in a galaxy far away

  28. Linda said,

    Speaking of today’s newspaper, and of marriage — did anyone read Rich Lowry’s column in the SJ today? It’s about how children raised with married parents do better. It’s hard to point to any one paragraph and say, that’s wrong, but there’s just somethign off about the whole thing, I think.

  29. jarheaddoc said,

    I always wanted to be the person who stood up and shouted the truth when the preacher asked the question about anyone having any reservations. How many times has someone grublmed about it afterwards, saying they shoould have done it to save a lot of misery for a lot of people?

  30. Linda said,

    I may have to get off the computer. I think my husband wants it to write an email to Rich Lowry, telling him what’s wrong with his column. It’s my fault, I put it in front of him and said read this. Otherwise we’d still have peace and quiet here and he’d be cooking breakfast.

  31. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, shouldn’t you be doing something productive with your vacation?

  32. Linda said,

    Like in The Graduate?

    My husband IS cooking breakfast after all.

  33. Linda said,

    Oh I am!! well what do you mean by productive? This is the part of my vacation that I’m spending with my husband, and then Thursday I’m going away until Monday.

  34. Linda said,

    Anyhow jd, we haven’t had much of your company for a while and it’s great to catch up. You feeling better? obviously you are

  35. Mainetarr said,

    When Chris and I were dating, we went to his cousins wedding in NY. They have more money that the Trumps and the wedding was something out of a tv show. It was beautiful. It was also the third time I had ever met his parents and his mother made sure they were placed at a different table than we were. Beeotch. That should have been my first clue. We ended up having a blast regardless of the wicked witch and to date it had been the most lavish wedding I have ever been to. The wedding dress was $15,000 and designed by Vera Wang. It was incredible.

    My wedding was just plain fun. We invited 175 or so and 225 ended up coming, luckily I had a feeling this would happen and forewarned the caterers. My cake was awesome, a co-worker who did cakes made it as a gift to us, it was delicious. Everyone commented on it. Chris’s parents almost ruined it for us, though, but my beeotch instinct took over and I laid down the law early on and all turned out well. We had a lot of kids at the wedding and did a big circle dance with them, which was very cute. We got a bunch pf goofy pictures from those disposable cameras, too. One guy there stuck the camera in his pants and took a shot that he claimed “would never come out”. Well, guess what, it did. LOL That reminds me of another funny wedding story with those damn disposable cameras.

    A friend of mine married this really “stuffy” woman from out of state. She was such a snoot. Well, long story short, they had those disposable wedding cameras on every table and me and a buddy took three or four of them and proceeded to take 100 pictures of boobs, butts and anyone willing to give us a nasty photo. She had 20 of those friggen cameras, so we figured we’d have fun with three of them. Needless to say, she was pretty pissed when Walmart called to ask her what the hell she was doing with her cameras when she took the film to be developed. She had quite a variety of boob and moon shots. Even her mother in law lifted her dress to moon us for the camera. Now that was funny…..

  36. Mainetarr said,

    jd’s just jealous because he’s not on vacation like we are Linda.

  37. K2 said,

    The Independent candidate for governor of Texas said on 60 minutes that he was for gay marriage, because ‘gay people should have the right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.’ I got a chuckle out of that one.

    My wife and I honeymooned at Sandals Negril, Jamaica, which abuts Hedonism II. (The name should tell you all you neeed to know about that resort: ‘Fuck my wife, please.’) I’m for nude beaches, but, man, there really should be some criteria for allowing nudity in public. If you’re ugly, keep your clothes on. It really is that simple.

    As for the solstice Mark mentioned yesterday, it’s sad to think that after tomorrow, we’ll start losing daylight. *whimper, sob*

  38. jarheaddoc said,

    Big weddings are as much of a scam as a big funeral.

  39. Linda said,

    MT, ain’t vacation grand?

    As for the solstice — doesn’t it make you think of Druids and all that? Ancient knowledge? I was thinking during the lightning storm last night, how mysterious and ominous it must have seemed before we knew anything about it. And by association, what people will understand in the future that we find mysterious now.

  40. Linda said,

    jd, where’s your sense of occasion? you were sounding so cheerful, don’t go curmudgeonly all of a sudden.

  41. AO said,

    Linda and MT, Is lunch still on?

  42. Linda said,

    I’m in! See you at noon

  43. AO said,

    Alright, then. I’ll be there.

  44. Linda said,

    Cool!

    I gotta go. See you later

  45. jarheaddoc said,

    Uh, let’s see: a wedding is the last chance you get to look down the dress of a woman who you really wanted to see naked underneath you, and you’re wondering just how long it will be before she cuts her husband off for some reason that only she understands. Strictly the male point of view here.

    Way too many women get the wedding their mother wished they had gotten. What’s wrong with a simple ceremony where you have all your close friends and family, not everyone you feel you have to invite so your mother doesn’t get pissed off at you, and have a cookout and a party afterwards? Never mind spending a bazillion dollars on a dress and fancy catering, throw the fucking money in a card for the newly married so they can buy a house?

    The woman might as well just let the man get married in his jeans and stained t-shirt and look like the slob he is going to be after the honeymoon, anyways. It would make things a lot simpler for at least him.

    And why is it that the day is all about the woman, anyways?

    And Jesus H. christ, you have pushed a button, Linda!

  46. AO said,

    The day is all about us because, it’s the last day that we are ever going to have that it IS going to be all about us.

  47. jarheaddoc said,

    Wah, wah, wah. What about childbirth, huh? Women seem to get a lot of attention over that, too! I mean, I was there for both the conception and birth of my kids, and all I got was the blame!

  48. AO said,

    As you should. Ha. We get all the attention over childbirth because we’re the ones doing all the work. I can’t imagine any man going through childbirth.

  49. Bobbie said,

    Linda, it was my mother and sister who ended up spending an extra day with us, not the in-laws. I get the in-laws every day of the year here in Colorado. That is a different topic for a different day-and yes, I can be much worse than JD when it comes tothat topic.

    If a guy acts like he’s dying over a case of the flu or something simple like that, then he could never tolerate childbirth. Why is it that if both are sick at the same time, the wife is still suppose to take of the husband? Something wrong with that picture.

  50. Bobbie said,

    If you shrink the topless woman a couple of inches and turn the hair white, you’d have a picture of my grandmother. Awful thought so early in the morning. LOL

  51. jarheaddoc said,

    The groom isn’t trying to not look at the woman, he’s thinking that he’d throw one in her if he knew his friends would never find out. this is also the same guy who would ride a moped, and for the same reason

  52. Linda said,

    Yikes! I leave you all alone for half an hour …

  53. Linda said,

    jd, you are making some heartfelt points here, and if that’s what your life experience has put together for you — well, then that’s the position you have to work from, know what I mean? and that’s OK as long as it doesn’t make you more miserable than you have to be. I mean, clearly you aren’t miserable all the time so that’s a good thing.

    But you really ought to think again about AO childbirth comments. You are on very thin ice, wanting any credit for that.

  54. Linda said,

    Well Mark, congratulations — you found a topic we want to talk about, eh? If anyone’s taking this stuff all down, they must be peeing themselves with glee today.

  55. AO said,

    Or, we could always go back to talking about boogers. ūüėČ

  56. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    Several years ago I was the maid of honor for my best friend’s second wedding in three years and she was determined to have the traditional wedding she didn’t have the first time around.
    Everything seemed to be going along fine until the night before the wedding. That night, myself and the rest of the bridesmaids went to this bed and breakfast where the wedding was to take place. It was a very quaint place and the bedroom I picked was quite charming, except it was the only one big enough to accomodate her wedding dress and train, which she set up in my closet. That would have been fine, except at 10:30 the night before the wedding she gets into a huge fight with her mother because she felt the dress needed ironing one more time and her mother refused to go to Wal-Mart to buy a steam iron for her. This argument went down in my bedroom and to make matters worse, the wedding was in another state and I didn’t have a rental car so I couldn’t just leave.
    Eventually my friend got her way and her mother went out to Wal-Mart to buy the iron, but while she was gone, my friend started crying and saying that she wanted to call off the wedding because she didn’t want her fiance to know “what a horrible family he was marrying into.”
    It was hard to know what to say to her because the dress looked fine and the whole argument seemed completely out of place but eventually myself and the rest of her wedding party were able to convince — with a little help from Jack Daniels — her that everything was going to be okay and she didn’t need to call the wedding off.
    Nearly five years later, she is still married to this man, but the drama in her life continues.

  57. Bobbie said,

    That sounds like someone I used to know.

  58. Bobbie said,

    Not that anyone else but me cares about it, but the kids have landed safely in Dallas. They now have an hour before they catch their next flight to St. Louis.

  59. K2 said,

    Some people aren’t happy unless they’re miserable, Mandy. You would think the woman had more pressing issues. (Sorry.)

    You know why a bride smiles as she walks towards the alter?

    She knows she’s given her last blow job.

    (Yes, it’s an oldie but a goodie.)

  60. K2 said,

    Ah, St. Louis. I’m actually flying my family to Kansas City this August, and then driving to Forsyth, MO, for my grandmother’s memorial service. It’s a tad backwards out there, but it is beautiful country, and I have fond memories of the area in the ’70s and ’80s. I used to go to Branson when it was essentially just one road. It had two water slides we used to go to as kids. No Dollywood either. Just Silver Dollar City.

  61. Richie said,

    My wife’s brother was working on his first marriage. Now, there’d been plenty of signs that perhaps this thing shouldn’t have gone through; that perhaps these two should have gone their separate ways, but, hey, what the heck..

    The ceremony goes off relatively OK. A bit of jockeying for seating; but since the families are divided they can keep it “in house” so to speak.

    The reseption is the usual nightmare you see on TV. Drunkenness, foolish or embarassing toasts, dresses cut far too low, women not wearing panties (who SHOULD be), breasts being displayed that would have been better left concealed, the asshat whose pants keep falling down, idiots thinking they can dance – and they can’t, kids running around, etc etc. A circus ? Yah, I guess; but far too many clowns.
    The high point, the ‘piece de resistance’ so to speak , occurred when the Maid of Honour did a couple lines of coke & went completely wonky !

    Woo hoo ! Fights on ! She had a number of grudges to settle and started right in on them. Of course, her boyfriend had to heave in too. Well, they got the quietus put on him, but the “maid” is flat out of control.

    The call goes out – “Richie, whadda we do ?” Now, I don’t want any part of this brouhaha; I’m just a tourist here, see ? Well, it’s a dirty job and someone has to do it. I call Portland PD and they send a two-man car. Miss Maid doesn’t go quietly though, & after I show ’em my tin I wind up helping the Portland cops.
    In the end, after we’ve seen far too much of her physical attributes; her dress is torn to shit, shoes are missing, hair is like a mare’s nest; and she’s had a couple doses of pepper spray; but finally she’s tucked away neatly in the cruiser & away she goes.

    The marriage lasted only a couple of months. She was screwing a couple of guys before she met the brother-in-law; kept on taking the old ‘love potatoe’ even while married, and finally took up with ANOTHER guy and divorced the poor BIL.
    He was lucky he didn’t catch something . . .

    I had a great time at the whole thing, though; and still remember it all very fondly.

  62. LaFlamme said,

    Okay, here’s a true story. At my brother’s wedding on the North Shore in New Jersey, I ended up decking out the wrong car with shaving cream, tin cans, the whole work. Embarrasing enough on its own. The kicker? It was my own rental car.
    I may have had a cocktail that night.

  63. jarheaddoc said,

    K2, I have to pick on your spelling in you post: you typed ‘alter’, which is to change, not altar’ which si where you get married.

    You just fucking with us and not letting us know?

    Life sure as fuck does get ‘altered’ after you say I do!

  64. K2 said,

    Did the car say, ‘Just completely fucking drunk’ on it?

    jd, nope, it was a typo. My editor is dyslexic and illiterate.

    When I got married, I ran the whole show — outside at a park, no religion whatsoever, and I premixed all the tunes for the ceremony and reception. Of course, the Justice of the Peace who wedded us showed up drunk, and slurred though his part, which was not planned. He literally wobbled as he spoke. And my wife’s friend/coworker was the photographer, but she took mushrooms and, well, let’s just say she spent most of the reception in the Freak Out Tent. And my videographer buddy didn’t show, so another friend did it. Problem was, he filmed the ground half the time. With no sound. (Or subtitles.)

    Right after the ceremony, while the receiving line formed (and Garcia’s killer cover of ‘How Sweet It Is’ played), my buddy lit a HUGE gorilla finger, and the fragrantly herbal smoke cloud literally dusted the whole line of guests like in a Cheech and Chong movie. Fucking hysterical, except my mother wasn’t laughing.

    And the hotel, where the reception was held, asked our ‘Reefer Room’ occupants to open the windows, since they had multiple complaints. Oops.

    Still, my friends said it was the most down-to-earth wedding they’d ever been to, and even with 100 guests, we threw it for $6,000. (And that included the drugs.)

  65. Richie said,

    Geez, Mark, drink like a fish do we ?

    Ya know; I bet one of these blog babes would be just the match for you; & then us guys could get together & decorate your car for you; again. I bet Weasel has some cute ideas he could do. Heh heh heh !

  66. Linda said,

    Those are some great Bridezilla stories! Richie, that sounds like a wild one

  67. Linda said,

    And Bobbie, great to hear that the trip went OK.

    Not good to tell horror stories to people with loved ones in the air, but since they are safely in the U.S: once when I was here visiting from New Zealand, a couple of days before I left to go back, a United flight lost its door over the Pacific, along with a set of seats and the passenger in them. My father was pretty freaked out, he really didn’t want to take me to the airport after that. But I told him what I always tell him — flying across the Pacific is statistically safer than driving to the airport in Portland.

  68. Linda said,

    Now I’m in Rumford and we are about to have thunderstorms — see you later, maybe!!

  69. Bobbie said,

    When I get ready to fly, there is usually a crash right before or right after I take my trip. You’re right, the safest time to fly is right after a crash, Linda. There usually isn’t two airplane crashes in a row.

    Got a call earlier from the kids. They were on their way to the house from the airport. I found out that my daughter and her MIL are putting their heads together about our camping trip while they’re here, so I know I’m in trouble now. Her MIL is the take charge kind of person, so I have no idea what my daughter will get us into!

  70. AO said,

    I’m glad to hear that they landed safely, Bobbie. And, good luck with the MIL thing. Sounds like you’re going to need it!

  71. Linda said,

    Ah, today’s thunderstorms are wimpy compared to yesterday.

    Re the camping — good luck! Family outings can be a challenge. But then sometimes they give you stuff to laugh at for years to come, if you can just survive them.

  72. Bobbie said,

    I’ll fill you guys in on all the gory details later. Someone out to get a laugh out of things.

  73. Linda said,

    Looks like the party’s over?

  74. AO said,

    There was a party? Damn! I must have missed it.

  75. AO said,

    I think the groom in this photo looks like a total dork and, the bride looks way too young to be getting married. Maybe it was a “shotgun” affair. Those could be some of their relatives in the background. I’ll bet it’s his mother.

  76. Linda said,

    I agree AO, I don’t care for the way he’s gazing cheesily down the beach. While the bride is gaping at him like she wants to have him for breakfast. There has to be a story, and we’d be bound not to approve of it.

    Did you get lightning and hail? a big storm for MT?

  77. Linda said,

    Actually the woman in the background looks like SHE wants to have one of them for breakfast, too.

  78. AO said,

    The woman in the background looks like she already had somebody or, somebodies for breakfast. We had a pretty good storm. BIG hail stones. I sat in the window and watched them bouncing off my front lawn. But…alas…it was over way too soon.

  79. Linda said,

    well the summer is young.

    Solstice officially tomorrow am. You gonna dance in the moonlight tonight, AO, if there is any? I’m rusty on my mythology, what are we talking, human sacrifice? or just feasting, orgies and bacchanalia?

  80. Mongo said,

    “Oh, well imagine, as I’m pacing the pews in a church corridor,
    and I can’t help but to hear,
    no I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of words:
    “What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!” says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
    “And yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom’s bride is a whore.”
    -Panic at the Disco

  81. AO said,

    I’ll probably be sleeping when all the dancing is going on. But, I’d like to be feasting right now. My lunch is…gone and, I’m starving!

  82. Linda said,

    Ah, lunch. That sure was nice.

    Mongo, yet another take on the wedding scene. It’s a veritable Rorshach!! and look how the tide goes in and out — first the bride’s a ratbag, then the guests, then the groom, then the bride again … we’ll never know about them, but we’re certainly learning more about each other.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I guess…

  83. AO said,

    My husband and I had our wedding video taped. My son, when he was about 3, wanted to watch the tape. So, being the good mother that I am ;), plugged it in for him. He watched the whole thing and…it was about an hour later that I realized that he had pushed the record button on the VCR after he rewound the tape. So, my whole wedding ceremony was taped over. Thankfully, he left the best part of the reception untouched: My husband and I having our first fight as a married couple. A sign of bigger things to come.

  84. Linda said,

    I think I saw that on Everybody Loves Raymond, too, though it was a football game in that case.

  85. Gil said,

    Imagine your child’s therapy bills whaen he finds the tape of his conception.

  86. Gil said,

    “Whaen” is Gaelic for when

  87. Linda said,

    Hi Gil, and is “fight” Gaelic for “conception”? Kind of makes sense in a strange Gaelic way

  88. Gil said,

    Wait, not Gaelic, that just sounds bad.
    I meant Russian, or German, or manspeak
    Not Gay lick

  89. Linda said,

    Multilingual, eh? I’m impressed

    Wait, that just sounds bad too

  90. Linda said,

    This is probably inappropriately sentimental, but we’ve had the horror stories already and Mark will be posting something on the soltice, probably, and the moment will be gone.

    My niece, who is 20, just came pelting down the stairs with a photo, all excited. She’d been going through her mom’s albums, and she had pulled out a snapshot she’d never seen, of me and my father walking down the aisle at my wedding about a billion years ago. We were looking at each other and smiling, or maybe laughing. “Look at Pepere”, she said. “Look how young he looks!” She’s too well brought up to say the same about me, though I’m sure she was thinking it.

    My father died four years ago, and I came back to Maine because of his illness. Most of you know what it meant to me to leave my other life behind, and it’s been on my mind today after telling Mainetarr about it at lunch. So it was a very nice tender thing for me to see the photo, and remember the day, and see my niece’s delight in it.

    Sorry if that’s too lame for the blog. Carry on with the regularly scheduled program, if there is one. Which I suppose there isn’t, why would tonight be any different from any other night?

  91. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, that’s a nice story, Linda. Poignant and refreshing.

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