Music to slash your wrist by

July 6, 2006 at 11:33 pm (Uncategorized)


The following piece was posted just over a year ago, before most of you were hung around this dive. It resulted in skirmishes, hurt feelings and at least one suicide. May Herb rest in piece until his next resurrection. I still love this topic and I still stand by my opinion. Stand strongly by it, in fact. And Whitehouse is still a yahoo.

Once again, I had to take hulking, surly sports writer Randy Whitehouse into the parking lot and give him what for.

Yogurt eating Whitehouse doesn’t smoke, but he often joins me out there while I’m at it. Our discussions are deep. Typically, we’ll have long, meaningful chats about a Simpsons episode or his gushing belief that Cam Neely is worthy of the hockey hall of fame.

Tonight though, we were talking about THE MOST DEPRESSING SONG EVER WRITTEN. And that’s where the trouble began. To me, it’s a no-brainer. I say it’s “Black,” by Pearl Jam. Nothing else even comes close. I’m having morbid thoughts just thinking about it. I just want to go somewhere and weep. (That one’s for you, Weasel. Ann.)

Hulking and surly Whitehouse though, he goes on and on about some goofy Metallica song called “Fade to Black.” The most depressing song ever, he says, because it contains the line: “I have lost the will to live.”

I mean, cry me a river. Anyone who works with editors utters this line every, single day. I listened to the song and found it almost jolly. As inspiration to drink Drano, it doesn’t even come close to the Pearl Jam mood killer. No wonder Whitehouse snaps his ankle every other week. He thinks dance songs are sad.

But in fairness to the hulking and surly one, I’ll put it out there in case anyone has a thought on the issue. Most depressing song ever. What is it?
(“I have lost the will to live…” boo-freakin-hoo)


  1. brenda said,

    if I accidentally leave the radio on the Bates college station overnight, sure enough, they’ll play a set over & over that includes a song that goes: “…I wanna be married, I wanna be a wife… etc…” like they are trying to brainwash naive women? Turn it off! I’ve called the station butthey just say they have a pre-recorded set that they play when no one’s on the air.

    How many songs do you hear that are some man wailing longingly that they wish they could be dependent on a woman & lose their own independence?

  2. Omnius said,

    The Good Times Are Killing Me, by Modest Mouse has an infectious kind of depression about it, though I have to listen to it a few times for it take full effect, with Isle of Dogs and Caroline by Firewater bringing a bit more immediate depression.

  3. Omnius said,

    Brenda, the Nellie McKay song? She’s a comedian, the song is from her CD Get Away From Me, and I suspect is rather sarcastic given her comedy background.

  4. brenda said,

    Thanks, that really helps to know that. I can deal with that.
    It works as sarcasm.

  5. brenda said,

    It’s just that, as it plays repeatedly all night, your mind isn’t in that mode to deal with sarcasm, your more vulnerable to suggestion, so I didn’t like waking up realising something had been interfering with my dreams. Because even unconscious my brain resists crap & propaganda.

  6. Omnius said,

    I’ve had the same reaction to a couple of things myself, getting real pissed off until I realized it was sarcastic or satirical, the most recent that comes to mind being The Top Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is Wrong.

  7. Omnius said,

    Honorary mention to Pornography by The Cure.

  8. brenda said,

    thanks, that was great! Did you see this discourse?
    ” Finally, by definition same-sex erotic attraction is predicated either on the narcissism of being attracted to what one is as a sexual being or on the delusion that one needs to merge with another of the same sex to complete one’s own sexual deficiencies.

    Care to show me that definition? Perhaps it’s right next to the definition of a heterosexual as someone who “loathes their gender and wishes to be with someone of the opposite gender to punish their disgusting self.”

    It doesn’t address the main problem with this particular kind of sexual immorality!!

    It’s not the government’s job to address morality, where such morality (or lack thereof) doesn’t violate the rights of other citizens. “

  9. copy/paste: said,

    “You know what Mark! IT WAS ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND MARK!!!!!!! “

  10. copy/paste- continued said,

    Hey man, if I had my way, it would be Mark and Eve, and Eve’s 10 hot friends who don’t mind “sharing.” 😉

  11. copy/paste- continued said,

    You do realize that this is satire, right?

  12. Nadine said,

    Omnius — I am now in love with you! As I write this I am listening to “Impossible Things” by The Cure!!!

    Of course, another favorite of mine is “Something I can Never Have” by Nine Inch Nails

    And “Jupiter Crash” by The Cure

    And “Hurt” by NIN

    And “Plainsong” by The Cure

    And “And All That Could Have Been” by NIN

    But then again, we are probably the only ones familiar with The Cure, right? I know the Weasel knows some of the NIN songs

    Oh man how I could go on…

    “Drowning like a fly in my drink…” — The Cure

  13. Omnius said,

    Hurt? Should have thrown that in there myself, although I’m a big fan of the Johnny Cash cover. Have you ever seen the music video for that version?

  14. Nadine said,

    OMG YES!!!!!! Trent (lead singer of NIN and writer of Hurt) said that since he saw the video by Johnny he no longer owns that song…that is how much of an impact Johnny’s version made on him! What an honor!

    (I have both the NIN and Cash videos)

  15. Nadine said,

    Disintegration is much more a “slash your wrists” album then Pornography though

  16. Nadine said,

    I’ll add “Blasphemous rumors” by Depeche Mode as well (sheesh, this is MY topic! Thanks Mark!)

  17. Omnius said,

    Perhaps, but since the only music that ever made me want to slash my wrist was Shatner’s version of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, I deicded to stick with the stickier depression songs that reminded me of being stuck in tar.

    Plus I somehow missed the “slash your wrist” in the title.

  18. Omnius said,

    I’m pretty sure this doesn’t exist, but if it did it would take the cake: Michael Moore doing a cover of You Oughtta Know by Alanis Morisette.

  19. Nadine said,

    HA! Anything by Yoko or Shatner fits the slash your wrist category!

  20. Omnius said,

    Hahahahah, my original choice was Shatner’s Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!

  21. Nadine said,

    Wow, I didn’t even connect the two! Good call!

  22. lost shoe said,

    I only listen to sole music


  23. Omnius said,


  24. Martha said,

    LOL… I’ve never even heard of most of this stuff. I’m sure my taste in music would be lost on some of you, as well, though.

  25. Dave said,

    The most depressing concert I ever saw was in the 80’s at Raouls Roadside Attraction in Portland, featuring slide Blues player John Hammond. I know he’s supposed to be a legend of sorts, but what a f*ing sad depressing concert. Mix slow, slide blues with alcohol and depression is a given. So much for happy Saturday night. Christ, if I recall (and I don’t too well), I even felt like crap on Sunday. Thanks John.

  26. K2 said,

    Joni Mitchell’s ‘Blue,’ hands down.

  27. K2 said,

    Cripes. Joni’s ‘River’ too, also on the ‘Blue’ album, her best record. A must have album, I’m telling you. (‘Blue’ is the title track.)

    And Neil Young’s ‘Borrowed Tune’ off ‘Tonight’s the Night.’ Or his ‘Cortez the Killer’ off ‘Zuma.’

    Oh, and Pink Floyd’s ‘The Final Cut’ — nearly the whole album. But the title track says it all: ‘I held the blade with trembling hands, afraid to make it, but . . . just then the phone rang. I never had the nerve to make the final cut.’

  28. Crystal said,

    Creep by Radiohead. It just has that feel that stops you wherever you are and makes you cry. Great Song!!

  29. AO said,

    Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven”. I have to either, change the radio station or, skip the CD. Makes me cry every time I hear it.

  30. K2 said,

    Why did EC lend that song, about his dead son, to a movie about heroine? Never understood that one.

  31. Crystal said,

    Creep by Radiohead. It just has that feel that stops you wherever you are and makes you cry. Great Song!!
    Sob, Sob! Now it is stuck in my head and I will be depressed all day. Although I am at work which is very depressing in itself.

    Can’t wait to see Pirates 2 tonight!!!!!!!!

  32. AO said,

    What movie did he lend it to, K2?

    My son’s going to see Pirates today. He and I were supposed to have a “date” to go see it but, he want’s to see it with his friends. WTF? Ha.

  33. K2 said,

    ‘Rush,’ a bad film for the most part, although Gregg Allman played the bad guy.

    I read that Pirates 2 blows. Not that I even saw the first one. I’ve only seen three movies in the theater in 10 years — the Lord of the Rings trilogy. What can I say, I’m a Tolkien nut.

  34. AO said,

    Ah, Rush. I never did see that movie because, I heard it sucked.

    Priates 1 was very good. Now I have to wait for my son to find some free time to go with me to see 2. **SNIFF**

  35. Herb said,

    George Jones “He Stopped Loving Her Today” saddest song ever.

  36. Omnius said,

    K2, even Goodbye Cruel World from Floyd’s The Wall album is pretty depressing…most of their songs are, to the right person at least.

    “Re-arrange me till I’m sane.”

  37. K2 said,

    Good call, Omnius. You know, back in 11th grade, I took a typing class (talk about Basket Weaving 101) and while my Long-Island-accented teacher woud dictate, ‘Semi, semi, semi, space, colon, colon, colon, space. . . ,” I used to type song lyrics instead. I typed out ‘Goddbye Cruel World,’ and, of course, my mother later found it and though it was my suicide note. Ummm . . . mom, no. Just a dark tune, babe.

    More ‘Final Cut’:
    ‘Through the fish-eyed lens of tear-stained eyes.
    I can barely define the shape of this moment in time.
    And far from flying high in clear blue skies
    I’m spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide.’

  38. K2 said,

    And I have to mention Gordon Lightfoot’s ‘Early Morning Rain.’ Wonderfully miserable.

  39. AO said,

    I have “Gord’s Gold” on a double album format. I keep meaning to get the CD’s. And, yes, I still have a turntable in working order.

  40. Omnius said,

    Some of the more cheerful songs can be pretty fucking depressing if you’re in the right mood – The Ramones’ cover of What A Wonderful World springs to mind, along with a slew of Louis Armstrong.

  41. LaFlamme said,

    Creep. Definitely a good choice.

  42. LaFlamme said,

    What about “Shannon,” by Henry Gross? It’s about a dog who drowns, for chrissakes?

  43. LaFlamme said,

    And as long as we’re talking cheese, “Oh, Father,” by Madonna. I know you all love Madonna.

  44. LaFlamme said,

    There’s a song called “Gloomy Sunday” that’s so sad, it was blamed for a number of suicides. No, really. Google it. It was later redone by Sarah McGlaughlin.

  45. AO said,

    Gawd!! Not “Shannon”, again! I think you brought that insipid song up the last time you ran this blog. Another was, “Seasons in the Sun”…yuck!

  46. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, Seasons in the Sun is truly sad! BOW BOW BOW BOW…
    That’s right, AO. You were around for the original sad song debate.

  47. AO said,

    “Gloomy Sunday” sounds like it could be Top Ten material. I looked it up. It’s called The Hungrian Suicide Song. Cherry, eh?

  48. LaFlamme said,

    I have both the original and the Sarah M. version. Gloomy, indeed. But still. It’s no “Black.”

  49. Richie said,

    OK. Lets cheer up then. Here’s something happy for you

  50. Crystal said,

    I love Oh, father by Madonna. You have to be in the car by yourself when anything like that comes on the radio. It needs very exaggerated and theatrical type karaoke singing to go with it. Great video!

  51. K2 said,

    Hawking pondering the slashing-the-wrist part. . . .

  52. Linda said,

    Here’s a song that makes me want to jump off a bridge, or at least plan to in the morning. It’s by Jimmy Barnes, an Aussie. Doesn’t seem so lame with the music.

    Let’s Make It Last All Night

    Baby you say you got to say goodbye
    You tell me that you got to go
    But you don’t wanna tell me why
    And I would try to make you stay
    Even though it hurts inside
    I think you’re better off this way

    Just your touch has turned to ice
    Baby give me one more taste of paradise

    Let’s make it last all night
    This could be the last time I make love to you
    Let’s make it last all night
    Baby give me something to hold on to
    Even if we can’t make it right
    Baby make it last all night

    Baby before you throw it all away
    Before goodbye is carved in stone
    And then there’s nothing left to say
    Before you close the door on your desire
    Baby give me one more chance to feel your fire

    Let’s make it last all night
    This could be the last time I make love to you
    Let’s make it last all night
    Baby give me something to hold on to
    Even if we can’t make it right
    Baby make it last all night

    Before your touch is turned to ice
    Give me one more taste of paradise

  53. Dave said,

    What about the songs that have been played so much they should be shot?

    The one’s you KNOW will always get played at a wedding/Christmas Party/etc. event appealing to the masses….

    I, for one, would like to banish the following songs from ever being played again.

    – Old Time Rock n Roll – Bob Seger
    – Stairway to Heaven – Zep
    – Smoke on the Water –
    – YMCA – Village People
    – Duck Song
    – Marcarena
    – Any f*ing country line dance song

    Any others?

  54. AO said,

    Linda: Wish I could hear it put to music. I LOVE the lyrics.

    Dave: I HATE the flucking Duck Song and..The Marcarena…Old Time Rock n Roll…YMCA…I especially hate line dance songs!

  55. Mainetarr said,

    I HATE Old Time Rock and Roll more than anything and my friend Laura LOVES it. It is literally “her” anthem. No matter where we go, she always requests that flucking song. And I roll my eyes and tell her she’s gay. Is there any song that makes me want to kill myself more? Nope. (By the way, I secretly LOVE Le Canard – the duck song) I am the asshole who always had it played at parties. My husband thinks I am retarded because I love that stupid song. He had never heard it before coming to Maine. Oh, and another old favorite…Wipe Out. Nuthin funner that shaking your bum to that song. And God forbid anything from KISS or any disco is played, you can guarantee I will be on the dance floor.

  56. Mainetarr said,

    Oh, others that were played too much…Cocaine by Eric Clapton. Mony Mony–that song reminds me of that bar in Sabattus. Gay. Gay song, gay bar. What’s the name of that place? Mickey’s? Mikey’s? You know the one, in that mall. Gay.

  57. Dave said,

    Ah, Mony-Mony – the #1 song played at the Barnboard Lounge in Rumford Maine. (#1 drink – Allen’s Coffee Brandy and Milk)

    Ah, the horrific memories of dancing to the song in a drunken stupor attempting to make a local lady happy…


    fyi, the #2 song at the Barnboard was “White Wedding”

  58. AO said,

    Dave, Ask Mark if he likes Allen’s Coffe Brandy with, pinky extende or, flat on the glass.

  59. Mainetarr said,

    WHite Wedding sucks too. What other bar songs were played over and over? Push It, was that the name of it? The Stroke-another stupid song. Billy Squire sucks.

  60. Linda said,

    Ahhhh the Barnboard — that was you Dave?

    Just kidding, haven’t been there in many years 🙂

  61. Mainetarr said,

    He was almost flat on his ass, not on the glass. I think the Allens was too much for him. He’s a lightweight. And speaking of partying at my house, where were you this week, Ms. AO???

  62. Mainetarr said,

    Mixer’s. It’s Mixers. I looked it up in the phone book.

  63. Mainetarr said,

    Alright, so I am chatty tonight. You guys gotta check out Daves website. Just click on his name. It’s REALLY good!!!

  64. Dave said,

    Yup, I grew up downwind of Rumford, in the gorgeous smelly hamlet of Mexico, Maine. The typical weekend bar routine was as follows. Start at Teena’s (a.k.a. Teenagers), play pool, then go to Hotel Rumford (and climb the fire escape and run along the rooftops of the “island” in Rumford), then at 10 or so, go to the Barnboard.

    Allens is classic. Alcohol laced with caffeine. Wide alert drunks? It always spells trouble.

  65. Linda said,

    No way! You know, I never thought to run along the rooftops, sounds like fun. When I lived there I was too young to get served in bars, so my partying spots were more … clandestine. Then Razzano’s for coffee and walking up the hill to home, since anyone who could use their dad’s car had to bring it home early, and anyone who had their own car, I wasn’t allowed to be seen getting in or out of it after 11. It was the dark ages and I was the oldest daughter. Sheesh.

  66. Dave said,

    Teena’s was nicknamed “Teenagers” for a reason ! No ID required. Of course, this was back in the 80’s.

    The rooftops in Rumford were amazing. They could be accessed via a back-alley behind Hotel Rumford with a fire escape dangling down. Go up the fire escape and voila – roof hopping opportunities galore!

    The other “hot-spots” in town included the “information booth” parking lot, smitty’s field, the “top of the world”, and numerous other informal house parties. It was (and still is) a smelly town, but the natives know how to have an outrageous time.

  67. Dave said,

    Thanks MaineTarr. The site is still a work in progress.. and summer ain’t a good time for me to be focusing on work. But it will continue to improve….

  68. Linda said,

    In Rumford there used to be more “woods” in town, like between the library and both bridges, and behind the hospital. Or “stickytown”. Or down behind the playing field, where there’s a paved walking path now.

  69. AO said,

    MT, Sorry. I was closing up shop. NEXT week! I promise!!

  70. LaFlamme said,

    Sinead O’Conner’s “Nothing Compares.” I could weep.

  71. Linda said,

    Most anything on “Pants-Off Dance-Off.” Not the music though — the visuals.

  72. Dave said,

    The one song that makes me cry is off Warren Zevon’s last album, called “Keep Me In Your Heart “….

  73. LaFlamme said,

    Anyone remember a song called… shit. What was it called? It went: “Daddy please don’t, it wasn’t his fault, he means so much to me…” And in the end *snuffle* the girl gets shot by her own *snort* father.

  74. LaFlamme said,

    “Run, Joey Run.” It came to me in a hideous flash.

  75. K2 said,

    ‘Taking Care of Business’ and ‘Gaydar Love’ make K2 go something, something. Crazy? Don’t mind if I do. . . .

    David, your site’s cool. What’s the impetus? Who pays for it? Can I link to quality porn from it?

    The fireworks in Lisbon Falls last night were excellent. Too bad my 1-year-old cried bloody murder through the whole thing, and my 3-year-old whined through it. Remind me to brink a flask of booze wherever I go.

  76. Nadine said,

    *Ahem* Bjork did a cover of “Gloomy Sunday” — I was in tears the first time I heard it…until it turns out in the song that she “was only dreaming”!!!

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