Herbivore

July 9, 2006 at 1:33 pm (Uncategorized)

herb2.jpgI believe it was a year ago this weekend that our beloved blog friend Herb committed suicide. And what a sad day it was. I was pumping gas into my car after a backyard party when I got the call. “Herb offed himself,” the grim reaper of callers said. “I just read about it in your blog.”

For those of you who weren’t around for that sadness, Herb was an original and regular barfly at “Street Talk” before it was booted from the Sun Journal website. One afternoon, on a Saturday, a new blogger named Mongoose stepped in to report Herb had gone the way of the bullet.

Mourning was brief. Within days, Herb rose from the grave, Lazarus like, and returned to the blog with more talk of Thailand trips and more sly flirtations with the Street Talk ladies. No explanation was ever given for his resurrection. Over ensuing months, Herb quit the blog, came back. Quit the blog again, vowed never to return, rose up again a week later.

Herb is like a stray dog that keeps coming back for scraps.

herb.JPGBut since he hasn’t graced us with his presence in many months, I say it’s time for wild speculation about his whereabouts. Is he dead for the second time? In prison? On a secret, government assignment in the brothels of Thailand? Married to Bulldog and sailing around the world?

Herb is dead. Long live Herb.

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44 Comments

  1. Omnius said,

    I haven’t been much for quotes lately, but it seemed appropriate.

    “Nations, like stars, are entitled to eclipse. All is well, provided the light returns and the eclipse does not become endless night. Dawn and resurrection are synonymous. The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul.” ~Victor Hugo

  2. LaFlamme said,

    Well, okay. If we’re spouting death quotes, might as well go to the master:

    “The boundaries which divide life and death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends and the other begins?” ~ Edgar Allan Poe

  3. Anonymous said,

    I don`t think Herb has figured it out either!

  4. brenda said,

    I remember,-before Mongoose wrote that, Herb’s last post was interpretable as suicidal: he’d written in anger that he’d might as well “swallow the dirty stick” which I’d rather take as a sexual preference, except he wasn’t in that kind of mood, he was angry & frustrated & feeling misunderstood. And when he was gone & that was the last thing he said, well, I was worried. So, if Mongoose wasn’t in cahoots with Herb’s twisted joke, it could have been that Mongoose thought it was funny to take my concern & play it out.

    ps: hmmmm? herbivore, omnivore…..omnius? could he be here with a new name?

  5. Omnius said,

    “That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die.” – HP Lovecraft.

  6. jarheaddoc said,

    He’s not that smart

  7. Wilbur said,

    “Lewiston resident Brenda Akers said she would attend a rally with her 7-year-old son if one is held. She is not Muslim but says what happened at the mosque should worry all residents.

    “It doesn’t make me feel any safer to live in a community where people think it’s OK to do something deliberately to hurt my religion,” said Akers, who designs ethnic-inspired clothing. ”

    You are a wing nut Brenda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. AO said,

    Herb, Mongoose, Brother Love all one in the same. All….out there. “Herbivore” Ha. Mark, you crack me up. And, by the way, thanks. I owe you one.

  9. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, I forgot about Brother Love. Wasn’t he one of the pall bearers?

  10. Linda said,

    Is this the same Herb that recently got in a snarling fit over a supposed photo of a supposed Vanessa? The Howdy Doody guy?

  11. Asshat said,

    And Comrade Herb, dont forget him. Those bastards. I wore black for two days when I heard Herbivore had died. Herb’s not a bad guy, he just has a lot of anger that he never worked through. He could be pretty funny, but he could also be very morbid too. Seems as though he is stuck in time, right around the time he came home from Vietnam. I think he had a shitty life as a youngster and young man and even though he made a better life someplace else, he never really got over it. Ah well, Herb is dead. Long live Herbivore.

  12. Ray said,

    Maybe he go lookie for young girl in Thailand. Papa Herb got someting to show you little girl.

  13. K2 said,

    Some folks and their Somalian obsession. Hate will never die, unfortunately.

    Man, Mark, I can only imagine your blog topic when I fake my own death and flee the blog for the third time. (But who’s counting?) Fact is, all I ever wanted was to be held, but you were so selfish, I had no one to turn to. And if you would only return my phone calls. I know, I call every hour, but just to hear your voice . . . that sweet, coke-addict tempo; how I crave its extemporaneously sexy nature. O! to spend one night with Mark LaFlamme is enjoy the hidden pleasures of utter paradise! Allah, you and your 42 virgins got nuthin’ on LaFlamme.

    Just pick up the damn phone, Mark. Like Cameron said in ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,’ ‘He’ll keep calling me, he’ll keep calling me, he’ll keep calling me. . . .’

  14. LaFlamme said,

    I think you people are too quick to dismiss my Herb and Bulldog theory.

  15. Dave said,

    This must be an inside joke. I have no idea what you are talking about.

  16. K2 said,

    Theory. Fact. Hypothesis. Law. Speculation. Psychic hotline. It’s all good.

  17. Linda said,

    And is this the first time you’ve had that experience in the Lost Sole, Dave??? That’s hard to believe 🙂

  18. Dave said,

    No, not exactly, but I REALLY don’t have a clue this time.

    But I did get to see a pic of Mainetarr in the SunJournal today. I’m still a bit on the fence about this new “B” section. Guess I’m too old for it. And the “new” bloggers don’t seem to blog very much…

  19. LaFlamme said,

    I liked today’s B section better than the previous ones. More info I could use and that piece about automated phone systems was overdue. The SJ axed another bit from the Sexcetera column, though. Go figure. They didn’t expect there to be content beyond missionary position with lights off.

  20. Linda said,

    I liked today’s story about telephone customer service.

  21. Linda said,

    Is that how King Solomon did it, then?

  22. LaFlamme said,

    I kinda wish the B section wasn’t thusly designated. That is, I like local news on the B section, then sports and THEN all that gratuitious stuff. I guess I could live more comfortably with a funky ass D section. But that’s me.

  23. Dave said,

    The more they keep it local the better. I can read the syndicated crap on-line.

    The automated phone systems was a good piece.

  24. LaFlamme said,

    You should see the weird ass stuff they have me doing next week. I shouldn’t foreshadow much, but it could get me killed.

  25. "The Weasel" said,

    I hope your not going to forget the 1-year anniversary of the the Great DUBE -DO chase.

  26. "The Weasel" said,

    I hope your not going to forget the 1-year anniversary of the the Great DUBE -DO chase.

    Hey ,did you guys see Brenda made the Portland paper today?

  27. AO said,

    OMG! Weasel, The DUBE-Do chase was a claasssic blog! Gotta revisit it! I think it was one of the highest hit blogs up until the, What’ll You Have, blog. Now, that was another classic!

  28. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, Dube was really good to us. Jesse Caron, not so much.

  29. Linda said,

    Mark, I saw in the SJ that today is Courtney Love’s birthday. I assume you sent her greetings?

  30. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. I sent her a card with some Oxy dust in it. Hey, I know what she likes.

  31. Linda said,

    Billy Corgan & Courtney Love: Roommates?

    “06/28/2006 2:00 PM, Yahoo! Music
    Dotmusic

    “Billy Corgan has moved in with Courtney Love, according to reports.

    “The pair, who have been friends for some time and are understood to be working on material for Courtney’s new solo album, are apparently sharing her Hollywood mansion.

    “However, it is unclear if the couple’s relationship is purely plutonic.”

    Plutonic. What does that mean — that they are space cadets??

  32. AO said,

    I am so out of touch…I’ll be the first to admit it. Who the HELL is Billy Corgan? Ah, I’ve clearly got too much going on in my life. Hell, I STILL don’t know who the hell “Charlotte” IS!

  33. AO said,

    LINDA!! Can you flucking believe this game!?!? I’m exhausted!

  34. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. Who the hell is Corgan?

  35. Linda said,

    Smashing Pumpkins.

    AO, it’s epic, and not looking good.

  36. Blumpkin said,

    right on Wilbur!

  37. AO said,

    Wilbur?? Who’s Wilbur? Mr. Ed’s keeper?

  38. LaFlamme said,

    See post number 7, AO. Another Brenda fan.

  39. LaFlamme said,

    Man, if there are any telescope geeks out there, Jupiter’s looking great tonight. Four moons visible and the red spot is popping.

  40. AO said,

    We have a telescope but, it’s not set up. Is the red spot visible to the naked eye?

  41. LaFlamme said,

    Nope. What kind of telescope do you have? Set that baby up, man.

  42. wing nut ;-p~~ ~ said,

    well, thanks, wilbur. I missed that newscast, and wondered how it got edited.
    I didn’t hear what they used today either, I missed the news because I was at the park.

    She walked up and asked what I think of a kid being assaulted in the park at night last weekend? What could I say? I never heard anything about it. I have no idea what parts of the conversation they used or how they edited it, so go ahead, tell me.

  43. Bulldog said,

    I left Herb on the curb
    I ain’t with him no more
    He whined and moaned and groaned too much
    To me, he was a bore

  44. LaFlamme said,

    Whoa! Bulldog sighting!

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