The Hole in the Street Song

July 11, 2006 at 1:35 am (Uncategorized)

Back in the day, I was friends with many bands. Nobody you’ve heard of. These were men and women who played in garages or in gritty bars on weekends and they had a modest playlist. “Sultans of Swing,” “Keep your Hands to Yourself,” “Gimme Three Steps,” repeat as necessary. And each one of these bands at one time or another asked me to write songs for them.

I cannot write songs. The lyrics I come up with seem far to heavy to drape upon a bitching beat, and so I try resorting to the light stuff. I’m no good at that, either. Every time I try to put even simple words to a tune, I come up with this sort of thing: “Oh, girl. You’re a something something something that rhymes with girl. And something something dead thing in my hat…”

I suck. My new friend Suzi, however, does not. She saw me giggling at Nick Nolten’s Lewiston song and quickly endeavored to write a better one. This was around the time stuff was falling apart or blowing up on Lisbon Street and she seized on the concept. Now that’s talent. Sing along with me, goddamit.

The Hole in the Street Song

It came from outer space,
Looking for a tasty treat.
It landed here in Lewiston
And took a bite out of Lisbon Street.

The UFO sailed in fast.
No one waw it evolve
Was it round or long, green or gold?
This mystery wont be solved.

Public Works said it was a sinkhole
Caused by years of neglect.
A 25-foot deep sinkhole?
Give our brains a bit of respect!


Alien ships have sailed Maine skies
For 20 or 30 years.
As reported in the Sun Journal\
It’s abduction that we fear.


This UFO sought no human –
Plain ol’ paving stones would do
It dug through layers of asphalt
To find these old rocks to chew.


When they reached the deepest drainage pipe,
The aliens hurriedly quit their meal.
We all know what flows through those pipes
And they left fast, with nary a squeal.


It took a week to fill that hole
According to Maine State rules.
None guessed the alien truth of it,
And none were named as fools.




  1. Treehugger said,

    Ok, Brenda is a Wingnut.
    Even the fucking Somalians don’t want anything to do with tomarrow’s hoop-di-do.

    As far as Pubic Works…..I called several times to report water seeping through a portion of Montello near the bird nest, no luck.

    I was out and found a crew painting the street lines and told them………..hmmmmmmmmmmm, they thought enough of it to cone it off!

    And please Flamer, don’t use the Lord’s name in vain!

  2. Mainetarr said,

    We suspected it was a UFO that caused all that damage, glad to see we weren’t the only ones. Good song. Ha!

    I saw the article in the SJ today about traffic on Park Street. Something better change BEFORE school opens, Asshats drive 50 mph through that area all the time. Just last year, and old man got hit by a car on Park St. The city should make it so that only folks who live on the street or are going to the school can use it. And a police presence would be nice starting in August to get people to slow the hell down before school opens. Friggen City of Auburn….wait until school opens and see what happens. What ever happened to being proactive and not reactive?

  3. K2 said,

    How’s your whole . . . family?
    How’s your whole . . . family?

    Suck on a big cock . . . tail with me.
    Suck on a big cock . . . tail with me.

    Cripes, I still get a chuckle from that song.

  4. Oopsy said,

    I musta missed that one K2 …….. what’s the reference of this ditty?

  5. LaFlamme said,

    Raucous thunderstorm this morning.

  6. jarheaddoc said,

  7. LaFlamme said,

    Ahhh. Wasn’t Syd the inspiration for many of Floyd’s songs, like Wish you were Here, Brain Damage, and Shine on, You Crazy Diamond?

  8. K2 said,

    Wow. I hadn’t heard that. Been writing an article on how the AMA came out last month and bashed the shit out of salt in our food. They literally want the FDA to regulate sodium like a drug. And we all know how effective governement is with regulation — and the War on Drugs. Maybe they should focus on hallucinogens:

    I have all of Floyd’s albums, including the two first with Syd. While I do like ’em, I much prefer the Waters’ controlled Floyd, with Gilmore’s guitar-fueled doom and Rick Wright’s trance-inducing synths. Still, I had a good friend who used to play ‘Bike’ at gigs in Rochester: “I’ve got a bike, you can ride it if you like, it’s got a basket, a bell that rings and things to make it look good. I’d give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it. You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world. I’ll give you anyything, everything if you want things.”

    Rest in peace, Syd.

  9. K2 said,

    Oopsy, ‘How’s your whole . . .’ was a goof song that used to get played on WCMF in Rochester back in the early ’90s.

  10. wing nut ;-p~~ ~ said,

    How they spell my name is irrelevant, I’m more concerned that they edit & misconstrue my meaning. I need to be clear when talking to press, but they caught me unawares- I knew nothing of the alleged assault. So I talked about the need to have supervision over kids & that it’s trickier with teens.

    Teeth- also irrelevant- but you see my problem.
    * lack of health care $, even when I worked for school district & paid for dental insurance, it wasn’t covered & the cost was twice my monthly income, upfront, so I did without getting my front teeth taken care of.
    * I always brush my teeth, the dentists always tell me I’m wearing them out.

    Another way to look at it:
    Back in the 80’s, I was into reading the Bible and I took it really seriously, I read all about Jesus & the importance of humility as a spiritual value, I prayed, & prayed, so sincerely, for humility. …..
    The prayer was answered decades later. My teeth keep me humble.
    (Be careful what you pray for!)

    I can see it that way, but in spiritual relationship with The Powers That Be, I have been given Free Will, I stand on my own two feet, on the ground I stand on. Anyway, call it karma, consequences, etc…
    Over 20 years ago, I crossed a line. Like when you eat escargo for the first time- you go from a person who’d never eat snails to one who did – one day, I crossed the line from being a person who would never think of putting a straw up her nostril to one who did. Orgasms in my arms! Didn’t know it was possible. Of course that was the only time it felt like that. The person who cut up & set up that line for me, said to me, “If you do this, you will lose your front teeth. This can harm your teeth’s roots and maybe ten, 15 years later, you’ll need a root canal.” I only snorted about 4 months, and then I removed myself from everyone I knew when I was getting paranoid.
    Quit on my own, Valentines Day, 1986 and never went back. Sex got me through the withdrawals and I got married. Consequences of that: 1987:The next year, I had a son. He’s 19 now and a great young man despite my mistakes.
    It wasn’t until 1996 to 98 that I had the root canal. What happens is, there’s a hole in the baclk of the tooth and without having the dentist redo the filling, it decays on the inside, until it’s so bad they remove it.

    So God granted me humility. And consequences of my mistakes.
    I hope God will answer my more relevant prayers.
    Thank you for asking, Treehugger.
    Brenda Akers
    That’s who I am, as if you didn’t already know.

  11. BOHICA said,

    I think my name says it all as far as you’re concerned, Brenda. I am going to get out tf the way of whatever wagon you’re on, because you would leave me broken, bleeding, and dying on the side of the road when you ran me over in the throes of your religious fervor, and blame me for being a heathen and say that God was just in having my backsliding ass run over like a mongrel dog

  12. jarheaddoc said,

    I wonder if old Syd and June Allyson are together in the great beyond, passing a fat one and singing songs that don’t make much sense.

  13. "The Weasel" said,

  14. Omnius said,

    So that’s what it feels like to sleep for an entire week. Not as much fun as it was in high school.

    Yeah, never going to do that again. I need to get back to work on a bunch of things.

    What the fuck did I just say? Am I fucking growing up? I only have two months of adolescence left, and then a year before I can legally drink. I can tell already that’s going to be a fun time.

  15. Omnius said,

    I’m confused about why the Nudist link was posted, why I clicked on it, why I’m so proud of scoring 1116 on my first try, and why I have the over-powering urge to play again.

  16. Blumpkin said,

  17. Cynthia said,

    Oddly enough, this seems like the kind of song Syd would have appreciated…

  18. K2 said,

    It no work for me, Weaselsan. Damn Caucasian website. What happen long time?

  19. wing nut ;-p~~ ~ said,

    I think you misunderstood me, BOHICA, I said IN THE EARLY 1980’s I was into religion.’ That was a couple decades ago.
    I am spiritual in my own way but have mucho problemos with many so called Christians, but I respect them and their right to believe what they do.
    I have disagreements with those who interpret things certain ways. I meant to be saying: I read what I read & it was meaningful & I was sincere. But the “Church” experience didn’t work for me.
    However, I do not go around to churches & offend other people by telling them what I think, trying to make them think what I think. If I were like that I could never have stayed on this blog so long!
    You can bend

  20. wing nut ;-p~~ ~ said,

    hey- you have a censor on this blog all of a sudden? I didn’t write anything THAT profane!

  21. brenda said,

    I was telling the reporter, but she didn’t print all of it of course, that I look for what I have in common with people, not for the differences, that’s why I get along with many different people.

    Concerning bloggers calling me a wing nut, etc, I try to laugh it off, but, well, I really have very little in common with you. I was asked to come back to this blog- but I have to wonder why? To take the token liberal spot? or so you can have someone to ridicule? Did anyone besides Mainetarr want me back? She wrote, “We miss you” -not- “I miss you” !

    Is there anybody in this blog

  22. brenda said,

    ok, I just had to say one thing to clarify:
    Someone wrote:
    “Brenda. I am going to get out of the way of whatever wagon you’re on, because you would leave me broken, bleeding, and dying on the side of the road when you ran me over in the throes of your religious fervor, and blame me for being a heathen and say that God was just…”

    The whole point I need to make is that is exactly the kind of interpretation of religion that I disagree with. I am against religious superiority & using religion to hurt others in any way, or to justify hurting others. Did I never explain that?
    Maybe the person who wrote it actually has something in common with me.

  23. Wilbur said,


    Who do that vodoo that you do so well?

  24. Mr. Ed said,

    Wilbur, you’re still a horse’s ass!

  25. Martha said,

    Brenda, I have to say I disagree with most of what you post, but when it comes to ridicule.. join the club.. you are far from the only one who gets it. I guess if you’re going to post your thoughts here, you have to have broad enough shoulders to bear with the ignorance, smallness or just plain meanness of others.

  26. brenda said,

    well, this blog is about irreverent humor, irony, twisted & offbeat humor. A disrespectful attitude is the norm here, and people will twist what you said to joke around. I can choose whether to look at this blog or not.

    The pig’s head in the mosque took irreverence beyond personal attitude of disrespect and intruded it into a reverent space. That’s the problem. It’s one thing to blog about rolling pig’s heads & stuff, it”s another to “prank” unexpecting people who have no idea about that sense of humor and would not embrace it.

    I don’t care if you respect or disrespect me, you can write rude things in the blog. You can twist my words when I talk about my spiritual or religious experiences. In fact -no matter what I say, if I tell you what I like about religion, you twist that; if I tell you what I don’t like about religion, someone stands up for the things I disagreed with. It’s a blog.
    But if you were to find me where I live & hang out and start interfering with my ability to feel safe, then that’s different. What I was trying to say to the reporter was that if I live in a community where people go into a place of worship and intrude their irreverent pranks into that place, I’d also feel unsafe.
    But my Moslem friends are pretty much playing it down.
    I feel it’s important to just stand up in public and let people know that is not something that goes on everyday and won’t be laughed away.

    There are some young people who are playing aggressive pranks, acting like bullies in public, or sexually aggressive to men they don’t even know, just to get a reaction, then make it look like the caller was overreacting when the cops come. This makes me feel unsafe because because it’s wasting the cops’ time and after a while, when there’s a real emergency the cops won’t be in any hurry, expecting it to be another prank.

    Passive disrespect is not my problem. Aggressive disrespect is everybody’s problem.

    Maybe I should say that at the rally today? I’ll think about it.

  27. Martha said,

    I have stated honestly that I disagree with most of what you blog. Perhaps I should qualify that. I disagree with most of the political stances you take. However, I, personally have never ridiculed the things you’ve said. I don’t do it, because I try to treat other’s the way I want to be treated. I’m only saying.. in this forum specifically, if you’re going to join in, you might as well expect to deal with the other people who blog here. Some of them, unfortunately, are just plain mean and apparantly get great enjoyment out of attempting to bring others down to their level. Fortunately, they are not in the majority.

  28. Nadine said,

    Brenda…you go girl — I got your back!

    Attack away internet whiners, you know I love it

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