July 16, 2006 at 1:24 am (Uncategorized)

So the pop culture fanatics at work finally convinced me to watch “Clerks,” the 90’s cult classic about a pair of store clerks and there various woes. They told me it was funny and raw. They insisted it was singular in its approach to comedy and that I would thoroughly enjoy the voyueristic nature of the film. They implied that if I didn’t see this movie, I might not live a full and prosperous life and that I might become impotent.

I watched “Clerks.” And the only thing I found impotent was the horrid acting and the pointless script. There were a few chuckles to be had, but they were almost incidental. What’s funny about “Clerks,” is the kind of funny you get by proxy when you overhear a pair of teenagers talking about their floundering sex lives.

hysterical.jpgI’m no fan of “Clerks.” You may spit upon me if you’d like. And while I have no use for that particular movie, I don’t make assumptions about the people who love it. Personally, I have maybe a dozen really horrible movies on my list of favorites, many of them comedies you have never heard of. Who among you is a fan of an 80’s horror spoof called “Hysterical,” a movie about a pair of adventurer brothers trying to flush out zombies in a seaside town? Who has repeatedly watched Steve Martin’s “The Man with Two Brains,” and was moved to urine spillage every time? There’s a really nasty flick called “Making the Grade,” starring a break dancing Judd Nelson and a thumb breaking Andrew Dice Clay, and I’ll watch it a half dozen times before I’m through.

Lousy movies, all of them. And yet I’ll subject helpless friends to them any chance I get and insist that they will love them, too. Few of them ever do. Comedy, I suppose, is in the eye of the beholder.



  1. Cynthia said,

    Wow. Kindred spirit. Turns out I’m the only other Gen-Xer on the planet that hated Clerks. It seemed to me to be obnoxious and overwritten. If that makes any sense. Perhaps it does to you.

    Don’t know about those other two but I saw The Man With Two Brains in the dollar theater when I was a kid with my little brother. We were the only two people in the theater but we filled it with over the top stupid kid laughter. I now own it on VHS.

    “Into the mud, scumqueen!”

    Ever see “Night of the Creeps”? Funny shit.

  2. Mainetarr said,

    Don’t feel bad, I thought Clerks was stupid, too. I am also one of the few who thought Napoleon Dynamite was stupid too. I mean, there were a few good chuckles in there, but an old coworker of mine saw that movie 100 times. Not that funny, not at all.

  3. Linda said,

    When you persuade somebody to watch a movie that you really love, and they do, and then they are seriously unimpressed, do you blame them (“Philistines!!”) or do you just feel bad and try again with somebody else?

    I know there are people out there who love the move “The Commitments” but I’ve never been able to find them. For one thing, anyone that I’ve gotten to watch it can’t understand any of the dialogue. And in general they don’t get it.

    Any fans of “The Commitments” out there? (I guess I am off topic because it’s not a comedy and there’s no weight of opinion that it’s a truly bad movie)

  4. AO said,

    I loved the movie The Commitments. Yes, the dialogue was hard to understand but, the music made up for it. I also liked Napoleon Dynamite. “I like your sleeves, their real big”. I’ve never seen Clerks. Has anybody out there ever seen “Sean of the Dead”?

  5. Anonymous said,

    Ah thank goodness — Commitments fan at last!! I knew there were some out there.

    Never saw the other movies. More of my flawed movie background. I wonder what the hell was I doing while others were going to see these classics? Going to see Rocky Horror at least one Friday midnight out of four, but what else?

  6. Linda said,

    Here I go again with the Anonymous. ..

  7. LaFlamme said,

    One gushing Clerks fan at the paper (Kathryn Skelton. She has a piece on it in today’s B section) was astonished that I didn’t like the movie. After all, I was a store clerk in a similar dive for two years. Whatever. Relating to the job didn’t save the movie for me.

  8. Bobbie said,

    Never saw the movie “Clerks” and probably won’t either-after being one for so long, I see no humor in a movie about being one.

    Haven’t seen The Commitments either. Maybe one of these days, I’ll give it a try.

    Some of my favorite movies are: To Wong Fu, 8 Heads in a Dufflebag, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Secondhand Lions and a couple that slip my mind right now.

  9. Linda said,

    Hi Bobbie!! how are you doing?

    I still haven’t seen Wong Fu. LOVE Secondhand Lions though.

    I read the B section story on Clerks 2, and it was clear that the writer loves the first one. Too bad none of the clerks she interviewed had seen it.

  10. LaFlamme said,

    You know another one I’ll watch over and over? White Men Can’t Jump. I’m not a basketball fan, but the trash talk makes this one worth it.

  11. Cynthia said,

    I was a clerk at various video stores for years and had nothing to relate to in this movie. Well, basically I worked for corporate entities so I could never get away with the shit they were getting away with in that movie anyway. And I don’t know that I’d want to.

    It just felt pretentious and overwritten to me. Kind of the “nobody fuckin’ talks like that” doctrine. OVERWRITTEN.

    I apologize whole-fuckin-heartedly if I’m particularly profane today. Hottest day of the fuckin’ summer and our AC decides to konk out. Mother fuckwads.

  12. Linda said,

    So, Cynthia, are you in Maine? I somehow thought you were in the Midwest, but it would be an ugly coincidence if it were the hottest day of the year there, too.

  13. Cynthia said,

    It is an ugly cooincidence. I’m in the Chicago area…western suburbs.

  14. LaFlamme said,

    You’re fuckin’ A. They fucked up the fucking dialogue, I thought. It didn’t sound natural, the way two hood rat store clerks would talk. Fucktards. (Clearly, Cynthia is a bad influence on my already maligned potty mouth).

  15. Linda said,

    Who’s been maligning your potty mouth, Mark? Nobody here.

  16. LaFlamme said,

    Aw, that’s good to know. I’m no Bulldog, it’s true.

  17. Linda said,

    Though creative in your own inimitable way.

  18. AO said,

    There’s only one Bulldog. Wonder what we’d do with two?

  19. Linda said,

    Have twice as many inventive sex toys in the world?

  20. AO said,

    She could probably come up with a few new ideas and, she’d be rich! **Bulldog** if you’re reading this, remember, I’m the one who came up with the idea!!

  21. Mainetarr said,

    If it weren’t for A/C, I would have a screaming migraine right now. This heat kills me!! I hate it. It was 98 when I just went to Hannaford for cosmopolitan mix. It’s a martini kind of day, I think.

    Speaking of alcohol, where the hell has K2 been, anyhow?

  22. AO said,

    Linda, you could knit the cases for said…sex toys! Our logo could be “Slow Down Cowboy” sex toys. I keep getting that warning so, I thought it fit.

  23. AO said,

    MT! I just came back from Hannaford. We must have just missed each other. I had to get some cold brews.

  24. LaFlamme said,

    AO, you must be drinking hard, considering the Sox are about to drop a full game to the Yankees. 1/2 isn’t a very secure number, is it.

  25. AO said,

    I hate the damn Yankees! No, just sippin’ on a cold beer! I haven’t had any time to watch the game today. I had a house full of in-laws.

  26. LaFlamme said,

    Sox are down 5-1, Yankees won. There’s good news, though. The Royals beat Detroit 9-6. I know how you people love the Royals like I do.

  27. AO said,

    Well, you should be the on drinking hard. Damn!! The Royals really won? Who’d a thunk it? Celebrate, young man, celebrate! I think MT and I are the only one’s bending our elbows tonight.

  28. LaFlamme said,

    I’ve gotta do some writing first. Starting something new. Believe it or not, I never drink when I write. I’m no William Faulkner.

  29. AO said,

    Might make for some interesting reading.

  30. LaFlamme said,

    When I write drunk, I think at the time that I’m writing brilliantly. The next day, I give it a re-read, and I’m left with the pressing question: what?

  31. AO said,

    Hey, how do you know? Really? Send me some of your drunk “missives”. You could be tapping into some great unknown!

  32. Mainetarr said,

    I wasn’t drinking, just buying supplies because a friend of mine keeps promising to come over and party with me, but she is a no show. I wanna be ready should she decide to show up.

    Nice to see you tonight Calvin. Me casa et su casa.

  33. Cynthia said,

    Yeah, it occurred to me that I probably sounded like those fucktards when I was mouthin’ off in my last post. I suck. Wholeheartedly.

    As does our management. In the process of trying to fix our air before, they broke it worse and it stopped working all together. It was so hot in here yesterday that even the computers couldn’t take it and decided to die. I was considering that option as well..

  34. Crystal said,

    Loved Clerks. Also Office Space, Rocky Horror, Clue.
    Most people think I have totally lost my mind when I list some of my fav movies.

    Why don’t any of the theatres around here do a midnight showing of Rocky?? The right way with the actors and costumes and… I could go on forever but…

    Could not stand Napolean dynamite. I watched halfway through the whole time thinking to myself, “I don’t get it”… Does that mean I’m not cool??? Excuse me while I ponder that question…

  35. Bulldog said,

    Am I the only person here who caught Mark’s comment about us sitting on him? I have got to stop watching my son’s movies…..

    Anyway, back on subject: Didn’t like Clerks, Nap Dyno sucked. Love Rocky Horror and I don’t care how much I get slammed for this: I could watch Happy Gilmore over and over and over. I just LOVE that movie!!

    As for my new sex toy invention: I’m working on it. My Lost Sole buddies will be the first to know (sorry, prototypes will not be available as they will already have been used ;o)

  36. Larcik-ec said,

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