Creepy crawly

July 19, 2006 at 1:23 am (Uncategorized)

centipede.JPG

The creature was two inches long and had more legs than a room full of chairs. It was a sort of copper brown and its body seemed segemented many times so that it could change directions with alarming speed. Probisci poked from the tip of its head and I got the feeling those hideous things might be capable of pinching. But it wasn’t the anticipation of pain that gave me a chill like an electric shock. It was the sight of the primitive thing and the thought of it squirming and writhing just under my feet. It was the thought of a nest of them coiled and bubbling in a clot behind the wall or under the rug. The imagination running wild, I envisioned one of these things crawling into a salad and hiding, waiting for the first fork full. I imagined what one of those horrid creatures would feel like within the mouth or sliding down the throat.

spider.jpgGah, man. I’m a friend of nature pretty much, but I’m not digging the bugs. When I was a boy fond of tents, I was told that pincher bugs would crawl inside your ear and burrow into your brain. I was told there were insects that would crawl inside a nostril while you slept. I believed there were plump bodied spiders that would lay eggs in your face and then baby spiders would creep from blemishes weeks later.

Weirdly, I can tolerate cockroaches. The mighty cockroach and I are from the same lineage, I’m sure of it. For me, the worst bugs are those that live in wet places, and grow mulitiple legs out of necessesity. The hideous things live under old boards or in nests under the porch. The very worst bug in the world is the one that moves in the periphery of your vision and then disappears. It could be on your back. It could be slithering up your pant leg. It could be setting its site on your nostrils.

I’ve never encountered a scorpion in the wild. The only black widows I’ve seen were in glass cages and they still gave me the willies. There’s a wasp somewhere that’s so mean, it will sting a tarantula into submission, lay eggs in its abdomen, and keep the spider alive as a living incubator for weeks. If I ever meet such a wasp, I will hand over my wallet and slowly back away. If I ever meet the giant asian hornet, the so-called hornet from hell, I’ll probably jump in front of a train and be done with it.

manda3.jpgA small but highly efficient killing machine—a hornet two inches long and with a wingspan up to three inches—lurks in the mountains of Japan. The voracious predator has a quarter-inch stinger that pumps out a dose of venom with an enzyme so strong it can dissolve human tissue.

Just one of these hornets can kill 40 European honeybees a minute; a handful of the creatures can slaughter 30,000 European honeybees within hours, leaving a trail of severed insect heads and limbs.

People are not the Japanese giant hornet’s usual prey, but those who have felt its sting describe the pain as excruciating. Masato Ono, an entomologist at Tamagawa University, near Tokyo, said it’s “like a hot nail through my leg.”

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132 Comments

  1. Mainetarr said,

    I hear the bite of a Weasel is quite painful, as well.

  2. jarheaddoc said,

    There is a fish in South America that is attracted to one of the chemicals in urine and will actually swim up the urinary tract of a person in the water and lodge there. Very painful, often fatal, from what I understand.

  3. Linda said,

    Swimming in South America: I’m definitely crossing it right off my to-do list!

  4. Bulldog said,

    Never mind the bugs out of the country. What about the flucking mosquitos!! They’re breeding in my yard as I type! It’s horrendous! Thank God I have my smoker! (see SunJournal article Sept. 30, 2005)

    I wouldn’t use anything else. Those stupid mosquito magnets are a waste of money! Deet works great but who wants to get all sticky from bug dope?!! If I’m gonna get sticky, I’ll have my husband dunk his dicky…. gotta stop watching my son’s porn movies

  5. Bulldog said,

    sorry, I stand corrected, it was July 30, 2005 SJ.

    http://www.sunjournal.com/search/story.php?ID=116759#

  6. Oopsy said,

    I just read a book which featured some description of the little narrow fish that are attracted to urine and swim up urethra. In the story the whole deal was to scare a guy out of his gourd – the teller said that if you got one of these critters in you, the docs had to cut off your dick (the tellee being male). Needless to say, this guy did NOT choose to jump in the river to swim away from his captors. (nothing was said about what they did to you if you are female :>)

  7. Omnius said,

    Bug have always been one of my biggest weaknesses. I have a standing deal with all family and friends, which says that any living or dead animals, I will gladly deal with. But if there is an insect, of any sorts, I reserve the right to stand on a chair, or hide within my protective blanket of fear while everyone else scrambles like a SWAT team to deal with it for me.

    When I was younger, my family and I would visit Ocracoke Island every summer, and we became friends with the people who managed the place we stayed at. Their son, only a year older than I was and sharing my name, was good friends with me but loved to torture me with the fact that there supposedly Black Widows underneath the building I slept in.

    That gave me nightmares for a year or two after we stopped going to the island.

  8. LaFlamme said,

    You and me both, Omnius.
    Who the hell goes swimming in South America, anyway? Have you not seen “Pirhana?”

  9. Groovy said,

    And then there are the evil Japanese Beetles who seek to destroy my roses, defoliate my nettles and devour my blueberry bushes. I recently read that there are some idiot scientists who are looking to “alter” mosquitoes so they can use them as freeranging syringes for flu vaccines. I think it would be wiser to change their dna so that the mosquitoes attack and kill the black flies and the Jap beetles.

    *************
    I found out about your blog and books from your article in Writer’s Weekly. I live in Fairfield and I visit the WW forum pert near daily. Was the small bookstore chain “Mr. Paperback”?

  10. LaFlamme said,

    Fairfield Maine? I used to hang out there a bit. Dated a few Fairfield girls. Good to hear from you.
    Yeah, Mr. Paperback. I did a signing up in Waterville a couple months ago. They were cool about that. Then they started whining for more books but wouldn’t order them. Strange business, this.

  11. AO said,

    Earwigs. The grossest bug of them all. Earwigs are the only bugs that give me the creepy crawlies.

  12. jarheaddoc said,

    Found that reference for you. Probably SFW, but not for the squeamish. My junk hurts just thinking about it

    http://www.digg.com/videos_educational/Parasitic_Fish_Swims_up_a_Man_s_Penis

  13. jarheaddoc said,

    Tapeworms!

  14. LaFlamme said,

    nastiness. Tapeworms can be lured out of the stomach and into the throat by pooling soda or some other sweetness in the mouth. They will crawl up the throat and you can pluck ’em out.

  15. jarheaddoc said,

    And you know this from personal experience, mark? Wouldn’t that leave a bad taste in your mouth? Sorry, I’d just as soon have it go the other way. You’ve read too many Stephen King books

  16. LaFlamme said,

    Nah, but I know it’s true because I heard it from a childhood friend, who heard it from his older brother, who heard it from another boy, who heard it from his grandmother.

  17. LaFlamme said,

    My new friend Groovy, by the way, was referring to this article:
    http://www.writersweekly.com/print/this_weeks_article/003534_07192006.html

  18. Bulldog said,

    I heard that if you keep the tapeworm in you, your dinky will grow

  19. LaFlamme said,

    Ha! I just snorted.

  20. Bulldog said,

    Hey! I’M the one that does the snorting around here!

  21. LaFlamme said,

    We know, ya cokehead.

  22. Cynthia said,

    My grandmother saw a kid sneeze a tapeworm (or the beginning of one) out of his nose when she was in gradeschool.

    I won’t even tell you where my dad plucked one from…he was in the army and ate a bad ham sandwich, I’m afraid.

  23. LaFlamme said,

    Gack! You’re friggin’ kidding me. Naaaaaaaaasty.

  24. AO said,

    Gross!! Who’s snorting now?

  25. Cynthia said,

    AO…by the way…one of those nasty earwigs got into my house the other day. I have a horror story about those things…

    When I was in my first solo apartment it was on the groundfloor and I had one of those window AC units in the bedroom. Well, I decided, since I was in my 20’s, that I should finally get over my crippling fear of the dark and sleep without a nightlight. So I laid there for a while and tossed and turned until I got sleepy. I finally did and was about to fall asleep when something tickled my arm. I brushed at my arm and started going back to sleep when I felt it again. Then I turned toward the ceiling, and by the light of the outside streetlamp I could see a bunch of little black dots on the ceiling. I leapt out of bed and switched on the light and saw literally an army of them crawling in through the cracks of the window unit, up on the ceiling and FALLING ON MY BED!

    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    I slept on the couch that night. With the light on.

    Remember that episode of Night Gallery?

  26. LaFlamme said,

    Damn, Cynthia. You’re on a creepy ass roll here.
    I’m a huge fan of Night Gallery. Don’t remember that episode. Refresh me.

  27. jarheaddoc said,

    The ugliest damn bug I ever saw had to be a dung beetle, in Africa. the claws on that thing looked some sort of medieval torture device. And it was pushing a pile of poop. How demeaning can that be, to look like that and have to push poop around?

  28. Cynthia said,

    AND I just killed a couple big black ants that snuck in through the front door here…seems to be a good day for this topic.

    It was in the second season…the BEST season…the one they haven’t released yet. This was one of the better episodes. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, so forgive me if I don’t get all the details right…this man wakes up with a headache and the doctors determine that an earwig had crawled into his ear. They remove the earwig and when the man wakes up they tell him “Well we have good news and bad news. The good news is that we’ve removed the earwig. The bad news is that it was pregnant.”

  29. LaFlamme said,

    Whoa! Nice kicker. Night Gallery was friggin creepy.

  30. LaFlamme said,

    So this dung beetle is a total badass, but it still ends up with the shit job? The injustices of nature, man.

  31. AO said,

    Cynthia, I have a similar story but, it only involves ONE earwig. My brother was there to save me! GAWD…that is one flucking creepy story!! Thanks for sharing it with me! THE worst bug in the world! Isn’t the earwig the bug that Kahn stuck into ears in “The Wrath of Kahn”? Maybe that’s where I got my phobia.

  32. AO said,

    Rod Serling’s…Night Gallery rates right up there with The Twilight Zone. All creepy…all fun!

  33. Linda said,

    OMG!! Cynthia, I saw that episode, I had nightmares about earwigs for a month. Wore earplugs to bed until I got an ear infection and my mother threw them out. Gee, thanks so much for reminding me, that’s why I love this blog, I could pay some schmuck a fortune to lie on a couch for a year before that would get uncovered, but this is free!

    Bugs — is that the most common phobia? or is it snakes? or snake shaped bugs? What would Freud say about all that?

  34. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. The Twilight Zone was usually more fascinating, with cool twist endings, than disturbing. Night Gallery had more of the genuine chills.

  35. Linda said,

    Now I think about it, it couldn’t have been the Night Gallery episode that gave me the ear infections, I am too old for that. It was probably something I read that gave me that earwig fright. THough I DID see the episode, I remember the doctor.

  36. jarheaddoc said,

    AO, you comment thief! I was going to say the same thing about that Star Trek episode. I dislike you very much right now!

  37. jarheaddoc said,

    Okay, you”re back in my good graces. If you ever were to begin with….

  38. Cynthia said,

    AO…I do remember that. Mr. Roarke! NOOOOOO!

    I also recall an episode of Farscape that had a similar kind of bug…man, any living thing that enters through that oriface is NOT okay with me!

    The scariest episode of Night Gallery that I can remember was “Green Fingers” with the Bride of Frankenstein herself, Elsa Lanchester. It was just the way the thing ended. I remember one of the UHF channels debuting with a marathon of Night Gallery episodes and right after this episode they didn’t even cut to commercial, they just went to color bars. I had to add THAT to my list of semi-traumatizing television experiences.

    70’s horror, man. You just can’t beat it.

  39. AO said,

    Was it Spielberg who made the movie version of The Twilight Zone? I loved that movie. My favorite part was the very beginning with Dan Akroyd. Every time I hear “Midnight Special”, I think of that scene.

  40. Cynthia said,

    Linda…yeah. I get a little paranoid about the 3.2 spiders that have crawled into my mouth while I’m sleeping over the course of a year as well…

  41. AO said,

    JD…I don’t think I ever was. But, I still think you have a cute kid.

  42. Cynthia said,

    AO…”Wanna see something REALLY scary?”

    I can’t help thinking of poor Vic Morrow…

  43. jarheaddoc said,

    I saw this show in one of the educational channels about the one hundred weirdest things that had ever come out of a human body, and there are two that stick out:

    One was a woman who had been in a tropical country, where some flying insect had bitten her and laid an egg in her head, which developed into a larvae and was moving around. I get the cringers even thinking about that.

    The second was a guy who had a fully formed and functional female reproductive tract in his abdomen. His male parts worked fine and he fathered children and didn’t have any troubles until his female reproductive parts went through puberty. Guess its lucky he never fucked himself, huh?

  44. AO said,

    What about bats? Gawd, I’ve had my share of them in my house. Nothing gives me the creeps more than bats. Much worse than earwigs. I can at least…stomp on an earwig. A bat, gotta go after it with a broom!

  45. jarheaddoc said,

    Jesus, what about Jeff what’s his name turning into The Fly? The worst part of that movie was when he yarded on that guy’s arm when they were arm wrestling and he snapped it in two! I can deal with someone being scattered all over the road, but show me bones sticking out and grinding together and we have start talking Ol’ JD doing the Technicolor Yawn!

  46. AO said,

    Cynthia, How about the part in the movie where the old people went back to being kids? That part made me….weep! **SNIFF**!! No, it really did.

  47. jarheaddoc said,

    Speaking of which, one kid is doing the Yawn and the other has a fever! Are they still cute when that happens, AO?

  48. AO said,

    Goldblum. Jeff Goldblum. When that movie was made, it had top notch special effects. Now, it’s sissy stuff. Not that I’m one for gore but, I can now sit through it without puking.

  49. AO said,

    JD, Doesn’t matter how their feeling…kids are always cute. Especially mine!

  50. jarheaddoc said,

    Oh, then let’s not forget the scenes in Alien when that monster rips through the abdomen in people

  51. jarheaddoc said,

    I will have to take that comment at face value, as I have never seen the result of your reproductive romps

  52. AO said,

    I’ve never once, seen an Alien movie. I prefer ghost stories.

  53. jarheaddoc said,

    Freddy Kruger: more nightmares than my first marriage! Even at my advancing state of decomposition

  54. jarheaddoc said,

    Where the hell is everyone else, and where the hell has K2 been? has he had some sort of epiphany and found religion other than alcohol and controlled substances?

  55. AO said,

    I only saw the first one. HA!! I have one of the funniest stories to tell about watching that movie. But, alas, it’s a long one and, not one that my younger brother will ever forget! I’m just glad I had long nails!

  56. AO said,

    I think K2 must be on vacation. If he’s not and, he’s just ignoring us, he’ll have to answer to me!! And, he knows better! I KNOW where to find him and, his blinker fluid.

  57. Linda said,

    Nice to have at least THIS much company. jd, I was almost giving up on you.

    AO, Ive seen your kids and they are extremely cute. Nice work!

    I’m dialing up tonight. So if I seem to be playing Karnak the Magnificent (that’s not quite right I know but you get mydrift), that’s the reason. My friend;s funeral today, I’m reeling a bit so feel free to provide me with all the distraction therapy you can muster up, OK?

  58. AO said,

    Linda, wanna jump on the back of a cute guy’s Harley? Hmmm….maybe one with a really good ass?

  59. jarheaddoc said,

    Hey, I saw that guy in Sanford today! He must’ve gotten his fucking lottery check already!

  60. Nadine said,

    IF there is a hell, and IF I do go there, I just KNOW I will be tortured daily with creepy crawlies all over me trying to enter my every orifice…

    That, and big dogs, I am terrified of big dogs.

    MT, this Haiku is for you:
    I cannot stand bugs
    but spiders I do not mind
    because they eat bugs

    🙂

  61. Mainetarr said,

    Nadine, my buddy, great haiku. You rock….

    Nadine bugs do suck
    They interrupt your sleep
    when crawling in ears

    JD- you guys get those new firetrucks yet? Wanna go out to eat at the Third Alarm Diner?

  62. AO said,

    JD, Did he have a good ass? How much did he win? And…how long does it take to get to Sanford????

  63. AO said,

    I’ve heard that the Three Alarm Diner has some KICK ASS food! Does the guy with the good ass work there? Does he ride a Harley? Did he win the Powerball?

  64. Mainetarr said,

    ooops, I screwed up that haiku. Me tired. And a tad hungover, AO you matrini drinking fool.

  65. Mainetarr said,

    see, I meant martini, Jaysus, I am spent. I am so tired I couldn’t even play a good practical joke today if my life depended on it.

  66. AO said,

    Are you suffering from “Pumpkin Head”? And…hey!! You were the one mixing, not me! I just went with the flow! I feel…fine.

  67. Mainetarr said,

    August 4th—a movie called The Descent opens. I want everyone brave enough to go see it, let me know. We’ll have a big group outing. Whada yah all say? You in??

  68. Mainetarr said,

    Oh yeah, Pumpkin head for sure. Damn vodka, gets me everytime. Next time we drink Tequila.

  69. AO said,

    I don’t like Tequila. I’ll stick to Vodka with…pinky in. I haven’t heard of The Descent, yet. Is it…..scary?

  70. Mainetarr said,

    Looks terrifying. I just saw a commercial for it. See if you can find anything on line. I wanna see that and Lady In The Water, that opens Friday. I see JH is ignoring me. Bastard.

  71. jarheaddoc said,

    The third Alarm diner is overpriced and a Ptomain Palace! And the only lottery that anyone wins in Sanford is the child support check coming and not bouncing. Bite me each and every last goddam one of you!

    I feel better now, so much cheaper than a brain picker. I’m teary eyed.**SNIFF**

    NOT!

  72. AO said,

    Or, cheaper than a nose picker. Your pick.

  73. jarheaddoc said,

    But nose picking is so productive! It has to be, the amount I see going on while I’m driving down the road. Granted, that’s the view in the rear view mirror, but I am proud to be A Highway Nose Picker

  74. AO said,

    The Descent:

    One year after a tragic accident, six girlfriends meet in a remote part of the Appalachians for their annual caving trip. Deep below the surface of the earth, disaster strikes when a rock falls and blocks their route back to the surface. The girls soon learn that Juno, the thrill-seeking leader of the expedition, has brought them to an unexplored cave and that as a result no knows where they are to come rescue them. The group splinters and each push on, praying for another exit. But there is something else lurking under the earth – a race of monstrous humanoid creatures that are adapted perfectly to life in the dark. As the friends realize they are now prey, they are forced to unleash their most primal instincts in an all-out war against an unspeakable horror – one that attacks without warning, again and again and again.

  75. jarheaddoc said,

    August 4th was the day I got married the first time around. Descent about describes what happened afterwards.

  76. AO said,

    I HATE looking to my left or, right and seeing someone pick their nose! Gross! Wait till you get where you’re going! Nose picking bastards!

  77. AO said,

    Sounds like a lot of gore. Both, the movie and your marriage, JD.

  78. Linda said,

    A Powerball winner with a great ass, riding a Harley? Count me in. Did he have an Aussie accent, if so i met him on the Mass pike but that was before he won the money I guess. Really, which is more important and which lasts longer, a great ass or a powerball win?

    MT, maybe you should spike those martinis with benadryl for AO, what do you think of that suggestion?

  79. Mainetarr said,

    Nothing worse than seeing someone trying to scratch their brains. That will make me puke everytime. I just gagged, literally.

  80. Linda said,

    Is it true that Annie Oakley died from an infection from a bug that crawled in her ear? I think that’s the story that made me wear earplugs to bed.

  81. AO said,

    Both. What’s better than a great ass AND a Powerball win? If there is anything better, let me know!

    Benadryl would have put me to sleep. Sleep..mmm…sleeep sounds like a novel idea.

  82. Linda said,

    AO, besides snakes and boiled things, what I hate the most is CAVES. The idea of being under the ground. Dark, damp, closed in, airless. Yuck??

  83. jarheaddoc said,

    That whole cave movie has not so subtle overtones of a bunch of lesbians getting back at the men in college who did the pump and dump. Any nudity? Where do I get my ticket?

    And I’ve only been drinking a little….so far….

  84. jarheaddoc said,

    Buried alive. I watched this great show on educational tv that tied together the symptoms of TB and vampirism and being buried alive.

  85. Linda said,

    TB. Mark’s favourite!

  86. AO said,

    Ohh, the fear of being buried alive. Scary. I’m also afraid of heights.

    Whacha’ drankin, JD?

  87. AO said,

    LINDA!! Before I forget, I have ONE beer saved for you! It’s from NZ! I didn’t even know we had it. Would you like it? I also have a PBR saved for Mark. Who the hell would want that?

  88. Mainetarr said,

  89. jarheaddoc said,

    Good old American rot gut Budweiser. Same headache as the expensive stuff, but much cheaper, so I can drink more. The simple economics of drinking

  90. AO said,

    JD, I’ve got some of that shit, too. Eww…I hate Bud. I’ve also got some Miller High Life for K2.

  91. Mainetarr said,

    bud–weis–er reminds me of frogs.

  92. Linda said,

    AO that’s fabulous, is it a DB? or Speights? I’ll have to take a road trip to get it. And see you and maybe your cute kids too, of course.

  93. AO said,

    I’ll have to check, Linda. But, I think it’s Speights. I’ll save it for you!

  94. Linda said,

    In NZ my parking space for work was right next door to a brewery, which was on the next block from the hospital, isn’t that quaint? On foggy mornings, the air was heavy with the aroma of the yeast, and the hops and other grains. Made some people nauseous, but I loved it.

  95. jarheaddoc said,

    Worst beer I ever drank was guiness, in Spain. Nasty shit. Warm, bitter, and the transplanted Englishman who owned the bar was quite offended that I didn’t like it. Christ, you’d’a thought I’d said the Queen was an uptight sourpuss who needed surgery to removed the stick in her ass.

  96. Linda said,

    Oh yay! Speights!! I really didn’t know they exported. Good old South Island Speights. Now I’m on a trip down memory lane… sitting in my pub … every Friday night, draught beer with the people from work, every Monday night wine with some women friends. We called ourselves “Ladies who drink on Monday nights”, like it was a club.

  97. Linda said,

    Careful, jd, now you are really looking for a rumble. Guinness, drink of the gods. with the little clay thing rattling in the bottle it’s good, but pulled at a pub … it’s heaven. Or wait, is that just because I never drank it until I was already drunk? I guess i don’t really remember all that well.

  98. jarheaddoc said,

    That has got to be the most UNORIGINAL name for a bunch of soused women from work, Linda, right up there with Men without Hats

  99. jarheaddoc said,

    Now, all of you can laugh your butts off at this, but I like chocolate milk. Ice cold, thick, rich, but the problem is, when you’re drinking with a bunch of jarheads, you just can’t order that for the next round. Sop now you know why I drink budweiser

  100. AO said,

    Linda…sorry…I KNEW it began with an “S” but, it actually a “Steinlager”. Still want it?

    I think we should start our own “Ladies who drink wine on Monday nights” club! I HATE being the only member!!

  101. jarheaddoc said,

    Monday Night Winos, I vote for that. What’s a good work for being drunk that starts with M? they all escape me right now.

  102. AO said,

    JD, You could call yourselves, “Guys who drink chocolate milk and believe everything MT tells them” club.

  103. jarheaddoc said,

    Mondays’ Miserable Mental-Pauses!

    I kill myself sometimes! Come to think of it, I’ve had a few of those days m’seff….

  104. jarheaddoc said,

    No, “Ima Dufus” was already taken, so I’m trying to think of something else. As Linda so aptly stated, ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’

  105. Linda said,

    OK never mind Guinness — STEINLAGER is the nectar of the gods. It will be the export version which is just slightly less good than the kind they make for local sale, but still good. When I win Powerball I’ll take my blog buddies there to try it, OK?

    well — after I buy the trucks of course.

    but don’t start packing yet, I never buy tickets so it’s only a dream.

  106. jarheaddoc said,

    I just spied the other cat that humped Lucy and knocked her up. Bastard ran before I could collect fucking child support from him. I’ve got a rubber bands for his balls, I’ll tell you what. anyone know where I can get a chastity belt for a cat, size petite?

  107. AO said,

    What the hell does Mondays’ Miserable Mental-Pauses, mean? MMMP? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??

  108. AO said,

    It’s saved for you, Linda. Nobody will drink it!

  109. Linda said,

    In the interests of alliteration, we’ll switch the club to Weds. Wednesday Night Winos.

    We didn’t only drink, we also hiked. Or “tramped”. We did a four day trip once, the only other person on the trail broke her leg the first day and we rescued her, so we had the cabins and hot tubs to ourselves for the remaining three nights. It was memorable. There was wine at every set of cabins, with an “honesty box”, can you believe it?

  110. jarheaddoc said,

    Wedsnesdays Weepie Winos! Now that’s a name for a drinking club! And the next day you can be Thursday Tromping Tramps!

  111. jarheaddoc said,

    Honesty box: “Someone else drank all that wine. Honest.” Signed, I didn’t do it

  112. Bobbie said,

    After a long day (physical therapy for me, dialysis for a friend and hot temps), I’ll add my two cents about the creepy crawly things that scare me.

    For 3 winters in a row, we had a tarantula in the kitchen in an aquarium. “Hairy” went about his/her business as the cat would sit there and watch it devour the crickets that I would drop in the tank. Obviously, tarantulas don’t bother me.

    I’ve had a male Black Widow spider in my kitchen before and it was about the size of an Eisenhower dollar coin. That took 3 hard hits from my husband’s workboots to kill it. We kept an eye out for the Missus for about a week, but nothing. We’ve dug up the Missus before when we were working on the sewer line.

    We’ve had poisionous centipedes in the house before and I now kill any spider that is not a daddy long legs. Most creepy crawly things don’t scare me, but I refuse to pick up a dead mouse and have a dead mouse can specifically for that task.

  113. Linda said,

    A drinking club for every day of the week. Nothing wrong with that!

    Only I plan to laugh more than I weep. that wont disqualify me I hope

    Gotta log out for a while. thanks for the company!

  114. Bobbie said,

    As for drinking, you guys needs to try Fresca with Jack Daniels over ice. Todd introduced me to that while he was here and it’s ok, but I still prefer Jack and Mountain Dew over ice. Mix both to the point where you can’t taste the Jack and have fun, just don’t try to stand up too quick.

  115. jarheaddoc said,

    Hope you feel better, Linda.

  116. jarheaddoc said,

    I have to sign off, too. too many beers for this lightweight milk drinker and I have to get up to go to work tomorrow. sucks to be me, baby. Good blog, though. Way too s-l-o- lately.

  117. LaFlamme said,

    Oh, my gawd. Green Fingers shaped my life. And not for the better.

  118. Mainetarr said,

    Tomorrow’s Headline:

    Bailey Tarr Thwarts Attempted Home Invasion

  119. LaFlamme said,

    Man, aren’t these fools wise enough to know that your’s is not a house to be approaching without authorization.

  120. Linda said,

    MT! Tell us more! or do we have to wait and real about it in the paper?

    If we are talking dogs — here’s one for you. We live across the street and down a little from the funeral home where my friend’s funeral was today. I came home from work and went in to get my husband, and he told me our dog had run off in the excitement of all the cars and people on the street. So i said, I will go over, and you can meet me after the dog comes home. I went over and started up the steps of the funeral home, and along came my dog prancing up, want ing to come in with me! so I took him home, scolded him, and went back with my husband.

    But wait, there’s more. After the service finished, the minister who conducted the service, who’s a very good friend of ours and knows my dog very well, told me that Beau had actually gone IN to the funeral home before i got there, moseyed around and said hello to everyone, saw his good friend (the minister), and was just settling down for a visit. When the woman in charge of things got hold of him and hauled him out the door.

    So — I’m happy for you that your dog is a hero, but now you know that mine is a jerk.

    And BTW jd, yes I do feel better, thanks to all who provided diversion for me tonight.

  121. Linda said,

    Sorry typo — READ about it. worst keyboard inthe world here.

  122. LaFlamme said,

    Wow. Dogs need to grieve, too.

  123. Linda said,

    Dufus didn’t even sign the guest book

  124. LaFlamme said,

    He was looking for the man who shot his paw. (I got nuthin)

  125. Mainetarr said,

    You are so gay Mark. LOL

    Some young punk tried to come into my house this evening while I was on the phone with Jarhead and Bailey went completely mental. Hair standing up, barking loudly, growling like crazy. Scared the shit out of the would be robber, I just saw the punk running down Lake Street. I called Mark to see if I should call the police, which I did end up doing and they were all over the place. They are fast!! Then my neighbors came over too. Chaos over here tonight. I am sooooo proud of Bailey.

    Milo was barking too, however he was spinning on the living room floor chasing his tail barking, so I guess it doesn’t really count. LOL

  126. AO said,

    Linda and, MT, I think you BOTH have dogs that you should be proud of. Linda, your dog KNEW what was going on…seriously. He went to grieve for your friend. You should be proud.

    MT, your dog stood up for you. HELL, how many MEN would do that for a woman? I’ll be checking in on you tomorrow!!

  127. Omnius said,

    I missed too many posts to read through, so here’s my guessed synopsis, correct mistakes if they exist:

    Gross-out reactions and stories continued for a few, followed by things that gross people out other than bugs. It soon devolved into booger and local jokes, followed by general friendly banter, still with the occassional booger/satanist/cannibal joke.

    (Not that I’m not a huge fan of booger, satanist, and cannibal jokes, along with general gross-out contests. I’m just glad to see that I’m not the only person out of high school who feels that way. =D )

  128. Mongo said,

    Mongo says him have Haiku

    Big fat wasps sting bad
    Mongo cry and rub his stung arm
    Smash bug with Mongo’s shoe

  129. Friendly Buddhist said,

    Nice one Mongo

    Japanese hornet
    ripping off the heads of bees
    Why not the bees knees?

    I got nothing

  130. LaFlamme said,

    Dammit, why was I born haiku deficient??

  131. Friendly Buddhist said,

    If you are able
    To go a-dinky dunkin’
    Who needs a haiku?

  132. LaFlamme said,

    Yes. Yes.

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