Hot stuff

July 27, 2006 at 12:17 am (Uncategorized)

hooker.jpgIsn’t there a joke about a hooker and a cockatoo? If there isn’t, there should be. Unfortunately, I’m too distraught to come up with one. I mean, I never had a pet bird, myself. But if I did have one, I probably wouldn’t bring it in the car with me. Unless I had a yen for baked exotic bird. But you know me. I prefer the roast duck, with Mango salsa.

It’s not clear whether a 25-year-old bird owner enjoyed the movie she watched Saturday in Fredericksburg. But it is clear, police said, that her pet cockatoo didn’t enjoy waiting for her to watch it. The bird died after being left in a hot car outside Regal Cinemas in Central Park. The owner, Donia Monique Brooks of Stafford, was charged with cruelty to animals, a misdemeanor that carries a potential 12-month jail sentence.

According to police, moviegoers spotted the bird in distress as they were going into the theater. They told an employee, who came outside, saw the bird and called police about 5:20 p.m. When an officer arrived, the cockatoo was lying in a cage in the back seat. The officer quickly got the car door open, but the bird was already dead. Police said the temperature at the time was 90 degrees and the heat index was 97. The windows in the car were all rolled up except for the driver’s window, which was open about an inch.

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115 Comments

  1. Gil said,

    …and the hooker says,
    Honest officer, I only had a cockatoo”

  2. Friendly Buddhist said,

    Cockatoo Haiku

    Bird in a hot car
    Or cat on a hot tin roof
    Neither ended well

  3. LaFlamme said,

    *ba dum DA*

  4. LaFlamme said,

    Would you believe that’s the best I could do for hooker shots? No, really. Hooker photos are in short supply, apparently. I mean, hell. The lady above could be a real estate agent or astronaut.

  5. Maquis said,

    Just post a picture of Ann, she’s one of the better ones in town.

  6. Gil said,

    How could you forget this one?
    I’ll bet Hugh Grant never will

  7. Gil said,

    I would have include Eddie Murphy’s favorite hooker, but there appear to be no pics. Also, I thought I would let he/she rest in peace
    http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,2936,00.html

  8. Gil said,

    Hooker Haiku

    Eddie likes his ho’s
    To come with something extra
    Like a cockatoo

  9. Bobbie said,

    My great aunt had a green parrot named Benjamin. If any bird ever deserved to die in an overheated car, he did.

  10. LaFlamme said,

    That’s a decent hooker photo, Gil. I was really just looking for a classic street walker, with the thigh high boots, the tight top, the short shorts.
    Christ, is it getting hotter?

  11. LaFlamme said,

    Ann, Ann… The only Ann I know around these parts is better known as Bulldog. And if she’s a hooker then why did she give ME money last time?

  12. jarheaddoc said,

    That’s a simple answer: to go the hell away from her, Mark.

  13. K2 said,

    No those are some blow-job lips, Gil. I think they say ‘inflate to 30 psi’ on the back of ’em.

    Well, my brother’s cockatoo bit the back of my hand once, and wouldn’t let go, and I had to swat that fucker off McEnroe hitting a back hand. While I love birds in general, they are simply flying lizards, and do not make appropriate pets for most folks. Or nonperishable items in the car duing summertime.

    Well, it’s off to Sunday River CC this morn. My panties are soaked. Fist time on it, too. Got some friends in from out of town and my mother-in-law is stepping up, so chances are, I won’t be around much this weekend, kiddies. (Please, hold your applause.) I’ll try to check in here and there, though.

  14. Linda said,

    K2, thanks for the itinerary. You know how we worry.

  15. Linda said,

    As for the photo Mark, sure looks like Dale Arden in slightly updated wardrobe; and she was no hooker. But finding a photo with a bird in it was a real coup.

  16. jarheaddoc said,

    Now why is it that some person leaves a bird in a car and faces a year in prison and a lawyer in Maine can leave his child in a car and all he gets is a stern warning? Fucking PETA. Whoops, shoulda said FUCKING LEGAL SYSTEM

  17. Mainetarr said,

    Amazing how that works, isn’t it? Leave a child in a car and you get your hand slapped. Although, you should never leave any animal in the car in the summertime. I took my boys for a ride the other day and stopped to get them ice cream. I left the car running and the A/C was on and some guy said “WIth the price of gas you would think she would just leave the window cracked.” So, of course, being the lady that I am, I replied to him, “And with your lack of intelligence, you would think you would just keep your mouth shut, douchebag.” Nuff said. My boys are people too.

  18. AO said,

    Two days of boobies? Why don’t you give us female bloggers something to look at? How about a nice, tight, well formed male butt? Or, a toned chest?

  19. "The Weasel" said,

    How creative is this………………..

    http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

  20. Linda said,

    I’m going to have to stop sneaking onto this blog while I am at work. It’s getting a bit NSFW. Serves me right really

  21. LaFlamme said,

    How do you put on a tampon fire?

  22. LaFlamme said,

    And Linda, I didn’t find a photo with a bird and a hooker. I had to meld photos of each. Ah, Photoshop.

  23. LaFlamme said,

    When I was in Virginia, I had to cover a story about a rocket engineer who left his six month old in the backseat while he went to work at NASA-Langley in the heat of southern summer. The baby died, but the rocket scientist was never charged. He and his wife had changed their routine that day so that he was the one responsible for taking the kid to daycare. Ugly stuff.

  24. AO said,

    Gawd…that has to be one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard.

  25. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, it was nasty. NASA, obviously, has tight security. So a bunch of us reporter vultures were gathered at the front gate while news helicopters circled over head. I ended up talking to the father in law. He said the dad was suicidally depressed. Which is understandable.

  26. LaFlamme said,

    I am seriously thinking of banning Mainetarr from blogging. She is beginning to get on my nerves.

  27. Mainetarr said,

    No Mark, please please don’t ban me. I promise to be good. I PROMISE!!!

  28. LaFlamme said,

    Oh, you’re fuuuuuuuuuny.

  29. Mainetarr said,

    Fast, too.  Plus you already tried banning me and Weasel once before, so I know you can do it.

  30. LaFlamme said,

    One of us needs to make a formal announcment. Starting Sunday or Monday, the tyrannical Mainetarr will be manning the blog. And she insists there will be changes around here. I expect many of you to be scarred, both physically and emotionally. Godspeed, my friends.

  31. LaFlamme said,

    I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d ban anybody. Except maybe AO. She’s trouble.

  32. AO said,

    Yup. I’m the original ‘screaming bitch from hell’. Go ahead…ban me! 😉

  33. LaFlamme said,

    Never!

  34. AO said,

    Didn’t think so. BUT…you did have me shaking in my sandles for a few seconds!

  35. Linda said,

    Yay! Mainetarr! we’ll really raise hell, right MT?

  36. Bobbie said,

    MT is a definite outside the box thinker, so it should be interesting to see what she comes up with.

  37. jarheaddoc said,

    I defy MT to have an original thought that doesn’t include any of her favorite sayings regarding her feelings towards people. No douchebag, no asshat, just civil words.

    She ain’t gonna be able to post a fuckin’ thing!

    MT is the anti-objective.

  38. Bobbie said,

    Those words almost sound like a dare, Jarheaddoc. Or is this your payback to her?

  39. AO said,

    Ohhh…payback is always a bitch!

  40. Linda said,

    Yes, it’ll be an interesting week.

  41. Linda said,

    I hope the friendly Buddhist will lay some more haiku on us next week. How DO you do that, Gil? and can you write other poetry forms? A sonnet for instance, big investment, 14 lines on a hooker with a cockatoo could be challenging… if a person felt like taking the time.

  42. AO said,

    Gil is a true artist. But, truth be known, I’ve never ‘gotten’ haiku. I like it but, eh. ..it’s never been my cup of ‘tea’.

  43. Linda said,

    Haiku — tea — I get it, Japanese, thats good AO

  44. Bobbie said,

    I’ve always enjoyed reading haiku’s and sonnets, but they bring back awful memories of a teacher walking around with a ruler in hand to make sure that you got it right. I think I would have had better memories of English class if it had been a nice looking guy doing that instead of a single female always showing her legs off to the guys in the back row. After sitting in the front row all year seeing this teacher hike her skirt up just a little more as she sat on the edge of her desk, I’m surprised that I passed that class at all.

  45. Linda said,

    BTW I am dialing up, don’t expect any sense out of me tonight OK?

  46. AO said,

    Linda, You’re HERE!! We never expect any sense out of anyone! That’s makes this such a magical place. Kind of like “Never Never Land”….

  47. Bobbie said,

    And the perfect example of not making sense is post #44.

    Glad you’re gracing us with your presence tonight, Linda.

  48. Linda said,

    Bobbie, I had a teacher like that in 8th grade, for English. She was QUITE a departure from the nun we had for the rest of our classes (and they only kept her one year). It was all tight skirts and high heels. The boys were unable to string two words together that made sense, not great for an English class — gave the girls a real advantage. At the time I thought the boys were so hot after school because of that teacher, but later I realized they would have been like that anyhow.

    She wasn’t the one with the long ruler though, that was the nun.

  49. Omnius said,

    If you’re as bored as I am:
    http://www.welikemedia.com/backstory.html

    Also: Zod needs more “volunteers” for the 2008 campaign. Sign up now.

  50. LaFlamme said,

    Dammit, Omnius! Once I get that song in my head, I have to sing it for the rest of the night. Strangely, my colleagues don’t dig it.

  51. Linda said,

    That was quite a bucket of fun, Omnius. I might be voting for Zod next year, after reading his page.

  52. Anonymous said,

  53. AO said,

    But that butt you got makes me so horny.

    WELL…DUH…how much fun is that??? Especially if it’s on the back of a Harley!!

  54. Mainetarr said,

    Don’t screw with me Jarheaddoc. I can make the next week miserable for you, you little shit. And I am objective, I just happen to love the word douchebag.

    You see Floyd (tour de fag) Landis tested positive? Douchebag Asshat.

  55. LaFlamme said,

    What’s MT meowing at? Must be into the khat.

  56. AO said,

    Ohh…I want some khat tea. I’ll just add a little fat free cream to it…okay? MMMM….love da khat!

  57. Mainetarr said,

    AO, is that really you????

  58. Mainetarr said,

    What the hell are you people talking about.  I didn’t meow at anyone.  You guys are into t he Khat.

  59. Linda said,

    What Harley, AO?

  60. AO said,

    It was a line from the song Omnius posted…sheesh! And, Linda, I was referring to your trip to Mass. Remember? The guy from Australia? On th Harley? Remember??

    Yes, MT. It’s really me. Is that really you? Why is your name posted in…blue…very strange.

  61. Linda said,

    Of COURSE I remember the Australian on the Harley. I’m close to brain dead, but not quite, yet!! He was memorable. I just wondered if you had yet another Harley to tell us about.

  62. Mainetarr said,

    Me confused. That’s why it’s in blue.

    Linda, how is the land of dial up treating you tonight?

  63. Linda said,

    Painful as it is for me, we go to bed VERY EARLY here in dial up land. I go through this every week. The house is dark except for the glow of the screen, and my mother won’t sleep until I turn the computer off. So good night — even though I’ll be roaming for another hour or two.

  64. Linda said,

    But aside from early banishment, no different than usual here at my mother’s house. Bills paid, pills counted, family legends rehashed. My work is done for the day.

  65. AO said,

    Linda, That was a very lovely story you told. That’s why it’s so imbedded in my brain. Hmmm…tight buns on a Harley. What woman could ass for more?

  66. LaFlamme said,

    Okay, an anonymous person (AO) claims that I’m probably the only one she knows who has tried and liked Allen’s Coffee Brandy. I beg to differ. Anyone wanna confess?

  67. jarheaddoc said,

    Don’t fuck with me, MT: I’m off my pills and I’ve been drinking. You wanna bare knuckle brawl? All I gotta do is distract both of those sissified mutts of yours with a little artery clogging ice cream and kick out your crutch and laugh at you.

    The problem with that plan is I haven’t thought it out much beyond running for my life after I do it.

    Later. I have to work tomorrow, so this is my final post for the night.

  68. LaFlamme said,

    Ahhhh! Come back, Jarhead! Come back and tell the group how you love and crave the Allen’s.

  69. AO said,

    Yeah, you’d better run, JD. You kick out her crutches, MT’s gonna sic a can of …Whoop Ass Allen’s Coffee Brandy on your sorry ass!! Hope you like Allen’s Coffee Brandy. So, do you, JD?

  70. Mainetarr said,

    Stop threatening me Jarheadcock, I am not in the mood for your crap tonight. I will bitch slap you into the middle of next week.

  71. AO said,

    Next week??? Hell, I’d bitch slap him into a vat of Allen’s Coffee Brandy!!! I mean, who the hell would want to be in that?? Well….with the exception of The Flammer…

  72. Mainetarr said,

    And I am no longer on crutches or even limping. So you can take your Budweiser drinking, pill popping ass to bed now and shut yer face.

  73. AO said,

    NO payback for MT!! I think JD’s too afraid.

  74. AO said,

    JAYSUS…I just tried to intruduce my child into the wonders of “Pee Wee’s Play House” and…he didn’t want to have anything to do with it! I mean, the magic word of the day was ‘okay’…what’s so wrong with that? He’s also telling me that I can’t have a new coffee maker because…coffee is bad for me. Huh? What the fluck? Since when? Coffee is bad for me? Well, my mother is going on 75 and…she’s been drankin it for as long as I’ve known her…goin’ on well, let’s not go there! What the hell is wrong with coffee?? And, who the hell is telling my son that it’s bad for me??

    Sorry…just had to vent. This is the “Screaming Room”…right?

  75. Bulldog said,

    I’m here in good ol’ Dallas, TX. stuck here, actually. figured I’d check in with y’all to see what’s up and obviously, you guys aren’t, or are you????

  76. Gil said,

    Ode to a hooker and a cockatoo

    Hookers and cockatoos sharing a ride
    A hot summer day with a thirst to quench
    A stop at the bar, a quick pop inside
    Allen’s Brandy with iced milk for the wench

    One led to another and time did fly
    The cockatoo forgotten in the car
    The sun burned in the Arizona sky
    The whore blew johns in the back of the bar

    Fat Bastard flowed while the hooker turned tricks
    Billy the bird slowly cooked in his cage
    Stumbling back she found Billy quite sick
    PETA fans stoned her to death in a rage

    The windows were up except for one inch
    Death for the bird and the drunk hooker wench

    As requested, a sonnet with perfect iambic pentameter
    i really gotta get a life

  77. Bulldog said,

    Not bad Gil. (damn, did I just give you a compliment!?) must be the heat from hell that’s getting to me

  78. LaFlamme said,

    Now that’s talent.

  79. Bulldog said,

    Now wait a minute, I said Gil’s “sonnet” wasn’t bad. I didn’t say he had talent. If you call that talent, wait until I show you MY talent…. gotta go practice

  80. LaFlamme said,

    I was TALKING about your talent, Bulldog. Yeesh.

  81. Bulldog said,

    Nice save Flamer.

    I’m polishing up on my talent. must go practice some more…. now where did I put that banana?

  82. Linda said,

    Very nice, Gil. Scary. Use your power for good, OK?

    And Mark, I used to drink Allen’s, and lots of it, before I moved out of New England. Totally lost my taste for it. But — I’m back in New England, maybe I could stand it now. If I dared to try.

  83. LaFlamme said,

    See, AO? Everybody Loves Allen’s.

  84. AO said,

    No they don’t! You’re the only one. Linda doesn’t even dare try it.

  85. LaFlamme said,

    She just SAID she used to drink lots of it!

  86. AO said,

    Yeah but, the key word here is “used”. Not any more!

  87. LaFlamme said,

    Semantics! I think we’ve established that Jarhead and Linda are both falling down Allen’s lushes.

  88. AO said,

    Nah. You just want them to be so you can have someone to drink it and fall down with.

  89. LaFlamme said,

    I never fall down. I defy gravity when in my cups.

  90. AO said,

    Bra cups?

  91. LaFlamme said,

    Uh, no. That DOES make me fall down.

  92. Linda said,

    Man, I’d drink anything right now. Longest day in the history of the world, far as I can tell.

  93. Linda said,

    But now I’m home so everything’s OK

  94. AO said,

    I’ve got a nice cold beer with your name on it, Linda.

  95. Linda said,

    I’m wanting it. Maybe tomorrow.

  96. AO said,

    I won’t be around tomorrow, sorry! I have TWO parties to go to. I guess the party dry spell is over…for now.

  97. jarheaddoc said,

    I had one very bad encounter with the hard stuff and it cured me, but beer? Different church, different pew, buddy

  98. AO said,

    Thanks for the update, JD. See, Mark? You ARE the only one who really likes it. I think you should take a gallon jug along with you on your vay-cay. You could drink Allen’s one day and PBR the next. You know, switch back and forth. You could be a “bi-drinker”!

  99. Bobbie said,

    I found Allen’s too sugary and slimey for my taste. Should I drink coffee brandy, I’ll stick with Kamora. It didn’t give me the headache that Allen’s and Kaluha did.

    You’ve been outvoted, Mark. Your punishment for losing is to go on a vacation from hell. Then again, you might just like it knowing you.

  100. jarheaddoc said,

    A pox of flying, stinging insects upon your vacation, Mark! May the video camera be rolling when you run, screaming like a prepubescent female

  101. AO said,

    He-he-he-he!

  102. Bobbie said,

    That would be so cool to see. Too bad we don’t have someone following him on his vacation (he did say that stalkers were welcome) so that we can get all the dirt on him. Blackmailing him wouldn’t work tho because he’d be proud of what we found out about him.

  103. Bobbie said,

    AO,
    Tell your son that the latest findings are that coffee is actually good for you. Have no idea who he’s getting his outdated info from. Should he doubt me, have him google coffee and see what he finds there.

  104. AO said,

    Thanks, Bobbie, I’ll be sure to tell him. Now, what about “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”? Is that bad for me too?

  105. AO said,

    If it is then, ARRRRRRRRGHHH!!

  106. Bobbie said,

    Pee-Wee’s Playhouse is good for you. You have to have some warpedness in your life to make it bearable. LOL

  107. LaFlamme said,

    Wow. No wonder my genitals were itching. You people were talking about me.

  108. Linda said,

    Today at work I was talking to some people by the elevator and someone went by singing the H R Pufnstuf song. Made me laugh!

  109. AO said,

    Ewww…TMI, Mark! Ewww!!

  110. jarheaddoc said,

    I think the itch is just a psychosomatic illness, mark, in anticipation of your pending vacation. Or are you just playing with yourself?

  111. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, it’s probably the bundle of insulation I was messing around with. Forget I brought it up.

  112. AO said,

    Mark, don’t you know that you’re not supposed to ‘touch’ yourself down ‘there’ after you’ve been ‘messing around’ with insulation?

  113. Linda said,

    Its way too hot to mess around with insulation at all.

  114. AO said,

    Yah, that’s what I thought. So, wonder what he WAS doing to get that itch?

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    There’s a huge amount of information out there on ioi group. Getting the information you want however, is not always easy. We’ve collected all the data available and compiled it here.

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