Shell shocked

August 12, 2006 at 2:07 am (Uncategorized)


We’re all friends here, right? If I’m ever killed by a turtle, please get together and make up something more romantic about my demise. And one of you will see that certain… files on my computer will get removed. Right? And while I’m on the subject, which would be more embarrasing: dying on the toilet, or dying in a hooker’s bed? I’ll need fast answers because I’m trying to plan my weekend.

A graduate student from the University of Central Florida is missing after he was pulled underwater by a large sea turtle, according to Local 6 News. Officials said the man vanished Thursday afternoon about three miles north of the Sebastian Inlet and 400 yards out to sea, sheriff’s officials said. The student was apparently tagging turtles as part of a UCF research project.

“The person was onboard a Boston Whaler with other students when a large turtle pulled the victim underwater,” Local 6’s Bob Frier said. The Coast Guard from the Fort Pierce, Fla., station is conducting the search with assistance from the Brevard County sheriff’s helicopter.



  1. Bulldog said,

    yea, sure, we’re friends. I’ve got your ass Flamer. I’m working on your obit right now.

  2. Bulldog said,

    dying on a toilet would probably be really shitty.

  3. LaFlamme said,

    Dying with a hooker would probably suck.

  4. jarheaddoc said,

    Elvis died on the shitter, hell we even got mandy to write him an obit with the words ‘ignominious’ and ‘polypharmacy’ in it. Elvis’ revenues certainly haven’t tapered off since he expired on the pot.

  5. Brenda Akers said,

    Dying while doing a university research project is not embarrassing, but it’s unfortunate. I think the best way to die might be a meaningful way, showing what was important. Like Meg, who was working on helping the Katrina victims when her bus rolled, everyone will always remember what she was doing, and continue the work in her memory (while I was glued to my computer screen- devastated by the pictures on, she was there doing what she could).

    I know one man who died on Memorial Day weekend- he’ll always be remembered that holiday- he was a US Army soldier who was born in Puerto Rico and spent his life trying to be a good man. He w as beautiful, and naturally, he fathered a child out of wedock. The mother of his kid moved far away & lost contact, not wanting to interfere in his family (he was married). The state the child lived in waited til that child was 17 to find him & demand back child support- he was going to go to jail because he couldn’t pay all that – and he died of a heart attack under a tree on Memorial Day weekend….

    Another military man, Denver Odell, was a Marine of mixed race, who was chased by his own fellow Marines under white sheets one night in 1961, Cherry Point, North Carolina- he escaped the ropes and fled to the woods of Maine, maybe Canada, and after living that way for over 35 years, he ran into a witness (me) who remembered, but things went wrong, and we lost contact, he tried to reclaim his name & life- but I didn’t get things straightened out & talk to the right people- so he was alone when he died in a hospital in New Hampshire- the LIVE FREE OR DIE state. He was trying to make a statement. I just know it.

    I like stories with good endings, but I see mostly tragic endings, it’s depressing. My mom told me after reading Cinderella & Sleeping Beauty, the truth is, there’s no “happily ever after” — life is full of problems, and we have to work together to get through them…..

  6. the other Brenda? said,

    well, I guess we know which Brenda you are, don’t we?

  7. Brenda said,

    ooops! — no edit function here?

  8. Bobbie said,

    Afraid not.

  9. Bobbie said,

    Posted By: paula at August 12, 2006 07:50 AM (Suggest Removal)
    I think you are all pathetic. Read about something important like your own bitter lives. I cant stand the media or any of you for that matter. so sit on that

    Does this remind anyone of someone? If so, it would be the quickest comeback in the history of the blog so far. BTW-nice turtle picture.

  10. Linda said,

    Hmmm. Why would someone who can’t stand the media be fossicking around on a newspaper web site? thats odd …

    As for turtle man, my guess is that there was some wild party boat stuff going on, and the circs of his demise were too embarrassing to broadcast. In other words, his friends made up the turtle story to save his dignity. We’d do AT LEAST as much for you Mark. In fact our “collective creative potential” is much higher than those assish frat boys. Once the liquor’s gone, we’ll sit right down and figure out a good story. OK?

  11. "The Weasel" said,

  12. AO said,

    I saw that too, Bobbie. I also noticed that “Paula” was “Chrissy” before. Funny guy!

  13. LaFlamme said,

    Mmmmm. Eggs.

  14. LaFlamme said,

    That Paula just can’t stop herself. Himself? Ah, I don’t know who anybody is anymore.

  15. AO said,

    You’re up early.

  16. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. I was cold.

  17. AO said,

    Friggen weather. Where’d summer go?

  18. LaFlamme said,

    I dunno, man. I wanted to go ride some waves at Scarborough Beach today. Waaaay too cold for that action.

  19. AO said,

    It’s gone into hiding. It’ll be back in either September or, October.

  20. Bulldog said,

    I love this weather!!!! It feels like fall and since that’s one of my favorite seasons, I’m enjoying it tremendously.

    I think the Flame Boy is just worried about shrinkage. Going to the beach right now would be perfect. All the tourists wouldn’t be there. Just the yoco locals

  21. Yoshi said,

    Mark, come to the beach with me. It will be fun.

  22. LaFlamme said,

    What’s the matter with you, Yoshi? You can’t ride waves with that diaper on.

  23. Yoshi said,

    I could ride other things!

  24. Bobbie said,

    I think you’d better watch out for Yoshi, Mark or you may just find out the hard way what s/he wants to ride!

  25. Linda said,

    Does Yoshi have socks on? nobody rides the waves in white socks. A fashion faux pas.

  26. jarheaddoc said,

    Bobbie, reference that comment in #9 for me, wouldja? I just checked the ‘Man, I’m a whiny transplant to Maine blog’ and left a comment. Fucking malcontent, maladjusted, mal-everything you can put the prefix in front of. and I thought MassHoles were bad.

  27. Linda said,

    I was just over there too, jeez, not that I mind whiners or malcontents (QED) but where’s the fun to balance it out?

  28. jarheaddoc said,

    No shit, Linda! I mean, look at yourself, for instance….

    (the sounds of dumb Ol’ JD running for cover)

  29. Linda said,

    WTF do you think you are up to jarheaddoc? You snake. You assish freak.

  30. jarheaddoc said,

    So autoclave me.

  31. jarheaddoc said,

    Some days you are way too easy to hook and play, Linda. I will practice catch and release tonight, okay?

  32. jarheaddoc said,

    Posted By: jarheaddoc at August 12, 2006 05:47 PM (Suggest Removal)
    Well, Nick, I will offer this word of advice to you: don’t post it if you can’t defend it, and find some place to post your thoughts where no one wil respond to them. Have you tried a diary?

  33. Linda said,

    Oh thanks jd. (#31). I’m a little distracted today and can’t give you the attention you deserve right now. Maybe I can play slice and dice later.

    Good shot at Nick.

  34. Linda said,

    OK then. What the hell are you sniping about, jd? I was looking the other way but now I’m paying attention. Nice to know you are looking for a rumble. It’s been a while

    I thought MT’s list (on Nick’s blog) was very effective BTW — good one, MT.

  35. jarheaddoc said,

    Too late, Linda, you accepted the humanitarian terms of the end of the fight and walked away when given the chance.

    And MT can certainly snipe with words, too. Nick suffers from CWS: chronic whiner syndrome. It’s one thing for a native to knock our culture, but for a goddam ferrener to do it?

  36. Linda said,


    10> Number of kills clearly marked on the side of his truck.
    9> Thinks he’s always “being followed by someone disguised as little children.”
    8> His route takes him down your street at precisely 3:30 am every morning.
    7> Comes to work wearing only a strategically placed waffle cone.
    6> Happy calliope music replaced with Mozart’s “Requiem.”
    5> Offers three flavors: Chocolate, Vanilla, and Sacred Blood of the Martyrs.
    4> “Little Mr. Softee” always making surprise appearances.
    3> Every time you get close to his truck he guns it and laughs while yelling, “Maybe next time, Lardass!”
    2> Ice cream sandwiches come with alfalfa sprouts, dijon mustard and a pickle.
    and the Number 1 Sign the Ice Cream Truck Driver is Nuts…
    1> Likes Jerry, but thinks Ben is “a real turd.”

  37. Linda said,

    Yes, I remember how you hate that jd. Really pushes your buttons

  38. AO said,

    Good list, Linda. I hate that damned music they always play! I want to run and hide under my bed every time the damned thing drives up my street!

  39. Linda said,

    HOpefully it’s not “Requiem”!

  40. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, since we’re just mindlessly seg-waying between topics tonight, I will relay this little story.

    There is a B17 bomber on display in Portland this weekend. I have always been fascinated by this plane, so I took the kids up to see it. We were there early, so the crowd wasn’t too big.

    One of the people in the crowd was a reproter or something like that and had been working with the plane’s owners for several days on a story. He was in the crowd with his son today and pulled out his reporter’s credentials to go to the head of the line. You would think that he would have already taken his kid to see the damn thing. Made me ugly.

    Well, there was also an older gentleman and his wife in the crowd, and he had been a crew member of a B17 shot down in the war. He was captured and interred by the Swiss, which he admitted was fortunate for him. I was waiting for our turn, as only ten could go at a time, and told the security guard that the old man and his wife could have my turn, I would wait for the next group. The guard said that I was there first, which was true, but I answered that the man was there to see his history, he could go first, I was a lot younger and could wait.

    I really expected some of the crowd to say something, and I was ready to fight, but no one said anything. Jesus, the guy’s wife looked like she was going to die at any moment!

    Well, to end this story, my son made me very proud today when he told that gentleman, “thank you for your service, sir.”

  41. AO said,

    Jd, I’m not kidding, your story brought tears to my eyes. You have a great son. Wow. And, um, you’re not so bad yourself. 🙂

  42. jarheaddoc said,

    I have my days, AO. I am a hypocrite: do as I say, not as I do. Sorry, but just because I’m fucked up about things doesn’t mean my kids have to be. Generational stupidity needs to stop somwhere….

    Now if I could just get him to stop reading books on the toilet I’d be all set

  43. AO said,

    Hey, let him read! Doesn’t matter WHERE it is. Guess it just matters WHAT it is!

  44. Linda said,

    Great story jd. Be sure you get the kids lots of books.

  45. jarheaddoc said,

    Well, he’s not all that far from puberty

  46. Linda said,

    AO, I’m getting thirsty. Hmmm. What shall I drink tonight? 🙂

  47. jarheaddoc said,

    See, another mindless segue!

  48. AO said,

    Well…let me think, Linda. Oh, do you still have that beer stashed in your pocketbook? I’d start there.

  49. Linda said,

    No way, I’ve had Steinlager on my mind for an hour and a half.

  50. AO said,

    WTF is mindless, JD?

  51. Linda said,

    jd, is it bothering you that I’m not paying attention to the topic? Then tell us … how would you like to die?

  52. AO said,

    So. What’s taking you so long? Drink up, girl! That’s an order!

  53. Linda said,

    It’s nicely chilled, even if that’s not the New Zealand way. Going to pop the top now. You are an angel, AO.

  54. Nadine said,

    I’m a turtle — a NIN turtle:

    Actually, I also know a drinking game caled “Turtle” that consists of 10 tongue twisters — it really is a fun/funny game!!

    So, that’s my turtle input, heh.

  55. AO said,

    Is it tongue twisters about turtles?

    Hope you enjoy it, Linda. I just wish that I had more to give you.

  56. jarheaddoc said,

    No, it’s just pointing something out, that’s all. We could stay over at the SJ and have to tolerate Nick the Prick if we wanted to stay on topic.

    I can’t choose how I’ll die, unless it’s by my own hand, but i can how my remains will be disposed of, and we’ve already had that discussion

  57. AO said,

    Something about trees, right? Oak trees?

  58. jarheaddoc said,

    Yup. aare you stringing me along? You and Linda in cahoots via e-mail, just trying to have a battle of wits with a man who is clearly outnumberred and unarmed?

  59. Sulu said,

    In a way we do choose how we die, by choosing how we live & what we do each day.

  60. AO said,

    No, JD. What? Are you flucking paranoid?

  61. Linda said,

    AO told me publicly on the blog that she had a NZ Steinlager for me. I collected it today and am blissfully swilling it as I write. Emailed her a thank you out of courtesy for all those that didn’t get a bag of beer from her. That’s all that’s up. Don’t worry about being outnumbered — and you are hardly unarmed!

  62. jarheaddoc said,

    Me? Paranoid? why should I think the world is out to get me? I’m just worried about you two right now.

  63. Linda said,

    Save your breath, jd. You might need it to blow up your date.

  64. Linda said,

    Anyhow women don’t need to connive by email (we only do it because we like to). Baiting men is instiinctive.

  65. jarheaddoc said,

    I got rid of that blow up doll a long time ago. I invested in one of those latex ones. It just goes to prove that regardless of what a woman is made of, she is going to be expensive to obtain

  66. jarheaddoc said,

    My blow up doll did not survive the autoclave. Guess it goes to show you are assish for buying one second hand

  67. AO said,

    Oh..ha, ha, ha!! Good one, Linda!! NOW we have something good to email back and forth about JD!

    Kidding, JD.

  68. Linda said,

    Is that like using all the letters in Scrabble — both Mark’s special words in one post? I have to admit I’m impressed. It’s your turn to find him a word, by the way. The man has a great vocabulary but anyone can benefit from a few new words. And he’s so appreciative …

  69. jarheaddoc said,

    Wiat just a second, I came up with autoclave, you came up with assish, so it’s AO’s turn. There is no skip turn in this game, Linda.

  70. jarheaddoc said,

    But, if I were help out a fellow blogger, I would offer obstreperous

  71. jarheaddoc said,

    Okay, I have to call it quite for now. I am going to go start the fire and do some more cleaning in the shop. It’s very fall like tonight and I love this weather.

  72. Linda said,

    and I would offer an Italian word if that’s not considered cheating:

    SQUADRETTA Italian
    A group of prison guards who specialise in beating up inmates

    Kind of like here only without the prison & the guards

  73. Linda said,

    Christ there he goes again hinting at the harvest moon. The man is obsessed with that calendar.

  74. Bobbie said,

    Sorry it took so long to get back to you about the post you wanted to know about. It was in reference to the possibility that Dan may be back on the blog again. It seems that this time, he wants to try things as a female. I’ll have to go check out the blog on the SJ and see what’s going on there. I’ve been busy today, so I haven’t had a chance to get back there yet.

  75. AO said,

    Hey, hey, hey!! I’ll find my own word! But, thanks for the help….

  76. Bobbie said,

    Between JD and Kellswater, Nick should have a “nice” response for everyone, huh?

  77. AO said,

    I think JD should put a snood on his new latex doll. Just to be safe!

  78. Linda said,

    Yeah, cut down on the autoclaving

  79. AO said,

    Ya never know what that latex will carry!

  80. Bobbie said,

    That sounds disgusting, you know that? But disgusting is also right up JD’s alley!

  81. Nadine said,

    AO: nope, just 10 toungue twisters that get harder as you move up, and more drinks each step. I have no clue why it is called turtle! Haha.

  82. AO said,

    Has anybody here ever seen Shang Hi Nights? (SP??) I just watched it for the first time today. I love Owen Wilson. But, what I’m getting at is, when he an Jackie Chan were in the whore house bath tubs. They were playing a Chinese drinking game. It was too funny! But, um, that Owen Wilson. YUMMY!!

  83. The friendly Buddhist said,

    A turtle is tagged
    Afloat he finds the Asshat
    Revenge, tag that, fucker

  84. Linda said,

    Havent seen it AO.

  85. Gil said,

    Another Darwin Award, what a way to go:

  86. AO said,

    FB, who’s the “Asshat”?

  87. AO said,

    Okay, the guy with the sledgehammer trying to open the grenade WAS an asshat.

  88. Linda said,

  89. AO said,

    Paris Hilton. Why would anybody care? And, if they do. Why? Why?

  90. jarheaddoc said,

    I will now use ‘snood’ in a sentence: I was soundly a-snood after I finished with that latex ‘ho I bought.

  91. AO said,

    Ha. JD, you an yo’ ho’s.

  92. jarheaddoc said,

    You say that fast enough enough and it sounds like I have a stuffy nose and want one of those chocolate covered cakes.

  93. Linda said,

    Sounds like messing with ‘hos AND smoking weed

  94. Nadine said,

    AO: You gotta check this site out!! You plug pics in of yourself or anyone you know and it shows you what celebrity you look like most…my son and I both have traits of Owen Wilson — and I tried several different pics of us both!! Haha!

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