August 16, 2006 at 1:21 am (Uncategorized)

vegas-154.jpgI hope when we discover life in another part of the universe, the very first extraterrestrial being viewed by man struts to our robotic camera, bends over and moons it. Imagine: the grandest of all discoveries coming in the form of extraterrestrial ass. Or maybe ET has two asses, one on either side of his head.

I think about this kind of thing a lot, when I should be paying attention to traffic or listening to what the person in front of me is saying. And I don’t just wonder where the life is at, I get to predicting when we will find it. I’m firmly convinced we will find some form of life within our own solar system within the next 15 years. On a moon rather than a planet, will we will find photosynthetic life in vast oceans beneath the ice. And the very first microorganism we spy will flip us the bird and scamper away giggling.

Or something. I just can’t wait for it to happen. When the rover landed on Mars in 1996, I waited with the kind of anticipation most people reserve for the Superbowl. All it would take, I reasoned, was for something to twitch before our cameras. Something to slither across the view of the lens or take flight at the mechanical creaking of the machinery. That would be it. Game over. We are not alone. Let the torrid debate between religion and science grow even hotter.

But mostly, I imagine how the intelligent beings will appear to us when we finally find them on extra solar planets. Creatures on smaller, low gravity planets will be wiry things with long, spindly legs for jumping. On a massive planet, where the pull of gravity is great, our galactic neighbors are likely to be massive and muscular. It might due to come bearing gifts for these pro wrestlers of the cosmic ring.

We could find aquatic worlds where super intelligent beings live entirely beneath the water. We could find subterranean worlds where they live beneath miles of earth. We could find warlike creatures and those who have perfected their societies into Utopias. It is quite likely we will discover beings of such advanced intelligence we appear to them as primitive and unformed, like amoeba or editors. They might take a curious look at us and then send us on our way to grow and evolve for another million years. And who can blame them?

04-20-04-065.jpgI dig this shit. And I welcome your thoughts on what our first encounter with THEM will be like and when it will happen. Winner of the exterritorial contact poll gets a free weekend getaway my life-size, inflatable alien. And as usual, what happens in the ether of space, stays in the ether.



  1. Bobbie said,

    First contact? Well, I guess that it won’t be anything like when the Vulcan met Zephram Cocoran (?). Knowing our luck, we’ll get blasted from the planet while the aliens have good laugh at our expense.

  2. Linda said,

    Can we get a better look at that inflatable alien, Mark?

  3. jarheaddoc said,

    The aliens would be wise to blast us out of existence.

  4. K2 said,

    How many orafices does the blow-up alien have? And, really, how sticky is it?

    I can’t wait to see, when we definitively find alien life, how religions try to explain it. Should be a hoot.

    But didn’t NASA discover life 10 years ago in a meteor from Mars? Almost certainly not:

  5. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    If we were to discover life on other planets or the moon, it would be fascinating to find out how they perceive us. I usually imagine their reaction would be along the lines of “Humans really exist?? We always thought they were the aliens.”

  6. K2 said,

    One look at the Middle East and they probably would say, “Screw those losers. What’s going on in Nebula 5?”

  7. Linda said,

    It seems at least as likely that WE’LL be the lower life form — the twitch or slither serendipitously catching the attention of some real players in the universe.
    If that’s the case, we won’t be able to maintain the sense of our own importance that informs every freakin thing mankind does.

  8. LaFlamme said,

    Jaysus, all anyone wants to talk about today is the Turner creature. I’ve gotten messages from media and scientists as far away as Germany. That’s yesterday’s news, man.

  9. LaFlamme said,

    Additional photos of the inflatable alien would not be appropriate for a family blog.

  10. Oopsy said,

    And what happens in the ether of space is known only by the ether bunny

    (couldnt resist)

  11. Linda said,

    You have a family blog, Mark? when do you find time to write it, what with all the time you spend hanging round in this dive???

  12. LaFlamme said,

    Ha! Okay, point taken.

  13. jarheaddoc said,

    An episode of the X-files, when it was still a good show, focused on a creature that lived in the sewers, and asked the question: Man is destroying so many species every year, but how many are being created by man, also?

  14. Brenda said,

    If/when we meet alien intelligent life, we’ll argue & debate about whether or not it is “life” and we’ll not recognise it as intelligent- unless it speaks English, and anyway, we’ll pass laws against it…. we’ll probably use it or something it emits, for fuel for our cars….

  15. Bobbie said,

    have you been listening to the news today? It’s going to be interesting to see what Mr. Carr has to say about the Ramsey killing.

  16. Mainetarr said,

    I just heard about it while I was at the Sun Urinal tonight. I can hardly wait to see what will come of this. I still wonder if the brother had anything to do with it, though.

  17. "The Weasel" said,

    YESSSS BOBBIE —- BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Pervert arrested in Thailand!!!!! Suspect is an American citizen!!!!!!!!!

    How many of you initially thought it was HERB the Perv???????????????????????

    I did………

    Fortunately for Herb, the suspects name is Carr, not B#@&eller.

    Hmmm…. I wonder if Carr was a travelling companion with Herb? They both seem to like the young ones.

  18. Mainetarr said,

    Ha!! When we heard the breaking news tonight on the sidewalk in front of the Sun Urinal, AO, Mark and I all said Herb!!! at the same time!!! HAHAHAHAH great minds think alike Weasel. And for the record, the bastard’s name is CARR, not Tarr. So don’t get funny you creeps. No relation to me.

  19. Thaifood Teena said,

    Carr, translated, is Thai for Mongoose.

  20. Bobbie said,

    I have the Sox game on right now. The Sox are now in the lead 5-4. You know how long it’s been since I listened to a Sox game with no one else in the house wanting to change the channel? TOO LONG!

  21. AO said,

    Bet it feels good, Bobbie.

  22. Linda said,

    I’m in with the Sox too. Enjoy it while you can!

  23. Bobbie said,

    Definitely feels good. I’m taking full advantage of it tonight!

  24. LaFlamme said,

    What? The suspect’s name was TARR?

  25. "The Weasel" said,

    I found where Herb has been staying…..

  26. LaFlamme said,

    What the hell? Did you manufacture that yourself? It sounds like a swank place. I’d hang out there.

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