Got beer?

August 23, 2006 at 1:15 am (Uncategorized)



I love beer. Not the fancy imported stuff that comes in corked bottles. Not the spiced crap, like cinnamon or pumpkin flavored beer. I like an unpretensious brew, something that looks like piss with a fat head of spit. Even the scorned brews work for me. Hand me a Schlitz and I’ll drink it. Nasty Ganset? No problem. Schaeffer? Gladly. It’s the one to have when you’re having more than one.


I’ll drink your Stroh’s, your Old Milwuakee and even it’s bastard brother, Milwuakee’s Best. I’ll drink your Busch, your Miller, your Heffen-freakin-Reffer. The only mainstream beer that ever made me cringe was Meister Brau. But you know what? I’ll choke it down. Five or ten, even. After you get the first one, it tastes like ambrosia.


I come from a long line of hard beer drinkers on my paternal side. And I have a strange childhood memory of the lot of them sitting around a table, drinking beer out of pilsners and singing a goofy song. It went a little something like this. Someone give me a C minor?


In heaven there is no beer


That’s why we drink it here


Cus when we’re gone from here


All our friends will be drinking all the beer.

Then they went out to the backyard to fight and moon strangers. Man, I love beer.




  1. Linda said,

    Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems. (Homer Simpson)

  2. Bulldog said,

    IF and WHEN I ever do drink beer, it’s Bud Ice or Michelob Ultra. really REALLY cold.
    Beer affects me like tequila. There’s something in it that makes me take my clothes off. I’ll take a Cap’n & Coke or White Russian any day. Screw beer (I probably would if I could, after a few that is)

  3. AO said,

    Heffen Reffer…ah…the memories that brings back. We used to drink it in high school because it was so damn cheap. It tasted like skunk piss but, it was cheap. We also used to drink Colt 45, warm. The warmer the better the buzz. We would leave it in the back of my friends car, the Green Gran, for a week. By Friday night it was prime for drankin.

  4. Oopsy said,

    Ah beer, the wit of soul. I admit to liking the “crunchy” kind – IPA and other sturdy hoppy ales. But gosh and gee whiz – when it is steamin hot and the sun is makin’ ya sweat like the proverbial pig, nothin tastes better than a plain ol Miller or Coors or such. And yeah, about five or six of them. A tub of iced beer under a tree awaiting you when you take a break from your labors – or from the tennis game. Sigh…. the season for that is drawing to a close…..

  5. jarheaddoc said,

    “Quantity has a quality all its own” nikita Kruschchev.

    Call me uncultured, call me cheap, but there is a lot more fun to drinking a twelver of Bud than a onesy of fancy shit that I can’t pronounce and ‘have to savor’ and raise a pinky to drink.

    And if I am going to yarf my guts out, I would much rather do it on the cheap shit that tastes the same going both ways and have a buck left in my pocket for tylenol for the hangover than yark something that turns to vinegar in your gut and leaves you flat broke.

  6. AO said,

    “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
    Frank Sinatra

  7. jarheaddoc said,

    “I like beer, it makes me a jolly good fellow”
    Tom T. Hall

  8. AO said,

    I like beer, too. Just not Bud. Bud Light, yes. Regular Bud…no.

  9. Mainetarr said,

    “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
    -Dave Barry

  10. Mainetarr said,

    “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
    -Ernest Hemmingway

  11. Smart Shopper said,

    Let’s drink a toast to the demise of a long time institution in this area. Pontbriand’s Hardware is closing. Sale!!! Everything 50% off!!!!!

  12. jarheaddoc said,

    No shit! I remember buying stamps there when I was a kid. the phone booth out front never seemed to work. Always thought the woman behind the counter was hot, back then. Have no idea what she looks like now, maybe she’s got a mole with a hair that curls in and out when she gets mad and start swearing in Franglish.

  13. LaFlamme said,

    Let’s also drink to the Portland Press Herald, Kennebec Journal and Waterville Morning Sentinel, which appear to be up for sale. Brown beer not allowed.

  14. K2 said,

    Hey, if you guys want to drink corn dextrose and rice syrup solids, instead of primarliy barley malt, then keep drinking the cheap American piss. The stuff literally made me sick when I tried it exclusively, to foolishly try to save money, a few months back. Had to go back to European lagers/pilsners for my health’s sake.

    Okay, Heineken supposedly has some rice syrup solids. But no corn, dammit.

    Newspapers for sale? Get used to it — print papers are doomed. Like the cotten gin, but completely different.

    Which is all the more reason why the SJ is dumb not to upgrade its server(s) and bandwidth. The eSJ is just too damn slow, man.

  15. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. And it’s persnickety, too. I click on a section, it blinks out, and then turns up the homepage again. Internet surfers have little tolerance for that kind of glitch.

  16. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, what IS the deal with Colt .45? We used to buy Magnums like nobody’s business. Word on the street then was that Colt had a higher alcohol content than anything because it’s malt liquor. Any truth to this?

  17. LaFlamme said,

    Just heard from a young lady who says she loves beer so much, she memorized the Budweiser label. You gotta like that kind of committment.

  18. K2 said,

    Traditionally (in a relative sense), ‘malt liqours’ are cheap beers that have higher ethanol contents than the regular beers. Used to be 5-6% was high, but now, you regularly see 7, 8, even 9%. (Beer yeast, during fermentation, suffers negative feedback at alcohol concentrations around 9% — that’s why heavy duty barley wines use champagne yeast to acheive the 12, 13, 14% range.) Technically, though, all beers that have malt as their primary fermentable are malt liqours. Funny thing is, most ‘malt liqours,’ if not all, have corn and rice adjuncts in them, probably in greater concentration than malted barley. Basically, it’s all marketing bull shit. Now shut up and pass me the Olde English 800.

  19. AO said,

    Aww….K2, you’re taking all the fun out of drinking beer!

  20. AO said,

    If you want a good bang for your buck, try a Molson XXX. I had one bottle the other night and I was stumbling. 7.3%.

  21. jarheaddoc said,

    The key words, of course, being ‘I had one bottle….and I was stumbling”
    Fucking lightweight. It takes me two.

  22. Linda said,

    Jeez, I’m missing beer talk, SJ bashing, and a visit from the elusive jarheaddoc. Life’s just not the same when you have to actually work.

  23. AO said,

    That would make you a lightweight Sr. JD.

  24. AO said,

    Yeah, we could call this blog: Beer Chat. Gonna weigh in on which is your favorite, Linda?

  25. Linda said,

    Finally I’m home — for a while anyhow. What a ridiculous day I had!! not a minute to myself. I really need a beer.

    AO knows my soft spot for New Zealand Steinlager. I can picture my favorite pub right now — noisy, smoky, loud — a pint of Steinie draught in my hand, all drippy on the outside because the air’s so dense. I can just imagine how it feels when I tip it up to drink. Oh well. I’ll settle for whatever’s in the fridge. Not too much because I’m going to hear a friend play some Bach tonight and I’d like to stay awake if possible.

    Aside from Steinlager, I can’t think of any beer that actually offends me, but I don’t usually drink so much of it that I “yark my guts out” as jd so descriptively mentions. Not that it hasn’t happened … just not often. If I’m going to do that, better it were beer than wine or whisky, for sure.

  26. AO said,

    As we’ve always called it, 40 district beer. Mark, you’re right in the middle of the 40 district. Chewbacca’s ass! Funny stuff! Seriously bad stuff.

  27. Linda said,

    I’d like to see the guy that bit Chewbacca’s ass and felt qualified to compare Colt 45 to it …

  28. jarheaddoc said,

    Maybe Chewbacca isn’t the he-est of the Wookies and the guy needed the beer to wash out the taste of the encounter

  29. AO said,

    Chewy-ass would most definitely need a “wash out”.

  30. Dave said,

    I used to be in love with Geary’s and Allagash White. (still am at heart) But, the best beer was the stuff I used to brew as a hobby. Great Imperial Stouts, Wheat Beers, and some bizarre combinations of ingredients I don’t fully remember.

    But now, I’m diabetic and need to stick with low-carb gems such as Ultra and Rolling Rock Light. Ugh. Think I’m gonna give up the beer and stick with single-malt Scotch.

  31. Dave said,

    Adding to Mark’s post #17 – I had a friend in Mexico (Maine) have the Anheurser-Busch logo tattooed on his arm. I think it’s still there… talk about loyalty.

    I’m not sure if its the truth, or a long-told urban legend, but it is said amongst locals in the Rumford-Mexico area that in the late 70’s, we held the highest per-capita consumption of Budweiser in the nation. Myth? I don’t know. Just know I did my part in boosting the numbers at the time.

  32. jarheaddoc said,

    Dave, from working on the ambulance up there back in the ’90’s, the calendar may have moved, but time did not, urban legend or not. Ahh, the good old days: don’t miss that part of them too much.

  33. LaFlamme said,

    Now that you mention it, our friend Baril over here has the Anheiser (motto: nobody knows how to spell our name) logo on his arm, too.

  34. LaFlamme said,

    Let’s not forget Delirium Tremens, which I had to travel to Malden, Mass. to get. The alcohol content is so high, it’s not even allowed in Maine.

  35. Dave said,

    Let me guess JarHead – made a few stops at the Barnboard Lounge?

  36. AO said,

    You didn’t go to Malden for Delirium Tremons. Did you? I’ve been to Malden a ga-zillion times. It’s not that bad.

  37. Dave said,

    Compared to Lynn its not that bad.

  38. Dave said,

    Mark, are you sure you’re not talking about MISS Delirium Tremons?

  39. LaFlamme said,

    No, it wasn’t a bad area at all. Just a long ass haul for a beer run.

  40. AO said,

    BTW Dave, I’m glad to finally see all the photos you’ve got on your page. It’s a great site.

  41. AO said,

    Cripe. For a crime reporter, you’re such a sissy! My sister used to live in Malden. Roch and I have been there several times. No problems. Guess you just have to hang with the “Malden” crowd.

  42. LaFlamme said,

    One more time, AO. It’s not a bad town at all. I rather like it. It was just a long way to go to get beer.

  43. jarheaddoc said,

    I got a bad feeling that woman in #38 has a penis

  44. Mainetarr said,

    Don’t be shittin on Lynn, that’s where my Italian family is from. And don’t say the gay poem about Lynn, either. Why does everyone have to say that whenever Lynn is mentioned???

    I never heard Mark crap on Malden, other than it was a long trip for beer. What are you reading AO?

  45. Mainetarr said,


    That is one fugly chick in #38, Dave….yuk.

  46. Dave said,

    I came close to being mugged in Lynn. Right near Classical High School. Thank goodness my wheels at the time, a ’76 puke yellow Ford Maverick, had absolutely zero interest of being acquired by the locals.

    Interesting place during the day, even more interesting when the sun goes down.

  47. Dave said,

    Oops – let me rephrase #46.

    “…the locals had absolutely ZERO interest in acquiring my ’76 puke yellow Ford Maverick.”

  48. jarheaddoc said,

    Dave, the Barnboard was notorious during my stint in the Rum-fid area, but I was never blessed with a visit to the place in either a personal or professional capacity. I was usually the one who ended up going to the willy wags for someone.

  49. Mainetarr said,

    puke yellow? Holy shit, what did you eat to get yellow puke? A ton of bananas? LOL, just kidding with you Dave. Nice website by the way. Good job.

  50. Linda said,

    Oh man! I step away from the computer and now we are bashing Rumford-Mexico and Lynn! Anyone want to have a go at Brockton while you are at it, since i lived there too? And look how good I turned out!

  51. Dave said,

    You’re partially correct. Lynn appears to get a bad rap for nothing. Their crime stats aren’t the greatest, but not the worst either.

    But it’s still a good rhyme….
    Lynn, Lynn, city of Sin
    You never come out, the way you went in….

    Or something like that.

  52. Linda said,

    I lived in East Boston too, BTW, near Maverick Square if that means anything to anyone.

  53. Dave said,

    I worked all-around Boston for a couple years. The people were great. You never had to guess what they thought. Very straight-forward folks. Take them or leave them.

    It did take me a while to get used to the “Do you want a tonic” line. (translation – would you like a soda? )

  54. jarheaddoc said,

    Don’t take my comments out of context, Linda: I can state for a fact that I use more of my job skills in The Rumford area than at any other part-time job I have whored at through the years.

    There is a rather huge difference between bashing something out of ignorance and commiserating with someone who has a different perspective on a shared subject

  55. jarheaddoc said,

    And it’s not a sandwich south of Portsmouth, it’s a grinder, and don’t you dare forget it, lest you be branded a goddam tourist!

  56. Linda said,

    Yeah, Rumford’s a rough town. Anyone growing up there, including me, has a lot of context for it. Bash, commiserate, whatever, I’m just making conversation.

  57. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. And never, under any circumstances, ask for an Italian in Boston.

  58. jarheaddoc said,

    Or, as I was informed by a native of North Carolina, it’s a ‘pop’, meaning a soda. The conversation went like this:

    Me: That’s a soda where I come from. Why do you call it a pop?

    The Native: Well, this ain’t where you come from, you can just go home. And that war wasn’t civil, it was the war of Northern Aggression. (Native spits, looks lovingly but defiantly at Stars and Bars attached to truck> An american made truck)

    Me: Well, that was then, this is now. So why is it called a pop?

    Native: Well, what sound does it make when you open it?

    Me: It pops.

    Native: No shit, huh?

    Me: Well, let’s go get a beer.

    Native: Now that is the smartest damn thing I will ever hear a Yankee say

  59. Bobbie said,

    If you ask for a soda in Germany, you will get soda water. You also have to remember to use your thumb when ordering beer in Germany. You quickly learn that should you indicate how many beverages you would like by using the first finger of either hand, you will have doubled your order.

  60. LaFlamme said,

    You should also not try to ask a French girl if she’s married by looping your fingers into a ring shape and then thrusting a free finger in and out of it. You learn that the hard way.

  61. Chris Otis said,

    Google is the best search engine

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