You can’t beat this meat

September 3, 2006 at 1:39 am (Uncategorized)

You’ve got to love a business owner who knows how to capitalize on the hot topic of the day. When we wrote about allegations of extraterrestrial ships and bodies being housed secretly at Worumbo mill a few years ago, the store manager went nuts. A couple days after the story ran, they had alien figures propped all over the fabric store with signs announcing “prices that are out of this world!” Hell, I bought a Worumbo t-shirt with an alien face on it. I’m not immune to the lure of novelty.

beast.jpgOur friend Gil snapped this photo today while out prowling the badlands of western Maine. Another business taking advantage of the hype over the mystery beast. These guys join a Route 4 restaurant that advertised and served up a Mystery Creature Burger the last couple weeks. And man, that sucker looked good.

Because I have to seque to something here, I might as well make it meat. A very evil friend of my recently turned me on to Delmonico steaks and that’s all I’ve been eating. Friggin’ great on the grill, where the flames tenderize the fatty portions. And me, a loin man from way back.

Any vegetarians in the house? No? Good. Let’s eat.


  1. brenda said,

    Ha! Love the sign!

  2. Oprah said,

    Meat is evil.

  3. newsflasher said,

    some good stories in today’s paper:
    75 year old woman chases & catches purse theif, who apoligises, and she gives him $3 ;
    bank robber caught after his crotch explodes…..
    Vermont town discusses nudity ban because of nude teens around town; meanwhile, Utah town city councilor tries to draft law against baggy pants…..

  4. A cattleman said,

    You only think that because the cattlemen’s association got the better of you a few years ago. Hopefully the crow that you ate was a good cut of meat and not something cheap.

  5. brenda said,

    well, she apologised, but I thought she was right anyway, because eating fast food hamburgers (& fries & soda- you can’t go to a burger king or mcD’s & not get all that) is just really a bad idea when you have weight problems.

  6. supersize that? said,

    extra fat double cheese quarter pounder with bacon & extra mayo, extra large fries & , oh, extra large diet coke….

  7. Oprah said,

    Brenda your a moron

  8. Anonymous said,

    Cuckoo…. Cuckoo….

  9. Bobbie said,

    Mark has another link to The Screaming Room. I would say that it’s an appropriate link because Mark is as weird as they come and I say that with all the love in the world, Mark.

  10. Linda said,

    Crow — I never thought of it as meat. Does it taste like chicken?

  11. Linda said,

    Nudity is sort of a yes or a no — I mean, you can tell pretty quick whether someone is nude. Or even partially nude. But HOW would you legislate on baggy pants? Would you have meter maids with tape measures, patrolling the town to measure the drop from crotch to seam? or what? Or are you more concerned with underwear showing above the waistband of the pants? (no wise-ass remarks on that please, jarheaddoc) Or is it a question of the cuffs trailing on the ground?

    I’m thinking about the dumbass rule in the old days, wa-a-ay back when I was in school, that skirt hems had to be within 3 or 4 inches (I forget, I think it would change from year to year) of the floor when you were kneeling. Now, this was a public high school, and there were really no legitimate public activities that would cause you to kneel for any reason. So it was a real power trip on the part of some of the teachers, conspicuously carrying rulers in their back pockets and making girls kneel down to get their hems measured.

    And, yikes, now that I read that over, I’m seeing it a bit more cynically than I ever did before. Oh well, writing it here saves me the trouble of looking up my shrink’s phone number.

    Anyhow you may not like the baggy pants look, but passing a law could really cause more problems than it would solve.

  12. Bobbie said,

    There was an attempt recently to ban baggy pants, but it failed miserably. It seems that the person didn’t like the kids walking around with half their butts hanging out, so he proposed banning them. I saw a guy walking through Wally World the other day with baggy pants on. It made me wonder just how he managed to walk with the crotch of the pants hanging around his knees. To be fair to all, if you’re going to ban baggy pants, you also need to target the guys that have a big belly and weigh about 400 pounds but who still “fit” into the same size pants that they wore in high school.

  13. Linda said,

    There’s a picture! You want fries with that, Bobbie? 🙂

  14. Bobbie said,

    Yes, I do, but steak fries, if you wouldn’t mind! LOL

  15. LaFlamme said,

    If I were on death row awaiting the chair, my last meal would be: a two pound prime rib (preferably from Bugaboo Creek), seasoned fries and a jar of olives.

  16. Dave said,

    ahhh… as an avid Atkins Diet follower, it’s great to see meat on sale.

    I just puled about 15 pounds of soon to be pulled pork out of my smoker. Yum Yum. It’s hard to find a decent steak in this town. My favorite is the mini-mac from Mac’s Steakhouse on Minot Avenue. Simply the best in town.

  17. Linda said,

    A two pound prime rib, Mark? are you inviting a few friends to share that last meal with you? That’s a lot of meat!

  18. jarheaddoc said,

    The legislators who are trying to regulate morality and clothing fashions need to be tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail. The styles of today are no different in comparison to what said morality police had when they were growing up and did things that drove their parents nuts.

    And what is wrong with nudity, anyways? Holy shit, last time I saw a kid come into the world, the little shit was neck-ed as could be! This fucking country needs to stop making it shameful to own a human body in any way, shape, or form. However, from the male persepective, I do not beleive it should be legal for fat woman to wear spandex. And that’s just the opposite and equal side of the (very correct, as far as I’m concerned,) opinion bobbie tossed out.

  19. AO said,

    Women still wear spandex? I thought it was out of style.

  20. Linda said,

    I think he might mean Lycra, AO

  21. jarheaddoc said,

    Whatever the term is for that stretchy stuff these days. I’m showing my advancing state of agedness

  22. moron? said,

    “your” is a possessive word, as in: “Your moron, Brenda”
    “you’re” is the word to use for a subject- verb- adjective: “You’re a moron.”

  23. jarheaddoc said,


  24. Linda said,

    We don’t usually have a grammar lesson. How edifying.

  25. brenda said,

    Oh, so you’re “Oprah” Jarheaddoc?

  26. Linda said,

    Harpo, more likely ? Not as much of a stretch as Oprah

  27. jarheaddoc said,

    Brenda, if post #25 is in reference to post #2, I will agree with post #7, grammatically incorrect or not.

  28. LaFlamme said,

    Edifying. Good word.

  29. LaFlamme said,

    The mini-mac is good, Dave, there’s no getting around that. However, I don’t wish to be buried with one, as I do with a prime rib from Bugaboo. Locally, I’ll go for the Frontera at Marguerita’s or the Flo from Longhorn.
    Christ, now I want steak and my grill is broken. Shoots flames from the propane tube leading from the tank to the burners. Is that bad?

  30. Linda said,

    You did catch the sarcastic tone on that, right, Mark? Sometimes it’s not so easy in print.

  31. jarheaddoc said,

    But to answer the question in simple, declarative terms, I is who I is and you gets what you gets

  32. Linda said,

    Step away from the grill, Mark. Flames shooting out of the tubing — not good. Do you have any neighbors whose grill you could use?

  33. jarheaddoc said,

    Charred mammal flesh off the grill “Must consume mass quantitites”

  34. Linda said,

    Theres an idea Mark — push a stick through your steak and shove it in the chiminea for a while.

  35. AO said,

    I bought Roch a bi-sexual grill a few years back. It’s both gas and charcoal. So, it there’s a problem with the propane, empty tank or flames shooting out of the “tube”, he can always use charcoal.

  36. jarheaddoc said,

    That’s the best type of meet cooked on a grill: charred black and smoking on the outside, still raw and cold on the inside. Works for hot dogs and burgers, anyways

  37. jarheaddoc said,

    Bi-sexual: fucked either way?

  38. jarheaddoc said,

    Ya know, Linda, as far as #34 goes, didn’t Loki do something like that with the heart of an enemy and it made him nuts?

  39. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, one of my ex-girlfriends used to call me Loki. Wasn’t he the God of Mischief and the Underground or something to that effect?

  40. Linda said,

    I think it’s OK if you are using prime rib. Organ meat’s another story altogether.

  41. jarheaddoc said,

    That he was, Mark.

  42. Linda said,

    Anyhow jd, I really only know Greek and Roman mythology, except for the few things I learned in “The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul”

  43. LaFlamme said,

    What’s in kielbasa, anyway? I’ve been eating a lot of that lately. I’m sure it’s perfectly salubrious.

  44. jarheaddoc said,

    Lo·ki (lk) KEY

    A Norse god who created discord, especially among his fellow gods.

    Maybe thor shoulda just whacked the fucker with that big goddam hammer in an attempt to fix Loki’s behavior. Either that or take him out back and give him two in the head.

  45. jarheaddoc said,

    You’re better off not knowing what’s in the stuff, Mark. I am suspicious of anything that tastes good coming off the grill but doesn’t have an expiration date on it when you buy it

  46. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, good point. I just nuke my kielbasa. Kills all the rodent parts.

  47. AO said,

    I just don’t think about what’s in it. If it tastes good…eat it!

  48. Bobbie said,

    I agree with AO about not looking at the list of ingredients. Some of the jerky is now made with “beef lips”. As long as Trouble will eat it, she’s happy.

  49. Oprah said,

    Brenda you ARE a moron. Cuckoo cuckoo.

  50. LaFlamme said,

    Oprah! *gushing* I love your show! *squealing with delight* It was absolutely MARVELOUS how you gave that awful Jim Frey what for. You should have strapped his lying ass to a chair and kicked him in the balls a few hundred times. That lying liar.

  51. Linda said,

    Oprah, can I have a new car?

  52. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    We just had our power restored three days after a tropical storm knocked it out. There’s little I wouldn’t do for a steak right now, regardless of its pedigree.

  53. Oprah said,

    I loved your book Mark. Want to come on my show? We can talk about your obsession with killing dogs, even if they are imaginary dogs in the book.

    How about a Toyota Estima, Linda? Or a Nissan Prmera?

  54. Linda said,

    A little bigger than the cars I usually drive, Oprah, but it would certainly be great to have room for all the stuff I keep in my car AND some friends for a road trip. Sounds great, either one!

    Maybe the Estima, in case i ever need to carry any livestock?

  55. Linda said,

    Mandy, that’s terrible, three days with no power! You aren’t flooded I hope?

  56. LaFlamme said,

    I’d let you grill and eat my left leg for a plug on the Oprah show. Count me in, Talk Show Queen. Can my blogger friends come? For security.

  57. AO said,

    I think you’re gonna need us. Oprah sounds like a long gone loon. Steadman must have cut her off!

  58. Gil said,

    Never fails, people start talking meat and all some people (okay, probably just me) hear is sexual innuendo’s:
    Dave is pulling 15 pounds of somebody’s pork out of his smoker,
    Mark hopes to be Bugabooed on death row,
    Linda is shocked at the amount of meat Mark wants to himself and asks him to share,
    then she tells him to push a stick through his meat and shove it in her chimney,
    Bobbie wants to jerky her beef lips,
    Now Mark wants to nuke his kielbasa,
    and then have Oprah act out some bondage fantasy by tying a guy up and practicing CBT on him (look it up),
    and to top it all off, apparently Brenda is cuckoo. Alright, I made the last one up.
    Apparently, sheesh!
    At least that’s what I read.

  59. Gil said,

    Linda, “The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul”? I never would of thunk ot. I loved that book. Not many have even heard of it, even among the “Hitchhiker” fans.

  60. Martha said,

    Linda, I hope that road trip is to PA and you’ll bring a few other Lost Soles with you… 🙂
    Mark, heres my favorite Keilbasa recipe…
    slice it up, fry and and pour a jar of spaghetti sauce over it. Cook and drain some macaroni.. mix it with the sauce and a package of mozzarella cheese… YUMMY!!!

  61. LaFlamme said,

    Ha! Euphamisms all over the place. Good eye, Gil.

  62. LaFlamme said,

    Not bad, Martha. Could I do that with garlic butter instead of spaghetti sauce?

  63. Gil said,

    “Could I do that with garlic butter instead of spaghetti sauce?”
    See what I mean?

  64. LaFlamme said,

    Whoa! I’m a pervert.

  65. Linda said,

    Yes Gil, I love “Teatime”. Remember when the airport ticket booth blew up and after an exhaustive investigation, it was determined that the booth “had just gotten fundamentally fed up with being where it was” or something like that. A most entertaining book. And I hope you have “Last Chance To See”?

  66. K2 said,

    Tubesteaks and meat pops, all around.

    To bastardize a Neil song, ‘That’s life in Food City.’

    Since we got one in Lisbon Falls, I rarely shop anywhere else. It’s good to keep your bucks local.

  67. Oprah said,

    A long gone loon you say? Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, AO. Are you jealous because I didn’t invite you and your bisexual grill on my show?

  68. Martha said,

    Mark, I suspect you could adapt it most anyway you want.

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