Put the shrimp on the barbie

September 4, 2006 at 2:21 am (Uncategorized)

crikeysteve.jpgSo, he nearly fed his infant child to a gator. So he was always spouting off in commercials and tv specials in that incomprehensible Aussie tongue: “Loo it that! ‘ats a twundred poun’ slicer goan afta a griftey on the ba’ house! Crikey! Uh dewn’t b’lieve it!”

Steve Irwin was the man. He was one of those gator wrestling tough guys without being all pretty and showy about it. You just know he’d drink you under the table at some hole in the wall pub and then insist you get up at 5 a.m. to go on a walkabout.

When I was a boy, I dreamed briefly of growing up to be such a boisterous presence in the badlands of the world. I never got further than the occasional salamander or grass snake plucked from beneath an old board. You can’t get chicks with that kind of puny prey. Although I did earn some neighborhood fame when I caught a sparrow in a homemade trap.

But I digress. Crocodile Man is dead. Long live Crocodile man! “Les roise aw glasses and tewst ‘im, ‘at rugged ‘il wankah!”

BRISBANE, Australia — Steve Irwin, the Australian television personality and environmentalist known as the Crocodile Hunter, was killed Monday by a stingray barb during a diving expedition, Australian media reported. He was 44. The accident happened while Irwin was filming an underwater documentary on the Great Barrier Reef in northeastern Queensland state, Sydney’s The Daily Telegraph newspaper reported on its Web site.

The blonde star of Crocodile Hunter, who made khaki shorts and boots his uniform all year round, was an Australian icon. But his reptile wrestling antics thrilled overseas audiences even more and he became a fixture on US television in the past decade. The son of naturalists Bob and Lyn Irwin, Steve learned to live with dangerous reptiles from a young age at the family’s Queensland Reptile and Fauna Park. He opened his own Australia Zoo in Queensland in 1991, leading him to record the hugely popular Crocodile Hunter the following year. His catchcry of “Crikey!” brought the unfashionable Aussie phrase back into vogue.


  1. Gil said,

    Crikey, mate

  2. LaFlamme said,

    Sorry about the other blog, Gil. I’ll post it again tomorrow. Breaking news of such importance like this, you know…

  3. Linda said,

    I was cross as a frog in a sock when I heard this news. I’ll be poppin’ a top for the old bloke.

    Northern Queensland is a really challenging place, politically and environmentally, and he did more than anyone to bring its needs to the public eye. American TV emphasized the showman in him, but that was just his vehicle. I hope his message can live on.

  4. K2 said,

    You live by the sword, you die by the sword. I mean barb.

    The real tragedy is his kids won’t have their dad anymore.

    RIP, Crocodile Hunter.

  5. jarheaddoc said,

    I just showed my kids the news story on CNN and my son’s response was pretty much, “What’s your point, Dad?”

    There are much worse ways than dying doing what you loved doing.

  6. K2 said,

    Yeah, like the 49 people in that Kentucky plane crash. I mean, survivie the crash, and then burn in an inferno — all because the pilots were absolute fucking morons.

  7. K2 said,

    For more details and a tribute: http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1531446,00.html

    Incidentally, I said to my wife this morning, before I read the above Time article, that while both reptiles and fish (rays are in the same family as sharks) are pretty damn primitive, fish are far more evolutionarily primitive, and thus, less predictable. And the fact that he was under water, well, he was totally out of his elemental expertise.

    But cripes, that guy could run up fucking trees, man.

    Final score: Chondrichthyes 1, Humans O

  8. K2 said,

    And tell me there aren’t people flying to the GB reef to try to find, kill and stuff the ray that killed Steve, only to sell it on eBay.

    K2, who the fuck are you talking to?

    Nobody, K2. Nobody at all.

  9. Linda said,

    No worries mate, there’s at least one person pondering your prose (me)

  10. K2 said,

    I’m waiting for someone to argue my rays-are-less-predictable point. And they should, ’cause the more I think about it, one could argue that more primitive means more predictable. Or not. Actually, it could go either way, like jarhead, another primitive Ray.

  11. Linda said,

    A very interesting disambiguation. Just so we are clear on which ray is going to be killed, stuffed and sold on eBay.

  12. K2 said,

    Both. You know, two for one sale.

  13. jarheaddoc said,

    Shipping for my fat ass would be a killer in itself

  14. K2 said,

    Parcel post, definitely.

  15. Mainetarr said,

    Wow!!! I can’t believe Steve Irwin got killed by a stingray. Got speared right in the chest. What a way to go…..ah well, at least he was doing what he loved. There are worse ways to die I suppose.

    I saw the cutest seals this weekend out on Casco Bay! One of the little rascals popped his head out of the water and was just staring at me with those big dark eyes. Cutest thing I have ever seen in the water. I wanted to reach out, grab his head, and plant a big smooch on his nose. What a sweetheart. Much better looking than a stingray.

    And speaking of Ray’s, isn’t jarhead just a little ray of sunshine?

  16. Anonymous said,

    I remember the baby seals with those big eyes, looking up at you so innocently.
    And then we’d club ’em and take their skins.
    Ahh, good times

  17. Linda said,

  18. K2 said,

    Anonymous, that’s cruel. And rather funny.

    I was thinking jd resembles an anatomical location that never sees the sun’s rays. (Sphincterville, USA.)

  19. jarheaddoc said,

    I got no tan lines, K2

  20. Linda said,

    It’s still over a month till the harvest moon isn’t it? — plenty of time for that tan to fade.

  21. LaFlamme said,

    Coming up: killer sting ray spotted in Turner woods. Massive hyperbole planned.

  22. AO said,

    When I told my son about the Crock guy dying his response was: “Crikey, no more Crikey”.

  23. K2 said,

    Why is the blog deader than Steve Irwin today?

    Imagine when word gets out that his death was the work of CIA-controlled nanobots, implanted into his chest by the life-like but fully robotic sting ray.

    But I’ve said too much. I just hope they’re not tapping my . . . *poison dart to the neck*

  24. K2 said,

    AO, you bloke.

    Not even sure I know what ‘bloke’ means. Hope it ain’t bad. Uh oh. This could be awkward. . . .

  25. jarheaddoc said,

    Isn’t the proper term ‘sheila’? Where’s Linda when you need her?

  26. K2 said,

    Oh, yeah, Brenda: I’m Kris. Ray’s husband.

  27. jarheaddoc said,

    Kris, you fucking prick, you were not supposed to tell anyone that! And it’s my week to be the man. I would keep you pregnant if I could, but I’ll just have to settle with bare foot, you ungrateful sack of shit!

  28. Linda said,

    OK I’m back. Don’t be calling AO a bloke, she’s a fine sheila.

  29. Linda said,

    The blog’s been way too quiet all weekend. I’m stuck here having opium dreams from too much allergy medication, and everyone else out having fun. Finally I can breathe and focus my eyes again though. Looks like I missed beaucoup! I’d be very hurt if i thought I wasn’t invited to the wedding — I’m sure my invitation just got lost in the very scary mountain of stuff on my kitchen table.

  30. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, the basic fact is that K2 and I were married in Utah by Oral Roberts himself. I wore a very nice tuxedo and even shaved my back for K2’s wedding present. K2 wore a very nice dress that was tailored to fit the fake pregnancy suit he was wearing and I was sooooo sympatico with him when he had that electrolysis to get rid of his facial hair. Mr. Roberts wasn’t going to perform the weddinguntil such time as I put two more zeros on the end of the check. Bastard. He has not sense of whatever the hell it is you’re supposed to have for weddings.

    K2 is such a sweety, especially considering the prostrglandin allergy I’ve had all my life and he ALWAYS has to use a rubber. There is no sense not being safe.

  31. jarheaddoc said,

    And the only bad day we really have is the anniversary of when gil and K2 split. I’m just the rebound relationship, I guess

  32. Linda said,

    Sounds like a wonderful occasion jd, and so nice that you still call him “sweety”. So often the honeymoon doesn’t outlast the depilation, you know? Though K2 certainly put his commitment out there for the world to see by opting for electrolysis.

  33. jarheaddoc said,

    It was that or I was going to pull every hair I could find with a pair of tweezers

  34. Linda said,

    I guess you made up after #27 then? Just yes or no, no details PLEASE

  35. Mainetarr said,

    I always thought you were kinda light in the loafers, JD. No wonder you’re on the fire department, your flaming.

  36. jarheaddoc said,

    Man, those meds you’re on have got you beleiving some prtty weird shit, Linda! You sure K2 didn’t concoct them in his basement behind my back?

  37. Linda said,

    True love is where you find it, MT. I think it’s …. well ….sweet!

  38. jarheaddoc said,

    And regardless of how hot that flames gets, I will never melt the ICE QUEEN MT

  39. "The Weasel" said,

    Where’s Brenda’s story about how a crocodile effected her life in California?

  40. Linda said,

    Why don’t you ask him.

    Actually it’s kind of a curse — I used to believe everything, and that wasn’t great, but now I never believe anything and that’s not so good either.

    Gullibility — the opiate of the people.

  41. jarheaddoc said,

    She is probably having an asthma attack over me and K2.

  42. Linda said,

    I was wondering when was the last time we had a croc in the storm drains of Lewiston — has anyone checked lately? That would be, well, beastly

  43. jarheaddoc said,

    I thought religion was the opiate of the masses. Shit, i segued there. Let’s then say a prayer for the dearly departed Croc Hunter and hope like hell something that fucking weird isn[t how Mandy remembers us

  44. Linda said,

    jd, how likely is that that we’d believe your story? I mean, who in their right mind would buy it that K2 is gay?

  45. jarheaddoc said,

    Shit, he’s the one who outed himself. Isn’t there some truth to the rumor that the man who boastas about having the biggest penis really has a short willy? He probably don’t smoke dope, either.

  46. Linda said,

    I think it’s the other way round: the man with the biggest penis doesn’t (have to) boast about it. To wit:

    You see a gorgeous girl at a party; you go up to her and say
    “I’m fantastic in bed”.
    That’s Direct Marketing.

    One of your friends goes up to her, points at you and says
    “He’s fantastic in bed”
    That’s Advertising.

    You go up to her and get her number. The next day you call and say”
    Hi, I’m fantastic in bed”
    That’s Telemarketing.

    You straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed”.
    That’s Public Relations.

    She walks up to you and says “I hear you’re fantastic in bed”
    That’s Brand Recognition.

  47. Linda said,

    This conversation is cleverly hidden under the name of this particular post I guess.

  48. jarheaddoc said,

    I need a better explanation of that, Linda

  49. Linda said,

    Of what … the shrimp??

  50. K2 said,

    jd, what we had was special. But it’s over. You used me. And now you’ve grown so distant. I hardly even know you anymore. Christ, I don’t even know myself. I am so confused and hurt.

    Oral Roberts? I mean, who names their kid ‘Oral.’ Lucky his last name wasn’t Seiman.

  51. Linda said,

    K2 the world is full of users. Grow up. What did you think — it was going to last forever?

  52. jarheaddoc said,

    I was wondering when you would show up, you hairy bastard! I know that I am right, but others should here your pitiful side of the story. and I am getting cnild support for the poodle! and medical expenses for its counselor! And…and…whatever else I can get!

  53. jarheaddoc said,

    Fuck, just remembered something, we’re in Maine, right? Shit, homo marriage doesn’t exist, so how can homo divorce? Let’s just part amicalbly and not tell anyone, okay?

  54. jarheaddoc said,

    And I’m just upset because the Red sox lost, you heartless bastard!

  55. Linda said,

    jd, are you SURE it’s a poodle?


  56. Linda said,

    Was your marriage legal in UTAH? Hard to believe …

  57. jarheaddoc said,

    Oh, that is a scream, Linda. Hey, if a man of god takes your money, it has to be legit, right?

    And we now wait for K2’s response

  58. Linda said,

    He’ll be busy over on the Oliver Stone post.

  59. jarheaddoc said,

    Just had to throw my two cents in over there, for what it’s worth

  60. Bobbie said,

    You do know that 2 cents are now worth more than that, right, JD?

  61. Linda said,

    Inflation! Two cents should be worth at least a quarter by now

  62. jarheaddoc said,

    From the outed marriage of JD and K2 to the 9/11 disaster. It’s all conspiracy, I’ll tell you! The dog was really Mark having a bad hair day! His kielbasa changed his DNA!

  63. Bobbie said,

    The face value of a penny is actually less than what it costs to make it. If they don’t get rid of the penny, it may actually be worth a quarter down the road.

  64. Nadine said,

    OMG!!! This is the first I hear of this!! (Super-busy), and I’m…in shock!!! Poor guy! And the fam he left behind!!! Holy shite folks, I’m all teary!!

    I guess it’s true…only the good die young.

    Guess I’m gonna live forever.

  65. K2 said,

    Nope, I’m done arguing 9/11 conspiracy crap. Veritas vos liberabit.

    And I’m done with jd. Forever. (I want my poodle back. And my gelatinous double dong.)

  66. AO said,

    If you two are done K2, I want the daiquiri blender I bought for you at your shower back.

  67. jarheaddoc said,

    Uh, too late on that gift, AO. Being the incorrigible tinkerer that I am, it’s now attached to the object mentioned in #66 and the courts won’t let it go, some marital property dispute thing

  68. Linda said,

    Good grief — WHAT is the blender attached to …. please say NOT the poodle!

    Oh I just read it again, you must mean the other thing. Never mind.

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