The Next Big Thing, by Dan Cunliffe

September 6, 2006 at 12:52 am (Uncategorized)

found4.jpg
A new mystery was discovered during Labor day weekend in Minot, Maine. This photo was just released showing a mystery being that was found in the woods. This location is just a few towns over from where a mystery beast was just found weeks ago in Turner, Maine. During the weekend investigation we have received numerous input into the incredible find.

 

found1.jpg

 

Jake Smith, Minot
“I’ve seen things like this in the woods for years in Minot. I just didn’t think much of it.”

 

Dave Sullivan, Mechanic Falls
“Looks like a Fisher to me.”

 

Kyle Johnson, Auburn
“I hunt in Minot and I’ve shot some of them. They taste like chicken.”

 

Sue Collins, Minot
“Of course it will look stange. It’s been decomposing in the woods all summer. I don’t know what it is. Actually, I think it’s a Fisher..”

 

Darin McClusky, Turner Selectman
“I just think Minot is trying to steal our glory. We finally get our town on the map with our beast and they come up with this thing.”

 

Kim Barker, Minot
“I am positive it’s a Fisher.”

 

Hal Beachem, Minot
“I think it’s a Fisher..”

 

found3.jpg
Alley Beal, Minot Selectman
“We are currently looking into the matter. We can’t comment on what it is but we are checking to see if it was paying it’s taxes or not..”

 

Elliot Lawrence, Auburn
“I’ve seen lots of weird things in the skys over Minot this month. I think it’s an alien..”

 

Dan Cunliffe, Minot
“I think the thing is real. I just don’t think the guy in the white shirt is real.”

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80 Comments

  1. Nadine said,

    What the hell is a “fisher”???!!!

  2. Nadine said,

    Never mind…Google told me. Odd looking thing. Kinda like a big weasel.

    S’matter?? Everyone sleepin’?? Lazy asses! Just kdding — fighting insomnia tonight.

  3. LaFlamme said,

    A fisher is a small, feisty rodent, somewhat similar to a large ferret, that lives in the woods. The joke here is that every time something unidentifiable is spotted in the wild, half the population will guess it’s a fisher by default. Even if the mystery critter is described as eight feet tall, winged and speaking recognizeable language, that fifty percent will insist it’s a fisher.
    Someday, I hope a fisher terrorizes a neighborhood and then retreats into his woodland hideaway. When help comes rushing in, and people ask what kind of beast is responsible, those who saw it will likely say: “I dunno. It kind of looked like a dog.”

  4. LaFlamme said,

    Ha! You’ll retire to YOUR coffin before I retire to mine. My thirst for the night knows no peer. No mortal can remain awake longer than I. No one will challenge my right to the…. SNOOOOOOOOORE!

  5. Gil said,

    Anyone else hear of the mountain lion getting struck by a car in Greene yesterday?

  6. Mainetarr said,

    I heard about that Gil, and when they cut the sucker open during the autopsy, they found a fisher inside. Creepy bastards, those fishers.

    As for the above photos, I believe it’s a nelia. Actually, I am 100% sure it’s a nelia. And I heard it was found in Turner then dragged through the woods by a fisher to Minot.

  7. jarheaddoc said,

    And I heard that someone stole the blue tarp it was using as a hasty shelter.

  8. misfitgirl said,

    I bet if we skinned it, it would make a nice green raincoat.

    A bit small, though.

  9. Linda said,

    That’s no dog … look at the way its eyes glow. And look at its powerful hands. No pets are safe in Minot until they get to the bottom of this.

  10. jarheaddoc said,

    I think he’s too wrinkly, missing some hot air. Maybe Brenda could go puff him full. Lord knows she hit the SJ pretty hard

  11. Linda said,

    Inflatable figures again? do we know if it’s anatomically correct?

    What’s a fisher’s anatomy?

  12. Treehugger said,

    Looks like a druken Irish guy after St Paddy’s Day.
    As for the guy in the white shirt, with spindly arms like that, he needs to work out!

  13. LaFlamme said,

    A raincoat? For some, that sucker could be used as a cool, novelty condom. But I’ve said too much.

  14. jarheaddoc said,

    Raincoat=condom, Mark. Christ, I’m surprised you missed that double en-tender

  15. Oopsy said,

    What’s this about a mountain lion in Greene? Did it have claws “like a devil’s horns?”
    And, most importantly, was it green?

  16. jarheaddoc said,

    Some assbag with a chihuahua that has bigger balls that brains saw his little Fido get the shit get kicked out of him by a tiger cat and things just got way out of proportion from there.

  17. LaFlamme said,

    Where the hell is everyone tonight? I get caught up and dash over here and there you all are: gone.

  18. Mainetarr said,

    I am here, just being quiet.

  19. Linda said,

    Ditto

  20. Mainetarr said,

    Why are you being quiet Linda?

  21. jarheaddoc said,

    We’re all waiting, watching, for ….?

  22. jarheaddoc said,

    I have spent half the damn day imagining that thing as a condom and it’s not a pretty thing. ‘Put a Big Man on the LIttle man”?

    Shit, I got nothing

  23. jarheaddoc said,

    I only have until 8pm, so all yous guys best hurry the fuck up

  24. Mainetarr said,

    You’re here too, JH? Wow, I thought I was here all alone. I figured I would just hang back and check out the blog while I shop online for a new Mark Jacobs bag.

  25. jarheaddoc said,

    Buy me an outboard while you’re at it.

  26. Mainetarr said,

    Well, what do you want to talk about? I am itting here literally listening to Milo fart. Real exciting.

  27. Mainetarr said,

    sitting, I am sitting

  28. jarheaddoc said,

    Jesus, what the fuck was Brenda doing on the SJ site? Catharsis? Fugue state? Flashbacks? The proper term escapes the shit out of me right now

  29. Mainetarr said,

    I can’t buy you an outboard motor, this bag will just about do me in. Damn….

  30. Linda said,

    I’m just quiet ’cause I’m saving my energy for getting over this freakin’ cold or cough or whatever the hell. And planning my weekend entertainment, which will be the usual sweet F.A. onlymore so ’cause I’ll be home alone with the dog.

  31. Linda said,

    A trip down sweet memory lane.

  32. jarheaddoc said,

    So do the right thing and buy me the damn motor. At least THAT won’t go out of style. got my eye on one in Uncle Henry’s, only been dropped overboard twice, needs a little paint. Shit, fucking thing’s in Minot, under a blue tarp with some green guy prostrate next to it.

  33. Linda said,

    what happens at 8 jd? Coach turn into a pumpkin?

  34. jarheaddoc said,

    Bed time. I gotta get up at oh dark thirty to go to work.

  35. Linda said,

    jd if that motor’s lying next to the next big thing, you probably can’t afford it any more

  36. Linda said,

    eight p.m. and bedtime. Nobody could pay me enough to say those words in the same sentence and be talking about myself.

  37. jarheaddoc said,

    Ya know, the same thing happened to all them dot-com people. All their money was theoretical and the little people couldn’t buy any stock, then boom, the bubble burst, now you can’t give the damn things away. I’m waiting twenty minutes, should be done by then

  38. Linda said,

    The life cycle of a news event. Yeah that sounds right.

  39. jarheaddoc said,

    Can you beleive the fucking asshats who’re saying Steve what’s his name exploited animals? It’s not like he was out there whipping Clydesdales whilst chugging a Budweiser.

  40. jarheaddoc said,

    So did you by the bag, MT? Are we gonna hafta listen to you bemoan its fashion death when that occurs? Shit, I think I just heard the trends change, better see if you can get that credit card charge reversed

  41. jarheaddoc said,

    Uh oh, little hand’s on the eight and big hand’s on the twleve, gotta run. Jesus, that sounds….perversely appropriate for this blog

  42. Linda said,

    De mortuis, nihil nisi bonum.

  43. Mainetarr said,

    I am thinking bedtime will be early tonight. Up till 1am last night, got on a cleaning frenzy, re-doing my closets. I think I have rocks in my head or something. I get started on these projects and can’t stop. It started because I was wrapping Christmas presents, re-arranging the closet and BAM!!! I was going through clothes, shoes, you name it. Sick I tell you. I am sick.

  44. Linda said,

    Jeez you are making me weary, just reading about it MT!

  45. Mainetarr said,

    No, I didn’t buy the bag, JH. I couldn’t find the one I wanted so I am going to look at a different website. Just shopping around. I am hooked on Overstock.com and homedecorators.com

  46. Linda said,

    I’ve used Overstock, pretty cool site

  47. Mainetarr said,

    I really like it a lot. They usually offer free shipping, or very minimal shipping charges. Lots of neat, different items, too. I got a beautiful down comforter for the guest room on there not too long ago.

  48. Linda said,

    My SIL got an armoire for her bedroom, of all things, it’s gorgeous and they charged like $10 to ship it to her. Impressive

  49. Mainetarr said,

    Only 109 days till Christmas!!!

  50. Mainetarr said,

    I sent you a website that counts down the time until Christmas. I am just being an asshole, it’s wayyyyyyyyy too early.

    Man, you have been sick for a while Linda. What’s going on with you? Allergies? Flu? Cold?

  51. Linda said,

    I got sick last Friday but if feels like a year. I say it’s hay fever, my husband says it’s a cold. All I know for sure is that I feel like crap but am getting better fast.

  52. Mainetarr said,

    Hope you are back to normal soon, being sick this time of year sucks.

  53. Linda said,

    Thanks! me too.

    Gotta walk the dog, see you later

  54. Nadine said,

    Ok, so, I STILL haven’t gotten any sleep — beat THAT Mark! 40hrs and counting! Don’t know what the freakin’ problem is…ya can’t predict insomnia. Even the sleepin’ pills don’t help (which are so strong they’d probably put you all out for a week!).

    *sigh*

    Biggest problem is, I get so damned bored! I mean c’mon, how many times can a person clean house at 4am? Or Google and YouTube stupid shit?!

    SOOOO…If any of y’all decide to join the “in” crowd and get a MySpace, let me know…I’ll be sure to fuck with it, heh!

  55. Nadine said,

    K2, maybe some of that special “tobacco” you put in your bong would help. Got any to share?? *grin*

  56. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, the 40 hour mark. Are you giggling wildly at shit that ain’t funny yet, Nadine?

  57. Nadine said,

    Looks like it’s my turn to be here alone.

    “Where is everybody???!!!” — NIN 🙂

    Hey, where has Weasel been anyway? Never told me how he liked the NIN show!

    Damn, I’m desperate! Heh.

  58. Nadine said,

    HEY! Hi Mark! Nah, no giggles yet…just the visions — they’re everywhere! Ha!

  59. Nadine said,

    HA! I just giggled for no reason! You sure do know your insomnia! Glad I’m not alone in this haze!

  60. Amber said,

    Nadine, I feel for you. I know what it feels like to be awake for hours. I’ve been going through the very same thing. Must have something to do with the change of the seasons.

  61. Nadine said,

    Could be Amber! I notice lately that everyone I know just seems…well, not themselves — weird! (Actually, I am probably just hallucinating, ha!)

  62. LaFlamme said,

    Oh, yes. Insomina and I are well acquainted. *doubled over laughing, wetting self, finding that amusing as well*

  63. Linda said,

    No I think you are right — everyone IS kind of weird. Whats up with that?

  64. Nadine said,

    Hi Amber, nice to meet you…I’m Nadine. I’ve seen ya around here lately and am glad you could join us freaks (kidding everyone! Well, maybe not everyone, heh.).

  65. Linda said,

    My granddaughter is like you guys (and like me) — doesn’t sleep. Her mother doesn’t understand it but I do! Once when i was visiting she tiptoed in my room at 2 a.m. and when she saw that I was awake, she said, oh this is great, someone’s awake to read to me!

  66. Amber said,

    I finally turned a fan on last night. I’m not kidding, white noise, it worked like a charm. I slept till 5 this morning.

    Nice to meet you, Nadine.

  67. Nadine said,

    KEWL! We got a crowd, LOL! Hi Linda!

    It IS true though, everyone seems kinda outta sorts — and not even full moon fever yet! Yikes! Guess we got more to look forward to, ha!

    I over-use “ha” and “hehe” — give me some antonyms to replace (or is it similies?? Damn! Minored in English and I remember nothing, LOL — HEY! There’s one…”LOL”. But that is SO last year, HA! There I go again!).

    Mark, I think I’m in the incessant babbling stage now! Sorry folks! 😛

  68. Nadine said,

    Awww, Linda, that’s cute! My son sleeps like a rock!

  69. Amber said,

    I prefer, “ha” and “hehe” over “LOL”. You’re right, it’s SO last year!

  70. Linda said,

    How ’bout “Crikey!”?

  71. Linda said,

    Re # 70 — just for this week I meant. It would get old too

  72. Nadine said,

    Ok, 9 posts in less then 1/2 hr….I’ll stop now. Back later. Got some MySpace people to mess with.

    (Just got that “slow down cowboy” msg for posting to soon! Guess I really do need to break from here for now!)

  73. Nadine said,

    Yeah, I like “crikey” but it doesn’t belong to anyone but Mr. Irwin IMO. Thanks though!

  74. Linda said,

    “Cowboy” is not your fault — it just means somebody else is posting, Nadine. See you later maybe

  75. Amber said,

    I’m thinking that this “creature” looks like a big booger blown out of a bigger creatures nose. The color’s right, right?

  76. Nadine said,

    Ok, ok, back later….

    (grrrrr…slow down msg again!)

  77. Amber said,

    Nadine, hope you get some sleep girl!

  78. Nadine said,

    Still here, still bored! Time to play watch some idiot YouTubes I guess.

  79. Nadine said,

    Still here, still bored! Time to watch some idiot YouTubes I guess.

  80. Nadine said,

    Dammit! Sorry ’bout that!

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