Tears in my ears

October 4, 2006 at 1:57 am (Uncategorized)

Sometimes I climb behind the wheel of my car and find myself in an instant and inexplicably foul mood. What has happened in the past ten seconds to make me so angry? Why do I suddenly feel so gloomy and irritated? Why do I feel like hanging a gun rack over me and drinking a six pack with a hound dog?

It’s country music on the radio and the sound of it makes me suicidal. Also homicidal. The very sound of those twanging voices and steely guitar licks makes me want to tear the radio out of the dashboard and set it on fire. bar_fight.jpgAll country music songs to me sound like titles from made for television movies about unhappy couples living in ramshackle homes. Or poorly written bathroom graffiti. My baby done me wrong so I been drankin’ all along. She locked me out and took my keys, and my old hound dog gave me fleas. If love were oil, I’d be a quart low. And so on. And so forth until I could lean over and retch just imagining it.

The men sound like somebody or something is intermittently squeezing their scrotums while they’re trying to belt out a tune. The women sound like they want to be singing rock and roll but they’ve been drinking Amaretto all afternoon and can’t get their syllables right. Just a few notes of the stuff and I feel like some drunken miscreant has stuffed a dirty finger into my ear and I’m enraged.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m a narrow minded bastard because country music has evolved a great deal and it’s no longer for rednecks only. But I’ll tell you what. I think old country music is better than new country music and I hated old country music to begin with.

It seems to me there are very few casual country fans. You either love it and are willing to go to war rather than hear it berated, or you hate it and will divorce your spouse if it comes to that. So, I wonder how we are divided in here and how passionately the foot stomping Toby Keith fans are about their preferred music. I guess I’ll know when the first of you breaks a beer bottle over my head and kicks me in the groin with a cowboy boot. And all I can say to that is yeeeeehaw! Bring on the rock and roll.

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50 Comments

  1. Daughtio said,

    Ha! Country music is my favorite!! I like the saying, “My life is a country song waiting to happen.”
    Don’t forget…I’m coming home next week, I’ll make sure to bring along some of my country CD’s and torture you! *cackle*

  2. Linda said,

    I’m not a fan. I don’t think my car radio would dare to play country music. Oh, every now and then I accidentally hear or see something that doesnt totally make me want to scream, but that’s the country music exception. Somebody on the blog sent me a link to a song once that I liked, but that was as much due to the visuals as the audio.

  3. brenda said,

    I have deep feelings for the old country I heard as a child, Hank Williams, Johhny Cash, etc,
    “Ring of Fire” ——– “…I go down, down cown, and the flames go up higher… and it burns burns burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire….”

    Reminder- use a condom! Glad I never caught anything like that!

    well, it’s ironic.
    Mt stepdad used to listen to country back in the sixties, then I moved to CA and my dad hated it, and listened to classical and pop music— until he discovered country dancing 1980’s I think, and then it was reversed, I visited my stepdad in Maine, and he listens to classical music, not country anymore.

  4. Bobbie said,

    I like the newer country, but alternate between that and my son’s classic rock station. Throw in some oldies and I’m good to go. As far as the older country stuff goes, I can only take so much of it before I have to put in one of my cd’s and drive hubby crazy. I can identify most of the older country artists-Ferlin Husky, Little Jimmy Dickens, Earl Scruggs and Lester Flatt (Beverly Hillbillies ring a bell on that one?), Patsy Cline and the list goes on, but that’s only because my husband listens to that all the time. Road trips are a pain-he usually brings more of his cd’s than I do mine, but I think the next road trip, I’m bringing more of mine than his and turn the tables on him. Yes, it’s called payback.

  5. Mainetarr said,

    Well, I like country music, but I won’t be breaking any beer bottles on your head Mark. I like both new and old, but I am partial to a few artists. Some of it drives me nuts. I listen to Sirius radio 100% of the time and swap back and forth between genres. I like Jazz, Blues, Classic rock, country and classical. I love Sinatra. Ah, hell, I love it all. All but rap and heavy screaming rock and roll. That sucks.

  6. oopsy said,

    The SJ’s own Lindsey Montana writes some pretty good stuff (for those who LIKE country). I heard his latest the other day out in the street when I almost ran over him carrying his guitar. It is called “In this town you don’t lose your girl-friend, you just lose your turn.”

    And, I LOVED it!! (so much for me!! :>)

  7. Robert said,

    oh my favorite country song..

    “My wife ran away with my best friend, and I miss him”

  8. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, I have one of Montana’s CD and it sounds more like Pearl Jam than country to me.

  9. LaFlamme said,

    The CD I burned for the inaugural ride in the Maxima contained the following:

    Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
    Drove All Night, Cindy Lauper (hey, shuddup!)
    Cars, Gary Newman
    LA Woman, The Doors
    Gloria, The Doors
    My Sharona, The Knack (you love it)
    Highway Star, Deep Purple
    Smoke on the Water, Deep Purple
    Interstate Love Song, Stone Temple Pilots
    House Party, J. Geils
    Driver’s Seat, Sniff ‘n The Tears

  10. AO said,

    You should have added “I Can’t Drive 55” by Sammy Hagar.

  11. LaFlamme said,

    Hate it!! Used to like it, but heard it too much back when it was all the rage.

  12. Mainetarr said,

    What about Fast Car by Tracy Chapman?

  13. LaFlamme said,

    Depressing. “I’ll find work and you’ll get promoted, we’ll move out of the city…” slash my wrists, drink drano, jump in front of a speeding train.
    Great song, though. Just not for driving.

  14. K2 said,

    Tears in my eyes, girl, tears in my eyes, girl . . .

    Bob Marley’s ‘Waiting In Vain,’ I think.

    I’m with LaFlamme. But you gotta have some good Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson on a regular basis.

    And I’m with MT — no total death metal or (c)rap.

    I am a sucker for R. Carlos Nakai and other indigenous flute music. (Except the skin flute, of course.) Beautiful, yet hauntingly melancholy.

  15. K2 said,

    ‘Fast Car’ is awesome, btw. Tracy has some great tunes.

  16. K2 said,

    Like you’re not cruising down Main St. listening to Neil Sadaka in the new Maxima.

  17. AO said,

    “Waiting in Vain”..one of my very favorite songs, K2. Annie Lenox also did a great version of that song.

  18. Mainetarr said,

    Willie Nelson-On the Road Again and I know Mark likes Johnny Cash. Just ask him and he’ll sing for you.

  19. AO said,

    On The Road Again is my theme song for whenever I’m driving my kids from place to place.

  20. K2 said,

    Right on, AO. Very hard to go wrong with Bob Marley.

    The Cash/Nelson ‘Storytellers’ CD is a must have. Funny dialogue between the two, too.

  21. K2 said,

    LaFlamme’s gonna squirt in his undies over this one:
    http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/10/04/teleportation.reut/index.html

  22. AO said,

    How cool is that? Of course, the alien’s on all the other planets are laughing over how far behind we humans are.

  23. Linda said,

    Pretty soon we can go to their planets and discuss it with them personally.

  24. AO said,

    And, Willie Nelson has to be one of the coolest guys around. I once had back stage passes to one of his concerts and, partied on one of his tour busses. Nobody offered me a joint or a ‘shroom, though. Ah, well! There was lot’s of cold beer!

  25. LaFlamme said,

    Damn! Teleportation. Required reading: Stephen King’s short story “The Jaunt.”

  26. LaFlamme said,

    I DO have some Johnny Cash. Does that make me a hypocrit? Ah, who cares.

  27. LaFlamme said,

    Also: SQUIRT.

  28. LaFlamme said,

    You know who I think is awful? Tammy Wynette. Gawd! Like a screech owl being eaten by a billy goat.

  29. Linda said,

    So you are enjoying the car then?

  30. K2 said,

    I had a friend of mine tell me yesterday that she love she song ‘Elvira.’ How?!?

    Wouldn’t it be *squirt*?

    Back stage with Willie, AO? Too cool.

  31. LaFlamme said,

    Aw, man. Love that friggin’ car.

  32. Anonymous said,

    Jimmy Barnes — “Driving Wheels.” It’s the best.

  33. LaFlamme said,

    “Radar Love” is pretty hot. Who is that, Golden Earring?

  34. Anonymous said,

    Uh oh, that anonymous was me

  35. Linda said,

    No I can’t do it. Thought I might make up names like Brenda but it just isn’t me.

  36. AO said,

    Tammy Wynette: Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E is coming blah blah blah. Me and little blah, blah, blah will, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. See? I remember some of the old stuff!

  37. Gil said,

    I grew up listening to both kinds of music – Country & Western. Along with bluegrass and gospel. I can stand it all for a short time, but prefer bluesy style rock. Robert Palmer’s older stuff like “Sneakin’ Sally through the alley” and Sailing Shoes”. Or good Blues like Otis and Aretha, mixed in with some Peter Gabriel and a heaping dose of single malt scotch, some blow, a little hootch and hookers and, and, and….
    SLAP!
    Sorry, what were we talking about?

    There’s a tear in my beer
    And I’m crying for you dear…

  38. Mainetarr said,

    Speaking of music…..Do you guys know why Elton John plays the piano? Because he sucks on the organ. Ha!

  39. Mainetarr said,

    My parents used to force me to watch Lawrence Welk. I hated that fuggin show. The champaign lady, Norma Zimmer sucked ass. Once I made up a joke about that show. I asked my dad “what’s the difference between the Lawrence Welk Orchastra and a moose? On a moose the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.” He was not impressed, but my mom laughed so hard once she got it that she cried. I giggled all the way into my room as I was getting grounded. I never had to watch that douchebag again though.

  40. LaFlamme said,

    That’s just mean.

  41. Mainetarr said,

    Did I mention Kohls is open???? YAY!! me happy, me very very happy….

  42. LaFlamme said,

    I probably shouldn’t say anything because it’s tomorrow’s news. But what the hell. Kohl’s management has announced they are backing out of the deal and hauling out of Auburn. Yep. They’re goners.

  43. Mainetarr said,

    You’re a douchebag. You’re just jealous because I went over there and foldled the clothing racks instead of you.

  44. LaFlamme said,

    *pant, pant* How were the mannequins?

  45. Mainetarr said,

    Keep it up asshat and I’ll come over to the SJ and turn Milo loose on you.

  46. LaFlamme said,

    Jaysus. A month ago, that would have been a funny thought.

  47. Anonymous said,

    How much does the little darling weigh now?

  48. Linda said,

    Cache trouble. A little maintenance gone wrong.

  49. Mainetarr said,

    85 lbs and he is two inches taller than Bailey. He is still as cute as all hell.

  50. Martha said,

    Ok, I know I’m a few days behind, but had to add my 2 cents worth…. I’d rather listen to Tammy than Willie anyday.. Willie couldn’t carry a tune if his life depended on it. I wish the newer people would just let him die rather than keep resurrecting him.
    But then, since most newer country sounds more like rock than country, and the lyrics aren’t fit to listen to, I just turn it off.

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