The fire

October 11, 2006 at 12:05 am (Uncategorized)

225px-billyjoel_fire.JPGIn moments when I’m feeling very clever, I figure I’ll try to update Billy Joel’s timeline song “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” Fortunately for all of you, I don’t feel clever that often. Also, I suffer a form of disability that prevents me from rhyming. It’s very sad. Donations are welcome.

If you were to pick up the song from say, the mid-90’s, what would the highlights be? The Clinton intern scandal. The nasty chad ballots that made the US voting system look like pin the tail on the donkey. Or the elephant. The explosion of the Internet and giants like Google and Amazon. School shootings, the 911 bombings, the quagmires in Iraq and Afghanistan, the space shuttle explosion, global warming, tsunamis and hurricanes, cyber sex…

Can you make all of that rhyme? I can’t. But remember, I have a disease.

It would be easier to do it month by month, when the big issues of the day are still fresh. Loser in Colorado molests a room full of school girls and then shoots one of them and himself. Loser in Pennsylvania executes Amish kids because he had a troubled childhood and can no longer cope. What rhymes with boo hoo, you pansy ass waste of space?

Anyway, I’ve completely abandoned my plan to complete Joel’s work. Still, I’ll list the lyrics here. We should all memorize them and sing out loud the next time we hit the bars and haven’t found new ways to be obnoxious.

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, The King and I and The Catcher in the Rye

Eisenhower, vaccine, England’s got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

CHORUS
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight it

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser aand Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy hn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, dacron
Dien Bien Phu falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn’s got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, trouble in the Suez

CHORUS

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge on the River Kwai

Lebanon, Charlse de Gaulle, California baseball
Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, space monkey, Mafia
Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

U-2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

CHORUS

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex
JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say

CHORUS

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline
Ayatollah’s in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China’s under martial law
Rock and roller cola wars, I can’t take it anymore

CHORUS

We didn’t start the fire
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on…

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12 Comments

  1. Bobbie said,

    This is one of my favorite Billy Joel songs. Can only sing along with the chorus, but I enjoy listening to it. Also can’t rhyme worth crap, so I won’t be adding any new lines to the song tonight.

  2. LaFlamme said,

    Mark Foley,
    North Korea,
    Joe Torre
    Diarreah…
    Yeah, I really suck at this.

  3. Mainetarr said,

    Car bombs, Angry moms
    Desperate Wives, Wasted Lives
    Testing Nukes, Makes me Puke
    Blogging, Flogging
    Homeland Security, Water Purity
    Condi Rice, Mark’s Got Mice
    Stocks are Up, Milo’s a Pup

    Yeah, I suck at this too. Too freaking early for me.

  4. AO said,

    Off subject but, did anyone see the article in this mornings Sun Urinal regarding the derogatory letters that Danielle Ramon recieved? Sounds like something that Montel would do.

  5. Linda said,

    Jeez, I can’ t rhyme either, it’s a curse, I tell you! MT, that’s a perfectly respectable entry from you, I think.

    Whatever the truth is about the Guay case, I hate to see an accuser victimized. Women who are truly assaulted (and I have no idea whether Ramon was or not) shouldn’t have to be afraid of this kind of thing.

  6. jarheaddoc said,

    Throw in something about e-bay and Barney being gay. That would be either the purple fudge packing bastard or the democratic fudge packing bastard from Mass.

    Maybe something like: Barney Frank put his little wormie, in the backside of Dick Irmey?

  7. Linda said,

    jd — extra points for a rhyme that refers to two things! (Barney that is)

  8. LaFlamme said,

    What the fug, MT? Have you been sitting on that little dittie? It’s genius.

  9. LaFlamme said,

    I predict someone will recognize the handwriting in those notes. If I could make that rhyme, I would.

  10. Daughtio said,

    “Joe Torre
    Diarreah…” Don’t even go there!! haha. I love the song though…I remember in 8th grade we had to memorize the lyrics and do a skit, it was so cool.

    Side note: I’m coming home Friday!!!!!!

  11. jarheaddoc said,

    Forewarned is forearmed.

  12. Flamette said,

    I think the reason you can’t rhyme is you’re one of the children of the little mind.

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