It’s Saturday the 14th: do you know where your scrotum is?

October 14, 2006 at 12:18 am (Uncategorized)

vasectomy_2.jpgI have a friend who has performed surgery on himself many times in the past. Wisely, he decided not to go that route when it came time for a vasectomy. He made an appointment with a competent professional, went in for the preliminary exam and set up a date. The problem: the date for the procedure was Friday, Oct. 13.

As funny as it would have been to hear about botched scrotum surgery, I kind of understand the guy’s decision to reschedule. And with that in mind, I figured I better check in to see if any of you people had mishaps related to the dreaded date. Scrotal injuries are always welcome.

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43 Comments

  1. LaFlamme said,

    PS… if you’re a guy and you found yourself staring at the above photo for more than ten seconds, you’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  2. Linda said,

    This isn’t anything really bad like, well, like scrotum surgery gone wrong but … in 1987 there were two months in a row with Friday the 13th. My friend Jessamine, who was a pretty funky driver anyhow, got in a car crash on Friday Feb 13th. Her car was in the shop for a month, and she (unwisely) picked it up on Friday March 13 and crashed it again.

  3. Mainetarr said,

    Nothing bad happened yesterday, but our patients were acting like they do during a full moon. A little off kilter, but no bad actors. I was bummed out almost all day yesterday, for no apparent reason, and went to bed early. I bet the people of Buffalo will remember this Friday the 13th–30 inches of snow!

  4. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    About the closest thing to a mishap I encountered was overhearing a shouting match between funeral home staff when I called to verify an obituary.

  5. jarheaddoc said,

    MT, you deal with people whose brains are not right to begin with, so what is off kilter? Acting up to what you consider normal standards?

  6. K2 said,

    Well, I had my preliminary visit in January. Still haven’t made the ‘final’ appointment. The idea of placing my nuts on the proverbial chopping block is not comforting.

    Of course, neither is having a third child.

    I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t make a vas deferens one way or the other.

  7. jarheaddoc said,

    Does anyone recall the show called The Operation? It would show a surgical procedure and one of them was a vasectomy. The husband and wife were interviewed and the woman was smiling (in a very cruel manner, I have to say) when she said, “I bore the kids, he can have the surgery”

    The guy was shown laying on the table with a cloth on his forehead, like he was having his appendix out without any anesthesia. Fucking wimp.

    That great male cut of life was nothing compared to stepping on the nail and seeing it come through the top of my shoe. It was even less when I pulled the nail out. My doctor gave me hell for pulling out an impaled object but shut up when I told him I could hardly drive to the hospital with an eight foot board sticking off the end of my foot

    K2, just get it done. Your dick will still work afterwards. If it worked before, I should qualify that, shouldn’t I?

  8. AO said,

    I sat in the room and watched while my husband had his done.

  9. K2 said,

    I know, I know, but I have an irrational fear that when I climax, my member will cough up nothing but air.

    I mean, the proof is in the pudding, and I like to chuck some serious pudding.

    AO, will you hold my hand during the procedure? As long as they let me drink during it, I’ll be set. Although I definitely won’t go in stoned. That could be bad. And really weird,

  10. AO said,

    Sure, K2, I’ll hold your hand. It’s a piece of cake. It doesn’t hurt one bit. Plus, they give you really good drugs.

  11. Gil said,

    Not to bum anyone out, but this was a shitty Friday the 13th. A real hero dies
    http://tinyurl.com/y7vldn
    SFW

  12. jarheaddoc said,

    Here’s another one, gil:

    Cpl. Jason Dunham

    Dunham has been recommended for a Medal of Honor and I suspect Petty Officer Monsoor was also recommeded. I can only hope the military establishment sees fit to award it to both men.

    Just a personal observation, but it seems odd that only one person has been awarded a Medal of Honor since the start of fighting in both Afghanistan and Iraq. And that’s not to say that SFC Paul Ray Smith didn’t deserve it, because anyone who is awarded a Medal of Honor does.

  13. Linda said,

    K2, that puts it in perspective doesn’t it? Don’t be a wimp. And take the drugs they give you, it will all be fine.

  14. LaFlamme said,

    Man, at least one local doctor shoots you up with Valium before the procedure. The effect is instant. Like a cool six pack dumped in your veins. By the time the doc is done with your scrotal work, you’ll say: “Say, doc. When are you going to start the operation?” Nothing to it. Not that I would know! I’m still an intact man!

  15. jarheaddoc said,

    There are a lot of advantages to shooting blanks, Mark. Were you aware that pregnancy is a sexually transmitted disease? And I could really care less about shooting blanks so long as I have a willing target and the gun shoots

  16. LaFlamme said,

    You’re preaching to the choir, man. I went under the rusty scalpel a couple years ago after petitions were circulated asking me to never, ever reproduce.

  17. Linda said,

    This is so sweet and refreshing. We don’t have nearly enough about men’s health and hygiene issues on this blog. Really.

    Do you think you guys could get together and have a little chat with Dan about body waxing?

  18. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. But now that we have the handy search function, six months from now, you’ll need fast information of vasectomies and there it is. Type in “rusty scalpel” and this helpful blog will be right there at your fingertips. We do good things.

  19. LaFlamme said,

    Coming tomorrow: rectal itch, and how you can fight back.

  20. Linda said,

    The possibilities are endless. How about athlete’s foot and its less pleasant northerly cousin?

  21. LaFlamme said,

    Okay. I’m trying to figure out what the cousin involves. Yeast infection? Yikes. We’ve taken a nasty turn.

  22. jarheaddoc said,

    Maybe the northern cousin is a subtle attempt to segue into women’s health issues. That fairer sex, mark, it is a devious one.

  23. Linda said,

    I’m breaking a promise to myself here: I promised that I’d never allow myself to be in a situation where I had a reason to say “jock itch.”

  24. jarheaddoc said,

    And for those of us who are less than athletically inclined, the euphamism is ‘male rash’. But ‘root rot’ has got to be the best one. Ah, tinea cruris, the rash of many names

  25. Linda said,

    In case any of you guys are looking for an alternative to the knife (in spite of all the encouragement you got here today) —

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5412594.stm

  26. Bobbie said,

    K2, even the best drugs in the world can not help you when your child slips on their way to see you after surgery and hits close enough to make you turn purple for a few hours.

    Hubby’s surgery was a comedy of errors. He didn’t show up the night before like he was suppose to, so he basically had to have the shot and go under the knife. Then when he was done, he had to ride home in the back of a vehicle with very bad shocks and yes, the driver hit every bump that he could on the way home. Then our son was excited to see daddy home, toddled over to the couch, slipped and his head hit hubby right above the family jewels.

    And no air spewing for you, either, K2. Should your wife indulge you in that manner, she will be thankful for the smooth pudding instead of the chunky kind.

  27. K2 said,

    Bobbie, i guess we’re both for smooth custard. Nature’s goodness.

    Damn it, women! i’ll get it done.

    By the way my computer is so fucked, i can’t capitalize i, w, e, r, T, oh, i can capitalize T. No colons, either;;;; see? Those are semicolons. Fuck.

    Anyhow, we’re dumping the C drive tomorrow and starting over, so wish me luck.

  28. Linda said,

    Good luck with the computer and if that doesn’t turn out to be too traumatic, please get around to the other so we don’t all have to go thru this again!

    Just kidding you know — whenever you need moral support from us, just ask.

  29. AO said,

    Bobbie, That pudding discription was just so gross! Ewww! 🙂

  30. AO said,

    Oops, I meant “description”. Guess I need to cump my C drive, also.

  31. Linda said,

    You are just too funny, AO.

  32. Bobbie said,

    In my defense, AO, I wasn’t the first one to mention pudding. This from K2:

    I mean, the proof is in the pudding, and I like to chuck some serious pudding

    Atleast I didn’t mention a specific type of pudding so that way, you wouldn’t think of this remark the next time that you had it.

    “Cump”? Or do I dare ask tonight?

  33. AO said,

    See??? I meant to say DUMP not CUMP. No, don’t ask.

  34. Linda said,

    I ain’t asking!

  35. Bobbie said,

    And I knew better than to ask!

  36. Linda said,

    I think it’s her keyboard that she should, er, dump. It’s obviously scrambled. Right, AO? Poltergeists got your keyboard?

  37. AO said,

    YES!! Poltergeists! I’m going with that.

  38. brenda said,

    I know this is off topic but can I say it in the sunjournal? I just read Christine’s blog, where she got drunk & thought a guy was an old friend, but he wasn’t and he looked like Mario Lopez, so she wrote: ” I chuckled at his line and turned around and walked away (with my tail between my legs).” If he looked like Mario Lopez, how could she do that? ~~~~ she should have had HIS tail between her legs! !con mucho gusto!
    Can I even say that at SJ?

  39. Bobbie said,

    Probably not, Brenda. Especially when they had such a cow over the balls of steel statement.

  40. Mainetarr said,

    yeah, and when I talked about K2’s (golf) balls, I got banned. Bastards.

  41. LaFlamme said,

    Tails between legs, K2’s balls, scrotal maintenance… it’s all welcome here. It’s a wonder we lasted as long as we did at the SJ. And in the end, it was Dan’s spleeniness, rather than our various perversions, that got us nuked. Go figure.

  42. K2 said,

    I’ll never eat a sack lunch again.

  43. Bill Rushing said,

    Google is the best search engine

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