Dress you up in my love

October 27, 2006 at 1:58 am (Uncategorized)

mark-costume.jpg mcdonald2.jpg
One Halloween, my brother and I went into Salem, Mass for some Mardis Gras-esque fun and heavy drinking. I went in a costume that cost me three months of work and maybe seventy five bucks to pull together. My brother, an admitted slacker, whipped his outfit into shape five minutes before we set off for Witch City. He put on some dark shades, grabbed a walking stick, and hung a sign around his neck that said “Venice.” He was a Venitian blind. Guess who got the most attention that night?

Bastard.

This year, I had the disadvantage of having my Halloween costume published in the paper two weeks before the big night. So much for the veil of secrecy. The cannibal clown has been exposed and on Saturday, he’ll take his flesh-munching ass off to deep, dark Vermont for some haunted B&B action.

dp-goth-dress.jpgLast year in Lisbon, a man dressed as a giant tampon went to a party and caught fire. I am not making this up. We covered the story but the writer was fooled into believing the man had been wearing a sheep costume.

One time I dressed as Dracula and climbed into a wooden coffin in order to scare arriving guests. Drunk beyond repair, I decided it would be a fine idea to light up a cigarette even while I was entombed. It wasn’t. I’ll spare you the details.

I welcome your stories of costume genius or embarassment, preferably the latter. If you’re a guy who dressed up as a chick one year and then never went back, that’s okay. We will not judge you. And we suspected all along.

Meanwhile, here’s what happens when you try to don a perfectly clever costume in the halls of paranoia.

Captain Underpants has battled talking toilets and Professor Poopypants, but he was no match for a high school principal who banned students from dressing up as the children’s book character.
Long Beach High School Principal Nicholas Restivo took the action Wednesday after three 17-year-old girls wore beige leotards and nude stockings under white briefs and red capes on the school’s Superhero Day.
“Yes, I know they weren’t naked,” Restivo said. “But the appearance was that they were naked.”
Chelsea Horowitz, one of the dressed-up girls, had a problem with that logic. “They’re not see-through or anything,” said Horowitz, an honor student and softball player. “All the teachers thought it was cute.”

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36 Comments

  1. AO said,

    I think that that principal sounds a little like Professor Poopypants.

  2. brenda said,

    the teachers thought it was cute? I bet it was !

  3. brenda said,

    anyway, my son & I read Captain Underpants, and the principal is always against him anyway, so of course……

  4. K2 said,

    McDonald’s human fingers are awesome. And now they’re all white meat. Less veiny that way.

    You’re a sick, sick, man, LaFlamme. Thank goodness.

  5. K2 said,

    Nice shoes. Clarks?

    By the way, you didn’t, well, ummm . . . dye the pubes and powder the pup, did you? (Maybe Flamette’s into that sort of licentiousness?)

  6. Linda said,

    Now those are some personal questions …

    Halloween in Vermont! Have a great time, we’ll miss you, Mark.

  7. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, whatever I need to do to perfect a costume, I’ll do it. But clowns don’t have genitalia, do they?

  8. K2 said,

    Oh, Bozo’s got a bone, for sure.

  9. LaFlamme said,

    Bet it tastes funny.
    I got nuthin.

  10. LaFlamme said,

    Dagnabbit. From what I understand, few people realize that’s me in the costume above. I thought you could tell from the giant nose. I’ll post the original along with it.

  11. "The Weasel" said,

    AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Bobbie said,

    6. (New England Patriots at Minnesota Vikings)
    This is a good road test for the Patriots considering they could very well have to travel to Indy or Denver in the playoffs. Not only have they normally fared well on the road, but they’ve also performed well under the Monday night spotlight.

    Last week, the Vikings had three really big plays in their win over Seattle. They showed great improvement offensively. Can they make those plays against New England? I don’t think so and they struggle when they have to go 70 and 80 yards to scores.

    My pick: Pats

    Cris Carter is Yahoo! Sports’ NFL analyst. Send Cris a question or comment for potential use in a future column or webcast.

  13. K2 said,

    Well, the scratch-n-sniff feature gave you away to me.

    You know, eating human flesh has to be healthier than eating Micky D’s fat-laden cock meat. (Although those late-night $1 double cheeseburgers are tough to beat.)

  14. K2 said,

    Bobbie, we’re thin at receiver, but I think our D will step up and get the job done. Vikings 20, Pats 17.

    Of course, I read Brady is like 19-1 in domes. *gulp*

    Can the Broncos beat the Colts? I think so, if Jake plays decent enough. Their defense will have to step it up to stifle Manning to Harrison/Wayne.

  15. K2 said,

    Of course, I do realize they have the D to possibly do just that.

  16. K2 said,

    ‘All he does is catch touchdowns.’

    -Buddy Ryan, when he traded Carter away from the Eagles to the Vikings for $100. Fortunately, Ryan was right.

  17. K2 said,

    LaFlamme: ‘Bo-o-o-o-i-i-i-n-n-ng!!!’

    ‘Tastes funny.’ Good one.

  18. jarheaddoc said,

    Leave it to someone with enough brain capacity to hum the theory of Relativity as he walks down the street but trips over his show laces because he doesn’t know how to tie them

    http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/27/vampire.science.ap/index.html

  19. jarheaddoc said,

    Probably wears his underwear on the outside, too

  20. K2 said,

    Yeah, what’s science ever done for us?

    Oh, antibiotics, the polio vaccine, bypasses, transplants, . . .

  21. AO said,

    The shoes were a dead giveaway.

  22. K2 said,

    The man has soul, no doubt.

  23. Mainetarr said,

    Frozen peas? Check
    Nutbra? Check

    Conformation code? Check

    Who loves yah baby?!?

  24. Linda said,

    Mark, I thought it was obvious that was you. Well especially to anyone who knew you were looking for a red-and-white-striped shirt. Great costume!

  25. LaFlamme said,

    A hee hee. Nut bra.

  26. Bobbie said,

    Just another reason not to eat at Mickey D’s now. Good costume, Mark.

    K2,
    There is already talk here of replacing Plummer with Cutler. Plummer has started playing like he is in Arizona again and even he (Plummer) admits that he needs to stop thinking that way. The D is good enough this year to give Indy a hard time, but that’s about it. I won’t be surprised at all if Indy wins this meeting this time around. Still going with the Pats tho against your Vikings. Gotta rescue the new addition.

  27. Mandy, the obit writer said,

    I’m not sure what I will dress up as for Halloween although some of my co-workers think I’m already dressed for Halloween in the photo that will be published on Sunday.

  28. Linda said,

    I know it’s not quite Halloween yet, but is anybody out there into their Christmas shopping? (Brenda’s probably seen this already, it’s linked from a site I mentioned before that you liked, right, Brenda?)

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=412195&in_page_id=17

  29. LaFlamme said,

    Want me to post that photo, Mandy?

  30. Bobbie said,

    I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping yet. I’m going to be lucky to get mine done the week before Christmas. LOL

  31. LaFlamme said,

    Coupla new pics in the Evidence Room.

  32. jarheaddoc said,

    And what else has science given us: nuclear weapons, cel-phones, thalidomide, global warming…. I was up all night at work and it’s too early for this conversation

  33. brenda said,

    Linda- why’d you think I was interested in kids pole-dancing? huh? I don’t even get it.

    I mean, my Barbies were randy & bi, and tended to cheat on ken with GI Joe, but they didn’t know what to do with a pole or what a pole dance even is. ?????? is that toy for barbies, or bug enough for achild to play on? I don’t get it, a kid wouldn’t know what ot do unless she’d ever seen someone else do it, kids can’t get into places where there’s a pole to dance around, can they?

    oh, it says in the article that only the most corrupt parents should have access to it- definitely! right!? Isn’t that the very parents who should NOT have access?

  34. Linda said,

    Brenda, i didn’t post it particularly for you — I just thought it was friggen sick for anyone to think it was an appropriate toy for little girls (that what it is — a toy for little girls). Who wants little girls to be pole dancing? That was a rhetorical question — the only acceptable answer is nobody.

    I only mentioned your name because I found it on a web site that I’d linked before and you said you thought it was a good site, so I thought maybe you’d already seen that pole dance toy article.

    Clearly I didn’t use sarcasm very effectively in that comment, somehow I thought the article would do that for me. So I was wrong. Next time I’ll try to be more explicit, OK?

  35. brenda said,

    it’s ok, but what site was that? and I don’t quite understand the pole thing either. I definitely agree it’s inappropriate for girls. I tend to suspect things like that online as being lures for pedophiles, possible stings, so I don’t go too far into them. I wouln’t really be interested, no one under 40 is sexy to me anymore anyway. But what I mean is if I get in a weird mood and look up anything remotely pornographic, they start imediately offering teens & “young” things to click, when I was just looking for something naughty. One time I looked up “sex” and got an encyclopedia type site, then it had an entry “xenophylia” which I suspected there to be some kind of racist undercurrent since to call it xenophillia to have sex with people of a different ethnic or cultural background is to assume that we all humans are not the same animal….. but it led to a weird science fiction anthology with stories & drawings, of sex with alien creatures from other planets… it was so weird I just kept looking but eventually it disappeared since it probably wasn’t ‘supposed to be there anyway. Then there was the time I found the yoga- self – felatalist~~~~ oh never mind….
    I think when I first started with street talk, I was blown away by the inappropriate humor but I got kinda addicted to it too, and so when I see something really weird I think of sharing with the blog. Doesn’t mean I like it- it means it (whatever I found & shared) was so weird it challenged my status quo/ homeostasis/ sense of shared social reality, like street talk usually did. Whatever happened to rolling chunder anyway?
    I miss the lost soles humor, sick & twisted as it was, I knew better than to take anything too seriously.

    by the way, I found out that lost shoes & boots could be portkeys (in Harry Potter books) from one place to another, more magical place …. but I noticed there are much fewer lostshoes laying around lately in Lewiston.
    Also, I just found out that an old brokendown phone booth- besides DR. Who’s Tardis- can also be the entrance to the Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix).

  36. Linda said,

    I saw a lost shoe in Auburn today.

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