A whiter shade of impalement

October 28, 2006 at 3:09 am (Uncategorized)

vlad250.jpgLately I’ve been into Dracula. Not the vampire necessarily, but the 15th century tyrant Prince Vlad Dracul, hideously known as “Vlad the Impaler” to his intimates. Now there was a fun guy. In his battle for control of Romania, Dracul was known to display the bodies of his enemies impaled on stakes. Thousands upon thousands of bodies propped up before the castle like a forest of savagery.
The impaling process doesn’t sound like any fun at all. The lucky sufferers were the ones who were simply speared through the mid-section. They were raised on sharpened sticks which would slide through their innards with relative quickness. I say relative because there was another form of impaling that made for a much longer, much more painful death.
I don’t believe there is an official term for it. What it was involved was impaling the doomed man with not sharp stick but a blunt pole, which had been greased to slide into the anus. When the pole was upraised, it moved slowly into the body, through viscera, the organs and everything else. From what I understand, it could take days before the wooden staff made its way through the body and exited through the shoulder. Some victims were said to have lived for days with the agony.
Short of burning, I can think of few methods of human violation that would be more painful. Of course, there is no limit to the variety of atrocities that can be committed upon a living thing. The many horrors of the Nazi concentration camps — the experiments and pointless cruelty — verify that man has not only the means but the intellect to inflict unspeakable pain upon his fellow man.
Something worth pondering in a season that conjures images of both the fictious and delicious Count Dracula and evil of the real world. And a widely publicized news story just to make it serve as a nearly clever segue.
cheney.jpgWASHINGTON — Vice President Dick Cheney wasn’t referring to the controversial interrogation method of “water boarding” when he called dunking terror suspects in water “a very important tool” for obtaining information, the White House insisted Friday. White House spokesman Tony Snow, however, was unable to clarify what Cheney did mean in a Tuesday radio interview in which the vice president said that dunking detainees in water was “a no-brainer” if it saved American lives.
In water boarding, a subject is strapped down and his head is held under water or his mouth and nose are smothered by a cloth soaked in water to induce a sensation of drowning. The technique was used by the Spanish Inquisition in the Middle Ages and the Japanese against American prisoners of war during World War II.
In the radio interview, with WDAY of Fargo, N.D., interviewer Scott Hennen said callers had told him that they thought “dunking a terrorist in water” was acceptable if it saved lives. Cheney responded: “I think the terrorist threat, for example, with respect to our ability to interrogate high value detainees like Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, that’s been a very important tool that we’ve had to be able to secure the nation.”
He then was asked: “Would you agree that a dunk in water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?”
“It’s a no-brainer for me, but for a while there I was criticized as being the vice president for torture,” Cheney replied, adding that, “We don’t torture.”



  1. K2 said,

    Just listening to Bush speak is torture. Just the other day he said he occasionally uses ‘the Google.’ I presume he uses it on the ‘Internets,’ which he said seven times back in the early oughts.

    Bush on Sunday, regarding Iraq: “We’ve never been ‘stay the course.'”

    Less than a week later, there are 96 instances of Bush using ‘stay the course’ on You Tube.

    From Bush’s press conference on Thursday: “Absolutely, we’re winning [Iraq]. . . . As a matter of fact, my view is the only way we lose in Iraq is if we leave before the job is done.”

    Then, later that day in the Oval Office: “If we can’t win, I’ll pull us out.”

    Six years of Bush and Co. — now that’s fucking ruthless torture for hell.

  2. K2 said,

    Regarding Vlad the Impaler — I get the point.

    History has really given him the shaft.

    Of course, there was a lot at stake.

  3. Linda said,

    Dick Cheney is a no-brainer.

    Though actually that’s probably not true, which makes it harder to take. Idiocy is … its own reward? No, I meant to say, idiocy is tough to watch, but meanness is much worse.

    Did anyone see The Daily Show when they showed a compilation of all the times Jon Stewart imitated that idiotic “Heh-heh-heh” that Bush does? I laughed until I hurt. Watched it again the next night and laughed even harder.

  4. K2 said,

    Yeah, it was classic. Thank goodness for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

  5. LaFlamme said,

    Villager to guy on stake: “Geesh, what’s up YOUR ass?”

    • Gabby said,

      Suisriprngly well-written and informative for a free online article.

  6. LaFlamme said,

    Other villager: “He’s always been a little stuck up.”

  7. Linda said,

    Hey Mark, aren’t you heading out of town today? Don’t forget your raincoat and pontoons.

  8. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. Goddamit, the big production tonight is outside. In central Vermont though, so I’m sure it’ll be sunny and warm, there. Yeah.

  9. Linda said,

    It’ll work out somehow.

    My Halloween’s been grinched. I’ll be in Massachusetts for the week. Does anybody know if they let you go trick or treating in a Sheraton hotel?

  10. LaFlamme said,

    In my experience, Massachusetts is a Halloween friendly state. There are tons of ghost tours in Boston, the revery of Salem, the historic spookiness of Marblehead. Anywhere but New York, man.

  11. Linda said,

    Yes but you don’t mention Braintree — in spite of a great name, I don’t expect to find much Halloween fun there. It’s a work thing.

    We smell a story about New York. Was it a dark and stormy night?

    and BTW, that was a very nice piece you had in the paper about the firefighter who died this week.

  12. brenda said,


    wow, I learned something new!

  13. brenda said,

  14. hot! said,

    somebody hurry up and blow on it!!!!

  15. brenda said,

    I just learned a new trick. I used to just copy/ paste, today I found out how to use the right click to copy a link. & paste it to you, like you guys do all the time

  16. eco friendly said,

  17. ecoshoppaholic said,

  18. brenda said,

    ok, that was fun, bye for now!

  19. weasel sighting? said,

  20. cuckoo cuckoo! said,

  21. K2 said,

    You not smart.

  22. Mainetarr said,


  23. maybe me not smart said,

  24. Linda said,

    Looks like spam to me.

  25. mbrenda said,

    sorry linda, I was just trying to be funny

  26. brenda said,

    I really do have a lot more visual jokes but if it’s spam for me to post them, I guess I should go find somnething better to do anyway?

  27. Bobbie said,

    It’s ok for America to water board someone else, but when it’s done to an American, we scream foul? There is definitely something wrong with this picture, but then again, there is something seriously wrong with Bush & Co. I get a headache just listening to him and Cheney. I guess torture is only wrong if the othe guy is doing it, right?

  28. Linda said,

    Brenda, it’s just that when the whole address isn’t pasted in — goes past the end of the column — we can’t get to the page. they just all brought up the Yahoo home page.

  29. jokester said,

    but before I go, a little stupid joke:

    Jd is showering in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.
    “Damn, K2, you’re really well hung!”
    K2 exclaims. “I wasn’t always this impressive; I had to work for it.”
    What do you mean?” Jhd asked.
    “Well, everyday for the past 2 years, I’ve spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy, but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it.”
    Jd agrees, and the two say good-bye.
    A few months later, the two are in the same locker room, and K2 asks Jhd how his situation was developing.
    Jd replied, “I did what you said, Bob, but I’ve actually gotten smaller! I lost 2 inches already!”
    “Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?”
    “Well, we don’t usually have real butter, so I’ve been using Crisco.”
    “Crisco!” K2 exclaimed.
    “Dammit, Jd, Crisco is shortening!”

    ~~~~~~~~~ disclaimer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    the above joke is purely fictitious, any resemblence to bloggers real or imagined is purely meant to tease & poke fun…..

  30. Linda said,

    Anyhow don’t apologize — you can blog anything you like.

  31. linda said,

    oh, bummer. I’m just learning by trial & error how to do it. sorry

  32. brenda said,

    woops, I accidentally got linda’s name in the wrong place!

  33. brenda said,

    I’m the one with the trial & error links & jokes

  34. brenda said,

    bobbie, I agree. I just didn’t wantt to think about it, it upsets & deporesses me to think about all the ways we humans are so inhuman

  35. brenda said,

    wow, I need to watch my fingers, huh?

  36. brenda said,

    another ooops, in the above jokes I missed changing one of the “bob”s ~ my bad

  37. brenda said,

    so the pictures don’t open for you? When I click on the above pix, the ones under ecofriendly & shoppaholic open right up, but the weasel sighting & cuckoo ones require me to click on “open with– “default or whatever I tell it to do.
    Is that the problem? How do I know when I right click on a picture whether it will be possible to do this or not?

  38. Linda said,

    I just get a screen inviting me to log in with my Yahoo ID, or if don’t have one, to join.

  39. brenda said,

    oh, they go thru yahoo mudmail. I’m trying something different, sending them to myself, then I’ll try to copy/paste the link? But not now- because my son just got home from his friend’s so I need to cook & pay attn to him. Bye!!!!
    I’ve cc’d some of my jokes to mt to get her feedback, she’s welcome to share them if she wants to.

  40. Linda said,

    On a different theme, maybe even a little bit Halloween-related — here’s a website of mortuary-related gifts. I’m not sure life will be worth living if I don’t get an Anubis night light for my birthday. and a chocolate hearse.


  41. jarheaddoc said,

    I have never denied being anything but short, white, and uncoordinated, Jokester, so while you find that a sick attempt at humor, it is an everyday reality for me.

    And having said that, my tongue is a foot long. who’s laughing now, huh?

  42. Linda said,

    No wonder you write so well — you probably can’t talk intelligibly.

  43. jarheaddoc said,

    The sad part of my life is that I have always managed to attract nutcases like Brenda, Linda. You know I’m kidding about that whole naked through the cornfields of life in nothing but my tennis shoes thing, but Brenda is imagining me in the shower?

    I am fucked

  44. jarheaddoc said,

    And speaking of writing well, here’s something your classically trained brain will probably repsond quite well to:

    Here, bullet
    Brain Turner

    Didn’t understand but a fraction of it, but it was enough.

  45. Linda said,

    You were kidding ….? (just kidding)

    The two poems I found a link to were something else — chilling. Thanks for sending. I’m in some frigging book review black hole, I never hear about new books any more unless they are about knitting or I stumble across them at the library. that looks like a keeper.

  46. brenda said,

    so nobody could see all my goofy pictures? bummer. Did anyone even do the dr joe quiz? oh, I suppose you wouldn’t admit it. I shouldn’t admit it either

  47. Linda said,

    I did the Dr Joe quiz. A woman that I share an office with got stung by something similar at work on Friday so I had an idea it would end that way.

    Who makes up that stuff, I wonder? Imagine, spending hours on the computer .. wait … oh never mind.

  48. Cherry said,

    Yay! What a great post! I hope you had a great day with your wouefrdnl little family, Katy, and I’m so glad to be part of this awesome community with you! xoxo

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