Rock me, Amadeus

November 3, 2006 at 2:15 am (Uncategorized)

amadeus.jpgI had an acoustic guitar once and big dreams of rock ‘n roll heaven. But my fingers were clumsy on the strings and I never got beyond the first couple notes of “Horse With No Name.” I was trying to advance to “Dust in the Wind” when it all went wrong. I slammed the hateful instrument against a wall and cracked it. Seeing that the damage was done, I then proceeded to slam a door repeatedly against the wretched guitar until it was nothing more than a heap of splinters and horribly bent strings. And what a fine sound it made.

I thought maybe a harmonica would provide me the musical outlet I sought, but my tongue and lips were no more cooperative than my fingers. Everything I tried to play sounded like wind blowing through a rusty tin can with BB holes in it. The harmonica went into a campfire. And what a strange sound it made.

amadeus2.jpgI like to think it was artistic rage, but whatever. I never tried another instrument. I’d love to play the piano, but you can’t slam one of those in a door and it would be difficult to toss one onto a bonfire. The violin would be nice but they’re so delicate and pristine and curvy, they remind me of a woman. I could never bring myself to abuse one, and I know damn well that I would reach that point. I suck pretty bad with the musical instruments, people.

So the clamor of my muse makes no sound. I’ve learned to live with it. In honor of those who have mastered the ancient instruments of music, I am posting a pair of photos of a mystery pianist. Pianist is a damn fun word to say. And when somebody we know voluntarily dons attire that would make Liberace finger his ivories, well… Do with it what you will.

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46 Comments

  1. jarheaddoc said,

    At least K2 has clothes on for this picture

  2. Mainetarr said,

    hee hee-nice shoes. Are they clogs? (I’m gonna pee!!**giggle**)

  3. Mainetarr said,

    Hey K2, do you know why Elton John plays the piano? Because he sucks on the organ. Hahahahahahhaha

  4. K2 said,

    Cripes, Mark should’ve joined The Who. He plays more instruments than Roger Daltry, and he smashes shit, to boot.

    As for ‘mastering’ the piano, well, I wish. I can play the damn thing, but not masterly. Oscar Peterson I ain’t.

    So, anybody else play anything? (Besides the skin flute, jd.)

    Thanks for the chuckle, Mark. Welcome back.

  5. K2 said,

    Those are my lesbian, I mean thespian shoes.

    Leave it to you to point out my clogdom. Damn. I knew I should’ve worn my Addidas.

  6. K2 said,

    And Elton John can play with my ‘action’ anytime. His favorite key: G(ay) major.

  7. jarheaddoc said,

    Any of you guys remember the Beverly Hill Billies episode where Flatt and Scruggs were talking with some hoity toity concert violinist? The guy didn’t like the way the hicks played until he found out that they made a shitput full of money more than he did and he wanted them to teach him?

    Way funnier when you see it.

    You got frills on them funky skiddies I know you’re wearing?

    And the sight of you with wig on is doing things for me, K2.

  8. K2 said,

    But how are you with bald sac?

  9. jarheaddoc said,

    I looked that term up in my medical dictionary and couldn’t find it. Has ebonics hit the medical field?

  10. Mainetarr said,

    Balki + Amadeus = K2

  11. K2 said,

    jd, d’you try Gay’s Anatomy?

    MT, I’ll have to show you a photo of my old friend Brian sometime. You want Balky, he’s Balky. Minus the nervous breakdown he had in college, of course.

  12. Mainetarr said,

    Man, you are on a roll this morning. You must have slept really well last night. Where on earth did you get that costume? Drapeau’s?

  13. jarheaddoc said,

    Sorry, dude, couldn’t find my copy of Homo Eroticus

  14. K2 said,

    Yep. $56. Too bad they’ll be moving out of the downtown in Feb. The rent’s just too high anymore.

  15. Mainetarr said,

    I heard Davinci’s was moving too, but I think it’s just to another part of the mill. I also heard Panera was coming to town, but not sure where.

  16. Mainetarr said,

    What I wanted to say, if my trigger finger wasn’t so fast, was I hope wherever Davinci’s moves to has better parking than where they are now. Damn, it sucks getting in and out of there.

  17. Audrey said,

    Just found your website, and read your entry “slowly, slowly catch a killer.” Wanted to let you know that Sharon Santus is my journalism professor…

  18. Rolling Chunder said,

    A man walks into a bar looking disappointed and carrying a black bag over one shoulder. He sits down at the bar. The bartender walks up. “What`s in the bag?”, asks the bartender. The man puts the bag on the bar, reaches in and pulls out a baby grand piano, a small bench and a 12 inch tall man wearing a top hat and a tux with tails. The 12 inch tall man sits down at the piano and begins playing Beethoven. “That`s amazing!” says the bartender, his eyes wide with disbelief. “Where did he come from?”. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a genie lamp. “Rub the lamp” he says, pushing the lamp toward the bartender. The bartender grabs the lamp and begins rubbing it vigorously with his bar rag. Out pops an old, wrinkled genie. “I grant you one wish” he says to the bartender. “I want a million bucks!” says the bartender. “Done” says the genie. The genie disappears back into the lamp. Moments pass. Suddenly a duck appears on the bar with a poof. Then another….and another. They appear on the bar stools…on the tables…on the Budweiser sign on the wall. POOF…POOF…POOF. Thousands…tens of thousands of ducks begin to fill the bar! “Christ!” shouts the bartender. “I didn’t`t say ducks!” he yells, “I said bucks!”. The man at the bar looks at the bartender, “You think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”

  19. K2 said,

    We meet again, Mistah Bond. Dis time . . . you DIE!

    You quack me up, Chunder. Long time no blog. Hope all is well.

  20. Mainetarr said,

    Ah, Chunder…..so happy to see you again.

  21. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, Audrey. Drop me a line at mlaflamme@sunjournal.com. I’m still in touch with Sharon. We should compare notes.

  22. LaFlamme said,

    I can play the Halloween theme on the piano. With one finger. At super slow speed. It’s killer.

  23. jarheaddoc said,

    I’m in agony just thinking about it. You do chopsticks, too, or only with Oriental food?

  24. Mainetarr said,

    I can play piano some, I played Fur Elise for Mark once, but it is slow….

  25. K2 said,

    Me like white rice long time.

    Chopin’s ‘Funeral March’ is about as dark as I know. Always loved the scary simplicity of the ‘Halloween’ theme, though. Kinda like Neil’s one-note guitar solos in ‘Cinnamin Girl’ and ‘Down by the River.’

  26. K2 said,

    The maine theme of Fur Elise is actually pretty easy. It’s the damn bridges in that tune that are tough, although, as far as classical goes, there still pretty easy too.

    I hear more amazing pianists on Sirius’ Pure Jazz (72) than anywhere else. Jaw dropping stuff. My favorite station, with Blues (74) my second fave.

  27. LaFlamme said,

    I listened to the Halloween theme over and over while driving through dark Vermont.
    Anyone who can play Fur Elise is okay in my book. (You touched my things! — Angel Currie)
    Few pieces are darker than Albinoni’s Adagio.

  28. K2 said,

    Me no know that one.

  29. LaFlamme said,

    Aw, man. Go download it or something. It’s one of those compositions you’ve heard a thousand times, in movies, at the end of a documentary, etc. Every time someone is dead or dying, Adagio is cued.

  30. K2 said,

    Oh, that one. That is everywhere, just never knew its name. Learn something new everyday.

    I was reading a book review on ‘Timothy Leary,’ and it said The Doors are named after Aldous Huxley’s ‘The Doors of Perception.’ (Tim and Aldous hung out in the last ’50s)But I bet you already knew that. I hadn’t.

    Anyway, not a very flattering take on Leary. A ‘gold-plated egomaniac.’

  31. LaFlamme said,

    Hey! I don’t believe that’s correct. The Doors got their name from a William Blake line: “if the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is: infinite.” At least that was my understanding from “No One Here Gets Out Alive.”

  32. LaFlamme said,

    As for Aldous, the band LIVE gets a lot of stuff from his philosophy. In their song Century (Secret Samadhi), they name him outright in the line: “the followers of Aldous, are spinning with their mescaline, and the man behind the alter screams, you stole my idea. You were my idea! This puke stinks like beer!”
    Which is about as coherent as anything you’ll get from LIVE.

  33. K2 said,

    Well, according to Wikiopedia, Huxley got his title from Blake’s ‘The Marriage of Heaven and Hell.’ So the question is, which did Big Jim read first?!?

  34. K2 said,

    And please tell me you’ve read ‘Brave New World’?

  35. LaFlamme said,

    Uhhhh…

  36. "The Weasel" said,

    Bulldog…

    Sorry to hear about your loss……

    “The Weasel”

  37. K2 said,

    Oh, man, I beg of thee, check that one out. Knowing you, I bet you could read it in a weekend, easy. It’s Huxley’s best work, and one of my all-time faves. Right up there with Orwell’s ‘1984’ — sci-fi at its darkest and deepest depths, in my opinion, at least.

  38. Martha said,

    Since the topic is at least partly music, I have a question. I would really like to expand my CD collection. Does anyone know of any websites where music CDs in a variety of genres can be purchased relatively inexpensively?

  39. Martha said,

    And a site that is easy to navigate would be really helpful too.

  40. LaFlamme said,

    I’ll ask a professional shopper:
    Corey says check out Columbia House or BMG. I’ll offer half.com as an alternative.

  41. Martha said,

    Thank you.
    I couple FYI’s if anyone is interested
    In the current LSJ in the nuptials section.. the Johnson/Hamer engagement is my daughter.

    I’m planning to be in that area from July 20-30 next summer. I’d be interested in meeting some of you folk if the interest is mutual.

  42. AO said,

    K2, you’re one rocking Amadeus! Love the outfit. Everyday garb?

  43. K2 said,

    Only every other Tuesday, AO.

  44. AO said,

    Freaky, same here, K2. Used to be every other Thursday but, my schedule has changed. We should get together for coffee sometime.

  45. Linda said,

    Hi guys, looks like everyone’s in great form. I guess wordpress is still an hour off? or am I? Could be that. I’m dazed with relief to be home after a week of hotel life.

  46. K2 said,

    Tea, AO, with honey and cream. Don’t you remember? Geesh.

    Although, lately I’ve been using agave nectar instead of honey. Crazy, ain’t I?

    Speaking of agave, the best margarita I ever had was in Taos, New Mexico, and it was made from agave wine, since the restaurant didn’t have a hard-liquor license. (NM has crazy laws — no booze/beer sales on Sunday, but you can have a loaded hand gun in the car as long as it’s clearly visible.)

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