Will jiggle for food

November 6, 2006 at 12:02 am (Uncategorized)

girls.jpgSo, I thought it was pretty cool that Flamette agreed to join me at Hooters while we were in Vermont. She wanted to try the wings, I wanted to ogle the uh… big screen televisions. But you know? That trip to Hooters reminded me of a few key points about the popularity of that place. If you’re going out for beers with your buddies, it’s a fine establishment. If you want food, it’s a train wreck. The wings blow, the shrimp is probably snail and the french fries are uninspired.

“Pretty lousy, huh?” I said to Flamette in the parking lot after paying way, way too much for the grub.

“Yeah. Not worth all the fuss at all.”

“Dammit, you’re right. Very disappointing.” A strategic pause. “You know, there’s a strip club down the road that I understand has out-of-this world nachos…”

“Just head back to the highway, ass.”

So, I’m not a big fan of Hooters and I don’t care that Portland passed on the joint. I guess my question to you all is: does that make me gay?

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74 Comments

  1. K2 said,

    Hooters’ food does suck. Never, ever trust a breaded chicken wing.

    Binghamton got a Hooters a few years back. Still have never gone in it.

    My best Hooters ‘memory’ was many moons ago. There used to be a Hooters in Sarasota, and one year they chartered a bus to the Bucs/Giants game. Two kegs of beer on the bus, with FLA hotties serving up the suds. I was like 19 at the time, with my parents, and yet I got so loaded, at one point, I got lost in the stands of Tampa’s old stadium (The Big Sombrero). Spent maybe a half a quarter looking for my seat, before I finally found it. The ‘Rents weren’t too thrilled. Giants won, though.

    Now, for a titty bar with good food, you can’t beat The Classy Cat in Rochester. Excellent lunch specials.

    And yes, my Vikings have the worse offense in the NFL. No wonder Childress didn’t call the plays when he was the offensive coordinator with the Eagles. Our offense is so bad, I turned the game off my satellite radio in the second quarter.

    How about Brady throwing four picks?!? Looks like Indy’s the real deal this year.

  2. Mainetarr said,

    What a tough game last night. It was hard to watch because I am a Patriot fan but I LOVE Peyton Manning. The Colts are the real deal, no doubt about it. Speakingof suck, how bout them Steelers? Get the fork out, they’re all done.

    And Mark, yes, you are gay. Especially since the strip club down the road you were referring to was the Golden Banana.

  3. Mainetarr said,

    And what about Eli Manning? He and Tiki Barber–quite a combination. Ah….don’t get me started on football!! Make sure to watch Fox News tomorrow morning, for Tiki Tuesday, when he co-hosts Fox and Friends. And K2, did you know Tiki and his brother have a radio show on Sirius? Check it out sometime, it’s really good!

  4. K2 said,

    I’m a big fan of the brothers Barber. Class acts, both of ’em. Giants are my #2 team, but with my Vikes tanking — and I mean tanking — looks like I’ll be pulling extra hard for the Giants in the NFC.

    I like Peyton, but enough commercials already.

    Right now, the Big Game looks to be Colts/Giants. We shall see.

    And I thought Mark was out at The Grape Smuggler. Or was it Shrimpers?

  5. just wondering said,

    Shrimpers? that seems like an odd name for a t***y bar. For that matter, so is The Grape Smuggler! K2, are you kidding?

  6. Leola the Library Lady said,

  7. Mainetarr said,

    Shrimper almost made me literally barf. Yuk. Why the heck would anyone do that? That’s just nasty.

  8. jarheaddoc said,

    I know! Walking through a wet field after a rain with your pants rolled up! My God, that is just so….wrong!

  9. Mainetarr said,

    Jarheaddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd! Waz up? Day off?

  10. K2 said,

    Maybe he’s at Salad Tossers?

  11. jarheaddoc said,

    Ayuh, I’s off today, at least from work. Just seeing who I can piss off today.

  12. Linda said,

    I’m at work. Piss me off if you like, it might not be too easy today though

  13. LaFlamme said,

    Oh, like The Sportsman’s Club is a brilliant name for a gay bar.

  14. Mainetarr said,

    I am nearly impossible to piss off today too. I just had a big bowl of Thanksgiving Everyday soup and a crusty roll. Life is good.

  15. LaFlamme said,

    Someone flick a booger at MT. She likes that.

  16. K2 said,

    Isn’t sport-fucking a sport?

  17. Leola the Library Lady said,

    If you kids can’t sit still and read quietly I’ll have to ask you to leave !

    Also, don’t sit in the comfy chairs. Those are for our homeless guests.

  18. LaFlamme said,

    Now there’s something you don’t hear anymore. Anyone been to the Lewiston public library lately? Anarchy!

  19. Mainetarr said,

    Is that like Extreme Fucking? By the way, the PA in our office said shrimping is also called Felching and he just educated us on “Tossing Salad”. I am about to toss my soup. And keep your boogers (gak!) to yourself, LaFlamme.

  20. LaFlamme said,

    Shrimp are a lot like boogers, now that you mention it.

  21. K2 said,

    Blumpkins, all around.

  22. jarheaddoc said,

    An actual good day at work, Linda? Must be nice.

  23. jarheaddoc said,

    While I have your attention, don’t forget to vote tomorrow.

  24. Linda said,

    Wow — I am gagging too. not hungry AT ALL.

  25. oopsy said,

    YOu guys are REALLY gross today!! Brought me out of my lurk long enough to say “OUCH!”

  26. Leola the Library Lady said,

    FELCHING
    Sperm, recently deposited in an anus, sucked back out, usually with the aid of a straw. Also known as: yoghurting, when a spoon is involved.

    Because of the spelling, yoghurting appears to be of US origin; unlike the spelling; yogurting, where the expression means something totaly different, about throwing yogurt at windows and cars, etc., usually on an Estate (a poor housing project) in the UK.

    Examples:
    Dan was really satisfied after some yughurting with Chris.
    It seemed to excite him far more than the usual frottage they normally engaged in.

    Alternately:
    To blow your hot, creamy load into your partner’s anal orifice, then removing the aforementioned cream with your mouth, only to make out with your partner.

  27. LaFlamme said,

    By golly, this place is downright edumacational some days.

  28. Mainetarr said,

    I’m gonna barf.

  29. Leola the Library Lady said,

    BLUMPKIN
    To receive fellatio whist defecating. Highly acclaimed for involving two of the most peasurable bodily release events simultaneously, but very difficult to accomplish. Also called a “blumpy”.

    The process by which a man evacuates his excrement “dropping a deuce” while simultaneously receiving oral stimulation from another person. This manuver can be performed by a woman or man, but in the case of the latter, it is known as the “brother blumpkin”.

    Also see “reverse blumpkin”, “brother blumpkin”, “reverse brother blumpkin”, and the most dangerous variation of all, the “cunnilumpkin”.

    Example:
    Success: Everytime they get home after a long road trip, Chris escorts Dan into the bathroom and sits down for a good wholesome blumpkin.

    Failure: Dan agreed to give Chris a blumpkin, but she gave him such a great blowjob that he couldn’t squeeze out a single turd.

    Alternately:
    CUNNILUMPKIN
    A variation of the blumpkin where a woman receives cunnilingus while she is defocating. This can be intentional or accidental.

    Note: For bonus points and so both parties walk away a winner, the cunnilingor can position their own body during a cunnilumpkin to get Hot-Karl (As a homosextual term, it is a term on having a hot peice of male bootie.) on the pecs.

    Example:
    Intentional: Hot Teena preferred the cunnilumpkin to regular oral sex since it accomplished two things at once….just as long as they did it at the bus station so she could just leave her shit smeared all over the seat cushions.

  30. Richie said,

    If this blog had a sound track, it would be:

    BIG BOTTONS // Spinal Tap

    The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’ That’s what I said
    The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand Or so I have read

    My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
    I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo

    Big bottom, big bottom
    Talk about bum cakes, my girl’s got ’em
    Big bottom drive me out of my mind
    How could I leave this behind?

    I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day You know what I mean
    I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day You know what I mean

    My love gun’s loaded and she’s in my sights
    Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah

    Big bottom, big bottom
    Talk about mud flaps, my girl’s got ’em
    Big bottom drive me out of my mind
    How could I leave this behind?

  31. Mainetarr said,

    Oh Jesus, help us. We have tumbled over the edge…..

  32. Mainetarr said,

    Speaking of Blumpkin….where is that little turd?

  33. Richie said,

    Uhh . . . maybe he “dropped” out ?

  34. K2 said,

    I merely expose these ‘scientific’ terms, nothing more. Leave it to the library lady to actually post the meanings.

  35. Mainetarr said,

    Richie must have had a bowl of smart ass for breakfast.

  36. Richie said,

    LOL !

  37. Dan the Man said,

  38. K2 said,

    Wow, that’s way too much, even for me. Let’s have SOME restraint, please.

  39. jarheaddoc said,

    Jesus. What the fuck? You sick bastard. You can’t be HWWNBN. This is a family web site. At least the guy was wearing a condom.

  40. Blumpkin said,

    Was someone calling me?

    also check out http://www.thepounder.com or http://www.mudfall.com

    I aim to please. Be good everyone and take a meatspin

  41. K2 said,

    Ain’t clickin’ it. Wouldn’t be prudent. . . .

  42. AO said,

    I clicked. Not a good thing. Ewww….

  43. Mainetarr said,

    Ahhh, Blumpkin, it was me calling you. Now I am having second thoughts about that. Wow, this blog really went to shit in a hurry (no pun intended). Where the heck is The Weasel? I am quite sure he would have a few links to make us totally gross out.

  44. K2 said,

    I actually have limits. I like a wee bit dirty, but not utterly depraved. Now, AO, spank me again! Hit me with the hot wax! Nipple pincers, stat!

    I also can’t watch the Jackass-esque stuff. Seeing people get hurt is too painful to watch. Just so fucking stupid. And vicarious misery ain’t entertainment to me.

    Some things are better left to the imagination. That’s where our culture has gone in the tank. Everything is literally and figuratively spelled out for all to see. Foregoing the imagination means foregoing the intrinsic value of art. In other words, less is more.

  45. AO said,

    Bend over, K2.

  46. "The Weasel" said,

    Yeah Blumpkin, I knew you would rise to the occasion……

  47. Linda said,

    MT, it’s Thanksgiving Everyday right here in the Lost Sole, isn’t it. I want that soup.

  48. AO said,

    Poop Soup.

  49. Linda said,

    Jeez, no — now I lost my appetite

  50. LaFlamme said,

    I think today must be autumn cleaning day. Purging the gutters of our thoughts. You people, I mean. Not me. I’m somewhat saintly.

  51. AO said,

    Ha. Now that’s a funny thought.

  52. LaFlamme said,

    If you look real close, you’ll see a halo over my head. Actually, it’s probably a beer sign. But it LOOKS like a halo.

  53. AO said,

    Ha. A halo. You and me both. Your’s probably says Pabst Blue Ribbon.

  54. LaFlamme said,

    Mmmmm. Paaaaaaaaaaabst.

  55. Mainetarr said,

    I thought those were horns growing out of your head!?! Halo my ass.

    Blumpkin, those links made my husband totally gross out. A hee hee! He was ranting and raving about political bullshit and I said, “hey, look at this”. Shut him right up. thanks….

  56. LaFlamme said,

    Gah! I have also fallen silent.

  57. Linda said,

    Quite a bit of that tonight.

  58. Mainetarr said,

    I tried to warn you not to look.

  59. Mainetarr said,

    By the way Linda, you ever try that soup? It’s from Shaws, on the salad bar. OMG it is outta this world.

  60. Mainetarr said,

    Hey, you finally cracked 100,000 knob jobs!! Beers for everyone!!!

  61. AO said,

    Tomorrow.

  62. LaFlamme said,

    Ha! I had NO idea what you were talking about for a second there. Holy crap, over a hundred grand? There should be confetti falling. Or bras or something.

  63. Mainetarr said,

    Seattle 13
    Oakland 0

    Have I mentioned I hate the Raiders?

    Wow, 100,000 is a good enough reason for me to celebrate. I am drinking some Love My Goat in honor of the milestone.

  64. AO said,

    How about free beers? Ouch, no, that would hurt too much.

  65. AO said,

    Mmmm…Love My Goat. Long time…no drink…the goat.

  66. Mainetarr said,

    Like you said, free beers, tomorrow. Tonight, free Vino. ***Cheers***

  67. Linda said,

    MT I was hoping you would tell me more about that thanksgiving soup. I’ll be looking for it. I had some turkey soup this weekend but I spilled about a pint of it in my car. I’m just glad it’s not summer — but then who eats turkey soup in summer anyhow.

    100,000 — seems like only yesterday he was working on his first 10K. Congratulations, Mark!

  68. Linda said,

    You know, i am just watching a Family Guy recording and — well, I never saw Lois like that! She didn’t mind that they gave away the Christmas presents but she became a raving banshee when they burned the turkey. She’s pretty — intimidating.

  69. Mainetarr said,

    Oh, LInda, it is HEAVEN in a bowl. There’s turkey, rice, stuffing, cranberries…you name it, it’s in there. It is the best soup ever, hands down. You have to try it, it’s cream based and smells divine. Shaws salad bar is the only place I know that carried it. I have some in the fridge for tomorrow, too. It is dee-licious, especially -when eaten with a crusty roll. Yum-O!!

  70. Linda said,

    I may have to move to Auburn.

  71. LaFlamme said,

    Naw, naw. Lois is hot! Love that woman.

  72. Linda said,

    You’ll have to be the judge of that, I didn’t say she wasn’t hot. I only said she was a raving banshee and I never saw her like that before.

  73. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, is that the Christmas one where she went nuts? I havent’ seen that one for a while. Got a double dose of the show on right now.

  74. Linda said,

    Well yes she went nuts, but she was provoked.

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