Doodle this, Bop that

November 7, 2006 at 12:29 am (Uncategorized)

doodlebops.jpgYou people with young children have my sympathy. Not because child rearing is complex and tiring, but because of the pirates that prey on your parental sensibilities. Not to mention your bank accounts. They come dancing in day-glo colors and singing songs so sappy its like a mouthful of sugar. They dangle enticing but cheaply made souvenirs before little Bobby and rose-cheeked Sally and then slap wicked price tags on them. Fiends. Heartless, money grubbers.

Every Christmas it’s the same thing. The hottest must-have toy will cost more than a used car and it will be in short supply. To prove that you are a worthy and caring parent, you will have to go Ninja on some old lady at the toy store and wrestle that overpriced trinket to the counter.

Not to mention extortionists like the Doodlebops. It’s a group I’d never heard of until Saturday. A young lady I know brought her daughter to the show and shelled out eighty bucks just to get through the door. Of course, the girl needed to have the flashy, plastic wand that every other kid had and that was twenty five bucks. Refusing to buy a Doodlebop T-shirt would place you in the same parental category as the Menendez family or the Benet Ramseys, and there goes another twenty five clams. You’ve got to get the kid some cotton candy because a child needs to eat and there goes another 15 bucks. Fifteen friggin bucks for cotton candy! What’s in that shit, anyway? Sugar and air?

The dancing rip off artists known as the Doodlebops are not for poor folk. In one satisfying fantasy, I imagine one of those day-glo freaks turning cannibal and going Hannibal Lecter on the rest of the troupe. You financially ruined parents could enjoy their screams and then charge fifty dollars for a band-aid. Two hundred for a tourniquet.

You just know the people who created the Doodle-friggin-Bops didn’t set out to produce wholesome and delightful entertainment for children. They had dollar signs in their eyes from the very start, much like Walt Disney, who continues to inspire wailing implorations from children whose parents had previously hoped just to get enough oil to heat the house for another winter. Now they gotta take out a second mortgage to get their kids on the teacups so the neighbors won’t think them horrible.

But, hey. No skin off my nose. Nobody’s begging me to take them to the show. I’ll just sit back and rant about it because it seems like such a loud and jaunty scam. That and the cannibal fantasy. I could really have fun with that.

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52 Comments

  1. Mainetarr said,

    Don’t forget, it’s election day. Get out and vote for The Beast for Governor. And you can write in Gail Tarr, Auburn on the ballot, too. I am running against Olympia!

  2. K2 said,

    The Doodle Bops are the most twisted kids show on TV. They are not allowed on my TV at anytime whatsoever. Just totally fucking horrible programming for kids. They’re up there with the Enzyte ads when it comes to the TV making me rather angry.

    MT, voted yesterday. Didn’t feel like dealing with lines today.

    My unsolicited predictions:

    Locally: Snowe wins BIG, Baldacci wins by 10 percent, TABOR loses by 5 percent.

    Nationally: Dems take the House with a majority of 25 seats, but fail to take the Senate. Close, but no cigar = 50 Rs, 48 Ds, 1 I (Loserman)

  3. jarheaddoc said,

    Three kids shows, and I can only recall the name of one:

    Fucking Barney. I think that says about all I need to say.

    That group of four australians that sing.

    The show with the four aliens, one of them was Po, he had a ‘cooter’ and one had a purse and the homos loved the show because one of them was reported queer.

    Fill me in, K2.

    As far as the elections go, I really don’t see a whole hell of a lot changing. It is still going to be buisness as usual until such time as the entire lot of those bozos is hoed out

    TABOR? Who knows? I would hope that common sense would prevail and it will fail simply because even the supporters have reservations about it. I also think that a lot of people threw their support behind it simply because it was the politically correct thing to do. And the measure, as written, would not survive the legal challenges it faces, not to mention what the legislature would do to it to actually get it into effect.

    K2, are you inferring that someone who is an independent is a loser? I will reserve comment until I hear what you have to say.

  4. K2 said,

    I’ll fill you in, jd. Bend over, be-otch.

    No, I just don’t like Loserman. Too pious and entrenched in DC.

    Remember, I’m an Independent myself. (Although in Maine, it’s lamely called ‘unenrolled.’)

  5. K2 said,

    Best kids shows:

    Sesame Street
    Thomas the Tank Engine
    Oobi
    Oswald
    JoJo’s Circus
    Little Einsteins
    The Wiggles
    The Adventures of Little Bear
    Franklin (Bruce Cockburn wrote and sings the theme song)
    The Koala Brothers

  6. jarheaddoc said,

    Goes to show you how much I keep up with the names of all the yahoos in DC. Loserman. *shake of head*

    The Wiggles. Go fuck yourself.

    It’s the fucking Teletubbies I was thinking of. Po got a cooter awright

    I would vote for Bear in the big blue House as a good show.. I see you as Treelo, K2.

  7. jarheaddoc said,

    Bruce Cockburn of ‘If Ihad a rocket launcher’ fame doing children’s shows? No shit.

    Anyone with a last name like cockburn ought to put either some water or cream on it, then he’d be —————. It’s too early to be very creative, so fill in the blank, K2.

  8. K2 said,

    Phalluschill?

    Cockburn’s ‘High winds, White Sky’ is one of my favorite albums of all time. I listen to it several times a month.

    So you now ‘If I had a rocket launcher’? A problem with that tune is Cockburn’s a Christian pacifist. Thus, the song’s a tad hypocritical. And honestly, it’s not anywhere near his best work, which is his old, old stuff.

    The Wiggles are good. I mean, for kids, that is. Very positive, lots of songs, and good Aussie fun. ‘Fruit salad. Yummy, yummy.’

    Barney bites. So do the Teletubbies. Total Fruitcake Land.

  9. Linda said,

    I like the Wiggles too. Big surprise.

    Nice letter today, K2. Very controlled, restrained.

  10. Linda said,

    Hmmm, I thought I filed something. sorry if it doubles up.

    Just wanted to say — nice letter in the SJ, K2. Very controlled, restrained.

  11. jarheaddoc said,

    Just tried to go to SJ site and you hit it right on the head, K2. S-L-O-W doesn’t even come close and I’ve scrubbed all the temporary porno files from the computer.

  12. AO said,

    I happened to be at Wally World last Friday when these Doodle’s were going to be there to sign autographs. I couldn’t believe how friggen long the line was. My daughter and I had NO idea what a Doodle Bop was.

    I don’t like The Wiggles but, I do like Little Bear, Franklin and Oswald. Sesame Street is the best.

  13. K2 said,

    My title was: SJ website too s-l-o-w.

    But of course, and editor had to edit because that’s what those bastards do.

    Reading the letter again, I see that there’s too much passive voice. Oh well. I wrote it when I was pissed the other morning. It says what it needs to, I think.

    Anyhow, thanks.

    (And you guys should read my Letters to LaFlamme — angry AND racy.)

  14. K2 said,

  15. AO said,

    I knew that letter was from you before I even clicked on it, K2.

  16. K2 said,

    Been meaning to write it for about a nine months, AO. First thing on my list is to stop being a procrastinator, but I’ll get to that tomorrow.

    I know Eric ain’t popular with some of you folks, but he’s actually been very cool to me over the past year+, and the SJ site’s slowness really isn’t his fault. (As far as I know, and I don’t know much.)

    Of course, the fucking site won’t even load for me right now. Ugh.

  17. Mainetarr said,

    I like the Wiggles, too. Good show. As far as kids TV goes, for older kids I love The Fairly Godparents and That’s So Raven. I am amazed at home many little kids I know that are hooked on Full House reruns.

    The SJ website sucks.

  18. Linda said,

    Meaning to write for nine months, K2, and then you finally gave birth to a letter?

    I agree: the site is well set up, but somewhere between s-l-o-w and no f*****g way to load. Pony up for some bandwidth, dammit!

  19. Linda said,

    What’s going on with the blogs over there, anybody know? I saw something about Christine being intimidating, and almost commented, but I got sick of watching the pixels dance so I X’d out. Anything worth waiting for on the other blogs?

  20. LaFlamme said,

    My thought when I started reading the letter was: “Oooh, the bloggers are going to like this!” Then my eyes drifted down and I saw the double K’s. Good letter, man. And I see they took it to heart. Check it out! That page is loading at a blazing 3K per second!

  21. LaFlamme said,

    In case anybody hasn’t seen it:

    When it’s rather clear that print media is essentially doomed, why won’t the Sun Journal’s owners invest in their paper’s Web site? Sunjournal.com is routinely the slowest Web site I visit. For instance, at 7 a.m. this morning, the site wouldn’t even load.

    I can only imagine how annoyed the site’s advertisers are, since they are paying to get their ads seen. Still, I’m personally irked because I like to read the local news in the morning, but half the time, I have no luck loading the site, or it takes 10, 20 or 30 seconds to load.

    For two years, I subscribed to the Sun Journal online service, at an exorbitant $70 a year, since I prefer not to get hard-copy newspapers. Thankfully – and smartly – e-subscriptions were dropped this year, although there was no chance of me renewing my e-subscription again, unless the site got fixed.

    The site actually looks good and navigates well (although all photos should have captions under them, like they do in print), and I have full confidence in the Sun Journal Webmaster. Give the Webmaster the tools (more bandwidth?) to make a top-notch site that will ultimately attract more – or repel fewer – readers, which would generate revenue. The Sun Journal should get with the technological times and improve the loading speed of sunjournal.com.

    It is 2006, you know, not 1996.
    Kris Kucera, Lisbon

  22. Richie said,

    The letter is almost lucid. Maybe Weasel or Blumpkin wrote it.

    The Sun Journal is just an accretion of various news service articles. Read Drudgereport, follow the link & read the article. Two days later, the same article shows up at SJ as a Reuters or other news service feed. Even worse, they edit the original article or just cut it off to make it fit a pre-designated space. Nothing more annoying than to be reading and to have it cut-off before you’ve

  23. jarheaddoc said,

    Like we didn’t see that coming. Why so short winded today, Richie?

  24. K2 said,

    LaFlamme . . . quoting me? . . . I’m so perklempt. “Looks like [I] made it. . . . .” (Barry really ain’t bad, people, I’m telling you. Not that I have any of his records. Honest.)

    The more I read my letter, the more I realize how poorly it’s written. Damn English teachers.

    All that Kucera kid does is complain anyway. He sounds awfully Jewish, too.

    O! wait, the page is now loading at two stone tablets per second!!!

  25. K2 said,

    And LaFlamme, your eyes drifted down and saw my double Ds and then, as you scanned lower, the Army surplus pup tent in my trousers. Who you trying to kid, anyway?

  26. Linda said,

    K2, the letter’s not THAT bad. Only thing is, we’ve all heard you raving on the subject so maybe to us it might seem a bit stilted. As though you sedated yourself heavily first, know what i mean? As if you were thinking, “If I show one little bit of passion about this, it’ll rip.” Just that little bit too pointedly polite.

  27. K2 said,

    I have a tendency, as many of you know, to fly off the handle. It’s a demon I face in almost every aspect of life. My borther, Rod, who is, to me, a model of restraint and success, has always said, Less is more. When I’m at my best, I let that axiom be my mantra.

    Besides, I bitch about the SJ, but I am glad to have a new eidtion every day. For a local paper in a pretty small town, it really is pretty damn good. Minus the crime reporter, of course.

  28. AO said,

    Well, K2, your letter seems to have some effect on the SJ site. It is running faster…today. We’ll see about tomorrow. A little bandwith goes a long way.

  29. Linda said,

    A faster website … tomorrow. Hmmmm, that has a familiar sound.

  30. AO said,

    And it’s free too!

  31. Linda said,

    But is it as good as free BEER?

  32. AO said,

    Nothing is as good as free beer, unless it’s free wine.

  33. jarheaddoc said,

    Free sex

  34. K2 said,

    Free freeness.

  35. AO said,

    Free sex? Don’t tell me you’ve had to pay for it, Jd?

  36. K2 said,

    “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. . . .” -K. Kristofferson

  37. Linda said,

    I’d be guessing that the Kris’s — the 2K2’s? — weren’t referring to free beer or free sex with that quote.

  38. jarheaddoc said,

    AO, in one way shape or form, I have been paying for sex since the first time I had sex.

  39. AO said,

    Sorry about that, Jd. Guess the best things in life aren’t free.

  40. "The Weasel" said,

    Fast Breaks. Who’s going? I’ll be there……..

  41. Newsflasher said,

    Britney Spears finally files for divorce from Kevin Federline

  42. Linda said,

    That won’t be free either. Somebody’s going to pay.

  43. Mainetarr said,

    It can’t be any worse than Paul and Heather. What a friggen mess that Beatle is in.

  44. Bobbie said,

    Hey K2, this one is for you:

    Colorado had it on the ballot not to charge someone for possessing an ounce or less of pot. Thinking of you, I voted for it.

  45. K2 said,

    Yeah, my uncle in Boulder is counting on that initiative. Thanks, Bobbie.

    LEGALIZE IT!

  46. K2 said,

    And the SJ is so fucking slow, I just got the election results from PPH instead.

    I’ll say it for the last time: The Rs totally blew it by not nominating Peter Mills. He would’ve won by a landslide — and he would have had my vote.

  47. K2 said,

    Bee-U-Tee-Full

    “In a triple setback for conservatives, South Dakotans rejected a law that would have banned virtually all abortions, Arizona became the first state to defeat an amendment to ban gay marriage and Missouri approved a measure backing stem cell research.”

  48. K2 said,

    Oh no, Bobbie. it got killed, 60 to 40. And you guys banned gay marraige, to boot. So much for Doogie Howser, MD getting married and/or stoned in Colorado.

  49. LaFlamme said,

    Like we didn’t know Doogie was gay from the start.

  50. K2 said,

    Yeah, no surprise there. But did you know Liberace was gay? Who knew?!?

  51. anon employee said,

    the reason prices are so high….feld entertainment. that is the company behind the show.

  52. LaFlamme said,

    Those are the guys driving around in gold plated Rolls Royces, I imagine.

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