Marking violations

November 9, 2006 at 1:24 am (Uncategorized)

You should have witnessed my level of outrage when I stepped out of the hospital yesterday afternoon. There was a bright yellow ticket on my windshield though I’d only been inside five minutes.

“What the (sexually oriented bad word) is this (bad word related to fecal matter)? I mean, (reference to a bliblical figure)! I’m in a (word implying I want the lord to produce a plague) 30 minute zone! Who the (same bad word implying fornication) is ticketing me and what the (again with the copulation term) are they ticketing me for?”

handispot.jpgAfter a medic rushed out to shoot me up with a sedative, I realized the error of my ways. A short distance from my parking spot, tucked neatly behind another sigh, was the ubiquitous symbol of the wheelchair. Completely oblivious, I had parked in a handicapped spot.

I redden. I hang my head in shame. I have long regarded physically fit people who park in handicap spots as among the most supercillious of them all. Typically, the people who snatch up those coveted spots are gum-snapping, cellphone-yapping, cleavage-showing, Ipod-cranking, Nickelback-listening-to teeny bopper girls. They don’t even make an attempt to limp across the parking lot to justify the atrocity of parking in the disability slot. Tramps, the lot of them. And now I guess, I’m one of them. Quit looking at my bosoms.



  1. Linda said,

    Dont you hate it when that happens? I took my mother to St Mary’s for a test, she is handicapped but we forgot her card. I put a big note inside the front window explaining. When I came back to move the car, there was a nasty-gram right over my note. I was really annoyed at that but still, mad at myself for forgetting the card.

  2. Richie said,

    Our society has imbued the handicapped with special rights and privileges not granted to other, mere mortal, human beings. It’s unfortunate you got a ticket, but God forbid the tagger DIDN”T tag your car. There are, like, literlly thousands of people hiding looking out from behind curtains and watching; and don’t you know each and every one of them call here to the PD to complain if a ticket ISN’T written. They would also like the car towed and crushed; and a liberal dose o’ the ‘cat’ applied to the back(s) of those scurvy yobs who had the temerity to even LOOK at a handicapped spot !!
    And after the whipping, branding on the buttocks would not go amiss. You should hear these people whine, cry and complain some time.

    Then, you should see the so-called handicapped srtole in here to the station & complain viciously when they get a ticket; and they didn’t have their placard displayed. The tagger is supposed to know by mental telepathy or something ?

    Well, if they didn’t have this stuff to complain about, they’d be down at the local Friendlies complaining about the 2-2-2 breakfast special. Ya just can’t win.

  3. Montel said,

    And your excuse, Richie, for using the handicap spots. FYI, people really would prefer NOT to be handicap, unlike you would choose it.

  4. K2 said,

    Richie, you are a literal parody of a right-wng meat head. Really, a diatribe against handicapped people? And you were a cop?!? I think you’re completely fucking nuts.

    Some people abuse the system, sure. But that’s true in every facet of life. Good health is one thing that should never be taken for granted.

  5. K2 said,

    LaFlamme, I saw a musician in Fairfax, CA, who had met Gregg Allman decades ago, and was so turned off by Allman’s arrogance, he wrote a song about him, and one lyric called him a ‘supercillious snot.’ Haven’t heard that great term since. Good choice.

  6. Richie said,

    Montel/Dan/K2 – “You ignorant slut”
    Yes, you’re ignorant. Nowhere did I excuse improper use of handicapped parking. Over 25 yrs I have encountered a number of people complaining about HC parking; and these are the funnier ones. Your statement is stupid, and, like yourself, just plain smells bad. In conclusion: bite me. Now THATS a diatribe ! And, it’s all for you ! Enjoy !

    And on to K2 specifically – “You ignorant slut”. Here’s some more diatribe for you.
    I don’t seem to recall discussing health; good or bad, or other. Nor, did I in any way diatribe against HC people. We’ve all seen the perfectly healthy / allegedly HC person jump out of their car and trot of to do whatever. Don’t care about that. If you want to go back and re-read the discussion, I think we were talking about inadvertant parking in HC spots and resulting parking tags. And the self-appointed guardians of same who want dire punishments imposed on people like Linda who make an innocent mistake. Gee, that sounds like . . . YOU Mr. Kucera. Go get a grip, OK ?
    Thank you too much.

    I like the “supercillious snot” comment. Have you looked in a mirror lately ?

  7. K2 said,

    Richie, I’m glad you’re here. It’s wonderful arguing with the antithesis of myself. For a total fuckwad, you ain’t half bad.

    And again, I only post as K2. If I post as anything else — and I haven’t in maybe a year — I’ll let you all know.

  8. K2 said,

    “Our society has imbued the handicapped with special rights and privileges not granted to other, mere mortal, human beings. ”

    Can you feel the love? . . .

  9. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, I won’t argue the ticket. Clearly my fault. Seven five smackers, though. Next time, I’m parking in the lobby.

  10. LaFlamme said,

    And while we’re ranting, I’m consistently appearing on the police parking scofflaw list. 99 percent of my tickets are slapped on while I’m parked in front of the SJ. I park there because many days, there is nowhere else to park. There IS an SJ parking lot, but they charge their employees $25 a month to park there. If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t pay the Sun Journal just so I can park and come to work for them.

  11. Richie said,

    Yah, but Marky Mark, you know very well there are several Officers out to get you, don’t you ? Something to do with an expose over donuts or something . . .

  12. K2 said,

    If you’d just get the zeppelin like I told you, you could tie it to a parking meter. But noooo. . . .

  13. AO said,

    They charge you to park in their parking lot so you can go to work for them? What a rip-off! Don’t they already have enough money?

  14. Linda said,

    Jeez Mark, you are probably glad (or maybe not, I don’t know?) that you only got a ticket instead of towing, crushing, whipping and branding. I haven’t experienced ALL of those personally, but I know I’d pay $75 to avoid the package deal.

  15. Linda said,

    And that damn Friendly’s — breakfast ain’t what it used to be there. ūüôā
    Nor is Quiznos while I’m at it. Is the whole chain kaput? or maybe we don’t want to segue to fast food, i wont be offended if you all ignore this comment.

  16. LaFlamme said,

    I’ve been arguing for a helicopter for years. But now that you mention it, a zepplin would have more chutzpa.

  17. K2 said,

    The Dirigo Dirigible?

  18. K2 said,

    “A wimp and a blimp.”

  19. LaFlamme said,

    I’d walk around with a limp and call myself… but nevermind.

  20. LaFlamme said,

    And none of you have yet admitted to taking sidelong glances at my bosomal region.

  21. Mainetarr said,

    Did you get that ticket when you came to visit me? Well, if you did, at least I paid you back with an easy story tonight. Ha!

  22. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, and I was in there, what? Five minutes? Curses!
    Yeah, I really appreciate your rigging a propane leak just for me.

  23. Mainetarr said,

    You didn’t say a word, I am surprised you didn’t call me!!! Where the hell did you park? On the street?

    No problem on the tank. Thank Fieldings, bastards.

  24. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah, out near the hospital. Sign said 30 minute parking.

  25. Linda said,

    That story has everything — danger, dogs, attributable quotes — what more could a reporter want? and be glad you didn’t have the dirigible tonight, don’t those things blow up easy? or maybe that was the old style dirigible, maybe yours is explosion proof.

  26. Mainetarr said,

    well, that sucks, sorry about that.

  27. LaFlamme said,

    Not your fault. Besides, it was worth it. That stuff you had was unbelievable. Straight from Bogata? Very nice.

  28. K2 said,

  29. LaFlamme said,

    “The fact that he’s dead is unfortunate…”
    Wow, that’s deep.
    I’m still trying to get Flamette to read “No one Here Gets Out Alive.” I think there are only six people on the planet over the age of 25 who haven’t read it.

  30. Crystal said,

    Make me 7 then. I’m 30 and I’ve read it. Probably a few times since I own it and tend to read my books more than once.

  31. LaFlamme said,

    What? If you’ve read it, you don’t get to be seven.

  32. Bobbie said,

    haven’t read it. do i get to be seven?

  33. Mainetarr said,

    Is that handicapped guy in the wheelchair in your picture carrying a rifle?

  34. LaFlamme said,

    Yup. You’re seven, Bobbie.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: