Two bucks a head

November 11, 2006 at 2:17 am (Uncategorized)

keg-big3.jpgAh, the keg party. An editorial in Our View today sent me spinning back into memories hazy with beer foam and intoxication. It involved keg parties and gravel pits and man, I’ve been to my share. The Pits in Waterville is where most of my adolsecent recklessness began. And I regret nothing.

It was consistently two bucks ahead regardless of whether you had a 15 gallon or a pony keg. The ubiquitous red cups are a cliche that is perfectly true. There was usually some professional partier who had his own taps and that would save a few bucks. Of course, the guy with the taps drank free and if those taps disappeared, the entire party crowd would chip in to buy him another.

There were almost never fights at the keg parties. Conversely, the cops came by almost every time and a chase through the woods ensued. They’d stick with it for a while, but you got the feeling they were in it for amusement more than for matters of law and order. There’s nothing like hunkering down with a cup full of beer while flashlights bob through the woods. If you managed to hunker with a semi-pretty you’d had your eye on, your night was made.

redcups.jpgYou were also blessed if you ended up in the same place as a keg. Usually, that was a squallid apartment or the home of somebody’s parents and a smaller, more intimate party would continue. Drinking foamy beer into morning was guaranteed.

Ah, memories. What say we all get together one night, buy a keg and drink it out in the woods? How cool would it be to get chased by the cops for a while before stopping and then finally confronting them?

“Hey! What are you chasing us for? We’re all adults here and in a private area.”
“What? Wow. So you are. Got any cups left?”
“Yeah. Two bucks a head.”


  1. K2 said,

    First time I ever got drunk was in the woods with a Matt’s beer ball, after I had just taken the 9th-grade Math Regeants (NY testing). And my all-too-sober girlfriend at the time dumped me over it, the bitch.

    Nothing like a keg of beer in nature. The harmonious dichotomy of it all.

    One time in ’96, six friends and I brought a half keg of Whatney’s Red with us into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area in northern Minnesota, via portages and canoes. Nothing like draft beer 20 miles in the wilderness, albeit, it was piss warm. Good enough, though.

  2. "The Weasel" said,

    Why do you think I built my own Irish Pub? Beer flows freely 24/7. But for you Flammer, two bucks a cup. Dumb ass.

    BTW Magic Hat #9 keg was tapped just yesterday. I luv my beer.

  3. "The Weasel" said,

  4. AO said,

    Keg party at Weasels!

  5. K2 said,

    You homebrew, Vin Deasel, I mean, Dim Weasel?

    I brewed till I had kids. Haven’t brewed since. I feel shame. But, I plan on having homebrew on tap in my basement bar — once I actually build it, along with getting around to brewing the beer; plus, finishing the basement. A hell of a party I’ll have — in 2017.

    And Weasel, hate to say it, but Magic Hat is a little overrated. Still pretty good, but not stellar. Fat Tire’s like that. People love it, but I don’t taste why. Not that I wouldn’t go for a freshy poured jar, though.

    Ultimately, I prefer a fine European over anythign else. Purely smooth, like LaFlamme’s Nair-ed sphincter.

  6. K2 said,

    lager, that is.

  7. "The Weasel" said,


    I thought you catch phrase during high school was “Two bucks for head.”

  8. LaFlamme said,

    Hey, I got carded at the Magic Hat sight. The muscle head at the door wasn’t buying my excuse that I left my wallet at his mother’s house, either. Just like old times.

  9. LaFlamme said,

    It was only a buck for head back in high school. I mean: What?

  10. LaFlamme said,

    First time I got drunk was in the woods behind the Waterville armory (you can see why I love the place). Budweiser bottles, pounders. Ended up throwing up and then going off to eat Raviolis.

  11. K2 said,

    Meat or cheese? Franco-American, I hope. Chef Blowhardee.

  12. K2 said,

    When I taught at Morse, they surveyed the 10th graders about sex, and 80% of them said blow jobs didn’t count as sex. More like a suggestive handshake, minus the frothing semen.

    We clearly went to school during the wrong decades.

  13. LaFlamme said,

    I don’t think blowjobs had been invented yet back then.

  14. AO said,

    Ahhh…funny! No, I don’t think they were invented till around 1990.

  15. K2 said,

    And they’re utterly deconstructed during marriage.

  16. LaFlamme said,

    Yeah. Famed inventor Joe Hummer has the patent.

  17. K2 said,

    AO, 1990, hmmmm . . .

  18. LaFlamme said,

    And his partner Archibald Head.

  19. AO said,

    Yeah, 1990. That’s the year that I came up with the idea.

  20. K2 said,

    Didn’t he go to Temple?

    So now, sociologicaly speaking, which do we prefer: Gentle fellatio or a full-blown skull fuck?

  21. K2 said,

    That’s not the only thing that ‘came up,’ I bet.

  22. AO said,


  23. Mainetarr said,

    Walnuts, $4.99 a pound

    Chestnuts, $3.89 a pound

    Deer Nuts, under a buck.

    Don’t ask me why I thought of that….

    Ok folks, I am off to the Ramada Inn—Motor Booty is playing there and I am hooking up with the Bulldogious there later. Have a good night guys.

  24. K2 said,

    If I didn’t have scarlet and rheumatic fever, MT, I’d meet you there. I’m sick, the kids are sick — one vomitously. Having a great night here in Lisbon, let me tell you.

  25. AO said,

    Been there, done that, K2. Glad it’s your turn and not mine. But, I am sorry to hear about your sick kids and, a sick K2.

  26. LaFlamme said,

    Dammit, couldn’t you have tuberculosis, too? So I could spout off all kinds of Poe stuff, such as: “No pestilence had ever been so hideous or so fatal. Blood was its avatar and its seal, the horror and the redness of death.”

  27. AO said,

    Yeah, TB would be a much better thing for him to have. Geeze, K2, can’t you have a good disease? What’s up with that?

  28. K2 said,

    I dunno, I dis-sputum, even though I don’t know ’em.

    And so much for my HIV being in remission. My white count’s through the roof.

    My little girls’ been crying off and on all day. It’s the weirdest thing. You feel so sorry for her, but fantasize about fleeing the country by any means possible. Even running to Canada.

    Kill me.

  29. AO said,

    Are her cheeks flush?

  30. K2 said,

    She’s got normal color, and no fever, so it’s one of those wait it out deals. Just a full-body bug that’s soured her gullet and her mojo. Time is the only rememdy for this sort of shit.

    Thanks, AO.

  31. AO said,

    Guess you’ve got a handle on it. I’ve always known when either of my kids were getting sick by the smell of their breath. I call it…sick breath. Ha. Yeah, I’m a real original.

  32. Linda said,

    I know I am a bit late with this news flash, but blowjobs definitely existed AT LEAST as far back as the early 1970’s. Can’t give details right now — I am sinking for the third time (going down for the third time?) in the Bermuda Triangle of family commitments. Throw me a line, someone, please.

  33. LaFlamme said,

    Here’s a line:


  34. LaFlamme said,

    That’s a pretty shitty line, I’ll admit it.

  35. Martha said,

    Ok.. back to the original question…. I probably wouldn’t imbibe a lot, but I’d like to be invited to the party if it were held in July while I’m up there. The only time I have another commitment is on the 28th.. My 35th high school reunion… I know.. I’m old.. NOT!!! Anyway.. I’ll be in Maine from the 21st to the 29th..then one day driving each way. I’m really looking forward to it. Hope to meet at least some of you.

  36. LaFlamme said,

    Ahhh, doesn’t July seem like a loooooooooong way off?

  37. Nadine said,

    Well, besides my rant in the last blog, I’ll catch up just a bit. I DO like the DoodleBops — why??? Because I can actually tolerate the music (yes, the NIN fan can tolerate them!). Some good beats, and it makes my son happy. We own one CD and none of the other merch, and did not go to the show or signing. Moe is my favorite! ūüôā

  38. Dave said,

    Nothing like a keg party. Fond memories of them during my years at UMO still hang out in my mind. I lived in York Village, a collection of 3 bedroom, six person townhouse type accomodations and gained the honor of being on ‘double secret probation’ almost continuosly due to our apartments inability to follow the rules.

    We would get off probation, and subsequently, have another keg party that would place us back on this list. I wouldn’t change a thing. We had great parties, even had a 6 piece band perform in our place. After the first beer is spilled on the floor, it really doesn’t matter.

    Tribalism is fun.

  39. LaFlamme said,

    Damn, Dave. How long ago were you at UMO? I wasn’t a student, but I went to a ton of parties up there and I remember one particular one at York. I remember some of it, anyway. I woke up asleep on a hockey bag and there was some guy’s couch out in the parking lot.

  40. Martha said,

    Sorry, Mark, but July is the earliest I can get there…. Guess you’ll just have to party without me…

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