John Barleycorn

November 14, 2006 at 12:11 am (Uncategorized)

pabst.jpgYou’ll forgive me if I sniff and snuffle while writing this note. I got a gift in the mail today and I’m very touched. Two and a half decades of hard drinking and I’m finally getting a little recognition. The Pabst Blue Ribbon company sent me a nice note along with some really bitching souvenirs. I have a pair of knit caps with the Pabst logo. There are two T-shirts with that sweet blue ribbon and a handful of stickers, as well. There are several bottle openers in there as well, but I won’t be needing those. I drink my Pabst from tall boy cans. They go PFFFF when you open them.

It’s all in thanks for a small item I wrote for the paper a few weeks about this smooth, delicious beer.

“Why don’t more people drink Pabst Blue Ribbon?” — Tim Treadwell
Because “more people” are snobby elitists who believe that beer is good only if it’s as brown as sludge and comes from some country with a name you can’t pronounce. Pabst Blue Ribbon is beer. Beverages spiced with pumpkin or blueberry are not. Any person who drinks Pabst is clearly an honest person of great integrity and should be considered for the office of president.

And so now I have hip clothing from the Pabst line and I’m sure it’ll get me in trouble at work. But it’s good to have trinkets to go with the liver disease, broken capillaries and trembling fingers. And once again, it just proves that the Pabst people are cool, while the folks who produce whatever crap it is that you drink are not.

Let’s get some PBR and hoist a bunch for Linda. I have just received information that today is her 29th birthday. Bottoms up, Linda. Drinks are free.

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53 Comments

  1. Linda said,

    Drinks are free? is that today or … tomorrow? Yes, the birthday is today, thanks very much for the kind words. And BTW I wouldn’t want to be 29 again for anything, I took things much too seriously back then. WAY back then.

  2. K2 said,

    “Heineken?!? Fuck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon!” (‘Blue Velvet,’ anyone?)

  3. K2 said,

    Hey, I can post today! Praise the Lord!

  4. AO said,

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Linda! Hope the damn rain stops for you.

    Mark, I want on of those bottle openers. Especially if one’s a key chain.

  5. K2 said,

    Oh, it’s really her b-day. I missed that. Me no smart.

    Happy B-day, Linda. To many more years (and beers).

  6. Linda said,

    Thanks for the kind wishes, AO and K2.

    I supoose this makes me some kind of weirdo, but — I have never had a PBR. Not even one. Should I fix this up ASAP?

    AO, I’m needing my sunglasses — your weather wishes worked!

  7. LaFlamme said,

    Wow. K2 is unspammed. As foretold by the prophecies.

  8. AO said,

    I’m glad to hear it, Linda. Now, give some of it up! Send it this way.

  9. Linda said,

    what’s with the strange “blogfun” post on “A blast from the past”? Smells like spam.

  10. LaFlamme said,

    I saw that. Didn’t click on the link. It’s way too random, even for this place. Probably spammage.

  11. AO said,

    Spammage. Does that come with eggs and toast?

  12. LaFlamme said,

    No. It comes with delicious Pabst Blue Ribbon.

  13. AO said,

    Even better.

  14. Nadine said,

    Allagash White — damn I wish they would bottle that already! Best beer I’ve ever had. Store bought would be good old Sam Adams for me.

    By the way, hello everybody! Are my posts invisible? Didn’t ANYONE miss me??

    DON’T answer that! Haha!

    Later masturbaters! (Oh, don’t fret, I’ll be back *grin*).

  15. K2 said,

    In awhile pedophile.

    Sorry.

    I ended up deleting all my cookies, temp. files, did a defrag, and rebooted. Did the trick.

    PBR was voted the best beer in America — in 1876. Seems like just yesterday.

  16. oopsy said,

    In honor of today’s topic, I feel COMPELLED to attach this small item of humor to the blog. Please accept my apologies. :>)

    WHY MEN AREN’T SECRETARIES…

    Husband’s note on refrigerator for wife:

    Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.

    They said the Pabst beer is normal.

    I didn’t know you liked beer

  17. LaFlamme said,

    What’s the matter with that? Sounds like a perfectly translated message with no malaprop whatsoever.

  18. AO said,

    Cool PBR tat in that pic.

  19. K2 said,

    Uncanny, even.

  20. LaFlamme said,

    Dammit, my column for tomorrow got spiked. Shot down like a spud missle.

  21. AO said,

    Hmmm…I found it to be very…canny.

    Did you say balls of steel again?

  22. Linda said,

    I just read a CNN article about deer crashes being up 6% this year. State Farm (one eighth of the claims) lists the top ten states for their claims:

    Pennsylvania
    Michigan
    Illinois
    Ohio
    Georgia
    Virginia
    Minnesota
    Texas
    Indiana
    South Carolina

    Any of you hit a deer in any of those states?

    http://www.cnn.com/2006/AUTOS/11/14/deer_crash/index.html

  23. Linda said,

    Mark, what was the lame excuse for ramming your column this time?

  24. AO said,

    Linda, how’s the birthday going? Do anything fun?

  25. Mainetarr said,

    Finally a minute to get on line. First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDA!!!! Hope you have a great one!

  26. Linda said,

    Ah thanks MT and AO. I took most of the day off work, that was fun. We usually go out for dinner etc on my birthday, but between the weather and being away last weekend, we decided to stay in. A good choice. Lots of phone calls, and my granddaughters made me some birthday cards and scanned them to me. Sounds like a lame birthday but I’ve enjoyed it.

  27. Linda said,

    I’m watching The Family Guy: a beer commercial is on, and Lois says, “Typical male fantasy — women drinking beer!”

  28. K2 said,

    LaFlamme, enough suspense, man. What’d you write that got bitch-slapped? An expose on genital worts? ‘Is that a ribbed condom?!?’ ‘Yes, yes it is.’

  29. AO said,

    K2, what the hell is a wort?

  30. Mainetarr said,

    is it like a yoot?

  31. Linda said,

    If he’s not here, maybe he’s writing a new column. That really bites.

  32. AO said,

    Genital yoots? Ha. Now that’s a funny thought. K2, what the hell is a genital yoot? Is it anything like a genital wort?

  33. Mainetarr said,

    He suddenly got quiet. Wonder if he got sent to the spam motel.

  34. Linda said,

    It’s quiet in general today.

  35. LaFlamme said,

    Ah, I wrote a column about the keg party scene I blogged about a couple days ago. Nostalgic stuff. The city editor loved it, others thought it was inappropriate to be writing so fondly about drankin.

  36. AO said,

    You’d have all the teacher’s in L-A on your ass.

  37. LaFlamme said,

    But see? I don’t care. High school students aren’t going to base their decisions to drink or not drink on something I write. It’s ludicrous.

  38. Martha said,

    Happy Birthday, Linda.

    I live in PA and I’ve hit a couple deer, but the most recent one was 3 years ago. The first time was in 1996. I had just moved here from Maine. One day when I was going home from work, someone ran a stop sign and smashed up my truck. I got it back from the shop on a Monday night.. the NEXT morning going to work I hit a deer. I was as mad that the deer kept going as that I damaged my truck again. I’d say I haven’t done too badly since I do a considerable amount of driving at night, and have a 25 mile commute to and from work.
    Hopefully, I won’t hit anymore. Not my idea of fun.

  39. Linda said,

    Thanks, Martha. I thought of you when I read that list of states. I’ve only ever hit a deer in Maine, so far.

  40. Martha said,

    Linda,
    Actually, I’m kind of surprised I haven’t had more deer mishaps. The place I rented before I bought my house was on a family farm, that bordered state game lands. I drove through game lands almost every day. Along the same line, I’ve seen more bear since I moved here, then I ever did in Maine.

  41. AO said,

    Hey, we all know it’s ludicrous. But, remember when you wrote that article about how much you hated going back to school? Maybe your editors are just afraid of some more backlash from teachers in the area.?

  42. K2 said,

    Wort? Wart? I really don’t know how to spell it.

    Yeha, Mark, you could write a story on tackle football with people getting broken bones for fun, but you can’t write about halcyon days ’round a large metal vessel of beer. Hypocrites, all of ’em.

    And the Puratanism in this town. Holy fuck. Like the Park St. bull shit. Man, I hate righteousness.

  43. LaFlamme said,

    No skin of my… thing with skin.

  44. K2 said,

    Foreskin and twenty beers ago. . . .

  45. AO said,

    Ahhaha..good one, K2.

  46. Linda said,

    If you put it all in a book, the SJ would probably be all over it and be real proud of you.

  47. LaFlamme said,

    I smell sex. Also, candy.

  48. Linda said,

    Geez, where are you?

  49. LaFlamme said,

    At a penny candy porn shop?
    Ah, I’ve just had that song running through my head all night.

  50. AO said,

    Marcy Playground.

  51. Bobbie said,

    Happy Birthday, Linda! It sounds like you had an enjoyable day today.

  52. Linda said,

    Thanks, Bobbie. My day was a bit too quiet but for a rainly Tuesday, pretty OK really.

  53. K2 said,

    I’ll have five Swedish fish, five Leamonheads . . . oh, and that black gelatinous double dong, please.

    No, I don’t need a bag. I’ll sodomize myself here.

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