Linda on OJ

November 17, 2006 at 12:28 am (Uncategorized)

Okay, I never had sex with a dead deer. But if I WERE to do it, here’s how I’d approach the situation. First, I’d seduce the carcass with wine and smooth words… but enough of that. Here’s some deep thoughts from Linda on the OJ thing. The poor bastard. He didn’t do it, you know.

oj.jpgIf you ever had sex with road kill, or want to spin a yarn about it, or want to tell the gory details while not actually admitting to it even though double jeopardy applies — well, mates, why give it up for free? Apparently there’s money in that kind of thing, and another interminable 15 minutes of fame. Or maybe the money is only on offer for asshat egotistical has been nutjobs who buy their way out of stuff in the glare of international publicity.

Mark’s always inviting us to confess to some perversion or other. I say, if
you’re squeamish about outing your crimes, go for the hypothetical. Nobody can hold you accountable as long as you lard your confessions with that magic little word: IF. Just don’t forget to buy a round for the Lost Sole with your cash advance.

MSNBC: Oct 30, 2006
O.J. Simpson is confessing. Hypothetically, that is.

The former football great, who was acquitted in criminal court 11 years ago
of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman,
reportedly has been paid a whopping $3.5 million to write about the double
murder that shocked and riveted the nation in 1994, according to a detailed
report in the new National Enquirer.

But Simpson is not actually confessing to the murder — rather, he’s writing
a “hypothetical” book — which the Enquirer reports is tentatively being
called “If I Did It.”

The early part of the book tells how Simpson fell in love with Nicole and
how the marriage collapsed, reports the tab. He goes on, according to the
article, to describe in gruesome detail the killing of his ex-wife and
Goldman; he stipulates that the murder scenes are “hypothetical.” But, notes
the tab, the descriptions are “so detailed and so chillingly realistic” that
readers are left with little doubt as to what really happened.

Simpson can never be retried for the murders because of double jeopardy
laws, according to the Enquirer, which also claims that Simpson aims to keep
any book money instead of paying it out in a civil suit judgment against him
by spending it all quickly.

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24 Comments

  1. jarheaddoc said,

    That glove might have fit OJ if he hadn’t had on that vnyl glove to protect him from all the blood on it. The shit was dry, what’s a little hepatitis? He was gonna get a lot worse than that in prison.

    He must be broke from spending all of his time and money looking for the killer on all those golf courses.

    I’ll wait until it’s in the 99 cents bin to buy it. If I Buy It

  2. K2 said,

  3. LaFlamme said,

    Damn, Juice. Shut the hell up, already. You might say something incriminating.

  4. Judge Wapner said,

    Let him speak! He said he didn’t do it under oath at the civil trial, perhaps someone can get him on perjury. A few years in the weasel is better than the current situation.

  5. Mainetarr said,

    That guy is the biggest asshat out there. I would love nothing better then to see him go to jail for SOMETHING!!

  6. LaFlamme said,

    Whatever happened to what’s-his-name? OJ’s house boy.

  7. Mainetarr said,

    Kato. He was on The Surreal Life wasn’t he?

  8. LaFlamme said,

    That’s the guy. I have no idea. What’s The Surreal Life?

  9. Mainetarr said,

    That’s the show all the washed up old stars go on and they throw them all into one house to live for a while. It’s hysterical.

  10. Linda said,

    Not having to do with any of this, but … here’s a quote from another blog I read. The author writes about her own blog:

    “I really feel the commenting on this blog is top notch. Clever, respectful of others, intelligent and yet a little bit smart-assed. Really top-notch.”

    What do you think, should we have a face-off? (I have to warn you, come armed because they have knitting needles)

  11. jarheaddoc said,

    Oh, post that address and stand aside, Linda. The woman’s lucky she can knit, the way she bends her arm to pound her own back.

  12. LaFlamme said,

    I really feel that the commenting in The Screaming Room is borderline psychotic, downright anti-social and occasionally illegal. Bring that skank to us.

  13. jarheaddoc said,

    Linda, we’re waiting. go-rilla warfare. No, full frontal nudity. I mean, attack. Shit, I’m just gonna stop right there.

  14. AO said,

    I think OJ should be locked up for writing this book and the bail should be 3 million dollars. He’s such a asshat. I can’t imagine anyone buying this book but, I know that there are losers out there that will. What an idiot.

  15. LaFlamme said,

    Millions of copies of that book will sell. Millions! I drool.

  16. AO said,

    Just goes to show you how many losers there are in the world.

  17. jarheaddoc said,

    And all them fucking idiots have been waiting with their money in their hands since the day he was judged ‘not guilty’. they could just sent the money to me and I woulda told them something, anything, to get them to part with their money.

  18. Nadine said,

    I love the term “asshat” — someone should actually make an asshat, people could give them as gifts to those they consider asshats. Maybe those knitting chicks from that other blog could make em. Asshats, huh, huh.

  19. Linda said,

    Nadine: this is from Wiktionary:

    Noun Singular: asshat
    Plural: asshats

    (Internet, slang): asshole.

    See also
    asshelmet
    Retrieved from “http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/asshat”

  20. AO said,

    JD, all the idiots who thought OJ innocent ARE going to be the ones buying the book. And, they’ll also be the ones taking crib notes on…IF they were to do it. I think that’s something else to worry about. But, no, gotta make those millions, ya know?

  21. LaFlamme said,

    So what you’re saying is, if I kill someone in a creepy house in northern Maine during the summer solstice and then blame string theory, I’ll sell a ton of copies of The Pink Room. You’ve given me much to think about, AO. Much…to…think…about.

  22. Linda said,

    I thought that already happened. The story was so plausible, Mark, i just assumed it was a — what’s the word — docudrama? no, that’s TV, but what’s the book equivalent? damn, not even 11 pm and I’m going to have to sleep, I hate that

  23. Nadine said,

    HA! Thanks Linda! I still think someone should make asshats. Anyone crafty?

  24. Mary Tyson said,

    Google is the best search engine

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